UGH...I can't convince DH!!!!! - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 58 Old 07-26-2007, 10:27 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Okay...A bit of hiistory...

With my first on (he's 8 1/2), I really didn't research circumcision at all. I knew there was *some* controversy (didn't know the real extent of it)... I ended up consulting the 3 men in my life who I trusted. DH is circ'd and glad that he is...didn't really explain why - said it's not vanity or locker room reasons, just glad that he is. My dad was circ'd and glad that he was. No regrets. FIL is NOT circ'd and seriously wishes he was. Has even considered it even now that he's in his 60's. He said he's had a difficult time forgiving his parents for not having him circ'd when he was a baby. So we went ahead and had DS #1 circ'd.

Then I had 2 daughters and didn't have to think about it. Well...now we know this little one is another boy and I've really been researching and I've decided I don't want him circ'd. My dad has passed away now, so I only have to listen to DH and FIL (although my dad's words still echo...).

DH DOES LISTEN to my arguments, but he said since I'm not a man I cannot possibly understand the depth of this....he feels really strongly about having boy #2 circ'd. He said if we don't he'll regret it for the rest of his life. He's right - I'm not a man and I don't understand...I just don't feel right doing this to my son.

How do I convince DH on this issue?
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#2 of 58 Old 07-26-2007, 10:44 AM
 
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Exactly why is your FIL so angry that he was left intact and why didn't he get circumcised if he was so angry about his state???
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#3 of 58 Old 07-26-2007, 11:00 AM
 
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For many circ'ed men to question the practice is to admit there might be something wrong with them and what their parents had done to them. It's a hard thing to admit you might have been a victim. I wouldn't want to do it either. Also in the climate your FIL and men our age grew up I am sure it wasn't a nice one to be in not circ'ed. Even if you're the one with nothing wrong with you if everyone around you is telling you that there is it mustn't be good for self image. So you can tell him times have changed and millions of men around the world are extremely happy their parents didn't make the same mistake. Your son won't be the only one not circ'ed in his class.

If he insists you don't understand you can tell him he doesn't understand what it's like being a mother and not wanting your child hurt when he's just been born for no good medical reason. Ask your husband if you were living in somewhere the does level one circ on the girls if he'd allow this to be done to his daughters so they can 'fit in.'

If it comes right down to it and he won't give in then onus will be on you to say no in the hospital and make it clear to all around that the child is not to be circ'ed. I know it can be hard to stand up to a husband but as mothers we have to protect our children from harm. You'll hate yourself if you give in and will resent your husband. And surely that can't be good for your relationship on the long run.

I know it's easy for me to say this because I am married to an intact European but even if I'd married a conservative midwestern American there is NO WAY IN HELL I would have allowed this to happen and would fight tooth and nail to prevent it. To me wanting a child to go through a needless painful 'cosmetic' surgery just after birth is so fundamentally wrong I think I don't think I could deal with a person who tried to force it on my child 'just because' and 'it's what we do here.'

Stick to your guns. And please come here when you need support and have doubts!
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#4 of 58 Old 07-26-2007, 11:18 AM
 
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Hi, MarcyC. Congratulations on your 4th child. You came to the right place.

About your father in law...He says he wishes he had been circumcised. I just want to point out to you that there is a reason he feels that way. He was brought up in a country and an era when the foreskin was feared and maligned, nearly every boy was circumcised, and if you weren't circumcised, it was viewed as something to be ashamed of. If you went and talked to a bunch of middle-aged European men, they would not express the same sentiments, because they weren't brought up in a culture that had been brainwashed to think that there was someting wrong and shameful about normal male anatomy.
I would also like to point out that if he really , truly wanted to get circumcised, he would have done so. It's an inexpensive outpatient surgery. Apparently, he's not so sure that it's worth it.

Now, about your DH....You don't have to convince him. He's not the one who will be asked to sign the consent form. You are. He's right...You don't understand the depths of this. You don't understand how it would feel to be missing part of your genitals and then to be faced with the fact that there was no reason for it, that you suffered needlessly, that the ones who were supposed to protect you failed you, and that although you always thought you were normal, it turns out you're not. What an intact baby does to a circumcised man is remind him of what he is missing. Not that he necessarily misses his foreskin, but it is a reminder, staring him in the face, that Yes, something did happen to me . See, if everyone keeps on circumcising, then everyone can go on pretending that nothing ever happened. But when people stop the cycle of violence, it sheds light on what has been going on for so many years and is a direct challenge to it. That said, it's not your responsibility to sacrifice your baby to make everyone else feel good. It's your responsibility to do what is best for your child, and genital cutting is not what's best for your child.

I was in your situation not long ago. I stood my ground, and after fighting throughout my entire pregnancy, DH totally let up once the baby was born. He asked aboot it once in the hospital, I shook my head, and that was that. It has not been an issue. Stand your ground on this. You are able to look at this rationally, whereas it is much harder for circumcised men to look at it rationally.

One last thing: If you are pressured into handing your baby over for circumcision, I can assure you that it will be almost as much a violation of you as it will be a violation of your son. Now that you know how unnecssary and traumatic circumcision is, you are very likely to feel practically raped if you are coerced into consenting. It can affect your sex life with your husband. I circumcised my firstborn out of ignorance and at the urging of my DH. After I learned what circumcision was and what it did, I had a lot of sexual problems that didn't get resolved until I became an intactivist. I felt like, if my children's genitals aren't safe with this man, mine aren't either. I would think of FGM while DTD and there were lots of positions I was terrified to try. I would have nightmares about my son coming to me having been sexually abused.

Now that I've written this novel, I'll give you a break. Keep visiting this forum and please, come here with any further questions you might have. I hope everyone will be supportive of you and that no one will be harsh. Just bear in mind that many of us feel very strongly about this and might get a little carried away emotionally. Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy!
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#5 of 58 Old 07-26-2007, 11:53 AM
 
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Just put your foot down and don't allow it.

-Angela
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#6 of 58 Old 07-26-2007, 11:54 AM
 
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This is a super essay explaining your DH's need to alter you boys...read it...it might help you deal with and understand his feelings:

Quote:
First of all, you need to understand that circumcised men are cornered on this issue. They were circumcised without their consent and have no inherent knowledge of what being intact is like. Even though they rarely will discuss the issue, they are keenly aware that they have been surgically altered in a very private way. There are several ways for a man to deal with this issue but the safest way, psychologically speaking, is to believe at all cost that the surgery performed on them was an enhancement and is preferred by women. Confirmation of this belief is essential to their sexual self-image. Do I need to tell you that sexual self-image is a major issue for men? Didn’t think so.

Victim of Birth Rape & Coerced ribboncesarean.gifUnnecesareanribboncesarean.gif What makes people think they can cut up someone else's genitals? nocirc.gif
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#7 of 58 Old 07-26-2007, 11:58 AM
 
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ITA with superpickle and she said everything I would have. It is your job as the mom to protect your children from this cycle of violence that is rationalized in so many ways because we as a culture don't want to take responsibility for the mutilation that we have perpetuated. We have to stand up and create the permanent change in our society by saying NO to genital mutilation of our children. That is the only way it will end.
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#8 of 58 Old 07-26-2007, 12:00 PM
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You don’t have penis, BUT you’re the one who has whole intact genitalia! So you’re the one who has a say.

http://www.thenewsroom.com/details/3...fe+and+Leisure
As you can see from this movie about female genital mutilation, they do it to their daughters because it was done to them and of course, it’s totally NORMAL! Same philosophy goes to male genital mutilation known in our society as circumcision.

You must protect your baby, mama!
I pm'd you some info that might help.
Yulia.
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#9 of 58 Old 07-26-2007, 12:21 PM
 
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If your son regrets it, he can get circ'd when he's old enough to consent. It will be easier as an adult anyway since the foreskin will be separated from the glans and since he can insist on proper pain management. He can undo your decision not to circ him, but he will never be able to undo your decision TO circ.

When I found out we were having a boy, I told my DH that I was dreading the fight we were about to have. To my surprise, he went along with me and now is pretty proud that we left our son intact, but make no mistake: I would have fought tooth and nail and run for the hills if I had needed to to protect my tiny baby against a painful and unnecessary irreversible surgery.
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#10 of 58 Old 07-26-2007, 12:50 PM
 
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Stand your ground - make it clear that under no circumstances will this child be cirumcised.

Provide information in a non-threatening way.

Stay calm and collected when discussing the matter.

Allow your husband to see how convinced you are that the practice is wrong.

Be sensitive to his feelings and allow him plenty of time and space to think.

Give tidbits of information, then let him think about them on his own.

Be patient, persistent, and gentle with your dh.

These are the things I did. It worked. It took over a year, though. He still will not talk about it or admit that circ is wrong - I think it would wound him too deeply. Penises are such a part of a mens' identities that this whole notion that something wrong was done to their penises is just identity-shocking and unbearable. I don't know if my dh will ever agree that not circing is better. We'll see. He'll have an extra burden on that end (and maybe it will be a blessing, we'll see) because he's the SAHP and he'll be changing the majority of diapers and daily reminded of the difference. Hopefully, it will be a healing rather than a hurtful experience for him.

I hope that you are able to help your dh reach a point where he can agree not to have it done, but don't expect too much. I really wanted my dh to agree with me, because we've never disagreed about anything so important before. But I may never hear him say he agrees it's the best thing to do, and he may always say that we only left the boy(s) intact because I insisted. That's okay, because I realize this is a psychologically excruciating thing for him to deal with, and I'm willing to let him deal with it in whatever way he needs. So long as our sons will be intact.

HTH, and good luck.
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#11 of 58 Old 07-26-2007, 12:53 PM
 
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I'd just tell him that I'm not saying that our son can't be circ'd just that he won't have it done as a child. When he makes his own choice at a proper age of consent, we'll do as he wishes. That was the winning argument for me and my dh. You can't really change a circ. But, an intact male can make his own choice.
And I think we ALL agree on what that choice is likely to be!
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#12 of 58 Old 07-26-2007, 12:53 PM
 
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This is nowhere near as in depth and enlightented as the other posts but have you shown him a circ video? DH was super por-circ until he saw a video, talked to an anti-circ nurse and found a web site of circ 'mistakes'.
during the battle I asked him if he would really be able to stand there while they stapped our new baby down and cut off a piece of him. After he was born DH said that he would never, ever be able to watch that.
He is now an inactivist!

You could also direct him to the regrets page and maybe pm papai and other inactivist and intact men.

I think it's a really hard leap for any circ'ed man to make. (especially one that has a circ'ed son already.)

Honestly - DH and I fought about it for a long time before he came to his senses and we made a joint decision but there was no way in h@ll my son was being circ'ed with or without Dh's blessing. I know no one would ever want it to come down to that but you can make arrangements to protect your son. Another MDC'er called her hospital and had it noted that they were not in agreement so the Husband could not send the baby out to get circ'ed on his own. I'm not sure what they ended up doing but at least nothing could be done in the mean time.

G/L - I was there and I really don't envy your position.

<3 Dena

Wife to M 4.04 and Mama to hopmad.gifJ the activist 5.06, superhero.gifSammy Tsunami 12.09, and stork-girl.gif  coming soon!

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#13 of 58 Old 07-26-2007, 12:59 PM
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Just keep saying, "I'm sorry, I can't let you do that to our baby." Repeat, repeat, repeat. Sound like a broken record. And mean it.

"Our task is not to see the future, but to enable it."
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#14 of 58 Old 07-26-2007, 01:24 PM
 
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well, your ds isn't a man yet either. he'll be a newborn... how about letting him make the decision on his own when he IS a man and can make an educated decision one way or the other....
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#15 of 58 Old 07-26-2007, 03:20 PM
 
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The default position is to do nothing.

Put the onus on your husband. Ask him to PROVE to you that circ is necessary - not that he thinks it's better, but that there are good scientific research that proves it is absolutely necessary. He won't be able to do that, and any argument or "study" he comes up with is easily shot down using information on this forum. Or, you can post here and the people on this board will help you find the information to completely deflate any argument he can come up with.

And so, since he can't convince you to do it, then you fall back to the default position, which is to do nothing.

Ann-Marita. I deleted my usual signature due to, oh, wait, if I say why, that might give too much away. 

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#16 of 58 Old 07-26-2007, 03:30 PM
 
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Oh, Marcy, I'm sorry you have to deal with this. I admire you for doing research on the subject now, before DS2 is born.

Quote:
Originally Posted by MarcyC View Post
With my first on (he's 8 1/2), I really didn't research circumcision at all. I knew there was *some* controversy (didn't know the real extent of it)... I ended up consulting the 3 men in my life who I trusted. DH is circ'd and glad that he is...didn't really explain why - said it's not vanity or locker room reasons, just glad that he is. My dad was circ'd and glad that he was. No regrets. FIL is NOT circ'd and seriously wishes he was. Has even considered it even now that he's in his 60's. He said he's had a difficult time forgiving his parents for not having him circ'd when he was a baby. So we went ahead and had DS #1 circ'd.
Unfortunately, you didn't get a very representative sample of men. Who knows why your FIL had problems? Perhaps he was retracted as an infant, and had scars and adhesions. Perhaps his problems would have been easily treatable if he had seen a doctor.

As for your father and DH, they are no doubt very happy with their equipment - but remember, they don't know any different. If you had 20/20 vision, but had some color-blindness, you might be perfectly happy, and not even miss the colors you couldn't see. But if you had color vision and lost it, you might feel very differently.

Quote:
Originally Posted by MarcyC View Post
DH DOES LISTEN to my arguments, but he said since I'm not a man I cannot possibly understand the depth of this....he feels really strongly about having boy #2 circ'd. He said if we don't he'll regret it for the rest of his life. He's right - I'm not a man and I don't understand...I just don't feel right doing this to my son.
It's true that you don't have a penis. But your DH doesn't have a foreskin, and has no more understanding of what he's missing than you do. In fact, if you have been with an intact man, you probably know a lot MORE about foreskins than he does.

Not having a penis does not make you unable to learn and understand what a foreskin does. Having a penis does not make your DH an expert on foreskins. You BOTH need to read, learn and ask questions to have a full understanding of what the foreskin is for, how it works, and what the operation to remove it entails (your DH surely doesn't remember the details of his own circumcision).

You son will be born with a foreskin - that is the default. The parent who wants to change the staus quo - the one who wants to sign a perfectly normal, healthy baby up for cosmetic surgery - is the one who need to convince his partner that it should be done.

"I'm circumcised, so he should be too" just doesn't cut it.

Good luck.

If the chips are down, the buffalo is empty.

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#17 of 58 Old 07-26-2007, 03:39 PM
 
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Just Say No

Michelle -mom to Katlyn 4/00 , Jake 3/02, and Seth 5/04
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#18 of 58 Old 07-26-2007, 03:42 PM
 
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We recently arrived home from the hospital intact!

Just a few months ago, after finding out it was going to be a boy, I had to convince dh. I just heard his arguments & we talked them out one by one - sometimes over & over - sometimes with the info found here online. And I told him how I felt. Also, talked to our pedi & our obgyn (if you have either of those) to reiterate is just cosmetic by IRL med professionals.

Everyone else has given you great advice, but I have to tell you. . . looking at my little baby boy - if I had agreed to circ him I would have been devastated. I think once you decide you don't want to do - it would be unbelievably horrible to do anything but leave him intact. Pregnant, I knew I did not want to do it - but not until he was born and I saw how wonderfully perfect he was did I truly understand - how wrong it is! So, however you go about it - you can do it! Good luck with your dh!

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#19 of 58 Old 07-26-2007, 04:04 PM
 
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The burden of proof is your dh's responsibility. Your dh wants your son to undergo major surgery right after he's born. You want to leave him as he is.

If your newborn son is to undergo surgery right after birth, there should be a good reason for it, correct? So... if your dh wants this surgery to take place then he'd dmn well better come up with a good reason.

"I'm happy I'm circumcised" isn't a good reason. Your son is NOT your dh. How does your dh know how your son will feel about his penis? The answer, of course, is that he doesn't know. He's guessing based on his experiences which do not include ANY experience of an intact penis.

My dh is intact and is happy that he's intact. My FIL is circumcised and I don't know how he feels about it, but I do know that he (in some way) consented to leave my dh intact. My dh is very happy he doesn't "look like daddy" with regards to circumcision status. I'm very happy that he doesn't either :

I have a friend who chose to be circumcised as a young adult. He was still happy that the decision was left up to him. My ex-boyfriend was/is intact and was very happy to be so, last I heard. I have at least three male friends who wish desperately (and in vain) that they had not been circumcised. There's not a whole lot they can do about it now though.

My friend who chose to be circumicsed as a young adult was able to do something about being unhappy with his penile status, but my friends who wish they could choose to be intact have no choice at all. They can restore, but that only gets back SOME of what was lost and is a very long, painful process. Circumcision for adults hurts for a couple of weeks and they get good pain meds. Not a big deal, according to my friend who had it done. He just avoided being around his girlfriend for the weeks of healing to try and avoid erections as much as possible. Infant boys have erections too and have no pain meds to help out : They also don't understand why they're in pain...

Best wishes with convincing your dh! And if he truly won't come around... you can always just put your foot down or even convince him to wait a year until your son can have general anesthesia (usually if parents will wait a year then they end up accepting their son the way he is and he remains intact ).

love and peace.

mama to two girls and due in November!
: Circumcision can never be undone :
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#20 of 58 Old 07-26-2007, 04:22 PM
 
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Over. My. Dead. Body.

I had never spoken those words before in front of Dh...It really seemed to wake him up. After I had his attention I told him that it was our sons decision, he finally agreed. (ftr this was a 5mo long battle with "fight night" seeming to be every 3 or 4 days, I am sure it was worth it b/c my son has every body part he was born with) Some times it boils down to a battle of wills and that is when the Momma Bear gene is oh so helpful...Just don't give up!
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#21 of 58 Old 07-26-2007, 05:00 PM
 
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I'm posting the text of Ronald Goldman's letter calling to account the AAP spokesman who glibly proffered the "look like Daddy" fallacy to reporters.


Michael Copeland
American Academy of Pediatrics
141 Northwest Point Blvd.
P.O. Box 927
Elk Grove Village, IL 60009-0927

April 7, 1997


Dear Mr. Copeland:

The following quote has been called to my attention in a newspaper
article connected with the April 2 JAMA article on circumcision:

“If Dad is circumcised and junior is not,” said Michael Copeland,
spokesman for the American Academy of Pediatrics, the son “may have
some psychosocial issues in that he looks different from Dad.”

As a psychologist and the author of Circumcision: The Hidden Trauma, I
have done a thorough search of the literature to investigate this
belief. There is no published evidence whatsoever to support your statement.

This myth is the product of a psychological defense mechanism called
projection, the process of attributing feelings to others that belong to
oneself. It is the circumcised father who may have some psychosocial
issues if he looks different from his son. The fear of confronting these
issues in themselves motivates circumcised men to cling to the myth
that uncircumcised sons will have such issues.
Furthermore, when the first
generation of American boys was circumcised, they looked different from
their uncircumcised fathers. This myth was not prevalent then because
uncircumcised men had no repressed feelings about how their penis
looked.

As part of the research for my book, I interviewed uncircumcised men
about their feelings. Their statements and other pertinent information
lead me to the following inferences regarding the decision to circumcise
for social or “matching” reasons:

The circumcision status of the father is not necessarily known or
important to a male child.

A circumcised boy who “matches” others may nevertheless have
negative feelings about being circumcised. These feelings can last a
lifetime.(1)

It is not possible to predict prior to circumcision how a boy will feel
about it later.

Even though uncircumcised men are in the minority, there is some
indication that most uncircumcised men are happy to be that way.

An uncircumcised man who is unhappy about it can choose to be
circumcised, but this is rarely done. The estimated rate of adult circumcision
in the United States is 3 in 1000.(2)

An uncircumcised man who is unhappy about his status may feel different
after learning more about circumcision and the important functions of
the foreskin.

The social factor is much less of an issue for boys born today because
of the lower circumcision rate (approximately 60 percent nationally,
under 40 percent in some states(3)).
These two accounts from mothers of uncircumcised sons add another
perspective to the discussion of choosing circumcision for social reasons.

“My youngest son [seven years old] is completely content at being
‘different’ from his father and [three] older brothers. When I
explained circumcision to him, his face took on a frightened expression as he
cupped his hands over his genitals and loudly declared, ‘That is
never going to happen to me!!’ “(4)

“When my eight-year-old son was five, he noticed a difference in the
appearance of the other boys’ penises. I told him that’s because
they had their foreskins cut off. He said, ‘That’s horrible.’
He’s very adamant about it.”(5)

I asked the second mother if I could talk with her son, Michael.
Because he lives in an area with a very high circumcision rate, he is the
only boy in his class who is not circumcised.

RG: How did you first learn about circumcision?

Michael: My mom told me when I was little, and she didn’t want that
to happen to me.

RG: How do you feel about her not wanting to let it happen to you?

Michael: I’m glad ‘cause it’s scary. It’s scary for a little
baby.

RG: At school, do the other kids have foreskins, or are they
circumcised?

Michael: They’re circumcised.

RG: How does it make you feel when you see that they’re circumcised?

Michael: Kind of sad, because they had it cut off.

RG: Do the other boys notice that you have a foreskin and they don’t?

Michael: Uh huh. And they say my penis looks weird.

RG: What do you think when they say that?

Michael: I say, “No it doesn’t. Yours looks weird.” Then I tell
them why there is still skin over mine and not over theirs.

RG: Then what do they say?

Michael: Some say they don’t believe it. Some just walk away.(6)

It appears that if an uncircumcised boy is given proper information, it
is possible to prevent a negative impact from extreme minority status
in a group of circumcised boys.

I hope you now understand that by perpetuating the “matching” myth,
you do a great disservice to the American public and undermine the
credibility of the American Academy of Pediatrics. The public is
understandably confused about circumcision. Your statement only serves to
increase the confusion. It would certainly help if the AAP issued a news
release to correct your mistake.

As you know, the AAP will be reporting on circumcision in the near
future. Many people who care deeply about circumcision are looking for the
AAP to report accurate, factual information about this complex issue.
If, for whatever reason, you cannot resist the temptation to express
your personal beliefs when you talk to the media about circumcision, then
perhaps someone else should take over this responsibility. Reporting to
the public about circumcision is too important to risk this mistake
being made again.


Sincerely,

Ronald Goldman, Ph.D.
Executive Director



(1) Goldman, R., Circumcision: The Hidden Trauma (Boston: Vanguard
Publications, 1997), 103–115.

(2) Wallerstein, E., Circumcision: An American Health Fallacy (New
York: Springer Publishing, 1980), 48.

(3) National Centre for Health Statistics, telephone conversation with
author 1997. Rate is for 1994.

(4) Romberg, R., “Circumcision Feedback” (letter to the editor),
Mensa Bulletin, May 1993.

(5) Huggins, R., telephone conversation with author, February 1996.

(6) Huggins, M., telephone conversation with author, February 1996.
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#22 of 58 Old 07-26-2007, 05:48 PM
 
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being intact is changeable, being circumcised is not. Perhaps if he were to read the accounts of men that do wish they weren't circumcised (even those that were circed as adults and can fully articulate their experience both ways) he might understand a bit better.

But you do know! You know better because you have all the parts of sexual organs you are supposed to have, your husband does not have all his parts.

Mom of a 7 yr old, 4 yr old, and 1 yr old. Wow. How did that happen?
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#23 of 58 Old 07-26-2007, 09:30 PM
 
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Just to add to the great advice above --

You don't have a penis, but you DO have a foreskin. It's your clitoral hood, aka the female prepuce. Male and female genitals develop from the same tissue in utero and are differentiated according to gender but still have many structural and functional similarities.

So if your dh pulls the "penis" card again -- you can tell him you wouldn't want anyone cutting off your foreskin, and you're sure your son wouldn't want anyone cutting off his if he had the ability to voice that preference at birth.

Put the burden on your dh to do the research. Circumcision is surgery and should only be done with a medical reason to do it that's specific to that child. Tell him to start researching and when he can come up with recommendations from three medical organizations that all baby boys be circumcised at birth, then you'll sit down and have a discussion with him. Until then, the burden is on him, not on you, to justify circumcision for your son.

Come visit the NEW QuirkyBaby website -- earn QB Bucks rewards points for purchases, reviews, referrals, and more! Free US shipping on great brands of baby slings and carriers and FREE BabyLegs or babywearing mirror on orders of $100+. Take the QB Quiz for personalized advice!

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#24 of 58 Old 07-26-2007, 11:47 PM
 
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Seriously, just don't allow it in the hospital. The baby is in your posession, so to speak, and you refuse.

Whether or not you want to talk it out with your husband is up to you and your relationship.

I think whenever a both members of a couple, don't agree enthusiastically to something, the default answer is not to do it.

Lastly, it's not your decision to make. Your son can choose to be circ'd when he's old enough to express that he wants it.

Hugs,
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#25 of 58 Old 07-27-2007, 12:02 AM
 
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Ideally, worst case scenario and you're still in disagreement at the time of birth, you will be able to protect your son at the hospital. But I would make absolute certain that he can't sign the consent in your state. And eventually at some point he will become legally able to do so. Is he the type to sneak the baby off for a circ? That's not something you want to find out the hard way.
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#26 of 58 Old 07-28-2007, 02:07 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MarcyC View Post
DH DOES LISTEN to my arguments, but he said since I'm not a man I cannot possibly understand the depth of this....he feels really strongly about having boy #2 circ'd. He said if we don't he'll regret it for the rest of his life. He's right - I'm not a man and I don't understand...I just don't feel right doing this to my son.

How do I convince DH on this issue?
I'm sooo glad I found this thread. I'm in the same position as MarcyC. dh and I have been discussing this issue since our friends had a son and decided to leave him intact. I voiced my own disapproval of circ, but to my surprise dh felt very strongly about having his sons circ'd . I was shocked . we have tried numerous times to come to an aggreement :, but we're both too stuborn . he has been researching support for his case (as have I). I'm glad we are discussing this now rather than in the hosp. (although hopefully I will have a homebirth). I've brought up almost everything suggestion here except having him watch the video (I'll try this next time it comes up).

kldliam Thank you so much for posting the text of Ronald Goldman's letter.

keriberry I agree with your post regarding allowing the child to make his own decision when he is of age.

I am still hoping that they will pass a law outlawing circ. so I wouldn't have to continue arguing with dh.

Angel (30), dh (31) (kd to H. 4/25/07 & K. 5/23/11), Vladimir 10/17/09 & Nikolai 7/6/11

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#27 of 58 Old 07-28-2007, 02:26 AM
 
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I am still hoping that they will pass a law outlawing circ. so I wouldn't have to continue arguing with dh.
Check out www.mgmbill.org A law against RIC will soon be victorious reality in our lifetime! Fight the good fight mama! You'll get to have your WHOLE son one day.
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#28 of 58 Old 07-29-2007, 12:32 AM
 
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I don't know what I would do without MDC and the wonderful, strong, intelligent, outspoken, supportive people I've met through this site!

fruitful womb: I checked out that site. Sooo much excellent info.

Yulia_R: Thanks sooo much for all the info. I plan to bring it up next time dh & I discuss (which will be after he has all his info ready).

I'm feeling much more confident and better about this controversial (in my house at least) topic! All thanks to you!
~Angel

Angel (30), dh (31) (kd to H. 4/25/07 & K. 5/23/11), Vladimir 10/17/09 & Nikolai 7/6/11

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#29 of 58 Old 08-02-2007, 01:59 PM
 
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After what felt like months of arguing, I convinced dh to leave any future sons intact!

I couldn't have done this without all of your support, encouragement and education. I am so grateful to this group of women for all that you have offered to me .

Of course there are stipulations: 1. dh insists that if ds has any "problems" (i.e. infections, etc.) he will be circ'd after 1yo (with proper anesthesia - I think the unnecessary pain part won him over). 2. if later in life the child elects to have the procedure done, we'll foot the bill.

Just wanted to update everyone on my success!
Thanks again I am eternally grateful,
~Angel

Angel (30), dh (31) (kd to H. 4/25/07 & K. 5/23/11), Vladimir 10/17/09 & Nikolai 7/6/11

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#30 of 58 Old 08-02-2007, 02:23 PM
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Great job mama!!!!

Just please make sure you both read this http://www.mothering.com/discussions...d.php?t=129378 to protect your lil one from doctors ignorance on the issue of foreskin.
Also avoid cath at any cost; if you ever need to have your son cath'd make ABSOLUTELY SURE they do NOT retract.
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