I voiced my frustrations and reservations to the midwife today. She initially balked and started to criticize me for not being fair to her, but once I started crying she pulled me into an exam room to talk further.
She continues to be concerned about the lowness of my levels but admitted that she is very hopeful for me. She had not said that before now, so hearing that she hasn't given up on my pregnancy helped. She wanted to schedule a vaginal exam for this week but I point-blank refused and she ultimately said that she accepts that. I also said that I am not willing to have an office visit with her until next week. She originally wanted for me to come in on Wednesday evening, which is my 1-year wedding anniversary (sort of--long story). So I'm going to wait to hear what today's level is and will go in to see her next week, but I might not follow up with her beyond that.
I had a third level drawn and am hopeful. I really, really feel like my levels seem within normal range for where I am. I'm just barely pregnant.
If my levels were dropping, or remaining stable, or MUCH lower than they currently are, then I would be much more concerned. As it is, I am concerned and I do care a lot. I just refuse to panic in the absence of any strong reason to. The only thing that I can do for the benefit of my embryo right now is to avoid stress. Worrying isn't going to help matters and I feel like it's unconscienable for her to emphasize that my levels are discouraging when I've found numerous resources, both peer-reviewed and geared for the general public, that (a) put my levels and my doubling times within normal range and (b) state that early pregnancy hcg levels and doubling times show wide variability and aren't hard-and-fast predictors of likely outcomes.