Your parents reactions to not circ'ing? - Page 4 - Mothering Forums
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#91 of 120 Old 05-05-2007, 10:57 AM
 
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Well, we don't have any boys, but if we do my parents would be horrified if we circ'd, parents are European and just don't understand why you would do that.
Don't know what the in laws would say they had DH circ'd, but they are conventional and don't really think stuff through, just do what the doc tells
them .

Interestingly, my cousin, who is Belgian, like me, married an American, they live in London, England, and his family said that they would not want to see their grandson if he was not circ'd. Then her DH threatened to leave if she did not have it done prior to their returning to the US for ds baptism. My cousin was traumatized, but did it anyway....her DH is such a UA violation, : in so many ways. I would have said "there's the door...." Anyway, my aunt was so shocked, she can't stand her in laws now, and calls the US the land of the circ'd.....I have told her that there are those who are against it.
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#92 of 120 Old 05-05-2007, 11:04 AM
 
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Hi, graceshappymum, from London, Ontario. Maybe you'll see me going around with my intactivist shirt (front: "It's a foreskin! Not a birth defect... back: End genital mutilation") and know you're seeing another intactivist/MDC fan.
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#93 of 120 Old 05-05-2007, 01:15 PM
 
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Originally Posted by octobersweethearts View Post
I think they thought it was just more of my more "crunchy" lifestyle, I guess. You know, the wooden toys, the organic food, etc.
I think this is my il's thoughts on a lot of things, and they just see no reason to bring it up, ya know? Like I breastfed dd till she was 4, I made homemade baby food, cloth diapers...whatever... Anyway, they just expect that type of thing out of us and could care less as long as the kids are happy and healthy.

Jillian wife to Ryan and mommy to Janelle Ashlynn (9/09/2002), Kincaid Chance (3/29/2004), Travis Neil (8/13/2007) and River Anderson (5/02/2009).
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#94 of 120 Old 05-10-2007, 03:11 PM
 
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My in-laws would never expect us to circ. DH and FIL are not circed. Neither is any male on their side of the family. Where they come from, only Jews and Muslims get circed.

When I was in the car with my father and sister, I was talking with my sister who knew we are anti-circ. My father wasn't really paying attention. My sis asked me what my HB MW's back-up hospital was, and when I told her she said to be careful because they do circs routinely, often without asking first because it is assumed. They are a religious hospital. My father got kinda confused about what we were talking about. I am not sure where his confusion was, because he was only half listening and we may not have said much straight out because sis and I both had talked before and already knew what we are talking about. So, he said something like "can't you just tell them you want him circed?" and my sis said "no, she wants him NOT to be circed." He just said "oh" kinda neutrally -- more like acknowledging that he understood, and less like a judgment of any kind.

At another time, I was in the car with him and DH, and he told DH about when he was younger and he had a friend from Europe who was not circed. A bunch of them guys went to a museum and saw a classical statue that was naked. The guy from Europe pointed to the intact penis on the statue and said proudly "I have a classical penis." The other guys laughed.

He seems ok with it. We did have a discussion about the HIV study, and he seemed to believe me that the study was BS. I have also mentioned to other people in his presence that studies show no real health benefit, and that there is a high rate of horrible complications from it.

My mom just asked me one day if I planned to, and I said no, and that was that.

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#95 of 120 Old 05-10-2007, 04:02 PM
 
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Mom is quite concerned that we don't plan to circumcise boy #3, since boys #1 and #2 are circumcised. She's asked me all the typical questions, and while she's doesn't think it's the right choice, she remembers how horrible it was to clean the boys' after their circs, and she's given me a chance to practice my speech about WHY we're not doing so this time. I'm sure my mil won't be as laid back, but IT'S NOT HER BABY. So I'm not at all concerned about it.
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#96 of 120 Old 06-03-2007, 10:19 PM
 
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my dad actualy said that i was condemning my son to a lifetime of 'ridicule and disease'. my brothers, and sister in law agreed. that ended the discussion. we no longer discuss our son's genitals with anyone in the family and that is that.
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#97 of 120 Old 06-03-2007, 10:42 PM
 
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Well, we never felt the need to come out and tell them, but they all asked about it. (except FIL) Why they were so interested in the status of DS's penis, I'll never know. :

My mother said, "It's your decision, do what you feel is best."

My father said, "I think you are making a big mistake. Please, this is from a man's prospective, trust me. He'll be angry at you when he's older for not doing it."

My MIL just acted shocked, but didn't say anything negative about DS being intact.

My FIL hasn't asked about it at all. (MIL and FIL are divorced)

My dad's mom said, "When are you getting x circumcised?"
Me: "We're not. We don't believe in circumcision. It's not necessary and it's damaging to his body."
Her (all huffy): "Well, there are some decisions that parents just have to make for their children."
Me: "Yes, I agree, but this for sure is not one of them."

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#98 of 120 Old 06-04-2007, 12:30 AM
 
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#99 of 120 Old 06-04-2007, 12:42 AM
 
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We didn't share our decision not to circ until after our son was born. Both sets of parents just assumed we would do it, and both asked about it while we were in the hospital, in an off-hand way like "did you get the circ done yet" or something like that. I just calmly replied "we aren't doing that." My mom asked why not, and I just asked "why did you?" And she didn't really have a good answer for me, and that ended that discussion.

Here and there over the last two years since my first son was born I've shared a bit more about why we chose not to, but it hasn't been a big deal until recently. My second son was semi-retracted by a nurse during a catheterization for a medical test and I was infuriated and told everyone in the family about it, and gave me an opportunity to be a bit of an activist about it. Now everyone knows my stance, and I look for opportunities to share it with other relatives, especially when/if I find out they're pregnant with a boy.

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#100 of 120 Old 06-04-2007, 01:11 AM
 
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double send and I can't figure out how to delete...sorry.

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#101 of 120 Old 06-04-2007, 01:35 AM
 
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My in-laws are European. Had we circumsised they would have been polite and said nothing, but would have been quite horrified. The rest of our friends and family from that side would have been sickened. When we were over it came up and they are all just very very confused why anyone would do that. It really is quite high on the list of things Americans do that doesn't make sense. It is considered to be horrible and barbaric.

As for my parents, my mom was on board straight away when I explained to her about it. Although she had my brother done she seems to have regretted it and said at one point 'please don't make me feel guilty, we just didn't know.' She'd given me the book she had when she was pregnant and the info on circ. was pure madness. She was all on board about it and made a point to say 'make sure the hospital knows.' She never did anything weird changing his diaper and just seemed to intuitively know not to retract, just to wipe like a finger. She did mentions something she heard on air america about the HIV thing, but when I explained to her the real deal she understood.

As for my dad, I have no idea. He would never mention it. I presume he's circ'd, my mom said he was, which confuses me since he was born at home in South Texas to Mexicans. I have to wonder if some know it all American doctor examined him and insisted it had to be done.

The only family member that was ugly was my brother. He said we should do it because no girl would want to give our son oral sex. He said this when Finn was two months old! I told him that was ridiculous, I should know being with an intact partner, that it's no more icky than a circ'd guy. Then I added (in anger since he was being an arse) that mom regretted having it done once she learned about it.
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#102 of 120 Old 06-04-2007, 02:45 AM
 
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We have never discussed the matter with my parents, and they know DS is not cut because they've babysat him a couple times and changed his diaper. I think my dad and my brothers are cut (faint memories of a discussion when I was 6 or so and talking about how babies were born) but we don't really discuss stuff like that these days. My parents aren't really pushy with their opinions that way even if they disagree, so it wouldn't be something they'd ever bring up without prompting. But I suspect they probably assume that the reason DS is not cut because DH is European.
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#103 of 120 Old 06-04-2007, 11:33 AM
 
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I can't remember if I responded to this one yet

My dad isn't in the picture but my mom deeply regrets circing my brother. She's thrilled to have 8 intact grandsons.

My husbands family haven't had occasion to see the boys naked and so don't know. All 8 of their sons are circ'd (before I came into the picture) so needless to say we don't have a lot in common.

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#104 of 120 Old 06-04-2007, 12:02 PM
 
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My dad didn't say anything about it, never has. My mom made comments about that he would get made fun of even as early as preschool (she was a preschool teacher at the time). Then after he was born, she changed her mind. I would not say she is anti-circ (she still thinks parents have the right to choose) but is glad I didn't have it done to Matthew, cause him pain, etc. She has mentioned defending non-circ on a board she posts on so that's good. My mom had all girls so she is not as defensive on the issue.

My grandmother and my uncle were up in arms about it and probably still are, although they haven't mentioned in since he was a few days old. I guess they figured that past that time, I really wasn't going to do it, so why bring it up anymore. My uncle was upset because his best friend "had to" get circumcised as an adult and literally, really did almost die-- then I said "Why would I have a surgery performed on my baby that almost killed an adult man?" my mom said "Well, I think it was the surgeon's fault" but how would I know a doctor would not make the same mistake, whatever it was, on my baby? argh, there is just no arguing with people like that, though.

My in-laws never mentioned it that I know of.
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#105 of 120 Old 06-04-2007, 12:03 PM
 
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My parents were both Jewish. I am the only child. I remember my mom telling me when I was growing up that they were "relieved" when I turned out to be a girl. It seems they were nervous about circ'ing. They were not at all religious, but my dad's relatives were extremely religious and my parents would not want to upset them, and absolutely would have done it.

My dad has passed away, but my mom still thought it was a quick, minor procedure. Until last year, when I showed her the graphic circ video. Well, after that she was outraged, and even tried to convert friends to be anti-circ!

She also says she wishes she had listened to me and my ex more about other (anti-established-medical) issues.
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#106 of 120 Old 06-04-2007, 12:11 PM
 
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We only have girls as of right now (and we're trying for another child), but we've recently been discussing whether or not we'd circ any son(s) we have. Even before I gave it any serious thought or research, I was horrified at the idea of putting a sweet little baby through something so obviously painful right after they were born, and then making them deal with the pain and discomfort until it healed.

Because my husband usually defers to me on issues regarding our children, any sons we have will NOT be circ'd. I've already given a lot of thought to what our parents will say/do when we don't. My MIL will whine about how I need to have it done, basically because she is a nurse, who went to nursing school 40+ years ago, and almost all her medical knowledge is grossly outdated-she thinks putting straight bleach on poison ivy will help heal it . My FIL will probably say something against it, but then finish with, "But you do what you want." My Mom, in classic being my awesome mom style, might voice how it's not what she did (all my brothers are circ), but she's always supportive of what I choose to do. I think the major opposition will come from my dad and stepmom. My stepmom because she loves to argue and be oppositional regardless of the topic, because she had my 3 youngest brothers all circ, and she's always extremely defensive about anyone doing anything different from what/how she did things. My dad will probably be the strongest opposition, because he's Jewish. Even though he's almost completely non practicing, he still holds to a few beliefs and practices-i.e. circ, not naming children after someone living, etc. My uncle (dad's brother) didn't have my cousin circumcised, and I remember what a HUGE fit everyone on my dad's side of the family had. Luckily, I have a long standing history of disregarding what my parents (and inlaws) tell me, so I think after a few snarky comments here and there, I think they'll all get over it.

jamie. crinkly (not quite crunchy) mama to 3 amazing little girls, an awesome little boy, and a baby girl making her debut at the end of this summer.

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#107 of 120 Old 06-04-2007, 12:15 PM
 
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i don't know that we shared, or didn't share.

MIL asked before birth, before we knew we had a penis at all -- and we told her we were not. BIL and MIL both freaked, and DH had many long talks about unknown effects of early trama, about our oppsition to any body modification and so on.......neither was dumb enough to say it to me or in my hearing.

neither have commented since -- save BIL in a rant about me (not DH) and my "wacky" parenting -- he ranted to DH's AUnt on the dad's side (dad is gone) about it -- how i pick him up every time he cries (he was at the time 8 months -- but i sitll do it almost ever time at 8 months) and how we weren't vaxiong (actually slectively and delayed) and so on ... and it was part of that rant. buttttttttttttttttttt whatever

I do not think MIL had said a word.

My mom an RN was toally supportive and my dad -- i don't even think he has said a word, i am not sure he'd even know if he hadn't changed diapers.

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#108 of 120 Old 06-05-2007, 11:18 PM
 
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MIL, when she found out that we weren't circ'ing, was curious and asked why. DH told her that it was an unneccessary surgery, and there was no good reason to do it. She accepted it, no problem.

My mother, however - she's something else. When she found out we weren't circ'ing, said to me, "Sweetheart, you're going to have to pull that thing back (I guess she meant the foreskin) every time he pees." Huh? Thank goodness she only had girls!

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#109 of 120 Old 06-06-2007, 12:09 AM
 
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When my ILs found out they FREAKED!! My FIL is intact a fact I really didn;t care to know but apparently his intactness gives MIL bladder infections. (AGGGGHHHHHHH)

anyway it was a huge fight and when I left I called my sister and cried about my ILs being so mean. My sister was kind but said, "why aren't you circing him????"

Then she yelled over to my mother who was at her house , "Valerie is not going to the circ the baby" and my mom said, "Oh good! I always thought that was mean thing to do to baby boys."
I was thrilled b/c I had no idea what my mom's opinion might be. I knew whatever I decided she would support me b/c she is like that but I didn't know if she would actually think I was doing the right thing.

My Aunt actually had the best reaction ; "people still do *that*???"

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#110 of 120 Old 06-06-2007, 12:23 AM
 
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When my ILs found out they FREAKED!! My FIL is intact a fact I really didn;t care to know but apparently his intactness gives MIL bladder infections. (AGGGGHHHHHHH)
Is that medically proven?

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My Aunt actually had the best reaction ; "people still do *that*???"
I kind of thought that way, I mean I knew it still existed but I was shocked at the stats. I grew up in an intact house though.


My parents weren't surprised because my brothers are intact. My MIL was a little "surprised" but she never said anything against the choice. I did have a co-worker tell me after I said I was having a boy that the only thing that she didn't like was having to change their diaper after they were circumcised. I mentioned "oh that won't affect me, I'm not circ'ing" she was appalled and tried to tell me that it wouldn't be clean or healthy and yet poop and pee on an open sore is?:
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#111 of 120 Old 06-06-2007, 12:28 AM
 
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Is that medically proven?
I doubt it. I should have put the eyeroll smiley in there.

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#112 of 120 Old 06-06-2007, 12:36 AM
 
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My Mom is not a fan of routine circ. She told me my Dad is somewhat in favor of it, though he's definitely not passionate. I know my mom would be in favor of medically-indicated circumcision, if other treatments had failed. They are both physicians, BTW.
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#113 of 120 Old 06-06-2007, 04:38 AM
 
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I get rampant bladder infections and my DH is circed. *shrug* It was hell when we were ttc our youngest.
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#114 of 120 Old 06-06-2007, 01:27 PM
 
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My parents haven't said a word. My mom knows, has changed diapers and such without a problem. My dad, I don't think he actually knows. He didn't ask. I am thinking I might bring it up when he is over for dinner tonight .
My ILs were born and raised in the Philipines. My FIL told DH the tradition of getting circ at around 13 or 14 and then jumping in the river. : So my MIL was all worried that is basically what would happen with our baby, he would have it done as a big kid. I told her it never needs to be done and she said ok and that was that.

My SIL recently circ her baby. She has no problems with the fact that we did it. I have a feeling it was my brother's choice not hers. She is delaying or maybe even skipping vaxes all together so at least she got something out of our conversations.

My sis is dating a guy from Columbia. I am assuming he is intact (another thing to ask tonight hehe) and any children they have will be.

Jennifer, mom to Joel , Duncan, Celia, and Aidan. Wife to Nathan.
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#115 of 120 Old 06-06-2007, 02:25 PM
 
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I wasn't even sure my mother would notice honestly. My first ds was circ'd, we decided against circ w/ my #2. My mom did notice & said, "oh he's not circumcised" and I said no, there's no medical reason to do it so we decided not to do it. She said no more. I'm 99% sure her brothers were not cir'cd as they were a ll born in europe.

I do think my mom thinks i'm a nut, i breastfeed my 3 1/2 yo, we cosleep, not circing ds#2 etc...
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#116 of 120 Old 06-06-2007, 02:41 PM
 
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nak

My parents are fine with it, in their culture circing (taiwanese) is not the norm, my brothers were not circ'd, and my dad's opinion as a ped is that it is unnessary.

My mil on the other hand threw a hissy over it. She confronted me about circing my son within hours of his birth. There I was in a hospital gown, exhausted (b/c she planted herself in my room and wouldn't leave to let me rest. she wanted to wait for my parents to come so she could say, "hello." My parents were unable to arrive until 6 hrs after mil arrived...) arguing with her about MY baby son's penis. Her excuse was that it is for, "hygiene" issues. FTR, my DH is intact and has never had issues. He left the decision up to me. So, you're probably wondering why mil mil is pro circ. Well, my mil had my bil circ'd when he was a teen, b/c she thought it was the fashionable thing to do (this is when they still live in korea, and korea apparantly has a very high rate of circ, but they usually wait until the teen yrs). She wanted to get my DH circ'd too, but he refused to go anywhere with his mom (she had tricked bil into getting circ'd by telling them they were going elsewhere, my DH saw his brother come home crying and holding his crotch coming home from, "shopping."), b/c he was afraid he was going to get him circ'd (my DH was 7 at the time, I think she wanted to have both of her sons circ'd before immigrating to the US). :
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#117 of 120 Old 06-06-2007, 03:24 PM
 
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nak

My parents are fine with it, in their culture circing (taiwanese) is not the norm, my brothers were not circ'd, and my dad's opinion as a ped is that it is unnessary.

My mil on the other hand threw a hissy over it. She confronted me about circing my son within hours of his birth. There I was in a hospital gown, exhausted (b/c she planted herself in my room and wouldn't leave to let me rest. she wanted to wait for my parents to come so she could say, "hello." My parents were unable to arrive until 6 hrs after mil arrived...) arguing with her about MY baby son's penis. Her excuse was that it is for, "hygiene" issues. FTR, my DH is intact and has never had issues. He left the decision up to me. So, you're probably wondering why mil mil is pro circ. Well, my mil had my bil circ'd when he was a teen, b/c she thought it was the fashionable thing to do (this is when they still live in korea, and korea apparantly has a very high rate of circ, but they usually wait until the teen yrs). She wanted to get my DH circ'd too, but he refused to go anywhere with his mom (she had tricked bil into getting circ'd by telling them they were going elsewhere, my DH saw his brother come home crying and holding his crotch coming home from, "shopping."), b/c he was afraid he was going to get him circ'd (my DH was 7 at the time, I think she wanted to have both of her sons circ'd before immigrating to the US). :
: And "hygiene" is still used as an excuse even when both boys had obviously survived that long? Wow, your poor BIL. :
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#118 of 120 Old 06-06-2007, 03:37 PM
 
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I'm not sure my MIL even knows, and if she does, she apparently doesn't consider it a big deal, because she's never said anything to us about it.

My mom thinks it's great. Although she tends to be a tad on the defensive side if the topic ever comes up, because she had my two brothers circ'ed. She always starts into her speech about how she didn't know any better at the time, and she didn't realize there were options, etc. I mean, she's supportive, she just is a little insecure, I think, because she feels I'm secretly judging her or something. (And I'm not! If I'd had my boys in the 1970s and 1980s, pre-Internet, there's an excellent chance I'd have circ'ed too, so I'm not about to fault her.)
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#119 of 120 Old 06-16-2007, 06:14 PM
 
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We were very nervous about bringing it up and telling them that no matter what, our son will be whole.

My parents were shocked! Shocked that we had ever even "thought" of circumcising in the first place. DH had to be convinced (wasn't hard) but I knew DS would stay intact. That is the day my father went on a rant about his own "great intact penis"...info I would rather have never heard. lol They were 110% supportive.

FIL isn't supportive and still doesn't understand and his wench of a wife thinks it is "gross".

MIL is supportive but she was never allowed to change DS's diapers. She never could understand why you don't pull back the foreskin so I wouldn't allow her to touch him anywhere near there.
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#120 of 120 Old 06-17-2007, 09:40 AM
 
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I didnt even tell mine, it never came up. so I just IM'd my dad that I did not circ my youngest and he just said "it isnt very important to do so, is it?"

yay!
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