Firing our ped b/c she circs? - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 67 Old 10-13-2007, 04:52 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Just wanted a little input about this:

Both my DH and myself are anti-circ, and we speak openly about this with our family and friends. Getting the truth out there about circ is something very important to me and is always on my mind. That being said, I called my pediatrician's office last week and asked a nurse if there were any peds in the office who don't circumsize. She hemmed and hawed and went around the question saying "It's your parental decision" and "None of our doctors will influence your decision one way or the other" and I finally had to say "I understand that it's my decision. What I'm asking you is the following: do you have any doctor who has never performed a circumcision and will never do one? I am morally opposed to it and want a peditrician who feels the same way". She, of course, responded: "No. No one in our office" and hung up on me.

I now cannot imagine letting our pediatrician, someone I had liked up until this point, touch my children without imagining her torturing babies by circ'ing them. I'm thinking of firing her (and the other 8 peds in the practice) and searching for a pediatrician who has never/will never circ. Do you think this is going to an extreme? I personally hate being a hypocrit about anything, and because I feel so strongly about the evils of circumcision I feel that hiring these pediatricians is like paying them to continue on doing something horrendous.

What do you think? Am I crazy for feeling like this? Should I seek out a family doctor instead (hoping she/he will be less likely to do circs)?

Kier: wife to Jared, mama to Emma ('05), Savannah ('07), and our newest little love Reid (June 30, '09) -intact because of all of YOU! I had an ecstatic birth, at home in the water!
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#2 of 67 Old 10-13-2007, 04:58 PM
 
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I would switch; I might look for a family practice doctor. Though they also are prone to perform circumcision, I have found many practices that don't. We used that as a factor to narrow them down. These doctors also seemed more laid back and more of them were "hands off" when it came to genitals.

"Parents are simply trustees; they do not own the bodies of their children"-Norm Cohen  Martial arts instructor intactlact.gifhomebirth.jpgnak.gif and mom to 4: DD1 (1/05) DS (7/06) DD2 (5/08) DD3 (2/11)
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#3 of 67 Old 10-13-2007, 05:00 PM
 
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Also, with a practice that performs circumcisions, I would be afraid that they were uninformed about intact care and the functions of the foreskin. This could be a risk to my sons as they grow (esp if its a family practice since they might stay with them for many years after childhood)

"Parents are simply trustees; they do not own the bodies of their children"-Norm Cohen  Martial arts instructor intactlact.gifhomebirth.jpgnak.gif and mom to 4: DD1 (1/05) DS (7/06) DD2 (5/08) DD3 (2/11)
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#4 of 67 Old 10-13-2007, 05:03 PM
 
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nak
I don't think you're crazy, I feel the exact same way about it.
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#5 of 67 Old 10-13-2007, 07:14 PM
 
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I finally asked our family practice doctor if she does circs when she saw DD around 12 months. Her response was that even though there are no medical benefits to the procedure, the social reasons create a demand and she is willing to do it because so many parents want it done.

I honestly didn't expect such a disgusting answer, but I gathered myself the best I could and told her that my principles are too strong to continue to give her our family business. I also told her that I think our country would be significantly more peaceful if so many men weren't violated in their first days here. I asked her to please let us know if she reconsiders.

What I really should do is get off my bum and write her a follow up letter about where I stand. She was a nice enough doctor, and never bugged us about any of our "weird' stuff. I just can't imagine switching off my brain in that way. I'm hoping that detailing the factual atrocity of it might bring her around. Won't hold my breath.
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#6 of 67 Old 10-13-2007, 09:03 PM
 
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In our area, if I limited myself to just a ped or family dr that will not circ, I would have no choices of dr unfortunately.

However, I switched to a family dr who is super duper easy going and open minded. I brought up circ to him several times even though it was not anything near what our visit was about. Finally he laughed and admitted he was "ignorant about the topic" and requested I bring in some info!!! I put together a packet, not too huge but that covered many areas.

Guess what. The first follow up visit (I see him for something unrelated every 6 weeks) he told me there was some really good info in there and stuff he had never thought of. Though he did say he didn't read through all of it like he should.

I saw him again yesterday and he brought it up before I did... and said, "You might be getting a convert here." He then told me that he had another parent bring in a baby with a botched circ and told me details, especially about adhesions. Then he even asked me a couple things about the intact penis!!!

Can I just jump in here and say I am not making this up? Even writing it out I feel like I am so incredibly lucky, like this is a fantasy of mine.

Anyways, I have been trying to figure out how other people can get lucky enough to influence their doctors. Perhaps family doctors are easier, I don't know. I doubt too many people are going to find a doc like mine who says the truth: many docs are not educated on this. I have wondered what would happen if a mom who was really confident and eloquent were to interview a pediatrician or even a family dr and tell them they are very concerned about finding a doctor who is informed on proper intact care. Then, ask if they wouldn't mind taking a quiz, with referenced answers.

I don't know... it might be worth a shot. I know they are out there, but I just don't think there are too many who will not perform them at all.

Unfortunately.
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#7 of 67 Old 10-13-2007, 09:05 PM
 
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I forgot to add that my family doctor does perform them. He even bragged about how well he does them.: But also talked about how well he numbed and how horrible he thinks it is to not numb. So, I would hate to have just checked him off my list, you know?
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#8 of 67 Old 10-13-2007, 09:38 PM
 
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Well, in our case we were able to find 3 practices we were very happy with and they all did not perform circumcisions. SO it was kinda a case of 'all things equal' and availability for us to make a choice. If you don't have that luxury, finding a doc that performs them as ethically as possible (as well as not 'selling the surgery') that would be the way I would go.

"Parents are simply trustees; they do not own the bodies of their children"-Norm Cohen  Martial arts instructor intactlact.gifhomebirth.jpgnak.gif and mom to 4: DD1 (1/05) DS (7/06) DD2 (5/08) DD3 (2/11)
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#9 of 67 Old 10-14-2007, 12:19 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks, all...you've given me a lot to think about! I will certainly do my best to find a non-circ'ing ped or doctor, but am opening my mind to the possibility of this not be a possibility.

What a shame, huh?

Anyway, the input is greatly appreciated!

Kier: wife to Jared, mama to Emma ('05), Savannah ('07), and our newest little love Reid (June 30, '09) -intact because of all of YOU! I had an ecstatic birth, at home in the water!
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#10 of 67 Old 10-14-2007, 05:33 AM
 
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you may have extreme difficulty finding one who has never done it. i think you are being extreme at looking for a doctor like that
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#11 of 67 Old 10-14-2007, 06:23 AM
 
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I don't think it's unreasonable at all.

Good luck finding someone new
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#12 of 67 Old 10-14-2007, 09:07 AM
 
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It all depends on where you live. If you live in a small town or in a high-circ. area, your choices may be limited. Those of us who live in rural areas may have to settle for a doctor who is willing to be educated.
Gridley13, I am sooo impressed with how you are educating your doctor!
Way to go, girl!
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#13 of 67 Old 10-14-2007, 12:39 PM
 
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You're not overreacting at all. At ds's request, we only go to drs that don't circ or recommend them either. It can take a little effort and creativity to find someone, but it's worth it. The dr we've finally found is completely out of the league of all those great drs with the long waiting lists to get into their practices and whatever that we have been seeing. I can't even explain the difference in attitude and knowledge. I feel like I've been dealing with scam artists all this time, and this is the first real dr I've ever seen...except all those scam artists and their scams were board certified! It's like living in the twilight zone...

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#14 of 67 Old 10-14-2007, 02:05 PM
 
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I think its an excellent idea but you might have trouble finding one.

The best we have is a family doctor that strongly encourages parents not to do them and because of that has rarely done it. It still makes me sick.

Mom of a 7 yr old, 4 yr old, and 1 yr old. Wow. How did that happen?
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#15 of 67 Old 10-14-2007, 04:18 PM
 
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I'm glad to know there are doctors out there who discourage the procedure. What I absolutely DO NOT understand is why they go ahead and perform circs anyway if their discouragement doesn't work. Why don't they refuse if they don't think it's a helpful procedure?? I'm fuming over just the thought of so little backbone. :
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#16 of 67 Old 10-14-2007, 07:36 PM
 
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I know our ped circ's, but he has never pushed or reccommended circing boys. In his "interview" class for pregnant women he remained neutral on the subject. He is a great ped in every other way(pro bf, allows delaying vax, never tried to retract my son) so I wouldn't change for that reason.

If you are able to find one in your area-power to you. There are not very many good peds in this area, I have heard too many horror stories from other moms to change at this point.

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#17 of 67 Old 10-15-2007, 12:03 AM
 
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I don't think it's an unreasonable thing to want, and if you can find a doctor meeting those wishes, I think that's fabulous!

In reality, though, I think doctors who have never done a circ and never intend to are pretty rare, especially in high-circ regions. (I am in one of these I would definitely at least find one who seems aware of proper intact care, and would tend to shy away from practices that seem to promote circumcision.
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#18 of 67 Old 10-15-2007, 12:28 AM
 
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it is SO STRANGE that I just discussed with Joe last night how creepy the thought of the hands that commit such atrocities touching my babes...
BAD ENERGY!

So.. I am anticipating tomorrow when I go fishing through the phonebook and calling up some different DOCS!
I also look at it as an opportunity to enlighten a few receptionists!
Wish me luck...
I am RIGHT THERE WITH YOU OP!!!!
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#19 of 67 Old 10-15-2007, 09:40 AM
 
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I didn't read all the threads, but I am probably the only one taking this approach....I would not leave..I recently had to make a similar choice because one of MY obgyn doc circ and Iwas reallyt torn about allowing the practice to deliver this baby. I know that changing the doctors mind is almost impossible, so I am trying to educate all the other patients. Everytime I go I leave handfuls of pamphlets in the magazines and in the bathroom. I feel like it is my opportunity to reach those that are otherwise off limits.


I fell like if we always stick with thise that fel the same, then we will always be preaching to the choir

JMO
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#20 of 67 Old 10-15-2007, 10:32 AM
 
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I didn't read all the threads, but I am probably the only one taking this approach....I would not leave..I recently had to make a similar choice because one of MY obgyn doc circ and Iwas reallyt torn about allowing the practice to deliver this baby. I know that changing the doctors mind is almost impossible, so I am trying to educate all the other patients. Everytime I go I leave handfuls of pamphlets in the magazines and in the bathroom. I feel like it is my opportunity to reach those that are otherwise off limits.


I fell like if we always stick with thise that fel the same, then we will always be preaching to the choir

JMO
I always meant to take along some pamphlets to DD's doctor visits, and forgot every time.

I agree with you on the preaching to the choir bit, but there is no way I'm going to give money to someone who unscrupulously mutilates little boys. If I can at all help it, anyway.
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#21 of 67 Old 10-15-2007, 10:58 AM
 
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I don;t mind preaching the choir in my family practice; there's plenty of opposition to preach to with the OB offices, hospitals, and such.

"Parents are simply trustees; they do not own the bodies of their children"-Norm Cohen  Martial arts instructor intactlact.gifhomebirth.jpgnak.gif and mom to 4: DD1 (1/05) DS (7/06) DD2 (5/08) DD3 (2/11)
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#22 of 67 Old 10-15-2007, 03:31 PM
 
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I think you should fire them and tell them exactly why, along with sending information about circ to them. If every parent who is opposed to circumcision did this, I think we'd have a lot of medical professionals rethinking it.
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#23 of 67 Old 10-15-2007, 04:33 PM
 
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On the one hand, there's the issue of choosing to give them your business (money) or not.

On the other hand, even if a single ped in the practice didn't circumcise, and you saw them, you're still, financially, supporting the practice.

I have mixed feelings about this, because if you're around circing doctors it's an opportunity to educate the physicians by bring the topic up at appointments, offering D.O.C. info, wearing a pro-intact t-shirt, explaining why it's an ethical issue and why it's important to you, etc. and you have a situation where the parents of children in the practice are at significant risk...so, leaving information tucked into magazines in the waiting room or having your car in the parking lot with a "nocirc.org" bumpersticker are forms of activism.

If you do leave a ped practice because they circumcise, I think it's essential to write a letter explaining why you're leaving, include educational info, and make sure you address separate copies to each physician. (Usually all of their cards or leaflets are available in the reception area if you need a list of names.)

Jen
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#24 of 67 Old 10-15-2007, 05:41 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I think you should fire them and tell them exactly why, along with sending information about circ to them. If every parent who is opposed to circumcision did this, I think we'd have a lot of medical professionals rethinking it.
Honestly, I'm thinking of doing this.

Not in a "You suck, you're a monster" type of way directly to our ped, but in a "We believe that the practice of circumcision is a crime against human nature and we cannot allow anyone who commits this crime to work with our children" to the entire practice. I think your right that medical professionals do need to hear from parents who oppose circ.

Kier: wife to Jared, mama to Emma ('05), Savannah ('07), and our newest little love Reid (June 30, '09) -intact because of all of YOU! I had an ecstatic birth, at home in the water!
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#25 of 67 Old 10-15-2007, 05:51 PM - Thread Starter
 
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On the one hand, there's the issue of choosing to give them your business (money) or not.

On the other hand, even if a single ped in the practice didn't circumcise, and you saw them, you're still, financially, supporting the practice.

I have mixed feelings about this, because if you're around circing doctors it's an opportunity to educate the physicians by bring the topic up at appointments, offering D.O.C. info, wearing a pro-intact t-shirt, explaining why it's an ethical issue and why it's important to you, etc. and you have a situation where the parents of children in the practice are at significant risk...so, leaving information tucked into magazines in the waiting room or having your car in the parking lot with a "nocirc.org" bumpersticker are forms of activism.

If you do leave a ped practice because they circumcise, I think it's essential to write a letter explaining why you're leaving, include educational info, and make sure you address separate copies to each physician. (Usually all of their cards or leaflets are available in the reception area if you need a list of names.)

Jen
For us the biggest issue is that I cannot get over allowing a person who has such an insane idea of what is right and wrong medically to have anything to do with my children. (Does that make sense?). I won't stop going to WBV because I'd like my children to be comfortable with seeing doctors just in case they ever become seriously ill. And because we don't vax, there is never a time when they will be hurt during these visits. I know a lot of people disagree with me about WBV but because I grew up terrified of doctors and dentists, I'd like my children to see doctors as friendly, helpful people.

And, of course, any doctor who performs circumcision is NOT helpful, in my opinion. Ignorant, heartless, yes.

You're right about the activism part. As I grow more and more comfortable speaking out about this I see that I have many opportunities to be an intactivist in the ped's office!

We'll see how the 4 month visit (late Oct.)goes, I think. I will wear a t-shirt and see what our ped. says. And we will certainly discuss with her her reasons for circ'ing. And I'll report back!

Kier: wife to Jared, mama to Emma ('05), Savannah ('07), and our newest little love Reid (June 30, '09) -intact because of all of YOU! I had an ecstatic birth, at home in the water!
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#26 of 67 Old 10-15-2007, 05:55 PM
 
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I don't understand how she doesn't allow any compromise. Isn't this decision ultimately up to you? I would switch, even though we are getting our baby circumcised when he is born, I would never stay with someone who didn't share our views on something so important
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#27 of 67 Old 10-15-2007, 06:12 PM
 
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I would never stay with someone who didn't share our views on something so important
ITA. I choose my OB/GYN care based on what a particular doctor does, so I don't see why someone who cares so much about circumcision would not make the same choices.
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#28 of 67 Old 10-15-2007, 06:17 PM
 
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I don't understand how she doesn't allow any compromise. Isn't this decision ultimately up to you? I would switch, even though we are getting our baby circumcised when he is born, I would never stay with someone who didn't share our views on something so important
I'm very sorry to read that. I beg you (that's not even dramatic language) to reconsider. Why have you chosen to circumcise?
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#29 of 67 Old 10-15-2007, 09:09 PM
 
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It all depends on where you live. If you live in a small town or in a high-circ. area, your choices may be limited. Those of us who live in rural areas may have to settle for a doctor who is willing to be educated.
Gridley13, I am sooo impressed with how you are educating your doctor!
Way to go, girl!

I agree with the first part and thank you for the second part!

It is nice to hear that some of you have found doctors that will not perform them!! That is the best case scenario.

I sure do like this board, which I would like to remind everyone is called the case A G A I N S T Circumcision. For many many reasons. And hopefully anyone who hasn't yet will read the stickies at the top. I recommend the long thread of stories about mothers who regret their choice to circumcise.

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#30 of 67 Old 10-16-2007, 12:07 AM
 
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Originally Posted by pandarillo
I don't understand how she doesn't allow any compromise. Isn't this decision ultimately up to you? I would switch, even though we are getting our baby circumcised when he is born, I would never stay with someone who didn't share our views on something so important
Why isn't the decision ultimately up to your son? Ultimately, it's his body. His penis. His foreskin. Nobody else's. Only he and his future partner will ever experience his penis -- so why not leave the choice to him as to whether he wants a large part of it cut off?

Just for the sake of argument -- would you ever consider circumcising a daughter? Did you know that the clitoral hood is the female foreskin? Would it be OK with you if your parents had chosen to cut off part of your clitoris at birth? After all, as your parents, didn't they have the right to choose how your genitals would look and function?

I hope you will take some time to educate yourself about how drastic a surgery circumcision really is. It removes the four most sensitive parts of the penis, half the nerve endings, and at least half of the skin of the penis. Yet no medical organization in the US or the world recommends circumcision for newborns for any medical or hygienic reason.

Your husband may be circumcised -- in fact, I will bet he is -- and may feel strongly that your son should "look like daddy." But your son is not a clone of his father, and will be his own unique person. From your husband, he got his Y chromosome, meaning that he will be born with a whole penis, just as your husband was. It's up to you to educate yourself and your husband and to break the cycle of violence of circumcision and protect your son from needless cosmetic surgery that will harm him for life.

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