Circumcision: Do you know the facts? - Page 2 - Mothering Forums
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#31 of 48 Old 05-09-2008, 06:41 PM
 
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Where can I go for information about explaining to a future son why his brother and father look different, if I have a boy? I don't want to be a thread stealer so feel free to PM me.
From what I have heard from mothers of older boys whose fathers are circ'd and the boys are intact, it is not nearly the issue that you might think it would be. It may never come up. If it does, you can answer very simply that daddy and brother had a surgery when they were babies, but then you decided it wasn't necessary, so didn't have it done to him. You can say that it is fine and normal to have a penis that looks either way. He will probably end up seeing penises of both kinds as he grows up, so he'll know that both are normal and OK. I bet that it really won't be that much of an issue, though, and I can't imagine any hard feelings about looking different, IYKWIM. My DS is almost 4 and is intact, and DH is circ'd. So far DS hasn't said a word about it.

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#32 of 48 Old 05-09-2008, 09:13 PM
 
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Thanks Katie and all you other gals as well! I agree about the pediatrician, I think I'm more scared of the pediatrician than anything. I emailed NOCIRC today for referrals in the area, hopefully that will be a good start. Duh, need to put that on my list of questions for my midwife at my next appointment, I bet she would be a good resource as well. LOL at wrinkled scrotum, never thought of that!

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#33 of 48 Old 05-09-2008, 09:22 PM
 
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Thanks Katie and all you other gals as well! I agree about the pediatrician, I think I'm more scared of the pediatrician than anything. I emailed NOCIRC today for referrals in the area, hopefully that will be a good start. Duh, need to put that on my list of questions for my midwife at my next appointment, I bet she would be a good resource as well. LOL at wrinkled scrotum, never thought of that!
Oh yeah, that's the worst bit! That and the fact that if they pee while you're changing them, it really can be a fountain, and gets everywhere! If I wasn't ready right away with the new diaper, I'd leave a cloth or prefold or something over DS, just in case he peed while nakey. At least that way it wasn't spraying up into the air and all over me, him, the change table, the floor, or anything else in the immediate vicinity (the best was the time the cat was next to us while I was changing him on the floor--never seen a cat look so shocked and so offended!).
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#34 of 48 Old 05-10-2008, 12:54 AM
 
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Where can I go for information about explaining to a future son why his brother and father look different, if I have a boy? I don't want to be a thread stealer so feel free to PM me.

I posted about this very same thing in the Case Against Circ forum a while back (I am having another boy - very soon now) I stared this thread http://www.mothering.com/discussions...d.php?t=831504 it has lots of helpful links to other threads by moms in similiar situations.

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#35 of 48 Old 05-10-2008, 03:34 PM
 
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I wish we'd known. I really do. All future sons will be intact.

I grew up in house full of circ'ed boys. It was normal to me and I am ashamed to admit the first time I saw an intact penis it grossed me out. So when we had DS, I was partly relieved that we were doing it, though it was mostly for medical reasons. DH is iffy on the details, but his father apparently had to be circ'ed later in life for medical reasons (apparently a tight foreskin that would not retract). DH (intact) grew up with just his mum, and he was never shown how to clean it properly or retract it, and then I guess she finally talked about it with him when he was a preteen or something... can we say awkward and uncomfortable? So he had issues with a tight foreskin and had to work at stretching it, and sometimes it can still be painful for him when he's aroused. So that was about 80% of the reasoning for DS - prevention of the same issues DH and his father had. When he was a few months old, I realized what we'd done to him (courtesy of MDC), and I sobbed every time I changed him for weeks. Now I realize that I can't take it back, but I can educate my children and my friends about it... and you wouldn't cut off a breast because you're worried you're going to get cancer, so "prevention" really is no reason. If a furture son has problems, we will cross that bridge when we come to it.

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#36 of 48 Old 05-11-2008, 12:17 AM
 
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Honestly, if K had been a boy, she would have been circed. I just did not know it was even an option to be left intact. The "funny" thing is that I was terrified of having a boy b/c I did not want to have to deal with surgery right after birth. I have since learned the statistics and facts on the whole subject, and will not circ. Surprisingly, DH has been fine either way.

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#37 of 48 Old 05-11-2008, 09:04 AM
 
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We will not circ either. I didn't even know about not retracting until a friend told me about it. I am so glad she did. We had other reasons for not circ'ing, now we have one more.

I am hoping it is ok to post this link and I am not violating any rules here. http://www.foreskin.org/3zones-c.htm It shows the 3 zones of penile skin of an intact male. It is pretty interesting.

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#38 of 48 Old 05-11-2008, 09:30 AM
 
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I'd never even consider circ-ing.

Liv, SAHM of 3 kiddos 

 

 

 

 

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#39 of 48 Old 09-30-2008, 10:18 AM - Thread Starter
 
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It's been a while, so I thought I'd give this a bump for new members and anyone who may have missed it.

Not much new to add, so I thought I'd share a minor funny. I was browsing through the guide menu on the TV, looking for something to watch, and there was a show called "Uncut and Out of Control." My first thought was, "Is that something they can show on regular cable???" Then I realized it was one of those reality shows with video clips of people doing crazy things. "Uncut" video clips, apparently.

Oh I thought of one more thing. I read back through the thread and someone had mentioned peeing during diaper changes. This is very unscientific, but in my experience the baby boys who are cut do this WAY more often than intact boys. My baby did this a bit when he was a tiny newborn, but for the most part I never got peed on. It makes sense, because in a circed baby the urethra is right out there, exposed to air, while the intact baby's glans and urethra are more protected. I remember changing DS's diaper at my aunt's house when he was about 5 months old, and I was taking my usual leisurely time, and she was all nervous about him peeing and shocked that I was going so slow. I was just like, "Huh? That never happens!" But then I thought about how all her grandsons are cut, and it made sense. Anyway, it's just anecdotal, but from talking to other moms of intact boys it seems to be true.

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#40 of 48 Old 09-30-2008, 10:42 AM
 
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It's crazy how many times you have to remind them at the hospital if you are not circumcising. We've had to refuse to sign the paperwork several times and as we're getting him ready to come home (maybe), every nurse asks us about circumcision and we have to keep telling them we're not.
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#41 of 48 Old 09-30-2008, 10:44 AM - Thread Starter
 
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It's crazy how many times you have to remind them at the hospital if you are not circumcising. We've had to refuse to sign the paperwork several times and as we're getting him ready to come home (maybe), every nurse asks us about circumcision and we have to keep telling them we're not.
OMG, that would make me so nervous. How ridiculous, too! Good for you for fending them off.

It's especially sad to me when people circ preemies. I've read accounts of parents who couldn't wait for their baby to be healthy enough to circ. I can't imagine putting a poor little fighter, who's already been through so much, through more trauma that isn't even necessary!

SAHM to 6.5yo DS and 4yo DD. PCOS with two early m/cs. Married 8 yrs. Certified birth doula, writer, editor.

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#42 of 48 Old 10-06-2008, 09:43 PM
 
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Our son (almost 7) is intact and this baby will be as well, if it's a boy (well, either way but at least the female version isn't routine in this country). DH and I argued during my first pregnancy, until I started sending him all the research and videos. Quickly changed his mind! And our son has never noticed that his penis looks different than daddy's. . . actually, he probably has noticed; of course it looks different, it's much smaller and isn't surrounded by hair! The foreskin is almost incidental. Care has never been an issue. His foreskin still doesn't retract all the way (at least the last time I asked him), but we've talked about cleaning and how it will eventually retract. He's bathed himself for years now, so I don't worry about it (the kid would live in the bathtub if I'd let him). Honestly, I didn't find his hygiene any more challenging than my daughter's (and he's much better about keeping his penis clean than she is about cleaning around her labia).

It always saddens me when I hear a mother say "It didn't bother my son at all. In fact, he just fell asleep." No one tells these mothers that sleeping like that after trauma is a defense mechanism in the newborn, and in fact is clear evidence that it DID bother him. Plus, the impact on bonding and breastfeeding at a time when baby should be alert and focusing on Mom.

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#43 of 48 Old 10-06-2008, 11:23 PM
 
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Oh, the things you learn....both my older boys were circumcised. But I am proud to announce that Baby Finn will be the FIRST of his brothers to stay intact. I watched the videos (crying) and made DH sit and watch. I was appaulled. Everyone keeps asking how I'm going to explain this to the older boys (I guess they mean why their brother looks different) and I already talked to them about it. Basically what I said was, "just like you learn things everyday, so does Mommy and Daddy. When you were born we didn't know what we know now." End of discussion. If a 7 and 4 yr old can understand that why are some (adult) relatives having a hard time digesting it????

Tara--mama to Riley (9/01) Nolan (4/04) and Finnegan (11/08). Unschooling Rocks!!!
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#44 of 48 Old 10-07-2008, 08:50 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Oh, the things you learn....both my older boys were circumcised. But I am proud to announce that Baby Finn will be the FIRST of his brothers to stay intact. I watched the videos (crying) and made DH sit and watch. I was appaulled. Everyone keeps asking how I'm going to explain this to the older boys (I guess they mean why their brother looks different) and I already talked to them about it. Basically what I said was, "just like you learn things everyday, so does Mommy and Daddy. When you were born we didn't know what we know now." End of discussion. If a 7 and 4 yr old can understand that why are some (adult) relatives having a hard time digesting it????


I think what you said to the older boys was perfect. And I feel like kids are a lot more accepting of differences than we give them credit for. We are an interfaith household- I was raised Christian (and now I'm quasi-pagan) and DH was raised Jewish (and doesn't really follow one faith now but has done a lot of study of Buddhism). Anyway, we both have a lot of cultural attachment to the religions we were raised with, and plan to celebrate all the holidays. Adults will say, "It'll confuse the kids! How can they think of themselves as part Jewish, but have a Christmas tree?" But then I've heard that the kids tend to have absolutely no problem with it- it's the adults who get confused!

I've read many accounts of families where the dad and the first son are circed and subsequent sons aren't, and it just didn't end up being a big deal. When the kids are little, sometimes all you need to say is "everyone's penis is different," and that's enough for them.

SAHM to 6.5yo DS and 4yo DD. PCOS with two early m/cs. Married 8 yrs. Certified birth doula, writer, editor.

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#45 of 48 Old 10-07-2008, 09:39 AM
 
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Our little man won't be circ'd, even though DH is. He was completely open to this, and I showed him the most recent article about circ in Mothering and those line drawings of how they do it was enough to send him into the land of NO CIRC'ING!! :

~Natalie~
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#46 of 48 Old 10-07-2008, 01:12 PM
 
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OMG, that would make me so nervous. How ridiculous, too! Good for you for fending them off.

It's especially sad to me when people circ preemies. I've read accounts of parents who couldn't wait for their baby to be healthy enough to circ. I can't imagine putting a poor little fighter, who's already been through so much, through more trauma that isn't even necessary!
That's exactly how we felt about it. The poor little guy's been through so much already. Noone's been able to give me any valid medical reason to put him through that too. Our hospital actually links on their site to a site cautioning against circumcision. And when we told the nurses we were no circ, they were totally OK with it and mostly even supportive and against circ. I think it's just that so many parents still do, they are used to that.
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#47 of 48 Old 10-07-2008, 01:36 PM
 
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Basically what I said was, "just like you learn things everyday, so does Mommy and Daddy. When you were born we didn't know what we know now." End of discussion. If a 7 and 4 yr old can understand that why are some (adult) relatives having a hard time digesting it????
Our only and oldest was also circ'd, this is exactly what we said to him after he got ahold of the Mothering issue all about circing, read it, looked at the diagram, and cried for what had happened to him. He did his grieving and we did ours and we will never circ another child as long as we live. I think our circ'd son is the greatest anti-circ activist I know!
When we know better, we do better. Maya Angelou
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#48 of 48 Old 10-07-2008, 03:32 PM
 
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I am so thankful that I don't have to fight about circ with DH. He's european and uncirc'd, so no problem. And it's a great conversation closer when someone else starts to freak about not circing and how unhealthy it is. I just give 'em a puzzled look and say "My husband is not circ'd and he's never had a problem in his life." that usually shut's 'em up, because you know the "like father like son" argument is the next one up. lol!

And the CAC forum is a GREAT place to go if you have any questions. I love lurking around there, I have learned A LOT about how to deal with doctors and etc.

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