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#31 of 47 Old 08-15-2006, 08:14 PM
 
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If anyone other than your husband brings it up again you should just look at them like they have 10 heads and ask them why are they so interested in your son's penis? I heard that line often causes the meddlers to zip it up.Sometimes you have to let people know that you are the parent and not them and that any choices you make are not open for discussion.

Please keep us posted.I agree with the others regarding who has the authority to consent to circ.If the mother does not want it done then it will not happen but like the others said talk to your OB about it to be sure that this is the case in your hospital.
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#32 of 47 Old 08-15-2006, 08:18 PM
 
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You are the only one that can sign consent, so DON'T sign!! DH can't talk to the doctor behind your back and have it done. (at least, he shouldn't be able to)

And don't talk about it with family. It isn't their business. I think my sister is the only that knows Nicky is intact.

I lived in Schaumburg for several years. I ended moving right before I delivered. Though the mid-west rates are high, the city/suburb hospitals see many more babies left whole simply because of the many different ethnic groups that reside there. After I didn't sign consent (and read every paper carefully in case they accidently toss it in there) I never heard about it again.
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#33 of 47 Old 08-15-2006, 08:29 PM
 
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You and your dh really need to discuss this at great length. And if he absolutely refuses to leave your ds intact, you may need to prepare yourself for some sh*t to go down. If you stand strong on this, you may need to get a lawyer or something and it may ruin your marriage.

I'd try and see if dh is willing to let your ds make the decision himself. If he says it'll be too painful to get it later in life, explain to him that the pain is not any greater than it is at birth.
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#34 of 47 Old 08-15-2006, 08:29 PM
 
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Actually, to add to my last sentence...it's probably less painful later in life because they'll use either a local anesthetic or even general.
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#35 of 47 Old 08-15-2006, 08:34 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jaydens_mom
YOU are the one carrying the child for 9 mos and creating him inside your uterus.
NOT your family.
STRESS that and see if that helps.

Also mention that he can do what he wants with his penis when he is old enough, and if he doesn't like the foreskin he's more than welcome to book an appointment and pay for it to be cut off.
I like what you're saying, but I would a few words w/ the words, "his penis". It's HIS penis, not the family's. It's HIS choice to do w/ it what ever makes him happy when he's of legal age. You can't get a Prince Albert piercing pre-18 and if he wants mutilate his body to please himself, he can do that when he's of age.
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#36 of 47 Old 08-15-2006, 08:49 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Microsoap
I like what you're saying, but I would a few words w/ the words, "his penis". It's HIS penis, not the family's. It's HIS choice to do w/ it what ever makes him happy when he's of legal age. You can't get a Prince Albert piercing pre-18 and if he wants mutilate his body to please himself, he can do that when he's of age.
Well i was refering to how she doesnt want it done and the family does... so by stressing that it is HER child and she doesnt want him circ'd she'd be stressing that ultimately it is HER choice so they can squabble about it all the want, but they are just going to have to accept the fact that he isn't going to be circ'd
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#37 of 47 Old 08-15-2006, 08:50 PM
 
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without reading all the replies (so forgive me if i'm repeating) but one thing swayed my dh on the circ issue before we had our first son. while working as a nurse, i found that most hospitals don't offer circumcision any more -- and most that do require cash payment up front. one hospital i worked at had an info sheet for parents stating that circumcision is a medically unnecessary, cosmetic procedure and was not recommended any longer by the aap. i asked my dh if we had a girl if he would consent to having something done to her breasts or her vagina as a newborn. you know, something purely cosmetic.
needless to say, that changed his mind
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#38 of 47 Old 08-15-2006, 09:46 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by KrystalC
If he wants it done for aesthetic reasons, explain the risks of a botched circumcision to him and then ask him which he thinks is better. As with any surgery, there is ALWAYS a chance something will go wrong and some babies even die during circ!! Is that really a risk he wants to take with your son for the sake of simple aesthetics?????
I totally agree with this. I'm about two hours west of Naperville and all too familiar with the must-circ brainwashing that goes on here. Often, there is no good reason given to do it; it's just believed to be "necessary." The other thing is, in a high circ area, if you dig deeper you'll find plenty of stories out there about complications. What's astounding is how much they're minimized or accepted.
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#39 of 47 Old 08-15-2006, 11:23 PM
 
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Oh Katie! First of all, I am going through this with my DH now- he finally agreed to look at my research (and at the things I have found on these boards). I agree that no one in your family needs to know or have a say in any of this- repeat again and again, "This is not up for discussion- this conversation is over."

Second- I just moved to MI from Bolingbrook, and lived in Naperville for a year before that! It isn't a very crunchy place at all, is it? I am sending all sorts of prayers your way. I'm a Christian, and the flak I get from people about my anti-circ views is hard to deal with sometimes. Just remind them that, just as we no longer sacrifice burnt animals to God, we also do not cut our children.

Much love to you, and I hope it all works out well. Clara

Mama to a beautiful little girl, born July 18, 2007
Eager for a VBAC some time around April 10, 2010!
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#40 of 47 Old 08-15-2006, 11:35 PM
 
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I went through all sorts of hell to keep my son intact. My husband was totally against me and rallied all of his friends and my family to attack me. It was horrible, but I stuck to my guns and didn't fight...just said no and left the room if they pushed the issue. It continued after DS was born...just constant riding and harping and complaining and horrifying stories.

I swear, every single person has a horror story about someone who was circumcised at 90 years of age on his death bed and on and on and on.

I stuck to my guns and over a year later no one talks about it anymore. They gave up when they figured I wasn't going to bend on it. I even won a reluctant agreement from DH.

It was hell, but it was worth it.

Monica - single mama to DS nono02.gifand DD blowkiss.gif

 

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#41 of 47 Old 08-15-2006, 11:46 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mamajandtheboys
while working as a nurse, i found that most hospitals don't offer circumcision any more -- and most that do require cash payment up front. one hospital i worked at had an info sheet for parents stating that circumcision is a medically unnecessary, cosmetic procedure and was not recommended any longer by the aap.
It sounds like you are living in Utopia...

Definitely not reality in the midwest where I live.

((((Hugs)))) to you Heather
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#42 of 47 Old 08-15-2006, 11:49 PM
 
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I ended up having to tell my fil that it was not up for discussion any more. It is just wrong for anyone to be so obsessed with someone elses genitals especially a child : I did tell my mom and we have had talks about it but she never tried to pressure me just shared her feelings and I shared mine. Everyone knows that talking to me about it now is usless. (pretty obvious with my say no to circ bumper stickers

I know how hard it is to go against so many people but what it comes down to is protecting your child from harm that is your responsability and no one elses. There are so many stories in the Regret sticky of mom's who went ahead with the circ just to make others happy now they will regret that for the rest of there lives and their son's will have to live with the consequences.

In the hospital here the only one who can give concent for the circ is the mom the dad has no right. Once they leave the hospital tho that is another story. The dad can take the child to any ped. and have it done. I dont tell you this to be mean just so you are aware of what can happen. I would let my dh know in no uncertain terms should he do something like that our marriage would be over and it would with me. Because in my eyes he has abused my child.

I hope that you can get your dh to listen to reason and it dosnt come to hurting your marriage. Just let him know how important this is to you as best you can and work on him. When it looks like he has had enough back off a few days then go at it again. That is how it was with my dh finally he saw I was not gonna budge and he backed off.

If they are so worried about apperance let them know that only about 50% of boys here in the USA are circed now and the number is dropping fast. 80% of the world's population is intact that means only 20% are cut so if he decides to live outside the USA he will be the odd man out.

Do what you know in your heart is best for your son and dont worry about converting your family just make sure that even if dh isnt on your side he wont do something without your knowledge.

 
SAHMlady.gifread.giflovin' trekkie.giffan intactivist.gifwinner.jpg to loveeyes.gifenergy.gifDD 10/00 & superhero.gifmoon.gifDS 10/04 ribbonpb.gifIf your ds is intact, keep him safe, visit the Case Against Circ forumnocirc.gifCirc, a personal choice, Your sonsyes.gifbrokenheart.gif11/98brokenheart.gif6/99ribbonbrown.gifanti-tobaccoribbonyellow.gifThyroid cancer survivor. With cat.gif& goldfish.gif & (Boxer)dog2.gif wishing 4 whale.gif&ribbonwhite.gifsigncirc1.gifselectivevax.gifdelayedvax.gif

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#43 of 47 Old 08-16-2006, 12:02 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks so much, ladies. I will not discuss it with my family anymore.

I will also tell my dh that intact is the default, like a pp said, and that he needs to prove to me beyond a shadow of a doubt that our son needs surgery on his penis when he is born, or we're just going to leave it up to our son!
Thanks again, and I will keep you posted.
Heather
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#44 of 47 Old 08-16-2006, 07:18 PM
 
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Just remind ALL of them that women have smegma on their vaginas, and then ask them if they think womens bits should be cut up to rid themselves of smegma.
Ask them if they think a child born with say....ears that stick waaaay out...should that be corrected at birth? After all, you wouldn't want to have your child made fun of or look abnormal. OR, do they agree that it should be decision left up to the child when they become a consenting adult....because all a circ is, is cosemtic surgery.
Ask them how they would feel if they were strapped to a cold plastic board and a doctor started chopping up their genitals with no pain control....them ask them how any loving parent who is aware, could do that to their child...ask them how THEY could possibly think that a prcedure like that is OK, humane, acceptable, loving or in the BEST INTEREST of the child.
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#45 of 47 Old 08-16-2006, 07:55 PM
 
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Can't the father sign for the circ?
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#46 of 47 Old 08-16-2006, 08:25 PM
 
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I just wanted to offer my support to the OP. I'm sure I speak for a lot of men here when I say that circumcision is barbaric. I don't know if this will help you convince your husband, but maybe he'll be more accepting of the idea of not circing from a man. Which is another problem altogether...
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#47 of 47 Old 08-16-2006, 11:43 PM
 
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Dear Katiesmom,
Stay strong. You will never, ever regret it.

Your family is emotionally invested in your decision because they interpret it as either an indictment or an affimation of their own past choices. If you have a healthy, happy intact boy running around, that is a serious threat because it means that they really didn't need to invade their childrens' genitals like they did. On the other hand, if you circ, they can just say to themselves, "See? Everyone does it. He might have had problems if he weren't circ'ed. We can forget about it now and go on believing that a rounded, marked, and bare penis is perfectly normal."
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