Belly Touching - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 19 Old 05-15-2008, 08:37 AM - Thread Starter
 
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So this might be a bit early, but with so many moms in this thread that have already had at least one child and we are sticking out already. What do you think of belly touching?

With DD's pg, I didn't have any strangers and only a few people that touched without asking. One was my mil and I reacted quite strongly as I didn't want her to touch. I was 5 months, barely showing and she was moving my zippered hoodie open and trying to feel around. She didn't even apologize, then dh said that it is "her" grandchild. I said, "it doesn't give her the right." I like my mil, it is just that we are not that close or anything. I really dislike how the focus is on the baby and none on me. Yes, it is exciting we are having a baby, but what about me?

I want people to ask before touching, even family. I am a bit anxious as we are seeing dh's family next week and going to St Thomas with them for about 5 days. They don't know I am pg yet. I am really sticking out there. My fil mocked me once when my sil was pg and made a comment, "you better not touch Julie's belly if she is pg again." So obnoxious. I guess I am trying to make sure I handle it well.

Sorry, slight vent. But I am curious how people handle it and to give me some advice and strength.

Mindfully parenting DD 8/04 & DS 11/08, Human beings are the only mammals who do not nurse their offspring to full term.
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#2 of 19 Old 05-15-2008, 08:56 AM
 
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I think it depends on the person. If it's someone I'm not very close to, I don't like the belly touching at all. I'm not a touchy feely person and most people know that. I think aside from strangers and people I hardly know (who I usually say something to or grab their belly in return), most people know me well enough to ask first.
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#3 of 19 Old 05-15-2008, 10:42 AM
 
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I've never had strangers or people I don't know that well come and touch my belly, and I don't really mind family or friends touching it usually. But if you don't want someone touching it you have every right to tell them no. Being pg does not make you public property, tell them it is your body and you are not comfortable with it.

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#4 of 19 Old 05-15-2008, 12:51 PM
 
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I never had the experience of strangers trying to touch my belly...thankfully.
The key to avoiding it is the mastery of the evil eye or pissed-off look... haha.. don't ya wish? Some people seem to not "get it" even when you shoot them a murderous glance!

I don't know the proper way of dealing with groping family members! Family issues are ALWAYS hard to deal with. I hope you won't have any bad experiences next week, snowgirl!!
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#5 of 19 Old 05-15-2008, 01:35 PM
 
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I also had a big to do over my SIL touching, and my mom yelling at my belly. drives me crazy.

It is still my body, and my personal space. This time SIL bought me a shirt that says don't even dare touch me.

And FWIW i have never touched a pg womens belly. i think it is weird, unless the mom says touch here you can feel the baby kicking.

and the baby is so low, (until 20 weeks below belly button) that they can't "touch" baby unless they are way invading my personal space.
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#6 of 19 Old 05-15-2008, 01:40 PM
 
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I never had that problem with strangers but they would have pulled back a bloody stump. I'm sorry, I really don't like being touched by people I don't know in such a personal way. However, I was regularly called sir when I was 8 1/2 months along.

My MIL is throughly peeved that she's not allowed to touch without invitation (that hasn't been extended) because it's "her baby."
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#7 of 19 Old 05-15-2008, 03:28 PM
 
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So far I've only had one person (besides dh) touch my belly & she is practically a stranger. Totally caught me off guard (I was only just 3 months). I know I'm not going to like it from pretty much anyone. My belly is the part I'm most self-conscious of normally - I just can't see being ok with people touching it!

Surviving sleep deprivation one day at a time with dd (Oct '11) & ds (Oct '08).

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#8 of 19 Old 05-15-2008, 03:38 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by two bricks shy View Post
I never had that problem with strangers but they would have pulled back a bloody stump.


Only one person asked to touch my belly when I was pg with DD. I am NOT a touchy-feely person. I don't touch other people's bellies, and they know better than to touch mine (besides DH, of course).

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#9 of 19 Old 05-15-2008, 04:14 PM
 
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This is my first, so I have no idea how grabby people will be but, stranger or not, I plan to bring all of my seldom used karate skills into play.
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#10 of 19 Old 05-15-2008, 04:48 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by selena_ski View Post
and the baby is so low, (until 20 weeks below belly button) that they can't "touch" baby unless they are way invading my personal space.
Exactly. It's like, oh that's not baby- but thanks for rubbing my fat!

This time I fully intend on rubbing anyone's belly- pregnant or not- who dares touch my stomach. I was way too poliete last time but that problem is long gone

Mama to DS R (June/06), DD K (September/07), DS M (October/08), DD R (June/09)... waiting for #5 in late 2013!!

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#11 of 19 Old 05-15-2008, 08:36 PM
 
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I think even DH has only rubbed my belly once so far . Last time, I was okay once I was showing and had some friends ask. I usually offer for close friends, but it was so rare because Adrian was very observant in the womb, he would get quiet and he wouldn't move for many people at all... his personality is exactly the same even now--he's slow to warm up to people, he's very observant and just likes to watch what's happening.

I feel uncomfortable asking people, so I am always aware of that--I was taught it's bad manners, and I would never ask someone and put them in a position where they feel obligated--but if they are a good friend I wouldn't have a problem with it. I don't have to deal with family since we have none in the states

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#12 of 19 Old 05-15-2008, 09:48 PM
 
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I don't want anyone touching me, and I won't touch anyone else's baby belly either, even if (see my SIL) they are asking me to and encouraging me to. No thanks. That's way too personal for me, especially as a NOT touchy feely kind of gal!

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#13 of 19 Old 05-15-2008, 10:09 PM
 
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RUB BACK!

Summer: crafty mama to 2 little girls and wife to Bob
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#14 of 19 Old 05-15-2008, 11:39 PM
 
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Its hard to be firm with family, with strangers, you can just tell them you're feeling ill from something you ate and if they touch your belly you'll puke on them, That might actually work with family as well come to think of it, if only every once in a while.

I have had way more trouble with friends, than with family, and I don't want to hurt feelings, but I don't want to be touched either.
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#15 of 19 Old 05-16-2008, 04:02 PM
 
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I would upset if someone I didn't want touching MY BODY did anyway. IMO it is crossing someone's personal space. How inconsiderate of your MIL to say such a thing.
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#16 of 19 Old 05-16-2008, 04:12 PM
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I'm not in this DDC (actually I'm not even pregnant lol) but when I was pregnant with DS, I hated people touching my belly. I have problems being hugged/touched/etc so that was just another violation to me. DH, I don't care if he rubs my belly. He gets it when I say "Enough."
When I was about 5 months pregnant I met my parents in a Sears parking lot to pick up my sister. I stepped out of my car and my mother ran over and started picking up my sweatshirt to "see the baby". I was like, WTH are you doing!! I swatted her hand away and told her to knock it off. She said "I only wanted to see it." I told her there was nothing to see. She acted all insulted and then later when I talked to her about it she told me that didn't happen at all. Whatever.

I hate having my body touched when it's uninvited. End of story.
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#17 of 19 Old 05-16-2008, 11:41 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by two bricks shy View Post
My MIL is throughly peeved that she's not allowed to touch without invitation (that hasn't been extended) because it's "her baby."

Not exactly the same but... My MIL said the exact same thing about my nephew when he was born. We were all at the hospital and she wouldn't let anyone else hold or look at the baby, not even my SIL (THE MOM) because she kept saying, "He's MY baby!" UGH. When my son was born I told my DH that he better make sure my MIL not say my son was "her baby" because she would be kicked out of the room. My end of pregnancy was difficult and my birth was really traumatic with many complications and I felt no one else had claim to *my* baby after everything I went through. I swear if she says that to me this time around I will lose it.

Quoteriginally Posted by littlehaloSAHMama to Dylan 08/12/05 & Delia 11/04/08 , and
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#18 of 19 Old 05-17-2008, 10:44 AM
 
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It don't bother me to much, but I am a touchy person. I'm a waitress and I got it quite a bit with my son but most of them were the sweet old Sunday regulars I just couldn't say no to that! But I am nervous this time around since I will be due close to deer season and we are a very popular stop for out-of-town hunters. I really don't want their grubby hands on me. I think whenever they touch I'll just scream "OUCH" really loud and jerk. I bet the look on their faces will be hilarious Then we'll all get a good laugh, I'll rattle off a due date, and that will be that....and I still might preserve my tip. And I bet they won't touch again. haha

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#19 of 19 Old 05-28-2008, 11:50 AM
 
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oh that drives me NUTS!
i always try to rub back too!

if they are really offensive, grab their boob/privates. they'll back off!

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