Im sorry you are having such a hard time. If you would like to talk more please message me. I totally understand where you are coming from even if I cant understand what you are going through (I personally don't think anyone can "understand" what someone else is going through since everyone reacts to situations differently).
Momma, I can't claim to know exactly what you are going through...but you are in my thoughts. My mom had a loss about 3 months before I came along and I know that my sibling (whom I have always felt was a brother) has always held a dear place in her heart.
Bailee will always be your baby.
I still think of Isaiah often...especially on his old duedate, as well as on the date he left us. Even though I know if we'd kept him, my Joey wouldn't be here. It doesn't mean i don't love Joey, or that I love him any less, It just means I loved Isaiah too.
I felt the same way on the due date for the pregnancy I lost. The baby would have been born in May. Like you I was surprised to be so sad about it, since I'm lucky enough to be pregnant again. But they are two separate pregnancies, and it makes sense to mourn for the one that was lost.
I have a friend whose baby was born right when mine was supposed to have been. I still get a little twinge of sadness for my own lost pregnancy when I see him. It's normal.
Hope you're feeling better soon, and allow yourself to feel everything you need to!
SAHM to 6.5yo DS and 4yo DD. PCOS with two early m/cs. Married 8 yrs. Certified birth doula, writer, editor.
Some stuff I like:
I know it's a slightly different set of feelings when it's a termination vs natural loss (I spent a very long time buried in guilt over it), but either way, it's ok, important and normal to mourn. It doesn't mean you love the new baby(ies) any less. It doesn't mean they are a "replacement" or any of the other feelings that can come up. It just means that you love all your children.
And if you are dealing with it now and really mourning the loss of a child, it means that you are on the road to healing/peace with the loss.
It was on the 11th anniversary of my loss that we were in the conference with the docs trying desperately to figure out how to save Levi's life and later that day I realized that the loss of that baby 11 years ago was important to fueling my fire to save this baby. (Not saying I wasn't a bonehead when I was 18, just that God's found a way to use that now in my life.) I feel like Levi and that baby (who I always thought was a Jonathon) are really tied together somehow- Levi was conceived the month that would have been his older sibling's 10th birthday.
HUGS and love, sweetie. It's ok to be sad. It's unhealthy not to be sad in a situation like yours. It's just all in how you handle it and venting/crying/talking it out with friends like you're doing it here is a wonderful way to deal.
always missing our (11/04, 4/07, 8/07, 5/10)
I'm sorry your going through this.
"Be careful how you speak to your children. One day it will become their inner voice." ~ Peggy O' Mara
Cloth diapering, babywearing and co-sleeping has been a way of life for almost a decade now
Kelly, married to the love of my life, Den , DD1 5/07 , 11/07, DD2 10/08 , DDS 8/10, expecting our next blessing this winter!
I don't think the pain ever goes away, but it gets less searing. I had a late term miscarriage four years ago and still miss her daily, but it's a more peaceful ache (if that makes any sense).
Mama to DS R (June/06), DD K (September/07), DS M (October/08), DD R (June/09)... waiting for #5 in late 2013!!
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