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#31 of 49 Old 09-04-2008, 12:56 PM
 
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I had a similar experience with my in-laws around a labour day weekend bonfire where the beer was a-flowin.

To be honest I have never given circumcision much thought. My parents didn't circ my brother back in 1981. It is unnecessary pain and irreversible. I don't have a religious or cultural reason to do it and lastly, it is now considered cosmetic surgery here in Ontario and costs several hundred dollars. In a country unaccustomed to paying for health care, this is quite a deterrent! Needless to say, fewer and fewer circs are performed.

Anyway my heteronormative bro in-law said intact p's are dirty and smell bad and my husband shot back, "how many dirty intact p's have you smelled?" ...which shut that conversation down pretty fast. It was funny.
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#32 of 49 Old 09-04-2008, 12:57 PM
 
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I had a similar experience with my in-laws around a labour day weekend bonfire where the beer was a-flowin.

To be honest I have never given circumcision much thought. My parents didn't circ my brother back in 1981. It is unnecessary pain and irreversible. I don't have a religious or cultural reason to do it. Lastly, it is now considered cosmetic surgery here in Ontario and costs several hundred dollars. In a country unaccustomed to paying for health care, this is quite a deterrent! Needless to say, fewer and fewer circs are performed.

Anyway my heteronormative bro in-law said intact p's are dirty and smell bad and my husband shot back, "how many dirty intact p's have you smelled?" ...which shut that conversation down pretty fast. It was funny.
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#33 of 49 Old 09-04-2008, 11:20 PM
 
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Originally Posted by nd_deadhead View Post
I don't think "it's none of your business" is the right approach either. This is one of many topics that come up for discussion during a pregnancy, just like breastfeeding, working, co-sleeping, etc. If circumcision is off-limits, why isn't every other topic? Truly, those decisions are no one's business either, but they are discussed all the time.
I have no problems telling people these other issues are off limits, too.
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#34 of 49 Old 09-04-2008, 11:28 PM
 
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How about just replying every time its asked with "isn't he just beautiful, and perfect?" Seriously, what more can be said past that?
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#35 of 49 Old 09-05-2008, 12:00 AM
 
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I would say: "Actually, Doctors are not reccommending it anymore" My family is like that, too and the only thing that works is when I say that the Dr. said so based on the latest research. It doesn't mean that you won't get a bad face (like" I can't believe what the Dr. says") but they won't be arguing about knowing more than the Dr.

Gigi
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#36 of 49 Old 09-05-2008, 12:27 AM
 
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Originally Posted by sheashea View Post
I had a similar experience with my in-laws around a labour day weekend bonfire where the beer was a-flowin.

To be honest I have never given circumcision much thought. My parents didn't circ my brother back in 1981. It is unnecessary pain and irreversible. I don't have a religious or cultural reason to do it. Lastly, it is now considered cosmetic surgery here in Ontario and costs several hundred dollars. In a country unaccustomed to paying for health care, this is quite a deterrent! Needless to say, fewer and fewer circs are performed.

Anyway my heteronormative bro in-law said intact p's are dirty and smell bad and my husband shot back, "how many dirty intact p's have you smelled?" ...which shut that conversation down pretty fast. It was funny.
LOL, so funny.

My mother is pro circ, even though she couldn't afford to have it done to my brother. She actually talked my brother into it after I had him talked out of it. I am still angry about it. For her, a foreskin is a sign of poverty. She always felt guilty that she couldn't afford to have my brother circed. She was sure to let him know that she always wished that she had and then gave him the stigma of it being a sign of poverty. Anyway, some people can't be swayed. If she's like that, then just saying "we decided that we don't want it done" or any of the other great things that others have posted will work just fine. If she watches your son, she will need some tips on how to care for his penis, meaning that she shouldn't touch it or try to retract it at all for any reason.

Lisa

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#37 of 49 Old 09-05-2008, 01:47 AM
 
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We were in the same situation and we just told MIL and FIL that DH has issues from his circumcision and now there are medical studies with evidence that it's unnecessary at best and very harmful at worst. With that issue removed, she has resorted to religious arguments, that we are "unChristian" for him not being circed and to that I pointed out several Bible verses re: circumcision NOT being necessary. She still stews about it occasionally and we even suspect she forcibly retracted him once despite our telling her not to. Since then, she no longer changes his diapers or is left unsupervised with him and they won't be spending the night with them until he can tell us if they did something to him.

Not saying your MIL will be as militant about it, but just letting you know the possibility is there.

(((hugs)))

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and a hopeful
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#38 of 49 Old 09-05-2008, 07:46 AM
 
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We were in the same situation and we just told MIL and FIL that DH has issues from his circumcision and now there are medical studies with evidence that it's unnecessary at best and very harmful at worst. With that issue removed, she has resorted to religious arguments, that we are "unChristian" for him not being circed and to that I pointed out several Bible verses re: circumcision NOT being necessary. She still stews about it occasionally and we even suspect she forcibly retracted him once despite our telling her not to. Since then, she no longer changes his diapers or is left unsupervised with him and they won't be spending the night with them until he can tell us if they did something to him.

Not saying your MIL will be as militant about it, but just letting you know the possibility is there.

(((hugs)))

Wowoowwww! I can't imagine that someone making a decision for the best interest of their child could cause a MIL so much grief.... I am sorry you have to deal with that!
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#39 of 49 Old 09-05-2008, 09:05 PM
 
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My MIL was of the "oh you need to have him circumcised for cleanliness reasons" while I was pregnant. (DH was circumcised at the age of 3. He was born premature and they wouldn't do it so she had to wait and she "had saved up the $$ to have it done by the time he was 3, GRRR) I explained all of the reasons NOT to circ and by the time he was born she was pretty neutral. When her daughter (my SIL) had a baby boy about 10 months ago my MIL was calling me asking me to send her anti-circ information. Whatever I said, worked! My nephew is intact too.

: Robyn : Increasingly crunchy Mama to Kya (8) , Makena (7) , and Keegan (4) :
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#40 of 49 Old 09-05-2008, 10:08 PM
 
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My MIL was really upset that we didn't circ DS, and then told everyone that we didn't. I try to not let things bother me, but this really pissed me off because it HIS penis and no one else's business.

Honestly, I agree with the pp's: I would just say that this topic is not up for discussion and leave it at that. In a friendly way, of course.
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#41 of 49 Old 09-05-2008, 10:36 PM
 
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we say, he can't be born wrong and we won't remove anything. it's really none of their business.....
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#42 of 49 Old 09-05-2008, 10:41 PM
 
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the owner of the penis gets to decide
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#43 of 49 Old 09-05-2008, 11:51 PM
 
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Me, I'd just raise an eyebrow and say, "Is there a reason you're so interested in my unborn son's penis?" Seriously, why do people think you can just casually bring up another person's genitals in conversation. Since when is to circ or not a decision that grandparents are involved in?

Thankfully my mom had all girls and has no opinion on circ and MIL has sense enough to keep her trap shut.

Breeder Mama: = wife to an amazing man + mama to J-Bear (07/02) and E-Train (06/08), nanny to Little Bird (07/10).

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#44 of 49 Old 09-07-2008, 08:57 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Super Pickle View Post
I'd just say "It's not recommended anymore. " That is a very simple statement of fact that doesn't hurt anybody's feelings or place blame on anyone. There's no need to get ugly. If she persists with medical myths you can continue, "Well, the doctors say that the potential benefits are so small they don't outweigh the risks and side effects, so they don't recommend it anymore." If she persists with social reasons you might say, "Well, since it's not medically necessary, we don't think that social reasons are enough to put him through that."
I like this approach.
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#45 of 49 Old 09-07-2008, 09:55 PM
 
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I'd say:

Circumcision is:

- a human rights violation (if you want to just say "unethical", go right ahead)
- a 100% unnecessary, permanent cosmetic surgery
- it's sexually damaging (removes 50% of the penile skin, the nerve endings that provide sensitivity, the protective nature of the glans)
- it's counter-active to the natural sexual intercourse process


If you'd like anymore education, please let me know because I'd be more than happy to share it with you.
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#46 of 49 Old 09-09-2008, 02:42 AM
 
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I don't think you should be explaining anything about your son's genitals to his grandparents. If they start in about it, just say, "You're welcome to have this discussion with him when he's old enough to express his opinion on his own body parts."
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#47 of 49 Old 09-09-2008, 11:03 AM
 
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My IL's asked if we were circ'ing our son and I told them No. When they asked why I just told them that in this day and age it was no longer recommended and an unnecessary cosmetic SURGERY that I was not willing to put my son through. Fortunately they never brought it up again.

SAH Mama to Cooper (3-9-08) and Sawyer (9-3-10).   
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#48 of 49 Old 09-09-2008, 12:02 PM
 
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I just embarrassed my ILs, but we can talk like that. I knew she is very pro-circ, so when she said, EW why wouldn't you circ? I just ignored all the reasons I knew she thought we SHOULD circ so it wouldn't be a debate, and said, well my son is going to have a much pleasurable sex life as a result, would you deny your grandchild that? And it actually opened the discussion on my turf, lmao. AND gave my SIL the courage not to circ her son, even though her DH is not circed, she wanted to.
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#49 of 49 Old 09-10-2008, 07:55 AM
 
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Originally Posted by hakunangovi View Post
I totaly agree with the points of view of Ensemble and Purplestraws. Refusing to discuss the issue is counterproductive in every way. As mentioned, this is not a response any one of us would appreciate if we were trying to educate someone on the benefits of intactness. Not only that, it is a perfect opportunity to educate and change some elses mindset. Who knows, you might create another intactivist instead of a disgruntled and miffed pro-circer.

I somewhat disagree with you on this. Those who are arguing for circumcision are trying to convince or "sell" you on circumcising your child. They are setting up an argument to try to get you to change your mind. Rarely are they seeking education and rarely will they accept it. If you have a desire to educate them, you can feel them out and see where they are headed and if you see they are stubbornly holding to their beliefs, you are only going to feed their advocacy and the argument will go on and on even long after the child is born in some cases. Many pregnant mother's hormone levels are simply too high to graciously accept the challenge of arguing with these people.

If you don't feel you can hold up your end of the argument or if you feel it will affect your emotions too much, the best approach is simply say "We have thoroughly researched the decision and the decision is made and will not change. If they continue to try to argue the decision, simply repeat "The decision is made and will not change." It is rare that anyone will pursue it past the second repetition.

An educational opportunity is one thing and an on-going argument with an intransigent person is quite another.



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