Had my first appointment today... - Mothering Forums

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Old 03-07-2008, 12:45 AM - Thread Starter
 
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It wasn't so much a "prenatal" appointment as it was a "get to know the midwife" appointment. She seems great- very friendly and open and accepting of the fact that pregnancy isn't a medical problem. In all her years as a midwife she's only done 1 episiotomy!

Something keeps nagging at me, though. I've been thinking about UP/UC lately and the more I think about it, the more appealing it is to me. As great as midwives are there's something to be said for not having to deal with ANY of it. I have faith in myself, but unfortunately my DH does not He's vehelmently against UP/UC, and thinks that the only reason I am considering it is because of my unsatisfactory experience with my DS's birth (planned homebirth, transfer due to lack of support- I ended up with an epi, IV, all the bad stuff ). He keeps telling me "I don't think it was THAT bad last time, and if you have a doula and a different midwife this time you can definitely do it the way you want to." He doesn't get that I want to do this for ME, not because of what happened last time.

Soo... I don't know where I stand yet- wanting a UP/UC but dealing with an unsupportive husband. Anyone else in my situation?

Mama to DS R (June/06), DD K (September/07), DS M (October/08), DD R (June/09)... waiting for #5 in late 2013!!

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Old 03-07-2008, 02:42 AM
 
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I've considered UC, and may just wait "too long" at home to have this baby, but my DH is kind of supportive.

Have you posted over in the UC forum? I've lurked there for a long time and there are a LOT of threads like this one! I bet you would find a lot of good advice there.

GL!!

Mama to 3 kids. We live in a yurt!
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Old 03-07-2008, 09:50 AM
 
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Originally Posted by andi-mama View Post
He keeps telling me "I don't think it was THAT bad last time, and if you have a doula and a different midwife this time you can definitely do it the way you want to." He doesn't get that I want to do this for ME, not because of what happened last time.
Its not like he was the one who gave birth so he doesn't necessarily know or will ever understand just how bad it got..........

I think you have plenty of time yet lol. Check out the UC forum and find some good back up info.

Thankfully my DH is happy to do what ever I want just as long as it isn't in hospital lol!!!!!!!!
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Old 03-07-2008, 12:35 PM
 
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I personally don't feel comfortable with an unassisted childbirth (this will be my first birth), but I'm having a gentle version of the same conflict with my husband about the homebirth v/s hospital issue. He's *most* of the way to being comfortable with homebirth, but he still has fears that I'm working to allay. As things sound now, he's in agreement with having a homebirth but is still nervous and could use some reassurance.

Good luck with your decision and with your communication with your husband. Please keep us posted!

Elated mom to Elliott (5/25/10)
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Old 03-07-2008, 04:39 PM
 
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If you want an UP/UC then you probably should try to work on getting your dh on board. I know that for me, if my dh were against it, then it would make me nervous and not sure of myself.
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Old 03-07-2008, 08:56 PM
 
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Is he against it because he thinks it's scary or thinks something could go wrong or...? Has he done any research on it... or does everything he knows about it come from you?

Tough situation to say "follow your heart" because a supportive hubby goes a long way! I hope he will see that supporting your wishes in pregnancy and childbirth is a wonderful gift to you!!
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Old 03-07-2008, 09:42 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Is he against it because he thinks it's scary or thinks something could go wrong or...? Has he done any research on it... or does everything he knows about it come from you?
He doesn't see "what difference" it makes if a MW is there or not and we should have one "just in case". I told him I wanted to talk to him about it last night and asked him if he would read links if I sent them to him and he flat out said "No." GRR. So basically, he doesn't want to go unassisted but he refuses to educate himself on the subject.

Mama to DS R (June/06), DD K (September/07), DS M (October/08), DD R (June/09)... waiting for #5 in late 2013!!

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