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#31 of 49 Old 04-23-2004, 09:33 PM
 
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Oh man I am heart broken for him. How much more trauma does this little guy need.

OUR DAUGHTERS ARE PROTECTED SHOULDN'T OUR SONS BE TOO! :
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#32 of 49 Old 04-23-2004, 09:39 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I can't stop thinking about it. Do men really compare their penises? :

Amy - Blessed wife to Jesse (the best dad in the world), mother of 10 on earth plus 8 in heaven.   PROUD to be a Catholic! : winner.jpg familybed2.gifhomeschool.gif

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#33 of 49 Old 04-23-2004, 09:49 PM
 
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mmm... Something tells me that this son will KNOW he's not biologically related to his family, duh. Seems to me like she wants it done to "fit in" with her family's choices, to make it more acceptable to her North American-ized family. Who knows really? What are the circ rates in China??

I think it's sad, you think it's sad, most people who will read this thread are PO'd that circ even is suggested to parents... BUT in the end it's up to her. I mentioned how cute the latest cloth dipes are to my sis & her husband about 2 months ago & they are upset about it with me still!! She actually said "Well, WE plan on using disposables & I hope you don't judge us for doing so!" Very snottily... & honestly I had only mentioned the cloth thing as a passing comment b'c sis is the type to want EVERYthing to be the best for her babe - like all mama's, I thought it was truly a helpful comment... WRONG!

Shocking, but it seems that most people DO NOT enjoy feeling like they need to know something they don't already... especially about their own kids. What a silly waste of time, but it's true. Many people I associate with are sooo open & want to gather new info everyday from us friends or wherever. But then, after mentioing the supercool cloth dipe info to my not-so-open sis, I was awakened to the fact that sometimes, to save the relationship, you just have to bow out of parenting decisions.

Weird, but many people are very offended & take advice or knowledgable suggestions as a personal attack on their own ego or intelligence.

ugh... I don't know, hopefully your friend come around. Hang in there for future visits... & DO NOT offer to change a dipe for her! hehe. You may get PO'd all over again. My sis just sent me an email today saying that thier fourth (!) ultrasound - her 20 week checkup, found that she's carrying a BOY! Yea! But I also began to cry for him already. I KNOW what lies ahead for his first few days of existence. wah

*wow, what a loong post, sorry*
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#34 of 49 Old 04-23-2004, 09:51 PM
 
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I'm not a guy but I do play one on TV :LOL JK (I'm trying to make myself laugh so I'll quit crying about this poor baby.)
Anyway, I know my dh and his friends do NOT compare penises. I mean do women compare vulvas, none I know. I realy hate the must look the same excuse.

OUR DAUGHTERS ARE PROTECTED SHOULDN'T OUR SONS BE TOO! :
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#35 of 49 Old 04-27-2004, 11:19 AM
 
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Well, yeah, The "Look alike" is a last ditch effort to find safe haven. They think it's something you can't argue with. WRONG!!!!!! It doesn't slow me down one bit!




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#36 of 49 Old 04-27-2004, 12:40 PM
 
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Send her to this thread.
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#37 of 49 Old 04-27-2004, 12:46 PM
 
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My husband was adopted from Korea when he was 3.5 and his parents left him intact even though they had circ'd their biological son. They felt it was important to leave his body the way it was to preserve a tie to his birth culture.
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#38 of 49 Old 04-27-2004, 02:01 PM
 
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"What are the circ rates in China??"

Not what they are in the US. Hubby is Asian and lived in China for a part of his life, and they just don't do it to their boys (especially if they still practice traditional religion).

I think it's horribly sad to erase his culture like that. And I fully agree with comparing it to changing the eye fold, only it's something private, something only the child should be involved with.

As for identification purposes...my hubby is intact but his brother isn't (something strange happened when he was older, haven't gotten a clear picture on it yet), yet they still know they are of the same family. R is half korean and doesn't look just like his mom OR dad yet still knows who his family is.

People who are adopting make such a big deal (because it should be) of continuing the child's birth culture into the future...they could have started now. If the child ever wants to return "home", say to find a wife, he's going to be in for a rude awakening because of what has been done to him.
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#39 of 49 Old 05-04-2004, 04:38 AM
 
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<<And adoption agencies tolerate that kind of stuff?>>

Less and less, fortunately. . . and unfortunately, too!
We have three children in our extended family who were 'international adoptions' and their parents are required to send back photographs and medical records for two (or three?) years after the adoption is finalized.

It is also getting harder to adopt--for example at least one of the parents in each of these families is of the same culture as the adopted child. Many countries are tightening their requirements for international adoptions precisely because people are doing this kind of thing.

Circumcising an intact child, changing an older child's name from something ethnic to 'Chad' or 'Heather', refusing to properly care for a child's ethnic hair, etc. are all indicators that there are some other deep, unresolved issues that are going to create serious long-term problems for that child in that particular family.
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#40 of 49 Old 05-04-2004, 04:49 AM
 
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It makes me sad, too. You said what is in your heart though. Maybe you planted a seed for future children to reap the benefits.
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#41 of 49 Old 05-21-2004, 04:24 PM
 
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did anything ever come of this?
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#42 of 49 Old 05-21-2004, 08:17 PM
 
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: I had wondered this too....
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#43 of 49 Old 05-22-2004, 02:23 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mollyeilis
"What are the circ rates in China??"

Not what they are in the US. Hubby is Asian and lived in China for a part of his life, and they just don't do it to their boys (especially if they still practice traditional religion).

I think it's horribly sad to erase his culture like that. And I fully agree with comparing it to changing the eye fold, only it's something private, something only the child should be involved with.

As for identification purposes...my hubby is intact but his brother isn't (something strange happened when he was older, haven't gotten a clear picture on it yet), yet they still know they are of the same family. R is half korean and doesn't look just like his mom OR dad yet still knows who his family is.

People who are adopting make such a big deal (because it should be) of continuing the child's birth culture into the future...they could have started now. If the child ever wants to return "home", say to find a wife, he's going to be in for a rude awakening because of what has been done to him.
this is so important, repeating it...
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#44 of 49 Old 05-22-2004, 07:16 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I told her about everything, emailed her links, and we talked. She said she let her dh decide and he wanted the baby to "look" like the rest of them. I was very disappointed to say the least.

Amy - Blessed wife to Jesse (the best dad in the world), mother of 10 on earth plus 8 in heaven.   PROUD to be a Catholic! : winner.jpg familybed2.gifhomeschool.gif

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#45 of 49 Old 05-22-2004, 07:40 PM
 
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That poor little baby being taken from the only place he's ever known to some strange place and then experience such pain.
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#46 of 49 Old 05-24-2004, 07:50 PM
 
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She said she let her dh decide and he wanted the baby to "look" like the rest of them.
Just curious.. When exacly is the father planning on pulling out his penis to compare it with his son's?
And what DOES the circumcised father think his uncircumcised son might think or do if he ACTUALLY NOTICED that his father's penis was slightly different? What's the concern here, what's the fear? I don't get it, it's very strange to me..
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#47 of 49 Old 05-24-2004, 11:58 PM
 
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isn't this child going to be adopted? He isn't going to "look" like either one of his parents anyway. Why mutilate him? My DH is circ'd and my 2 sons ages 10 and 5 have seen him without clothes and never questioned it. Actually, my 10yo just learned was circ/uncirc was and was liek, oh, ok....LOL
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#48 of 49 Old 05-27-2004, 12:00 AM
 
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...emailing her the Intact Video? What a sad way to "Welcome" a baby...

Have they thought about tattooing him for "identification purposes"? At least that wouldn't affect his sexuality!

Ug

Jen
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#49 of 49 Old 05-29-2004, 08:25 PM
 
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ekblad7

I am so sorry you feel like a failure because this woman has not changed her mind about circumcising her adopted son.

I personally feel a great deal of admiration for your concern, sensitivity and approach to the situation.

May your heart and his heart remain intact.
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