Sister Jealousy bc your preggers!?! - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 13 Old 05-21-2008, 03:45 AM - Thread Starter
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Hi girls.. Is it possible your sister could stop talking to you bc your pregnant at the same time as her? Is that even possible to be that envious? Just curious.. bc MY MIND can't even fathom being jealous of something like that.. so I am wondering if any of you have felt like this or had a sister/best friend turn on you while pregnant.

My younger sister, 3 years, told me she was "trying" to get pregnant in January. I told her.. tell me as soon as you know bc I am so excited for you! Well, I got pregnant in february.. and I waited until she was pregnant to tell her bc I knew she might be upset if I got pregnant before her.. I knew she'd be pregnant soon bc she is young and healthy. So, last month I was going on 3 months pregnant and I couldn't hold out any longer so I told her I was pregnant.. and low and behold she tells me she is pregnant too.. (why she held out for 2 months I don't know) but I was SO EXCITED!!!! But turns out after her apppointment she is due the end of November and I am due the beginning of November... she told me this in an email.. Never called me back! And I haven't heard from her since... I must say for the record.. My heart is broken. I am so hurt that she didn't confide in me that she was pregnant for so long and then when she found out I was pregnant she stopped talking to me. Could she be that jealous? She has always been jealous of me thru our childhood/adulthood... I am the taller, prettier, more successful and am a happy, loving person and she has always been quiet, withdrawn and a loner. I have tried so hard to make our relationship stronger but it seems now it's the last straw for her... what do you think? It's been over a week since I have heard from her and I've sent emails and left voice messages..
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#2 of 13 Old 05-21-2008, 08:25 AM
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She possibly views it as one more thing you one-upped her with. I'm not saying you did it deliberately or anything like that, but it's probably how it made her feel, no matter how irrational. If it's her first baby too, she was probably wanting to have the spotlight on her for a while instead of the big-sis that she felt always got more of that kind of attention.

I'm sorry you're both feeling the way you are. Maybe you can do some things along the way to really celebrate her pregnancy and make her feel special and like it's all about her for a while?

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#3 of 13 Old 05-21-2008, 08:34 AM
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It might be hormones too or just plain her being busy. I know my second trimester always seems to be more hormonal than my first. I hope you can batch things up. Why not calling and suggesting going out for a girls day? Do something fun and pampering together?

~Heather~ Mama to Miss E (1/07), Miss A (11/08), Mr.T (2/11) and Miss A (10/12) Expecting our newest blessing sometime late Sept/early Oct.. Wife to my Marine since 11/2005
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#4 of 13 Old 05-21-2008, 09:12 AM
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People get upset by all sorts of things.

You didn't do anything wrong, but that doesn't mean she sees it that way.

Does either of you have a child already? While it may take her a while to "get over it," the presence of an actual living breathing beautiful baby has the amazing ability to make people forget their more petty concerns.

Maybe making a big deal over her pregnancy would help to sooth her a little. She may not be ready to hear it now, but maybe you could ask her about her plans for baby things, or something else you might "need" advice on... A letter that lets her know how excited you are to share this with her, how it makes it more special for you, might be nice.

Are your parents/relatives able to help out? If they know about the pregnancies, maybe you could make sure they're giving her lots of encouragement and exited grandparent energy. And, if anyone suggests such a thing, a joint baby shower might be the worst possible idea if she's feeling jealous and overshadowed.

We all know pregnancy is a wildly emotional time, so you may just have to hope that she'll come around in time!

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#5 of 13 Old 05-21-2008, 10:39 AM
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I may have to agree with pp, I haven't spoken much to anyone (on the phone, most of my friends and family live in another state) since I've been pregnant. Not for any other reason than, simply, I don't want to. This may seem strange, but its true. I have pulled into myself and my family unit (with the exception of my mom and dad). And this is coming from a gal who, as soon as the kids were in bed, I'd be on the phone with my cousins, aunts and girlfriends until at least midnight.

So, what I'm saying is, maybe your sister, just isn't in the mood to talk. It may not have anything to do with you. But I'm sure its nerve-wrecking...Why don't you call her, ask her if she's ok. I guess that's really the only way to get to the bottom of it! Good Luck!

Tara--mama to Riley (9/01) Nolan (4/04) and Finnegan (11/08). Unschooling Rocks!!!
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#6 of 13 Old 05-21-2008, 12:59 PM
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I feel for you momma!

We told our families and haven't heard from my husband's sister...well at all. She doesn't have children and this is our second. It's so hard to know how to handle it.

I think having a sister due around the same time would be so much fun. Give her a ring I say!
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#7 of 13 Old 05-21-2008, 01:19 PM
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I think you should do everything you can to make your pregnancies seperate. It's so easy for family and friends to lump you together because your babies are so close in age. "how are you two doing" kinda thing. Have SEPERATE baby showers, make sure you each feel special and appreciated. If she has always felt overshadowed by you then she needs this special time to herself, SHE needs to feel special. I think if you have left messages and e-mails for her, you just need to be patient until she is ready to talk. She will come around. In the meantime, don't get angry at her. Kill her with kindness. Keep loving her through it. She'll come around!

Wife since 2004. Mommy to DS (2005) and DD (2008) and my hopefully VBA2C baby DD due Feb 2012!


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#8 of 13 Old 05-21-2008, 01:28 PM
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Having been in this situation myself, i never got lumped in with my SIL. I do however feel one-uped by her. I had known i was pg for almost a month, when we announced at Christmas. then the next day my SIL calls every one and tells them she just got a BFP. She already had the first grandchild, and i couldn't even have my joy by my self for a day. It turns out she got to have the first granddaughter as well, because she didn't take care of herself and ended up with an emergency c-section around 30 weeks.

but overall it is great to have children so close in age. They are really close for 1 and 1/2 years old.
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#9 of 13 Old 05-21-2008, 04:14 PM
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I feel for ya. I have not been through this with a family member, but once with what was a very close friend.

we got preg. within weeks of eachother, and both were excited, as were the dads, but while I was in the midst of planning my wedding her SO wasn't interested in getting married at that time. Unfortunately she m/c, and then pretty much avoided me for months- because it was to painful for her. Later that year-before I had my oldest dd she did end up getting married and almost immediatly was preg again. But about a month later I had my baby, and she avoided me again until she had hers. She told me later that she felt so bad about avoiding me when I was preg. because she was jealous, that she didn't think I would want to be around her when she was. Funny thing is I would have loved to have been there for her preg. She was pretty much my only friend-our guys where both military, and so I was in a town where I knew no-one else. It was a very isolating experience. I guess I am saying I was glad, I didn't write her off, but was patience, because once we had talked it out, our friendship was stronger than ever.
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#10 of 13 Old 05-21-2008, 05:23 PM
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I am sorry your sister hasn't returned your calls, emails. I sincerely hope it isn't jealousy, but something else. I hope you can enjoy pregnancy together... because I think all sisters kind of always wish to have that shared experience.

My best friend was really jealous when I got engaged and when I found out I was pregnant with my DD. I know it was because she was just at an insecure place in life... plus EVERYONE, absolutely EVERYONE, who knows the two of us...they all assumed she'd get married and have babies first. Thankfully she is at a much more confident place in her life now and was SO excited for me when I told her I was preggo with baby #2.

Keep positive and be willing to be the one to reach out more. You'll never regret that!
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#11 of 13 Old 05-21-2008, 05:28 PM
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Sometimes when people are pregnant, they want to be center of all of the family attention, KWIM? Maybe she felt like she didn't wanna share the spotlight of being pregnant and having your babies so close to eachother.

My sister had cervical cancer issues when her son was about 6 and she wasn't sure she was ever gonna be able to have another baby...and always wanted a little girl. I got pg with Aja during that time and man did I feel HORRIBLE. She didn't quit talking to me, although I could feel her pain. She did, though go on to have a cute little boy in 2006.

But maybe she isn't looking at the brighter side...the cousins will be close in age, you guys can have playdates and they can grow up together. You can share pregnancy journeys, go out for icecream, or go shopping for baby things together...

I'm hoping every gets better for you two. A sister is an important person to have in your life. I know.

Kylin 10/14/2002

Aja 8/13/2004

Evie 3/11/2010

2 angels in Heaven (Alexis & Bryson)

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#12 of 13 Old 05-21-2008, 07:34 PM
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My hubby's sister is being like this. When we first met, we never 'clicked'. I then find out that she and DH stopped talking so much after we started dating. She stopped calling and blamed everything on him. COme to find out, she is jealous of what he has, a marriage. And then when we found out we were expecting, he text messaged his friends, and her telling them the good news...she has yet to acknowledge we are pg...and it has been 5 weeks. She is just jealous. I'm not trying to say this about your situation though.

I'm sorry that you are going through this momma, it's hard not having the support system at this point in time. Maybe she will turn around and ya'll can bask in this wonderful time together! Just dont push her, that might make it worse.
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#13 of 13 Old 05-23-2008, 12:10 PM - Thread Starter
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Thank you so much for all the wonderful advice. It is hard being pregnant and not staying 'close' to your family.. I live in Los Angeles and my sister lives in Jacksonville, Fla. These are our 2nd babies.. our first ones are 8 months apart, her girl being the oldest. Her's is a 28 months now and my boy 20 months!
I think it just hurt so much bc I have been working so hard to keep a strong relationship for YEARS now and she just never seems to try.. I always call her..etc. I am the more sensitive one I guess bc it really bothers me. I think having babies so close (they'll be less than a month) is the MOST exciting thing ever... but I guess that's just me! It's comforting to hear that some of you have gone thru similar situations.. I guess it is just the hormones in pregnancy that make us temporary insane

I am going to call her and kill her with kindness and love (like some of you said to do) and hope that she'll come around!! Thanks so much girls!
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