delete - Page 2 - Mothering Forums
Forum Jump: 
Reply
 
Thread Tools
#31 of 47 Old 07-16-2011, 09:27 PM - Thread Starter
 
1love4ever's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: A state whose Medicaid does not cover circumcision! :)
Posts: 1,126
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

Thank you everyone ELSE for such kind responses.  Opinions are fine, but please dont attack me.  We are all on this site because we have a common system of beliefs and because of that we should be supporting and encouraging eachother not bringing eachother down.  We are the minority in this country and most of us, I think, are attacked enough by our family and friends about our "crazy" beliefs and choices.  I never attacked anyone and I am not asking for people to point out what they think is wrong in my marriage, I wanted advice on my specific problem and that is all.  To me it seems like he is the only one keeping our lives together right now, but I am sure he feels the same way about me at this time.  There are so many things happening in our lives and I know everything could completely crumble at any second.  I don't care to share all of my/my families problems because it is really nothing that anyone else can help with some good advice, and I do not make ut public, but it just blows my mind that another person can post something so rude and unkind without knowing anything about the person she is talking to.  I mean, who knows who you could be replying to and what their situation might be.  Maybe their kid just died, or husband, or their house burnt down, and look at the worry and heartache you are adding to their lives!  There are nice ways of saying things and their are rude ways.  The least I would like to see is people post their opinions, even if they are negative, in a nice, gentle way.  You can still get your point accross either way, so why not?

1love4ever is offline  
#32 of 47 Old 07-17-2011, 08:06 AM
 
tank's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: NC
Posts: 490
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

It is pretty idiotic for someone to say that a couple should separate because a difference in opinion.  Many couples have differences in opinions ranging from small beliefs to things they feel strongly about.  I don't see that it has anything to do with the strength of their relationship.

 

I clicked on this because I wanted this answer too. My partner and I disagree about circ and I wanted to know what both mine and his rights were.  Not because I think he would go without my consent to have it done but really you never know.  When we first got pregnant we had the arguement and decided that we won't talk about it anymore (because I got really upset and couldn't state my case in an adiquate manner) until we found out the sex of the child.  Well we are in fact having a boy and at 25 weeks we still haven't talked about it beyond me telling him that he needs to convince ME that circ is necessary for our child.  This so far is the thing that might work.  He really isn't the researcher in the relationship but honestly if he feels that strongly about it he can find out the truth for himself on his time and then try and convince me to alter our son.

BrightLights likes this.

Awesome vegan mom to wolverine babyf.gif11/11 and sabertooth 11/13 and partner to a drum.gifwe also have dog2.gif

 

tank is offline  
#33 of 47 Old 07-18-2011, 01:50 PM
 
Zenbuoyant's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Texas
Posts: 31
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

This may have been mentioned already, my apology for any redundancies. The question: "Who must give consent?" has an obvious answer but only without a cultural blindfold wills it to be transparent so anyone could see it.

 

"Consent" for a surgery on a complete set of male genitals in the absent of a medical need should only be given by the person of whom the genitals are attached to.

 

Consenting to a surgery for someone else's body in the absent of a medical need, should never happen. Soliciting for surgery in the absent of a medical need, is unethical.

 

"Do you desire to have your child's toenails removed. :)"

 

 


nocirc.gif

Zenbuoyant is offline  
#34 of 47 Old 07-18-2011, 03:59 PM
 
mare54's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 112
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

To MOM's out there who are facing this dilemma:  Please do NOT let anyone cut your beautiful, perfect baby boy!  I can tell you from experience, that you will regret it and if you allow your partner to make this decision because you don't want the conflict or don't want to hurt his feelings, you will resent your partner for years to come.  It happened to me 32 years ago.  I gave in to my then husband because he was adamant that a circ be done on our beautiful, perfect baby son.  And what were his reasons?  His son needed to look like him.  At the time, I didn't realize how ridiculous that was!  When they took my contented baby from me, and then brought him back crying and shaking and I took a look at what they had done to him, I had a hurt deep inside me that I couldn't ignore.  I cried my eyes out and wanted to KILL my then husband and ANYONE who had any involvement in that barbaric act on my baby son!  Yes, 32 years ago and I still feel the pain and guilt over that.  You don't want this to happen to you!  Your baby boy is perfect, nature is perfect, and nature has some very good reasons to design your baby boy the way he is born.  Please don't listen to any of the propaganda promoting this barbaric assault on baby boys that is done routinely every day. It's horrific!  And just to add some modern day information, yes, a circ can have negative effects on your sex life.  There is a very excellent book out called "Sex, the way Nature Intended it", and every women and man should read it.  Sadly even with my perspective on circumcision, both my daughters elected to circ their sons.  One of my daughters ended up grieving over it every time she changed that babies diaper.  I don't think she would do it again!  Good Luck to all of you.

mare54 is offline  
#35 of 47 Old 07-18-2011, 04:05 PM
 
mare54's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 112
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

Excellent points!!!!!!

mare54 is offline  
#36 of 47 Old 07-18-2011, 04:05 PM - Thread Starter
 
1love4ever's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: A state whose Medicaid does not cover circumcision! :)
Posts: 1,126
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

Well said!!  I completely agree.  I only wish the rest of this country felt the same way!

1love4ever is offline  
#37 of 47 Old 07-18-2011, 10:02 PM
 
ElliesMomma's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Posts: 2,200
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

i posted earlier, but i wanted to add one thing. it is very very possible that once your baby is born, and your husband sees him whole and intact, that your husband will lose all interest in having the baby circumcised. he might even gain a new appreciation for the foreskin, although he probably won't articulate that out loud.

 

i truly believe that, among the many myriad reasons that conspire to keep the practice of circumcision alive and well in the U.S., is the fact that it is done on day 1 or 2 of baby's life. *before* the parents (especially the man) has a chance to really bond with the baby.

 

after some time goes by, even a little time, most men forget about all their "reasons" and feel the same as we do, ie, why on earth would we want to chop off part of his penis???

 

not saying there aren't a few who would go out and have it done against their wife's will. but i do believe the instance of that is pretty rare.


ElliesMomma is offline  
#38 of 47 Old 07-18-2011, 11:48 PM - Thread Starter
 
1love4ever's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: A state whose Medicaid does not cover circumcision! :)
Posts: 1,126
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

thank you:)   I agree

1love4ever is offline  
#39 of 47 Old 07-19-2011, 04:46 PM
 
BubbleMa's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 1,572
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)


Quote:
Originally Posted by ElliesMomma View Post

i posted earlier, but i wanted to add one thing. it is very very possible that once your baby is born, and your husband sees him whole and intact, that your husband will lose all interest in having the baby circumcised. he might even gain a new appreciation for the foreskin, although he probably won't articulate that out loud.

 

i truly believe that, among the many myriad reasons that conspire to keep the practice of circumcision alive and well in the U.S., is the fact that it is done on day 1 or 2 of baby's life. *before* the parents (especially the man) has a chance to really bond with the baby.

 

after some time goes by, even a little time, most men forget about all their "reasons" and feel the same as we do, ie, why on earth would we want to chop off part of his penis???

 

not saying there aren't a few who would go out and have it done against their wife's will. but i do believe the instance of that is pretty rare.



That's an excellent point!  :)


Sarah, partner to J and mom to DD1 April 30th, 2002 and DD2 May 5th, 2012. love.gif

BubbleMa is offline  
#40 of 47 Old 07-21-2011, 08:22 AM
 
hailey1312's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 8
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

have him watch a video of a circ on an infant. often times that will change a man's mind

hailey1312 is offline  
#41 of 47 Old 07-26-2011, 11:40 AM
 
3timesamom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: no where ville USA
Posts: 340
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

My husband said that our son would ABSOLUTELY be circ'd. I told him No. I went on to have my son in a hospital. They wanted the 300 up front for the surgery. I never told DH that. Being unprepared it just didn't happen. With our next son he didn't even talk about it. Further I would have simply said no to the circ had they asked.


Living a life like no one else, with my husband, and all our children
3timesamom is offline  
#42 of 47 Old 07-26-2011, 03:58 PM
 
mare54's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 112
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

I am so glad that some insurance companies are withdrawing coverage for such a needless surgery!  That could make the difference between just doing it without some thought, which is a very positive thing!  But I also think that it should be the duty of a hospital to fully inform parents about all the facts regarding such a needless surgery.

mare54 is offline  
#43 of 47 Old 07-26-2011, 05:33 PM
 
Pirogi's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Posts: 964
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

I guess I am a bit confused as to why OP is taking it personally that someone is questioning the idea that a loving, respectful husband/partner would take a child and perform genital surgery without the mother's knowledge and against her expressed wishes.  It isn't a commentary on the OP at all.  

 

Imagine that someone posted a question like this: "How can I make sure that my partner doesn't take my daughter to an underground ritual circumciser and allow excision of her clitoral hood?  I don't think he would do this, but you can never be too sure, and I just want to be prepared."  Would anyone think this was ok?  That it was within the realm of normal?  The ONLY difference here is that in the US, female circumcision is illegal, and male circumcision is not.  

 

If a husband would covertly hand over his child to a ritual circumciser, there is something wrong.  Even if it stems from his own betrayal years ago.  It still isn't normal.  

 

I am not suggesting that anyone leave anyone else.  What I am suggesting is that the fact that this is even on the OP's radar is a commentary on the relationship.  This needs to be addressed.

Pirogi is offline  
#44 of 47 Old 07-27-2011, 02:00 PM
 
QueenOfTheMeadow's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: with the wildlife
Posts: 18,208
Mentioned: 1 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 8 Post(s)
We do not allow discusions or reference to religion in TCAC. Therefore I have removed numerous posts on this thread.

 
QueenOfTheMeadow is offline  
#45 of 47 Old 07-28-2011, 12:00 PM
 
ElliesMomma's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Posts: 2,200
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)


Quote:
Originally Posted by Pirogi View Post

I guess I am a bit confused as to why OP is taking it personally that someone is questioning the idea that a loving, respectful husband/partner would take a child and perform genital surgery without the mother's knowledge and against her expressed wishes.  It isn't a commentary on the OP at all.  

 

Imagine that someone posted a question like this: "How can I make sure that my partner doesn't take my daughter to an underground ritual circumciser and allow excision of her clitoral hood?  I don't think he would do this, but you can never be too sure, and I just want to be prepared."  Would anyone think this was ok?  That it was within the realm of normal?  The ONLY difference here is that in the US, female circumcision is illegal, and male circumcision is not.  

 

If a husband would covertly hand over his child to a ritual circumciser, there is something wrong.  Even if it stems from his own betrayal years ago.  It still isn't normal.  

 

I am not suggesting that anyone leave anyone else.  What I am suggesting is that the fact that this is even on the OP's radar is a commentary on the relationship.  This needs to be addressed.

what the OP is facing in her husband's reluctance to leave their son intact is a COMMON situation with circumcised men. it's a situation faced by many women who post on these boards. you are right, there IS something wrong. but it's a problem common in our CULTURE. i certainly would not single out the OP and her husband as having a particularly "wrong" situation.


ElliesMomma is offline  
#46 of 47 Old 07-29-2011, 12:42 AM - Thread Starter
 
1love4ever's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: A state whose Medicaid does not cover circumcision! :)
Posts: 1,126
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

Thanks.  It really bothers me that people on here feel the need to attack others who are simply looking for a little help.  I am certain that many people will see the kind of responses that I and others have gotten, and choose not to post a question that they need help with because they do not want to get attacked!  When, if people could just learn to be nice about things, maybe we could have helped that other person, had they posted, and saved a child from harm.  I think all you are doing by attacking me is scaring other people away and making them think that maybe your cause is not such a big deal if you act so immature about it.

1love4ever is offline  
#47 of 47 Old 07-29-2011, 03:51 AM
 
MCatLvrMom2A&X's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: With Vin Diesel ;) YUMMMM
Posts: 14,793
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
It can be hard to keep a level head about this issue. The thought of someone we love and trust going behind our backs to do this to our ds's causes a very real visceral response. I personally have had nightmares about this sort of thing and work up crying. Just looking at my ds and thinking of anyone doing that to him makes me feel rage. My dh never threatened it but he was in favor of circ and we had a few very teary, on my part, discussions about it but thankfully he grew up with a few relatives who where intact and he has a circ complication so he was willing to let it go.

 
SAHMlady.gifread.giflovin' trekkie.giffan intactivist.gifwinner.jpg to loveeyes.gifenergy.gifDD 10/00 & superhero.gifmoon.gifDS 10/04 ribbonpb.gifIf your ds is intact, keep him safe, visit the Case Against Circ forumnocirc.gifCirc, a personal choice, Your sonsyes.gifbrokenheart.gif11/98brokenheart.gif6/99ribbonbrown.gifanti-tobaccoribbonyellow.gifThyroid cancer survivor. With cat.gif& goldfish.gif & (Boxer)dog2.gif wishing 4 whale.gif&ribbonwhite.gifsigncirc1.gifselectivevax.gifdelayedvax.gif

MCatLvrMom2A&X is offline  
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Drag and Drop File Upload
Drag files here to attach!
Upload Progress: 0
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the Mothering Forums forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.
User Name:
If you do not want to register, fill this field only and the name will be used as user name for your post.
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off