gathering the right (and willing) support from family/friends - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 7 Old 10-23-2008, 12:35 PM - Thread Starter
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warning to all i have become much more sorry formeslf as my pregnancy progresses so this might sound like a pity party but i'm trying to find a positive solution to my feelings.

i am 35 weeks pregnant with my second biological child, I also have two stepsons. I don't have a huge network of friends but i do have SOME friends and i do have family that lives very close by, my parents live 10 minutes from my house, my sister lives about 2 miles away.

I just feel like i am totally neglected by the people in my life other then my husband and kids. it has been 7 years since my son was born and i was only 20 years old then and moved around a good deal after his birth so i didn't save much baby stuff at all except really sentimental things. None of my friends have offered to have a baby shower or mama blessing for me, nor has my mom who threw me a shower/mama blessing with my son. none of my friends have given me or the baby much in the way of useful baby stuff from their children. my mother did buy the baby one thing so far, a winter bunting at a consignment shop. which is nice, but... i don't know it's not that i need a bunch of stuff given to me, DH and I can afford what the baby needs, but i am just really feeling a lack of acknowledgment that i have a baby coming and could use some support emotionally and physically. i am a sahm to 3 active boys and would kiss someones feet if they would offer to help me clean or cook or anything...

and please don't get me wrong about my mom and dad, they are super generous in every other way, they have helped me out financially and emotionally all throughout my life, it just seems weird how no one is really asking me if i need help specifically with baby preparations.

so is there some way i can gently ask for help/support or should i just try and find new friends or what?
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#2 of 7 Old 10-23-2008, 12:45 PM
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I don't think it would be out of place to ask for support at all, especially post-partum support. I would send an e-mail to your near by family and ask if they would be willing do X (watch the kids for a few hours or days after the new baby is born, come over for an hour a day to help around the house, etc.). I think that maybe people don't know what they can do to help, but asking for specifics can make it a lot easier.

If you are concerned that people aren't offering emotional support and joy, I would take it upon yourself to celebrate the new baby after it arrives. Through a "coming out" or "welcoming" party/openhouse for the baby when people can come meet the baby maybe a month after it is born. If this was something that you didn't do with your first baby, it is something nice and new to do for the second.
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#3 of 7 Old 10-23-2008, 10:31 PM
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I think Nautical had a great idea. A "welcoming baby" celebration would be so nice and its not distasteful either. Its saying "look at this miracle we now have, we would like to share him/her with you" now, if you through yourself a baby shower, then that would be tacky.

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#4 of 7 Old 10-23-2008, 11:03 PM
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Originally Posted by slinginhipmama View Post
I think Nautical had a great idea. A "welcoming baby" celebration would be so nice and its not distasteful either. Its saying "look at this miracle we now have, we would like to share him/her with you" now, if you through yourself a baby shower, then that would be tacky.
This is our third and we're going through some of the same things. I don't want a baby shower but I still want the photographs and memories so we're going to throw on a pot of soup and open the doors. My immediate family is pretty close by too but it seems like this pregnancy is being brushed under the rug. But I am way more emotional this time too due to sheer exhaustion from chasing two other kids so mole hills are not just turning into mountains but some major flaming volcanoes to me Hang in there, it'll get better.

In love with the Hubs (6-03) & : Kookie Pookie Girl (c/s 5-05) & Bouncy Big Boy (vbac 2-07) & : Miss Cheeky Cheeks (hbac 11-08) 100*90* 100lbs = Las Vegas : Almost there!
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#5 of 7 Old 10-24-2008, 05:09 AM
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Im going through something similar, however, my family is thousands of miles away. Im not particularly close to anyone here but I have either attended or thrown at least 7-8 baby showers in the past year (most for people having their 2nd or more child). Now that Im almost due with my own its like no one really cares. Almost feels like this baby is getting cheated in a way.
None of my family is planning on trying to visit and a lot of them are actually mad we aren't planning on coming out there before next Christmas (they expected us to come out there in January). Its not easy to fly over here but it would have been nice if they all pitched in and at least one person came over when the baby was due. I think Ill be the only person I know to have a baby over here and have no one visit. It just makes me sad

~Heather~ Mama to Miss E (1/07), Miss A (11/08), Mr.T (2/11) and Miss A (10/12) Expecting our newest blessing sometime late Sept/early Oct.. Wife to my Marine since 11/2005
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#6 of 7 Old 10-24-2008, 09:53 AM
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What about a quilting bee?Invite whomever over,ask them to bring a such and such size piece of fabric,and take a few visits to piece a quilt together.You'll have people present and hopefully that helps them tune in more, it helps fill in the long days of the last weeks,and you'll have a great piece of useful memorabilia!

We are on our fifth baby here,and this is what I'm considering.I just feel like I need more time with the supportive women in my life around me right now.It's a bit wierd, cos we've never done this before, but I really need to casually have support present....

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#7 of 7 Old 10-24-2008, 10:41 AM
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for arismama! I actually felt like that even with my first. I did have nice showers, and got nice support from friends in the area bringing food, but I got so envious when I heard people talk about how they never had to buy any clothes because the grandparents kept getting stuff for them. We bought *everything* for our baby once the showers were over. And as you said, it wasn't the money, it just would have been nice to feel supported in that way.

Anyway, there are some wonderful ideas in this thread. I think a baby-welcoming party is a great idea. Maybe I'll do one too for this babe, since I refused a shower.

SAHM to 6.5yo DS and 4yo DD. PCOS with two early m/cs. Married 8 yrs. Certified birth doula, writer, editor.

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