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#1 of 7 Old 09-04-2003, 01:05 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I have 2 circ'd boys and 2 uncirc'd and boy do I wish I had not have any of them done. I was 19 when my oldest was done, I was in the military and to be quite honest, no one asked me IF I wanted it done just told me when it would be. My next son I really struggled with and then I did it cause I was a single mom and I wanted him to look like his brother. Then the problems started. He was bleeding during the procedure so they used silver nitrate and burned him the length of his penis. He got infected literally within hours. The next day at his (Jewish) ped, he said I cannot believe they did this to your son. He needed an antibiotic shot, 3 weeks of oral ab's and cream applied every diaper change. The skin right behind the head healed OVER the head because of the burn, and now this poor kid will need reconstructive surgery. I am having a difficult time with guilt over this, and he is now 10 so its getting uncomfortable for him to talk to me when I say when you get an erection you come talk to me if it hurts. I explained what happened as best I could but it still doesnt make sense to him. Then my oldest (14) asks how I could have put him and Josh through that. He thinks I should have left him natural(I wish I had although I really didnt know better) My 2 youngest I think are MORE well adjusted than the circ'd which is funny because the reason so many people do it is so they wont get made fun of in the locker room. yet my 2 circed see their brothers and feel differnent. Go figure.
So long story but Im trying to figure out the best way to explain to my 10 y/o about erections and such and let him know what he needs to watch for. Yet this is really difficult for me! He looks at me like yeah right mom like thats gonna happen. Any ideas????
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#2 of 7 Old 09-04-2003, 10:15 AM
 
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Chris:

The absolute best policy is honesty. Boys have an overwhelming desire to love their mother and will forgive them for most anything. As long as you are honest about your intentions, they will forgive. That's not to say that there won't be some bumps along the road because there may well be but overall, if they understand, they will, in the long run, not hold this against you.

It is to be expected that your younger two are better adjusted. They don't have to get their brain around why part of their genitals were cut off. That is something that every circumcised man has to deal with in some way.




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#3 of 7 Old 09-07-2003, 04:18 AM
 
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{{{{{{{{{{Hugs}}}}}}}}}} to you and your children, jdjnjsmommy. Please, please do not beat yourself up over this. I Totally Agree with Frank that Honesty is the best policy and that they will forgive you and love you as their Mother. I also believe it may be "better" for them to learn about circumcision now rather than when they are faced with a pregnant wife or newborn son and the misconceptions of inlaws/friends and/or the medical establishment. I'm not clear on what it is he should be looking for. Has he got adhesions? What are the options for the damage the doctors did?
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#4 of 7 Old 09-08-2003, 09:35 PM
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Also keep in mind that your sons can sue their circumcisers when they are 18. Go to www.noharmm.org and read about "litigation."

The more boys sue, the sooner this whole nightmare of circ'ing will end.
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#5 of 7 Old 09-09-2003, 09:43 AM
 
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That's what i was going to say. Tell the boys that they can sue when they reach 18 years old... and your younger son might be fine to sue right now because of the unusual situation. Say you are sorry and offer your support to persue the lawsuit. You can imgine that the legal system is not something most 18 year olds are ready to manage- which is why the quick limit of only a year or two is so cruel. These men need time to learn, understand and perpare. You can be a tremendous help to them.

As for the erections thing... I really don't understand- is he embarassed to have you talking about sex issues... or does he not know what an erection is? "Like that's going to happen" you mean erection, or him going to talk to you about a problem?

Love Sarah
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#6 of 7 Old 09-09-2003, 03:20 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Yes He probably will have erection issues, curving, pain etc. I just am not sure how to say to a 10 year old when you have an erection and it hurts come see me
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#7 of 7 Old 09-09-2003, 04:48 PM
 
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Chris:

What you say to your son is: "Son, when you were born, you were circumcised and there were some problems that happened during and after the procedure. It is possible that you will need some touch up surgery to correct those problems. There is also the possibility that you will have some pain or other problems. If you do, you need to let me know so we can get them taken care of as soon as possible. Don't think you just need to accept it or that you need to hide it. I'm here with you all of the way and want to be able to help you. I can't know that you need help if you don't tell me."

He will probably have some questions at some time. Answer them as openly as you possibly can. Sons have an intense desire to love their mothers regardless of what has happened. Trust me on this one!

Now, to the other part of this. I'm not a lawyer so don't hold my feet to the fire on this but I believe you have some options. First of all, I believe you have some legal recourse and please call Steven Svoboda at Attorneys For The Rights Of The Child for confirmation and details. While the statute of limitations has expired for you to sue, I think you can sue on behalf of your child. The statute of limitations do not usually run out for him until 3 years after his 18th birthday. While he can not sue on his own since he is a minor, I believe the legal guardian (you) can bring legal action on his behalf for damages he has suffered. One thing you must do is get copies of all of his medical records. This should be done without telling the doctors or hospital why you are doing this. It is not unusual for medical records to become mysteriously lost when there is a pending lawsuit.

I would recommend taking immediate action on this and you can confirm it with Steven. Even though there may be no current sexual disfunction, there is the spectre of it in the future. There is also most likely surgery in the future and there is the disfigurement that your son will bear for life. I suspect that is enough to bring suit and if you win, your sons medical bills will be covered as well as compensation for the disfigurement, pain and suffering and other compensatory damages.

The reason to go ahead with the legal action now is because the doctor may be dead by the time your son is 18 or he may have declared bankruptcy. It is very difficult or impossible to collect damages from an estate especially if if has been settled. It can also be very difficult to collect a judgement from someone who has declared bankruptcy especially if the reason for the suit pre-dates the bankruptcy. The hospital could be sold to a corporation and could be sold several times making collecting from them difficult and after 18 years or more, few if any of the people involved will still be around and memories will be even more clouded. There is also the possibility that the doctor was a part of a professional corporation or a limited liability corporation. If that is the case, you would be suing the corporation, not the doctor. If the corporation is disolved, there is nothing to go after. However, it is possible to separate the doctor from the corporation and sue him as an individual, it's just much, much more difficult and not always possible As a matter of fact, in some states, it is almost impossible!

Good luck to you and your son and keep us up to date on what is happening.




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