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#121 of 171 Old 08-17-2007, 01:16 AM
 
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Originally Posted by l_olive View Post
It seems like such a strange question to me. Why in the world would I regret leaving all of his body parts actually attached to him?

The answer to your question is no. Not for one minute of one day have I regretted not having a healthy functioning part of my child amputated.

I do, however, regret my husband's circ every day.

This applies to me too. My son looks just right and I know someday he will function right too. And I often regret my poor dh's circ, and he has no obvious problems from it either. I just wish is was all there for me (and him).
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#122 of 171 Old 08-17-2007, 02:01 AM
 
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TryingMyBest, you had such a strong protective feeling that you went and took your baby off the circumstraint - please honor that feeling and don't put him back there!

My story: when I was pregnant the first time, my mother badgered and badgered me about having the baby circumcised if we had a boy. I finally had to say "we are not doing that, period, end of discussion". We had a girl, so the subject never came up again.

Until my second pregnancy (again, we did not find out the sex) - then she brought it up again. Again, I said no, we are not doing that. She actually said to me "well, he's going to hate you when he's 14 or 15."

My response was: likely, he's going to hate me when he's 14 or 15 no matter what, given my stated goal of being known as The Meanest Mom Ever. I'd rather he hate me for NOT cutting off a perfectly normal and functional part of his body than hate me for handing him over at just a few days old to HAVE PART OF HIS PENIS CUT OFF.

That pretty much shut her up.

Think about that: what is done cannot be undone, no matter how much you regret it or wish it hadn't been done. Having your son ask you why you let that happen to him, when you were supposed to be his biggest protector, when he was defenseless and unable to protest or protect himself - I cannot imagine looking at my son and trying to defend my absolute failure to keep him safe and whole.

Bodily integrity and self-determination are basic human rights. If you want to teach your sons to stand up for those rights all their lives, start now by refusing to mutilate your baby in the name of conformity and "what if".

Mama to DD : (7/23/03) & DS : (10/27/06) married to DH 7/20/01
and yet 90% more mainstream than the rest of MDC
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#123 of 171 Old 08-17-2007, 02:34 AM
 
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I am afraid that he will just want to be like everyone else but be too old to want to do the surgery because it IS such an undertaking for an older person.
This is a myth. Actually circumcision is much easier and less traumatic for an adult. My DH chose to be circ'd in his 30s (for religious reasons). It was a very brief outpatient surgery done with local anesthesia, it only took about 20 minutes, and he didn't even need any pain relief afterwards.

It's very, very unlikely that an intact man would want to be circ'd. But if he does, he can always make that choice himself when he is an adult. On the other hand, a circ'd man can never really get his foreskin back, even if he restores (and restoration is a lot more work than getting circ'd).
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#124 of 171 Old 08-17-2007, 02:58 AM
 
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Did your dh see the Penn&Teller video yet? If he has a sense of humor he will find it hilarious while learning a few things at the same time.

Dear TryingMyBest's Husband,
Congratulations on your newest arrival! I applaud you for protecting your son's genital integrity. My husband suggested to me that I should show you this video. I hope you will find some humor in it. My husband did.

Click on the link. This is Penn&Teller
and they have something they want to say to you.

If you liked that one you'll like the Senslip video too. This one doesn't have a baby being circumcised in it. I think you'll enjoy it as much as my dear husband (dh) did. Its not to sell you anything. It may seem weird at first so please bare with me. Click on the link that says video on the page and hear what the lady has to say. You'll be surprised you did. Oh and I don't want you getting the wrong idea. Remember while you're watching it that artificial isn't the same thing as natural. Natural trumps artificial any day!

Sincerely,
~FW
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#125 of 171 Old 08-17-2007, 03:01 AM
 
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A&A has this as a siggie:

"Circumcision is a violent wound on the body of a boy and the heart of a mother."

You know the facts now. You already stepped in. Follow your heart. Everything else will fall in to place.

Also, not only do I have no regrets... but i know that if I had circumcised my son, I would have had at least a daily reminder of my decision and would be devestated. I'm not sure my marriage would be intactm and I know my heart would be shattered, as would my confidence as a mother and as a protector of my children.

I came so close to consenting that it took me months to not cry over that at at least once a day-- I just can't imagine what I would have felt if I had consented and had had to look at a wound on my son the first years.

Jessica

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#126 of 171 Old 08-17-2007, 03:21 AM
 
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Originally Posted by jessjgh1 View Post
A&A has this as a siggie:

"Circumcision is a violent wound on the body of a boy and the heart of a mother."
:
I'm haunted by what happened to my first ds 7 yrs ago! He was circumcised. : I'll carry this regret to my grave! My heart will be wounded till the day I die!

I DO NOT regret leaving my two other ds intact. I actually have nightmares that they got circumcised and wake up the next morning feeling so relieved that they're still intact. I will not ever regret leaving them intact.

That is such a strange assumption to me. Why on earth would anyone regret leaving their son WHOLE as nature intended it!?!!!
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#127 of 171 Old 08-17-2007, 03:53 AM
 
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So, honestly...you ladies didn't regret leaving your sons intact afterward....for fear of the future? That is a breath of fresh air if so!
I had fears similar to yours when my son was born, looking at him now almost three years later, I can honestly and completely stand behind that I for not one second have regretted leaving him intact.

I plan on telling him why I did, that it wasnt my choice to make, sharing some info on the function and purpose of the foreskin and telling him how lucky he is to be whole.

never ever ever have regretted it for a second, honest truth.
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#128 of 171 Old 08-17-2007, 04:05 AM
 
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You are EXACTLY right. This is precisely why I was mentioning white rates. I was trying to get an assessment of his peers...as we are while middle classers. I was also concerned that with the possibility of a negative stigma that the "class" thing would come up...which is why I mentioned it. I have no issue with any other race...just wanted a subjective piece of information. Thank you for posting this response.
I mentioned earlier that my father comes from a noncirc'ing culture. That happens to be Ireland. Yep very white, very middle class on his fathers side anyway, they had servants and all.

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When I talked to my sisters husband about this...he was appauled that I would NOT circ DS.
And how does your baby having a foreskin effect them?

Seriously the most likely reason he is appauled is b/c it reminds him that he is missing something.

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Originally Posted by TryingMyBest View Post
So, honestly...you ladies didn't regret leaving your sons intact afterward....for fear of the future? That is a breath of fresh air if so!
I never even considered it an option.

Timmy's Mommy WARNINGyslexic typing with help of preschooler, beware of typos
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#129 of 171 Old 08-17-2007, 08:36 AM
 
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So, honestly...you ladies didn't regret leaving your sons intact afterward....for fear of the future? That is a breath of fresh air if so!
Never crossed my mind, not once. All I could see was/is my perfect little baby who grew just the way he was supposed to thanks to tens of thousands of years of evolution.
I help my children to take care of their bodies when they are little. I would never choose to hurt them unless I thought it was going to save their lives.

And my circ'd husband never thought it for a moment either. He said, "the foreskin evolved for a reason, why would someone think to cut it off??" And he never in a million years could imagine allowing one of his boys to endure that kind of torture.

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#130 of 171 Old 08-17-2007, 08:48 AM - Thread Starter
 
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315 this morning I am pacing the bedroom. The baby can sense the tension and he is awake too. The first time since my milk came in that he was awake at an odd time. He is a pleasant baby that sleeps more than through the night at 3 days old. Crazy good.

DH can't sleep either, he feels nauseous and sick to his stomach so he's on the computer. He asks why I am up. I tell him I am having a hard time sleeping. He says well, it's over now. I asked him what he meant and he said..I made the decision. We are not going. I asked him why, he said don't ask me anything. I made the decision, now leave it alone. I still don't know what happened.

No matter what any of you say, there is a relief and I feel better. But, I am also scared. Embarassed or not by this piece of information but going that far against the grain in a community with 90% circ rates is scary. It is completely backward to say that...but we cannot deny our feelings right? I didn't feel strong enough to deal with it "forever"....KWIM? It still feels weird to have EVERYONE (short of you guys) tell you to do it, it feels foreign. I worry for any effects it will have on my house. This was the flip side to my decision. I am hoping that the relief of not hurting this baby will continue to override those fears. I will have to find a strong support network to help out. NOONE I know has NOT circed their boys.

Either way, I am exhausted and I am going to bed.
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#131 of 171 Old 08-17-2007, 08:52 AM
 
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Maybe you need to step back and see this as not such a big deal to leave him alone. He was born with a foreskin. The care of the foreskin is LEAVE IT ALONE. You wash it like it was a finger.

So...

No procedures
No special care
No worries
No wound care

Just leave it there. That's it. He's had it for like a week or whatever, right? He hasn't combusted or anything yet! He's fine, and I daresay...he's happy! right?

You've already done it! you've been doing it since he was born. No need to constantly have it on your mind and worry.

"Parents are simply trustees; they do not own the bodies of their children"-Norm Cohen  Martial arts instructor intactlact.gifhomebirth.jpgnak.gif and mom to 4: DD1 (1/05) DS (7/06) DD2 (5/08) DD3 (2/11)
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#132 of 171 Old 08-17-2007, 08:53 AM
 
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Oh, and awesome job following your instincts!

Quote:
NOONE I know has NOT circed their boys.
YOu mentioned a family you know didn't circ their boys and had no regrets about it (whereas another family you knew did have "some issues"). Can't you confide in that first family?

"Parents are simply trustees; they do not own the bodies of their children"-Norm Cohen  Martial arts instructor intactlact.gifhomebirth.jpgnak.gif and mom to 4: DD1 (1/05) DS (7/06) DD2 (5/08) DD3 (2/11)
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#133 of 171 Old 08-17-2007, 08:59 AM
 
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Get some sleep, and I hope you wake up and thank your husband for respecting your beautiful third son's whole body. Then get up and have a wonderful day with your whole family.

milk donation : mother to Ryan (6), AJ (5), Nate (2), Maia (1) all born at home, I have a kid-friendly food & bento blog, : :
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#134 of 171 Old 08-17-2007, 09:07 AM
 
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Originally Posted by TryingMyBest
315 this morning I am pacing the bedroom. The baby can sense the tension and he is awake too. The first time since my milk came in that he was awake at an odd time. He is a pleasant baby that sleeps more than through the night at 3 days old. Crazy good.

DH can't sleep either, he feels nauseous and sick to his stomach so he's on the computer. He asks why I am up. I tell him I am having a hard time sleeping. He says well, it's over now. I asked him what he meant and he said..I made the decision. We are not going. I asked him why, he said don't ask me anything. I made the decision, now leave it alone. I still don't know what happened.

No matter what any of you say, there is a relief and I feel better. But, I am also scared. Embarassed or not by this piece of information but going that far against the grain in a community with 90% circ rates is scary. It is completely backward to say that...but we cannot deny our feelings right? I didn't feel strong enough to deal with it "forever"....KWIM? It still feels weird to have EVERYONE (short of you guys) tell you to do it, it feels foreign. I worry for any effects it will have on my house. This was the flip side to my decision. I am hoping that the relief of not hurting this baby will continue to override those fears. I will have to find a strong support network to help out. NOONE I know has NOT circed their boys.

Either way, I am exhausted and I am going to bed.
It can be hard to make the right decision, but you ARE making the right decision, and your son will thank you for it later in life. You and your dh are breaking the cycle of abuse, and you should be very proud of yourselves.

Now just snuggle that perfect little baby and try to relax, mama! You need some time to recover both emotionally and physically from the birth. Just settle in and love your son!

Come visit the NEW QuirkyBaby website -- earn QB Bucks rewards points for purchases, reviews, referrals, and more! Free US shipping on great brands of baby slings and carriers and FREE BabyLegs or babywearing mirror on orders of $100+. Take the QB Quiz for personalized advice!

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#135 of 171 Old 08-17-2007, 09:41 AM
 
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I have NO regrets None, Nada, Zip, Zero. Even tho my dh wanted it, my mom wanted it, my il's wanted it. Everyone in my life was pushing it. I am proud of the fact my ds is intact.

I will never regret leaving him intact even if in the future something happens that he has to be circed I will always know I did the right thing.



Quote:
On the contrary, I'm PROUD of my choice! It's the best choice to be made!
:

Quote:
I do, however, regret my husband's circ every day.
A big huge : I so wish my il's had kept their bussiness out of our bed.

I can understand going against the grain. Shoot I am the only person I know IRL who has a intact ds I am the only one I know who did clw. I am the only one who dosnt do CIO.

You are not alone there are many of us here. I know it is hard for you but leaving your ds intact is the right thing to do. No ifs ands or buts about it.

Thank goodness your dh is for not doing it. What a great man


A piece of advice, if it comes up in conversation especially with family like it did with mine just tell them it is no longer up for discussion and to never bring it up to you again.

A quick reminder to never let anyone mess with his foreskin not even a Dr. just tell them before the diaper comes off dont touch.

Most of the problems that people talk about is caused by improper foreskin care ie pushing back on it. Wipe it like a finger only and swish in the bath that is it.

 
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#136 of 171 Old 08-17-2007, 10:22 AM
 
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You are making the right decision.

I suspect in a while, after all this commotion and thought about circ has passed, you will look at his perfectly normal intact penis and think "what was I so confused about?!"

Mine is intact and it is just normal to me, we have never had issues, we are very VERY happy we left him as he is born.

You are making the right decision to leave his penis alone. You are choosing to NOT cause harm. Not hurting your baby is the right thing to do.

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#137 of 171 Old 08-17-2007, 10:23 AM
 
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Oh yes... like the post before mine... make sure everyone leaves it alone. No retracting, just leave the cute little thing alone.
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#138 of 171 Old 08-17-2007, 10:25 AM
 
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Sorry... I keep posting.

Just to be clear:

My son is intact. I do not regret it. We have had no problems.

I am proud he is intact. I would feel terrible if I had made the mistake of letting him be circumcised.
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#139 of 171 Old 08-17-2007, 10:53 AM
 
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Thank you for leaving our son intact!!

Have you been on the finding your tribes section? Go there and meet up with some local mdc Mamas.
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#140 of 171 Old 08-17-2007, 11:00 AM
 
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NOONE I know has NOT circed their boys.
Now that you "know better" you will be surprised when you start hearing of all the people you DO know that are intact.....After we decided to leave our son whole...people came out of the woodwork to tell me about how they were intact(way weird...especially when you work with them!!!), about boyfriend that were intact...fathers...etc...

I went into work one day wearing a pro-intact T-shirt ( it was my day off I just had to stop in to get something)...and my boss asked me if he could get a shirt in his size.....


YOU ARE AN AWESOME MOM AND YOU HAVE MADE A GREAT CHOICE FOR YOUR CHILD!!!!
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#141 of 171 Old 08-17-2007, 11:06 AM
 
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Dear Trying,
Hi. I'm so glad your DH took the pressure off of you. You can just relax now and enjoy your baby.

You might be surprised at who in your community is intact. When I was a kid, I didn't know what circumcised meant or looked like, but I had always been told it just had to be done. Well, I did a lot of baby-sitting (in South Carolina in the 80's and 90's) , and once in a while I'd notice that some neighbor kid's penis looked "strange" (to me). It never, ever crossed my mind that they might not have been circumcised b/c I'd been taught that every boy had to be circ'ed. It wasn't until I became interested in intativism that it hit me: Ohhhh, that's why little Joe's penis looked different...Of course! His mom was a lactation consultant, it all makes sense!" Or "Yeah, I always wondered why little Johnny's penis was pointy...I never considered that it could be b/c his dad was from Germany and wouldn't have circmcised his son!"
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#142 of 171 Old 08-17-2007, 12:26 PM
 
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not only do i not regret leaving them intact, i am honestly happy about it, pretty much everytime i change them, bathe them, or see them run around naked. i know that sounds freakish, but its true. i was *this* close to agreeing to it. my dh wanted it done, it is an important part of his religion and he had strong feelings about it, though his feelings were conflicting. but even though i didn't agree to it, and he came around enough to spare the boys, i am still bothered by how close i came. i know i would have had a hard time with the guilt and the regret. i would have had resentments that no doubt would have caused stress in our marriage. i know more now than i did when i was pg and considering it, but i think you know enough to know its wrong. i know you know more than i did at that point in my life.
I feel 100% the same way!

<3 Dena

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#143 of 171 Old 08-17-2007, 12:39 PM
 
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Congratulations!!! Thats one lucky little guy!!! Now you can rest and enjoy your new baby, ALL of him! You earned it! Your lucky to have such a wonderful dh too! He deserves a lot of credit for protecting that baby boy!!!
First you rescue him from the circumstraint then he rescues him from the appointment! WOW! You guys are awesome parents!!!
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#144 of 171 Old 08-17-2007, 12:50 PM
 
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Good for you! And better for ds! Soon it will be a non issue, just life going on. And remember the leave it alone thing, it is really easy to care for. And like someone says, there is not a daily penis parade,so those who would cause you to second guess yourselves, never need to know. Lucky boy!
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#145 of 171 Old 08-17-2007, 12:56 PM
 
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I am curious what made your husband change his mind...even if he doesn't want to talk about it now, maybe he will in the future; it might be helpful for others to know in order to help other parents who don't agree on circumcision.

milk donation : mother to Ryan (6), AJ (5), Nate (2), Maia (1) all born at home, I have a kid-friendly food & bento blog, : :
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#146 of 171 Old 08-17-2007, 01:42 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I am curious what made your husband change his mind...even if he doesn't want to talk about it now, maybe he will in the future; it might be helpful for others to know in order to help other parents who don't agree on circumcision.
He won't tell me at all. He said he just got a bad feeling about it. Said that he doesn't think its a good idea anymore. That's all I could get outta him....trust me....I tried.

At 11 pm....he was still planning on going. By 3....it was a no. Either way, the appt was at 11 am...so moot now. We didn't go.
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#147 of 171 Old 08-17-2007, 01:43 PM
 
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That rocks, you guys share great instincts!

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#148 of 171 Old 08-17-2007, 01:46 PM
 
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I'm so glad your husband had a change of heart.

You should really just relish the fact that your son is whole and stop fretting about what you think other people will say or how they will react. Honestly, you say the circ rate is 90 percent, but how would you know? Are you checking every little boy's penis to verify? Chances are there are more intact boys walking around then you think.

Congrats again!
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#149 of 171 Old 08-17-2007, 01:53 PM
 
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Oh, I'm so glad that someone or something showed your husband the way.

Your son's penis is NO ONE ELSE'S BUSINESS. Seriously - think about it! Not until he's old enough to want to have sex should anyone else have anything to say about his penis. So if anyone - friends, family, random buttmunch on the street - brings it up, I suggest responding with "wow, it's really weird how much you're focusing on my son's penis when it really has nothing to do with you. Pervert much?"

Of course, having said that, I do have one regret regarding circumcision: that I didn't speak out about it when my brother and SIL were expecting my nephew. They knew they were having a boy - I only had DD at the time - and I had the gut feeling that I should bring up the subject. I didn't respect that gut feeling for a variety of reasons and now whenever I think about it, I feel so sorry for my nephew and a twinge of guilt for not even trying to protect him. It doesn't help that his penis looks totally mutilated, especially now that I have my own intact DS to really see what hapened to my nephew. My DH is circumcised, but an adult penis and a baby penis aren't really comparable, so seeing my poor nephew was really a shock.

Again, GOOD FOR YOU AND YOUR HUSBAND. You made the right choice.

Mama to DD : (7/23/03) & DS : (10/27/06) married to DH 7/20/01
and yet 90% more mainstream than the rest of MDC
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#150 of 171 Old 08-17-2007, 02:34 PM
 
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Originally Posted by TryingMyBest View Post
He won't tell me at all. He said he just got a bad feeling about it. Said that he doesn't think its a good idea anymore. That's all I could get outta him....trust me....I tried.

At 11 pm....he was still planning on going. By 3....it was a no. Either way, the appt was at 11 am...so moot now. We didn't go.
I am happy for you guys. I think you'll find it's one of those decisions that the more time passes the more you'll feel like you did the right thing.

Your husband might be feeling guilt for wanting it done or even sad it was done to him. Either way he's a great guy for coming to the decision for you. Big hugs to you both and your wee man!
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