So sad... 9mo DN getting circed Friday - Page 2 - Mothering Forums
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#31 of 47 Old 09-06-2007, 09:19 PM
 
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Yes I think that kind of attack is completely uncalled for. The OP is doing a lot, but she can only do so much - unfortunately circ is legal and its not her kid.
ITA. As sad as it is, there is only so much a person in this country can do. If it were illegal, it would be another matter, but, horrible as it is, it is still considered a legal option, and a person who is not the parent has little or no control over whether or not it happens, beyond objecting and trying to educate the parents. Many of us have experienced it firsthand.

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#32 of 47 Old 09-06-2007, 11:10 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Well it looks like it's going to happen. I have been trying to get hold of SIL but she won't answer when I call, won't return my calls, and won't answer IM's or emails. I just talked to my sister, who did manage to talk to SIL tonight, briefly (she wasn't going to say anything but after talking to me she finally decided to talk to SIL.) SIL responded to her with "oh no, not you too!" and completely closed up, wouldn't listen to anything sis said to her.

I thought I made some headway with my brother, but he won't do anything to stop this, and I don't think she'd listen to him anyway. He's not the type to take a stand against her, though I really wish he would here.

Unfortunately as horrible as this is, it IS legal and there doesn't seem to be anything I can do to stop it.

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#33 of 47 Old 09-06-2007, 11:36 PM
 
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How sad that the father won't even make a stand for his son. Obviously there is only so much you can do since you aren't the parent, but your brother is.
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#34 of 47 Old 09-06-2007, 11:41 PM
 
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I just don't understand mothers who are like that! I'm not talking about the ones who regret it but the ones that are blatantly stubborn against ALL the facts presented to her!!! That to me is just as bad as promoting misinformation and propagating a cosmetic operation as a "beneficial medical necessity".:

I am so so sad for that little boy.:

You did all you could do, aside from kidnapping dn. I know its going to royally suck when the surgery is over. At least you can one day say to him you tried everything. I would print this thread out for him to see when and if the subject ever comes up.

I'm so sorry.

I am very proud of you for trying.

~FW
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#35 of 47 Old 09-06-2007, 11:43 PM
 
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I'm sorry to hear that your SIL is stuck in her ways just because of her sons that she circumcised too bad there wasn't some way out of it that would prevent it it's sad that doctors are still willingly to do it at this age . Hopefully the doctor will cancel and say he's sick -maybe you could call the doctor say if your circumcise my nephew be ready to be sued when he is eighteen because he can do that because i know a lawyer .

Has your bro seen a circ wound before - I bet once he does he would be at horror anyhow
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#36 of 47 Old 09-07-2007, 12:29 AM
 
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Well it looks like it's going to happen. I have been trying to get hold of SIL but she won't answer when I call, won't return my calls, and won't answer IM's or emails. I just talked to my sister, who did manage to talk to SIL tonight, briefly (she wasn't going to say anything but after talking to me she finally decided to talk to SIL.) SIL responded to her with "oh no, not you too!" and completely closed up, wouldn't listen to anything sis said to her.

I thought I made some headway with my brother, but he won't do anything to stop this, and I don't think she'd listen to him anyway. He's not the type to take a stand against her, though I really wish he would here.

Unfortunately as horrible as this is, it IS legal and there doesn't seem to be anything I can do to stop it.
I don't want to insult your brother, but nothing is more cowardly in my opinion, than an intact father allowing his son to go under the knife. I can't believe he won't take a stand for his son. I'm even more shocked that his wife, being married to an intact man, is so adamant to have it done. She hasn't given any reason as to WHY she wants it done so badly?
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#37 of 47 Old 09-07-2007, 01:17 AM
 
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Tsfairy ~ I'm so sorry to hear about how everything seems to be turning out for your DN. I just feel horrible for him and even worse that his dad isn't willing to stand up for him! At least your DN has other family members who care enough about him to serve as advocates for him. It sounds like you did everything you can to convince her and it is just so frustrating to methat she wouldn't budge in spite of the fact that there are so many valid reasons not to go through with the surgery.

Poor little guy. I can only hope that someone has a last-minute change of heart...
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#38 of 47 Old 09-07-2007, 01:38 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I don't want to insult your brother, but nothing is more cowardly in my opinion, than an intact father allowing his son to go under the knife. I can't believe he won't take a stand for his son. I'm even more shocked that his wife, being married to an intact man, is so adamant to have it done. She hasn't given any reason as to WHY she wants it done so badly?
What's even sadder is that this is his FOURTH son to go under the knife. : I wish I knew what he was thinking to let this happen...

As far as SIL, I had talked to her back before this DN was born. [I wish I'd been more of an advocate for her other sons, but all I can say is that I just didnt know any better back then...] IIRC she told me last year that my brother does in fact "wish he was circ'd" and that intact is dirty, etc. I was shocked to hear that, but didnt ever pursue any further discussion because I found out that DN wasn't getting circ'd at the time due to the Medicaid issue so I dropped it thinking it was over. After talking to my brother the other night, I'm pretty sure what SIL said is false, although I didn't recall my earlier conversation until later so I didn't ask him about it directly.

I was reading another thread here in CAC the other day that mentioned moms who circ and past sexual abuse - something about wanting to exert power over the males in their life because they couldn't when they were abused (I think... someone correct me if I'm recalling incorrectly - I'll have to try to hunt down the thread for the exact quote.) That COULD be the reason for SIL's insistence here - I know she has a history of abuse in her childhood, and much of it could be sexual.

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#39 of 47 Old 09-07-2007, 01:40 AM
 
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honestly, no matter how much i loved my brother if i were in this situation i'd tell him to grow some b@!!s and "man up" to protect his son.
i'm so sorry for your nephew

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#40 of 47 Old 09-07-2007, 02:18 AM
 
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You know, if I were her DH, I'd be asking her point blank, "You've circ'd your older boys and now are going to have this one done. Do you want me circ'd as well? Is my intact penis ugly to you?"

Sorry, but that just burns me up. And how sad for that Father.. he can't tell his DS later on that he did everything in his power to protect him from this. No, he just stood around and let his Mom take over.
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#41 of 47 Old 09-07-2007, 10:18 AM
 
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I am sorry. I know you must be so upset. I am heartbroken for your dn, but I am FUMING that your brother is letting this happen. He hates his foreskin? I suppose he could sign up for a circumcision and request only a pacifier dipped in sugar to quell the pain.

It wouldn't surprise me if your SIL is making him feel bad about his NORMAL body. This is one reason I want to move out of the country before I have children. I want out of this crazy penis-hacking country!
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#42 of 47 Old 09-07-2007, 01:14 PM
 
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I am sorry. I know you must be so upset. I am heartbroken for your dn, but I am FUMING that your brother is letting this happen. He hates his foreskin? I suppose he could sign up for a circumcision and request only a pacifier dipped in sugar to quell the pain.

It wouldn't surprise me if your SIL is making him feel bad about his NORMAL body. This is one reason I want to move out of the country before I have children. I want out of this crazy penis-hacking country!
:

I like the "Grow some "B@!!S and Man Up" comment. He's probably maimed from hacking up 4 soon to be 5 of their son's sex organ! Whats that say about his NORMAL intact body? She doesn't realize how good she has it. Any woman with an intact dh is a lucky woman!
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#43 of 47 Old 09-07-2007, 01:33 PM
 
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I am so sad to hear this. Have you sent her the shocking videos of this barbaric practices being done to be babies? if she is going to do this to her son, she should at least watch what her son will endure, maybe that will change her mind. Have you printed out a few articles such as those by Fliess and others for her to read? I dont know how after watching the videos, after being confronted with the reality of what this is, the removal of a normal and healthy part of his body, permenantly and without his consent, any parent could say, yes, thats what I want for him, for him to be tortured, and mutilated, his perfect healthy little body defiled and made unwhole.
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#44 of 47 Old 09-07-2007, 04:13 PM
 
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This thread reminds me of my brother (aside from the fact that he isn't intact) and sil so much it's sad. I had told him to man up, grow some you-know-whats, stop being a "thing that says meow" many times and not just about circ but his whole relationship. Unfortunately my sil insisted on circing my dn, "for no compelling reason" according to my brother other than that's how she wanted it to look. And I have my suspicions that she has abuse in her past as well as possibly undiagnosed bipolar disorder. I have a hard time talking to my brother now, though he wants me to be proud of him for yelling at the doctor, but in the end he said do whatever you want, I'll have no part of it and he left. The bitter, sarcastic thought that comes to mind? That the baby got off "easy" just losing his foreskin given what my sil removed from my brother!!
Forgive me, I'm feeling so bitter and sad right now and I'm not sure if I can maintain my relationship with my brother for the time being, so to the OP: I feel your pain and anger but unfortunately can't offer advice, I'm not feeling so mature and forgiving these days!
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#45 of 47 Old 09-08-2007, 09:37 AM
 
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It's Saturday. Any updates?
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#46 of 47 Old 09-08-2007, 11:58 PM
 
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Thinking of your dn and of you...hoping that he is okay, as are you. (hugs)

Kier: wife to Jared, mama to Emma ('05), Savannah ('07), and our newest little love Reid (June 30, '09) -intact because of all of YOU! I had an ecstatic birth, at home in the water!
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#47 of 47 Old 09-09-2007, 12:31 AM
 
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Tsfairy ~ Just wanted to let you know that I'm thinking of you and your DN! I hope that everything is OK.

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