Some people just don't get it.... - Page 2 - Mothering Forums
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#31 of 51 Old 05-22-2007, 06:27 PM
 
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Originally Posted by RiverSky View Post
I suggest that they think that they are unaffected, because they don't realize what they are missing.
You are probably right there. But, at least im my experience, trying to convince a man who thinks that his sex life is great that there's something wrong with it is an uphill battle, and quite often ends the subject of circumcision altogether.

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#32 of 51 Old 05-22-2007, 07:40 PM
 
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I think, as others have posted, there are a multitude of factors involved in how much a woman is affected. How tight the circ is, among other things, and obviously the individual differences in anatomy.

I know, TMI probably, but I have always easily O'd...can do it with penetration, multiple times very easily. : Let's just summarize in saying that is how I am built...and I've known it and uh practiced that sort of thing even as a younger teenager (don't want to get graphic). My DH claims he's very lucky to have found me. I've come to the conclusion that some women are just built that way.

Anyhow, this doesn't mean that having a circumcised husband doesn't impact me. He tends towards being rougher than I need it, and it takes him WAY too long. Plus, after a while I would get irritated, and be forced to use lube. Anyone else have that feeling of getting pumped up with air...UGH..that is NASTY!

Well, let's just say, with the little bit of restoration he's done so far it has made a huge difference. Comfort wise...and in certain positiions I can definitely feel a gliding mechanism and don't need to use any lube. That is a definite benefit. Also, no more being pumped full of air. I think the skin sort of bunching up and blocking it really took care of that.

I only have *positives* to say from my standpoint for foreskin restoration, as does my DH. Though, we've only been doing manual. Very slow, but real progress! Women I know whose DH's have kept their innerforeskin/glans covered for a few weeks during restoration have all told me that their DH's all got "gentler" and more passionate during intercourse. Basically, it takes the "rough stuff" out of the picture. Which is great for women...we don't need it!

But, you see...I have friends who have suffered so much worse as a result of their husband's circ (one of which I posted about a while ago who is definitely going through a marital crisis because of it)...and I can completely relate to some of what they say...just from the improvement we've had in him growing an inch or so of skin.

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#33 of 51 Old 05-22-2007, 07:49 PM
 
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Olive, I read your post in the second thread you linked. Posting that took courage, and I admire you for it. I hope for the best for you.
Thank you. It's only worth putting my story out there if it makes even just one person ask themselves it it's worth the risk. Maybe their partner doesn't feel like he's been damaged, but maybe their son will. It's Russian roulette.
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#34 of 51 Old 05-22-2007, 09:35 PM
 
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I would go as far as saying circ effects sexual intercourse negatively almost (there's always an exception) 100% of the time. Even if your sex life is great with a circed man it's still been altered in a negative way. How can it work the way intended when a very integral part of the man's genitals is missing. I think the only thing keeping a lot of people from admitting this is social conditioning induced denial.

OUR DAUGHTERS ARE PROTECTED SHOULDN'T OUR SONS BE TOO! :
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#35 of 51 Old 05-22-2007, 10:26 PM
 
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I'm fine with our sex life, but I think it could be better. When I first learned of the sexual side effects, I thought "Oh my, that explains it" and remember thinking how true it was of us. Still, I consider my sex life "just fine." Yet I wonder if maybe it could be phenomenol if my husband wasn't circ'd.

fambedsingle2.gif Heather, 25, single mom to Corbin, 5, and Orin, 3  uc.jpg  delayedvax.gif  nocirc.gif
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#36 of 51 Old 05-23-2007, 01:36 AM
 
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I never though that my husband being circ'd negatively affected our sex life...

...until we tried having sex after I had my son. I think most, if not all, of the ongoing postpartum pain in that arena wouldn't be there if he was intact.
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#37 of 51 Old 05-23-2007, 02:25 AM
 
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Honestly, I do see a huge difference between intact and circed men. I guess I am lucky and do orgasm every time I have intercourse with DH

IME, intact is more gentle, and the orgasms are much more intense. No real soreness or burning and no need for lube. I would pick intact anyday of the week
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#38 of 51 Old 05-23-2007, 10:27 AM
 
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I didn't until dh started restoring. Now I do about 50% of the time. I firmly believe that circ negatively impacts sex. I thought things were good, but once dh restored I found out how much we were both missing. It makes me angry and sad if I really think about it.
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#39 of 51 Old 05-23-2007, 10:31 AM
 
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Yes I feel very lucky being with an intact man. Although we do like lube, again another physical difference between different women. 99 times out of 100 I will o with intercourse, in part because I have a very attentive partner. I am a very lucky woman.

The PITA part about all this and explaining to women why not to circ., is women don't want to think of their little tiny baby boys as someday going to be sexual beings. Only after a couple of glasses on wine was I able to tell a friend 'your future daughter in law will thank you' since it was a very personal admission on my part. I also didn't want her to get offended thinking I was calling her own sex life crap. She's only been with one person, a circ'ed man so she has no perspective on it.
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#40 of 51 Old 05-23-2007, 12:21 PM
 
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I didn't until dh started restoring. Now I do about 50% of the time. I firmly believe that circ negatively impacts sex. I thought things were good, but once dh restored I found out how much we were both missing. It makes me angry and sad if I really think about it.
This is kind of how I feel. Since I've never been with an intact man, I cannot say what I may be missing. Sex has never been a problem, but I believe that it is different because of what was done to him. I would like to know what it is supposed to be like, but the restoration talk isn't going anywhere fast, so I'm really not holding out for that.
I'm just glad my boys (and their partners) will never have to wonder.

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#41 of 51 Old 05-23-2007, 01:19 PM
 
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Originally Posted by party_of_six View Post
I didn't until dh started restoring. Now I do about 50% of the time. I firmly believe that circ negatively impacts sex. I thought things were good, but once dh restored I found out how much we were both missing. It makes me angry and sad if I really think about it.
The key is, in my experience, that restoration seems to eliminate the negative sensations that women feel during circumcised intercourse. The weird thing is, you might be just assuming some of the "weird sensations" you feel are normal. Sometimes they're not even bad, they're just not what you need. They too I think can create a feeling of distance/distraction from your partner. But, with the gaining of more foreskin when you have the gliding mechanism there and everything is so smooth...more like a massage even...everything is just softer, gentler and feels overall just so much better. I don't know how to describe it. I do remember at times feeling so many negative sensations in the past and a definite feeling of distance from my partner when he was doing those things that he had to do (long rough strokes) because of his circumcision...that I didn't need, and were actually annoying to me.

Honestly, I thought before that was what sex was supposed to be like (in my experience that was all I had felt). I just assumed it was supposed to be that way. But honestly, it did always in a sense feel sort of off. Because it was always faster/rougher than I needed it...timing wise, everything always felt sort of off. I sort of took my turn first, then he did....since everything came so easily to me (ha, no pun intended : ). I thought the irritation afterwards and dryness was normal. Now, I know it is not! Sex was MEANT to be a gentle dance of love...not a high impact, irritating aerobic endeavor. : We wouldn't have survived as a species if sex was difficult, irritating and uncomfortable!

So, I had clues that circumcision impacted sex. It most definitely impacts handplay and oral as well. I am not going to get into all of it, lets just say that everything is SO much easier and enjoyable for both of us.

I feel so sad that most men will never even have an idea of what they are missing out on : .

I mean...my husband actually told me a few months into restoration that "masturbation no longer hurt anymore." HUH? OK, he thought it was normal for it to hurt before : . His negative sensations no longer existed anymore as well.

Perpetually breastfeeding or pregnant ENFP mom to a lot of kids...wife to a midwestern nice guy...living in tropical paradise...pink cats and homebirths rock!

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#42 of 51 Old 05-23-2007, 02:14 PM
 
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phatchristy~I could have written that post almost word for word.

ITA
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#43 of 51 Old 05-23-2007, 02:32 PM
 
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Very well said.

That so many men don't even know that masturbation isn't supposed to require hand lotion or make your penis raw (or bleeding!) from microtears is America's dirty little secret.
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#44 of 51 Old 05-23-2007, 05:17 PM
 
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Very well said.

That so many men don't even know that masturbation isn't supposed to require hand lotion or make your penis raw (or bleeding!) from microtears is America's dirty little secret.
Yep, DH thought that the "skin splits" and irritation was just part of normal masturbation. NOPE, that's masturbation with a circumcised penis. Plus, circumcision makes them...uh ...have to work harder to accomplish their task. They have to use a lot of pressure, force and speed to accomplish things...a direct difference between a natural penis, where the natural motion of a foreskin gliding back and forth over the glans easily is enough. No doubt as well, that the intact man feels more during the actual act of masturbation/intercourse.... for the circumcised man the majority of pleasure is at the orgasm. Which is why sadly circumcised men are often very goal oriented...looking at the finish rather than the journey (if you know what I mean...).

Too many years of research, reading and talking to people and I get to know way too much about this... .

Perpetually breastfeeding or pregnant ENFP mom to a lot of kids...wife to a midwestern nice guy...living in tropical paradise...pink cats and homebirths rock!

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#45 of 51 Old 05-23-2007, 06:07 PM
 
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My dh is intact and I do not o from penetration alone.

I find it troubling to see not o'ing from penetration defined as 'dysfunction.' That is a concept that has been used to subjugate women's sexuality for a long time, going back at least to Sigmund Freud who thought clitoral pleasure was inherently immature - IOW that a real woman is satisified with the act that just so happens to lead to male o, and doesn't ask for more.

As a strategic matter of activism, I suggest you refrain from arguments that depend on the dubious proposition that you understand others' sex lives better than they do themselves.
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#46 of 51 Old 05-23-2007, 06:25 PM
 
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My dh is intact and I do not o from penetration alone.

I find it troubling to see not o'ing from penetration defined as 'dysfunction.' That is a concept that has been used to subjugate women's sexuality for a long time, going back at least to Sigmund Freud who thought clitoral pleasure was inherently immature - IOW that a real woman is satisified with the act that just so happens to lead to male o, and doesn't ask for more.

As a strategic matter of activism, I suggest you refrain from arguments that depend on the dubious proposition that you understand others' sex lives better than they do themselves.
Sue Johanson, a registered nurse, host of 'The Sunday Night Sex Show' (WTN/W Network) and 'Talk Sex With Sue' (Oxygen) and pioneer in her field of sex education, will tell you research indicates that most women do not orgasm by penetration alone, but rather different forms of stimulation.

To say that a female who can't orgasm by penetration of a circumcised man is labeled as having a 'sex dysfunction' would be inaccurate.

I know my first paragraph is OT, but I couldn't let this go unanswered. Since the second paragraph is connected to the first, I feel, it should not have to be removed. Thanks.
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#47 of 51 Old 05-23-2007, 06:33 PM
 
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Very well said.

That so many men don't even know that masturbation isn't supposed to require hand lotion or make your penis raw (or bleeding!) from microtears is America's dirty little secret.
OMG!

WHAT? Tears from masturbation?

Damn. I'm so glad I'm intact.
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#48 of 51 Old 05-23-2007, 06:35 PM
 
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Yep, DH thought that the "skin splits" and irritation was just part of normal masturbation. NOPE, that's masturbation with a circumcised penis.
: : :

Sounds to me like your DH has a very tight circ! Yikes.
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#49 of 51 Old 05-23-2007, 07:15 PM
 
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there's not a circ'd man i know that didn't get raw from manual masturbation (i did know one very *cough* limber man who avoided that...)

they're all 'tight' to some extent, by virtue of missing half their skin. imagine your finger half skinned and pulled taut to heal; wouldn't it be tight inside its flesh when you bent the knuckle?
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#50 of 51 Old 05-23-2007, 07:47 PM
 
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#51 of 51 Old 05-23-2007, 08:54 PM
 
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(i did know one very *cough* limber man who avoided that...)
That is a mental image I did not need!
FWIW, when dh masturbates, he does need lube for that.
I really hope he never finds his way to this board. He'd definitely not appreciate that overshare. Or the many others I'm giving up. :

Homeschooling mom of 2 rambunctious, loving, spectacular boys, wife to an incredible man who has been my best friend on this journey <3

 

 

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