Crud, he waits until NOW?? - Page 2 - Mothering Forums
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#31 of 44 Old 12-14-2006, 01:10 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by Zamber View Post
So, basically what you are saying is it is nearly impossible for your son to be circumcised, you just want DH on the same page. I think once your DH sees his perfect whole son, he won't even consider it.
basically, yes. After all this stress and discussion with him, I sure hope it IS a boy! And for now, I'm going to go, and be insane from resealing leaks and prodromal labor- blah!
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#32 of 44 Old 12-14-2006, 01:56 AM
 
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Tell him to give it a year. That way if it interferes with nursing, the baby will have had a year to get all the benefits of nursing. Then, after that, no father will want his son put through that pain. That's what worked for me. Eventually DH just said we didn't have to do it, I know honestly he still wants it done, but knows there's no reason and wouldn't put his son through that.

Has your DH seen the circ video with the dad and doc talking in the background? GREAT video for skeptical dads. I can't watch it at all, but I've read the commentary.
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#33 of 44 Old 12-14-2006, 01:04 PM
 
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WTH?? Talk about sneaky...wait until you are in labor and your weakest! I would tell him when hell freezes over. End of story.

Sorry you are going thru this!
:
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#34 of 44 Old 12-14-2006, 01:07 PM
 
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Has your DH seen the circ video with the dad and doc talking in the background? GREAT video for skeptical dads. I can't watch it at all, but I've read the commentary.
Here's the link to the video:

http://video.google.com/videoplay?do...14237112&hl=en

I transcribed what the doctor and dad are saying and this video includes that in subtitles. Best of both worlds!
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#35 of 44 Old 12-14-2006, 01:56 PM
 
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OMG! I'm crying at work. I can't believe what that doctor was saying the whole time!!! That is exactly why I hate most doctors; they talk over your concerns without addressing them and subtly make you feel like an idiot for even asking the question. :

Mama to my Addie Bug wool.gif (10/2008) and angel1.gif (6/2010); nursing student & childbirth educator
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#36 of 44 Old 12-14-2006, 02:25 PM
 
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I haven't read the other posts, but as far as bringing this up during labor I find it the perfect time to bring it up. After my husband has been with me through two labors, the second all natural no drugs, in a free standing birth center, he knows that whatever I say and want during labor is mine. My first son was born in a hospital with an epi, but pushing was hell for 3 straight hours. As soon as I was in active labor with DS#2 my DH did what I asked, when I asked and how I asked.

If I had asked him to jump off a bridge, he would ask if I wanted him to swan dive or do a back flip.

Ok... over exagerating, but seriously. When I was in labor the world was mine and he was catering to me hand and foot. I think it's hard for someone to see you going through so much pain and he would have done anything to make it easier for me. If he had brought up circ I probably would have grabbed his testicles and let him know a portion of what he was trying to inflict on our child.
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#37 of 44 Old 12-14-2006, 05:30 PM
 
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Blarg, I think you brought up a really good point about how certain words can really hurt and create even more problems Just a little tweaking of the phrase gets the same point across. Plus it's totally true- it should always be the decision of the person who owns the foreskin in question, and parents should not take it on. I like your point about framing it as "It's not our decision, honey, it's his."

autumn faune, can't wait to hear about your UC!

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#38 of 44 Old 12-18-2006, 07:09 PM
 
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Don't say, "You have no choice in the matter." That's very patronizing. And not just due to male ego: I'm sure most women would be offended by such a statement as well.

Just state that it's not going to happen. Period.
Hmmm. I guess I don't see how that's different.
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#39 of 44 Old 12-18-2006, 07:17 PM
 
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It is different because you didn't quote the rest, which said 'It's not going to happen... because it's not the parents' decision, it's the boy's body and therefore his decision.'

"you have no choice in the matter" usually sounds like "Because I have decided, and because I say so." This way, it's because it would be wrong to decide for the child.

~*Kristi*~
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#40 of 44 Old 12-18-2006, 08:09 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Lula's Mom View Post
It is different because you didn't quote the rest, which said 'It's not going to happen... because it's not the parents' decision, it's the boy's body and therefore his decision.'

"you have no choice in the matter" usually sounds like "Because I have decided, and because I say so." This way, it's because it would be wrong to decide for the child.
Exactly. Usually, when you say "YOU have no choice in the matter...", it sounds like a dictatorship, and that's what male circumcision is; just like any other human rights violation. BUT, when you say it about the issue of MGM (male genital mutilation), it's NOT, because what you're doing is not taking away basic human rights deserving of all human beings, but GIVING it (the choice) up to them.

I can't really say it any clearer than that and if your husband or any other partner who insists on circumcision can't get it, then they have to look at their thought process.
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#41 of 44 Old 12-19-2006, 03:14 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Update: birth and marriage both going down the tubes. Will someone please kill me now?
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#42 of 44 Old 12-19-2006, 03:23 AM
 
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#43 of 44 Old 12-19-2006, 04:33 AM
 
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Originally Posted by autumn_faune View Post
Update: birth and marriage both going down the tubes. Will someone please kill me now?
Stay adamant about this! If you cave and circumcise and he changes his mind later on... and you'd most certainly regret the minute it's done, you'll be SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO P***D OFF AT HIM, you barely be able to forgive (live?) w/ yourself, AND OF COURSE (((HIM))). And since you can't reverse this operation to its full intact state after it's done, leaving him intact and NOT making any hasty decisions is the best.

I wish you could make him see you're actually making it easier for HIM in the long-run, too!

Congratulations on the joy of having a boy-- despite this ordeal, which HE made happen, not you-- it's a wonderful gift (boyhood). And good luck.

http://www.icgi.org/medicalization_o...ion.htm#Page_1 (P.S. This travel through the history of circumcision should point out how CRAZY it is, the "reasons" for circumcision, it should be a wake-up call into NOT doing stupid things for reasons unproven at the time and ultimately laughable [the reasons, not the issue] in hindsight!)
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#44 of 44 Old 12-19-2006, 03:57 PM
 
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Update: birth and marriage both going down the tubes. Will someone please kill me now?
I hope that everything is ok. I am not exactly sure what you mean by marriage and birth going down the tubes but I really hope that you hold your ground. I was lucky that Andy agreed with me about circ but if he hadnt, I would have left him before I let anyone hurt my child.
Please update us. I know that I am really concerned and I hope that he sees things your way.
Was your baby born yet?

Living the Joyful life as a mama of three beautiful children who are just right the way they are.

I blog at www.saboss.blogspot.com chicken3.gif

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