Frustrated with Family Gifts--Updated--Nathan's Frozen Hot Dogs on the Way - Mothering Forums

Forum Jump: 
 
Thread Tools
#1 of 20 Old 10-08-2008, 06:15 PM - Thread Starter
 
mochimama's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Colorado Mountains
Posts: 1,040
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
UGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm so hormonal. I've been on the verge of tears for a couple of days and I just hit the last straw. I just got off the phone with my grandmother who prior to the conversation was ready to give me her credit card number so she could help me buy some diaper supplies. I was pretty excited about this because dh and I have a total of $8 in the checkbook right now and pretty much make it from month to month scraping by. However, my friend who is also pregnant was putting in an order yesterday and to be frugal, we decided to order together and share the shipping. So I ordered about $80 worth of diaper supplies with her yesterday. She's using her credit card and I'll write her a check when the things come in.
Well, this totally turned off my grandmother. Ya ya ya, why didn't I wait for her? Then it turned into why am I never home when she calls? Ya ya ya... This typically happens when you do something she doesn't like, she gets quite upset and brings everything unrelated into it.
Then, the real kicker...she told me during this same conversation that she ordered (YET ANOTHER) doll for dd. "But this one is different... battery operated, comes with a suitcase of clothes..."
DD DOES NOT NEED ANOTHER DOLL!
Not only that, but we do not need the Christmas decorations that she is also sending. All via the Home Shopping Network
What we do need is diaper supplies, which we are now paying for because I didn't wait for my grandmother's credit card number.
I am just so anti-consumerism, especially the way things are going these days with the economy. I seem to get a Home Shopping Network box at least every week. And it's always crappy stuff I don't want.
I've tried every means of getting the boxes to stop. I've talked with her, I've tried to tell her what we do need, I've tried getting my parents to talk with her, etc. etc. It boils down to her getting a big happy high from sending people stuff and there's just no stopping her. However, you do need to make sure you use whatever she sends you on her terms. For example, I was instructed to put one of the battery operated ugly candles that she sent in my home office and the other by the bathtub. If I don't tell her that's what I did, she gets all upset. And if I don't like what she sent, well then, I'm just on her poo poo list for a while. It's soooo hard, though, because her heart is in the right place. She's 84 years old and I should be glad to have her around. But unfortunately most of my interaction with her is trying to get her to help us in ways that we do need instead of in ways that she thinks we need.
I've also called the Home Shopping Network to try to figure out what to do. My only option is to refuse the boxes at the door. If I refuse it, she'll find out and get angry. If I send it back (perhaps pretending it is broken , I have to put out money for shipping (although she would get it refunded...).
I've also tried selling things at yard sales, giving them away, etc. They are such junk that nobody even wants them. One Christmas we gave the flying UFO saucers she sent us directly to the local toy drive. Wouldn't you know the things got recalled for fire hazard???!!! I probably burnt some poor kid's house down with this trash!
Ugh, I am just so hormonal..............
Thanks for reading this far, if you did.:
mochimama is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
#2 of 20 Old 10-08-2008, 07:05 PM
 
Bella Catalina's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: L.A.
Posts: 1,614
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
mama. That makes it even harder when you know her heart is in the right place. She's similar to my mum, though mine cannot afford to buy us a lot. I don't think you sound ungrateful or anything--and my mum is like your grandmother, easily offended like that, too.

write@home mama to big boy (04-06) and little boy (10-08)
and someone new in november stork-suprise.gif

Bella Catalina is offline  
#3 of 20 Old 10-08-2008, 08:02 PM
 
ma_vie_en_rose's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Houston
Posts: 853
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)


My grandmother is the same way. Her thing is Avon, though, and not HSN. She brought over terrible, terrible lamps for the girls' rooms Sunday that I am expected to put up. If I don't, she will be sooo mad. I just have had to except that she is not a reliable source for any help I may need. kwim Oh, and I could really, really use diapers, too. In fact, that is the only thing I need. I guarentee I will get a hundred things I don't need from her instead.

Mama to Ava (12/03) , Leila (4/06) , Violet (11/08) , and bonus mama to Madison (7/98)
ma_vie_en_rose is offline  
#4 of 20 Old 10-08-2008, 10:13 PM
 
coyotemist's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Pacific NW near a lovely mountain
Posts: 1,763
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Maybe I'm a b-word. But she sounds manipulative and controlling. My home is my sanctuary to get away from people like that. So we've cut off familial relationships (now it's been about 8 years since some of those relationships got cut off) for similar behavior.

I want my children to understand how boundaries work, and that it's ok to say "no". If it were me, I'd refuse the boxes, and let her be angry. Then I wouldn't have to deal with her tantrums, if I were "in the doghouse". But that's just me

in dealing with it!

"Listen, are you breathing just a little and calling it a life?"~Mary Oliver

RT knitting mama  to 3 (& 8 who didn't make it) wife working on 13 years to a silly man who drives me crazy.
coyotemist is offline  
#5 of 20 Old 10-08-2008, 10:34 PM
 
TefferTWH's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 1,560
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
My grandma and my mom are the same way, although my mom is very respectful. I like to keep the peace in general though, so lots of times I bring something out so she sees it, and then get rid of it. I recall that my SIL insisted that we eat the top layer of our wedding cake and kept it for a year so we'd have it for the anniversary. We took pictures that looked like we were eating it, offered it to the cat (he said NO) and then pitched it. She was never the wiser and was very happy.
TefferTWH is offline  
#6 of 20 Old 10-09-2008, 01:57 AM - Thread Starter
 
mochimama's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Colorado Mountains
Posts: 1,040
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Thanks for your replies mamas--it's good to know I'm not alone. Coyote, I wish I could be strong like you, but I'm one of those people who is dealing with the not wanting to disappoint people chronic issue. You're right, though, she is ridiculously controlling. This is awful, but I keep thinking, well, she's probably going to die soon so I'll just suck it up and not make waves. But she lives on! And I'm in HSN hell! I suppose I could have a lot more problems, I shouldn't complain. :
mochimama is offline  
#7 of 20 Old 10-10-2008, 12:03 PM
 
guestmama9904's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2002
Posts: 1,431
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
i wish i had either of my grandmothers alive still but your sit does sound frustrating! i was lucky in that my great aunt simply sent me 200$ in cash after my DS was born! she said in her country, chezchloslovakia they didn't believe in gifting until the new baby was born and healthy. but i guess if you dear old granma doesnt get it i would let it go and just be kind and donate the gifts you dont want or better yet, if money is so tight, ebay them!
guestmama9904 is offline  
#8 of 20 Old 10-10-2008, 12:14 PM
 
GooeyRN's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Posts: 6,951
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
My Nana always gave me junk. She was a very special person to me. Gosh I miss her... Anyway, I just took the stuff, smiled, and said thank you. It made her feel really happy to be "helping". She did not have much left in life and it really made her feel good about herself to give me stuff. Pass the stuff on to someone else. Let your grandmother be happy. I am actually glad I have a lot of the junk she gave me. I look around the house and have great reminders of her. (even if it is a old hair comb or plastic lunch box or whatever) You don't have to keep the stuff, just pass it on... If you already tried to tell her what it is you want/need, and she isn't giving you those things, I would just let it go. I would not want to hurt her feelings and then have her die and you feel bad! I am glad I let my Nana feel like she was being helpful.
GooeyRN is offline  
#9 of 20 Old 10-10-2008, 01:44 PM - Thread Starter
 
mochimama's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Colorado Mountains
Posts: 1,040
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Thanks again for your replies. I do love my grandmother--the hardest part is that the one thing she loves to do is the one thing I have so much trouble with.
She called yesterday and said she's sending something else--10 six packs of Nathan's frozen hot dogs! : At least my dh loves those.
mochimama is offline  
#10 of 20 Old 10-10-2008, 03:45 PM
 
guestmama9904's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2002
Posts: 1,431
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by mochimama View Post
Thanks again for your replies. I do love my grandmother--the hardest part is that the one thing she loves to do is the one thing I have so much trouble with.
She called yesterday and said she's sending something else--10 six packs of Nathan's frozen hot dogs! : At least my dh loves those.
how bizaar, frozen hotdogs? lol, i have to laugh at that one. well, at least if you are totally broke you can load up on protein, fat and nitrates!
guestmama9904 is offline  
#11 of 20 Old 10-10-2008, 03:54 PM
 
GooeyRN's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Posts: 6,951
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by mochimama View Post
She called yesterday and said she's sending something else--10 six packs of Nathan's frozen hot dogs! : At least my dh loves those.


Even when my Nana was in the nursing home she found ways to clutter my house. She would save her little boxes of cereal or sugar packets or whatever for me that came on her food tray. She really was good intentioned. She died 1.5 years ago and I still have packets of cocoa from her house here!
GooeyRN is offline  
#12 of 20 Old 10-10-2008, 03:55 PM
 
nurnur's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Pacific NW
Posts: 993
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 2 Post(s)
s that is so frustrating.

The only thing I inhereited from HSN was an automatic boiled egg peeler, you supposedly stick the egg in the contraption and push down on a plunger and walla, it forces the shell right off, it's a piece of *&^%.....like I can't peel a friggin egg

but I have to say, all these posts are giving me a good laugh.
nurnur is offline  
#13 of 20 Old 10-10-2008, 04:21 PM
 
Katielady's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Living in a van down by the river
Posts: 2,016
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by mochimama View Post
Thanks again for your replies. I do love my grandmother--the hardest part is that the one thing she loves to do is the one thing I have so much trouble with.
She called yesterday and said she's sending something else--10 six packs of Nathan's frozen hot dogs! : At least my dh loves those.
OMG. How random!

Sorry she's bombarding you with crap and franks. What a weird, funny, super-frustrating situation.

If it makes you feel any better, my dad is a complete weirdo. He rarely visits, and when he does the visits are extremely brief. He has an obsession with food...it's how he soothes himself, and how he shows affection to others. So whenever he comes he brings ABSURD amounts of fruit. This summer he was excited to bring us peaches- he gets these really good ones from a farm stand, and called ahead of time to ask how many I could use. "Maybe a dozen?" I said. "A DOZEN? You're getting more than a dozen!" he said. I'm like, "Why did you ask, then?" He brought us a half-bushel. We are only 3 people, and one of us is two years old! And we live in a small apartment with one standard size fridge, and those things are highly perishable. I hate wasting food so it really stressed me out.

He came yesterday, and brought us about a half bushel of apples and maybe two dozen of the last of the peaches. My husband is so pissed. I can give some away, and at least apples last longer, but the whole thing is so weird. Meanwhile, the man drove down here solely to deliver those peaches- 4 hours here, 4 hours back, in one day. He stayed an hour and 45 minutes, and since he came at mid-day despite my telling him over and over again about DS's nap schedule, DS was asleep for most of the visit. I keep telling him that he doesn't need to bring us stuff, that it's spending time with him that is meaningful. But it won't sink in.

Anyway, I don't mean to threadjack, but wanted to let you know that I feel your pain- unwanted gifts (or unwanted quantities of wanted gifts) can be oppressive!

SAHM to 6.5yo DS and 4yo DD. PCOS with two early m/cs. Married 8 yrs. Certified birth doula, writer, editor.

Some stuff I like: hbac.gifteapot2.GIFeat.gifnocirc.gifbftoddler.giffemalesling.GIFcrochetsmilie.gif read.gifcat.gif

Katielady is offline  
#14 of 20 Old 10-10-2008, 06:11 PM - Thread Starter
 
mochimama's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Colorado Mountains
Posts: 1,040
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Well, now I know why I spend the time writing these kinds of posts:
Because hearing about your peaches and sugar packets and hard boiled egg peelers makes me feel a whole lot less alone!
And makes me laugh too.
Anybody want a hotdog?
mochimama is offline  
#15 of 20 Old 10-10-2008, 07:36 PM
 
two bricks shy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Austin, Tx
Posts: 330
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
oh goodness... hot dogs??

I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this right now. FWIW my grandmother tries to help out with inapproriate stuff too. The thought is nice but ... oh man.... a 5 month old baby does NOT need DIET COKE... nor does a 2 year old.

Speaking of hot dogs...anyone try those "uncured" nitrate free ones that Coleman's produces? I'm curious as our Costco has them. We've tried the uncured/nitrate free bacon and it's really yummy.
two bricks shy is offline  
#16 of 20 Old 10-10-2008, 08:39 PM
 
BundleFishMama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Philadelphia suburbs
Posts: 1,483
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by mochimama View Post
Anybody want a hotdog?
Now you are making me hungry!! I know they're terrible but I am craving hot dogs now, thanks! LOL

Kerriintactlact.gif blessed single mama to Teresa 8/2/02blahblah.gif, Madeleine 5/28/04dust.gif, Andrew 6/25/06jammin.gif, and Isabelle ribboncesarean.gif11/27/08energy.gif

BundleFishMama is offline  
#17 of 20 Old 10-10-2008, 09:28 PM
 
coyotemist's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Pacific NW near a lovely mountain
Posts: 1,763
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Mmmmm...hotdogs on toasted buns with lots of sweet pickle relish!

I'm getting quite a laugh at the random stuff, too! Maybe it's a senior fetish to foist gobs of stuff onto your descendents?

"Listen, are you breathing just a little and calling it a life?"~Mary Oliver

RT knitting mama  to 3 (& 8 who didn't make it) wife working on 13 years to a silly man who drives me crazy.
coyotemist is offline  
#18 of 20 Old 10-10-2008, 09:35 PM
 
ma_vie_en_rose's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Houston
Posts: 853
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Oh man! I totally forgot about my MIL and GMIL. They do not send junk, but they bring it with them whenever they visit. The first time I met them, I got a travel manicure kit, adult bibs--seriously, car map organizer, junky perfume samples, bath gloves, and, and, and... the list goes on. It's like the hoard all this crap for when they visit people and then unload it all. DSD comes home from trips to see them with all the same kind of junk. Of course, it is treasure to a 10yo.

Mama to Ava (12/03) , Leila (4/06) , Violet (11/08) , and bonus mama to Madison (7/98)
ma_vie_en_rose is offline  
#19 of 20 Old 10-11-2008, 01:08 AM
 
Katielady's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Living in a van down by the river
Posts: 2,016
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Can I just say that this thread subject alone might be my favorite ever on MDC. Every time I see it in our DDC I crack up.

"Frustrated with Family Gifts--Updated--Nathan's Frozen Hot Dogs on the Way"

It's just so random and tragic.

SAHM to 6.5yo DS and 4yo DD. PCOS with two early m/cs. Married 8 yrs. Certified birth doula, writer, editor.

Some stuff I like: hbac.gifteapot2.GIFeat.gifnocirc.gifbftoddler.giffemalesling.GIFcrochetsmilie.gif read.gifcat.gif

Katielady is offline  
#20 of 20 Old 10-15-2008, 04:33 PM
 
denvermom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Posts: 119
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
My grandfather, bless his heart, used to send me care packages in college. I would get boxes and boxes of.....EZ Cheez every month.

I understand his logic - I love cheese and you can't exactly mail regular cheese. However, EZ Cheez is not quite the same thing.

Did you know it comes in many flavors? Like bacon, sharp, mild. I had them all.
denvermom is offline  
Reply

User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off