No Vaccinations - DH doesn't agree. - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 21 Old 04-20-2009, 11:51 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Please help. I have chosen not to vaccinate DS after extensive research. My brother is a chiropractor and was had given me multiple books on vaccinations with pros and cons. DS is 6 months old now and we have had to switch peds 3 different times because we were told to go elsewhere. I was in shock. Anyways, DH is not okay with this. Every single time we go to an appointment I am thrown in the middle and tossed back and forth like a ping pong ball between the ped. and DH about how we should vaccinate. I understand that it would be the best thing for DH and myself to come to an understanding about not vaccinating. To be honest, this will never happen. We were brought up totally different. I am a firm believer in non-medicine healing, breast feeding, co-sleeping, no vax, etc. DH could care less about any of this. It's not his fault, it's just how he was raised. What should I do to explain my reasoning's to DH and the pediatrician at our next appointment since it's brought up at EVERY appointment we go to. DH demands to go to every appointment so I won't be able to go without him. I am in the process of finding a new pediatrician (it's a rough process), however until then do you have any good "comebacks" that I can give the doctor/DH? I don't want it to turn into an argument of course, however I also don't want to be the underdog either. Every time we leave an appointment I am practically in tears because all I want is the best for my son and I am always hearing "how are you going to live with yourself if something happens to him because he wasn't vaccinated?" BLAH BLAH BLAH ...

Sorry for such a long scrambled post; I am at my wits end.
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#2 of 21 Old 04-21-2009, 12:10 AM
 
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Has your DH actually looked into the diseases? Why is he so afraid of them? That is a great place to start. Take each disease one at a time. Rather than fighting the merits of vaxes, just hold a discussion about the diseases. Most of them aren't really scary at all!

For your doctor, call ahead of time to see what their vax policy is. I would also have it noted in your son's chart that you do not want to discuss vaxes at his appointments. Either that, or just stop the WBV. The only reason they are that often is for vaxes. If you aren't giving them, and DS is in good health, you really don't need to go.

Get "How to Raise Healthy Child... In Spite of Your Doctor", by Dr. Robert Mendelsohn. It is an inexpensive book that really helps to put medical issues into perspective.
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#3 of 21 Old 04-21-2009, 12:19 AM
 
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Has your husband done any vaccine research of his own? Is he capable of explaining why the vaccines are necessary beyond "The doctors say we have to vaccinate!"

If not, why should he even have a say? Unvaccinated is the default. Not only is the onus on him to show you why you should tamper with the default by injecting your child with a toxic cocktail of chemicals and heavy metals, but he needs to do it with good, solid research.

I know this must be so hard on you, mama. But in my family, the person who does the research has the final say. And barring that, the person who says "no" to tampering with the default state of the human body (vaccines, circumcision, etc.) has ultimate veto power. In this case DH and I were fortunate enough to agree, but this would have been my hill to die on.

I would suggest that at these appointments, you make it clear that you won't be browbeaten or harassed by your children's doctor. "I understand that you feel strongly about this, but I have done my research and am comfortable with my decision. We will not be vaccinating today." Rinse and repeat until they let it go. Don't debate, don't argue--just get very good at saying no, no, no, no. I would also think about trying to take them to a naturopath or chiropractor so that they're still getting medical care but vaccines aren't even an option. (If you're comfortable with doing so, consider skipping well baby visits entirely.) Get a copy each of Wootan's Taking Charge of Your Child's Health, Mendelsohn's How to Raise a Healthy Child in Spite of Your Doctor, and Aviva Jill Romm's book Healthy Babies, Healthy Children for yourself for future reference.

Stay strong.

Loving wife partners.gif and mama to my sweet little son coolshine.gif (Fall 2008) and a beautiful baby girl babyf.gif(Fall 2010)

 

When a stupid man is doing something he is ashamed of, he always declares that it is his duty. --George Bernard Shaw

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#4 of 21 Old 04-21-2009, 02:29 AM
 
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Google Vaccine Nation and watch that movie with him on google video. It will at least get him thinking. It got my DH thinking and now we dont vaccinate at all.

Me(33), Mama to a crazy DD (6), Wife to a wonderful mountain man(32) BF my babe for 2 years
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#5 of 21 Old 04-21-2009, 12:06 PM
 
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My dh is as mainstream as you can get. In fact, he is a microbiologist who tests drugs for pharmaceutical companies. I told him he didn't get to take part in the vax decision making until he had done at least as much research as I had done. As a scientist, he had to agree. What helped him was weighing the risks vs. benefits....ie.....examining each disease and each vaccine. He is now 100 per cent on board and is even more vocal about our decision than I would ever be. One book that he appreciated, surprisingly, was Randall Neustedter's The Vaccine Guide. It basically did all the work for him.

As far as the ped. goes, you'll never convince him that you're doing the right thing for your child. Never. If you choose to keep seeing a ped, all you can do is thank him for his concern and information and remind him that it is your decision and responsibility, not his. We switched to a FP for annual check ups and a ND for the very occasional sick care.

HTH. If my dh can come around, so can yours!

T
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#6 of 21 Old 04-21-2009, 12:11 PM
 
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I would discontinue well checks. He's only going in for a check-up, right? Put the baby on a yearly check up schedule, effective immediately. Checking every few months is ONLY done to promote vaccination.

Then the issue won't come up as often with your husband. In the meantime, print these out and let your hubby read a bit:

http://www.*********/v/phillips.html

http://www.aapsonline.org/press/nrvacres.htm

http://www.informedchoice.info/cocktail.html

Loving mother, Devoted Wife
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#7 of 21 Old 04-21-2009, 12:14 PM
 
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I think it's pointless to go to the ped until you and dh come to some sort of agreement or at least truce on this issue. The ped is always going to favor vaxxing, and no snappy comebacks or alternative health articles are going to change that. All you are going to do is burn through every ped in town while having the argument with your partner.
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#8 of 21 Old 04-21-2009, 12:49 PM
 
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I agree with others, now that he is 6 months you could opt to wait now until 12 months. Most WBV's are just for vaccines anyways, although they do check for other things that you may decide is important to you.

I completely understand where you are coming from as DH are basically the same, so opposite, although he is OK with BF and bedsharing and now he finally understands about circ, but now he thinks DS is 'too old' to BF. He believes 100% what the docs/gov't/CDC says although I think he has gotten more open minded about it (still gets tetanus and flu shots though!). The problem is, he harassed and bullied me into 2-12mo shots and we've had major relationship problems ever since, requiring 2+ years of counseling although there are other things too but vaxes are/were a big part of it.

Don't let him talk you into any or you will regret it like I do. will he listen to doctors? Then I recommend Dr. Jay Gordon's DVD and Dr. Sheri Tenpenny's DVD (hers is linked on my website). I also loved Dr. Randall's book and Aviva Jill Romm.

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#9 of 21 Old 04-21-2009, 03:20 PM
 
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For the next Dr. visit "this is a well visit; I will not allow vaccinations today and it is not up for discussion." If anyone attempts to discuss it, walk out. Try the API site for an AP group; you may be able to find a ped through them or you could just try a family Dr.


Your dh has to do some research.

Watch this with him:

Vaccines-The Risks, the Benefits, the Choices DVD, By Sherri J. TENPENNY

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=7018835240451107552



Here are some questions to answer in deciding about vax.

1. Name of the disease
2. Description of the disease
3. Length of time from initial infection to end of all symptoms
4. Infectious period
5. Normal symptoms of the disease
6. Known serious consequences of the disease
7. Proportion of persons infected developing serious consequences
8. Transmission route of the disease
9. Prevalence of the disease
10. Treatments of the disease and efficacy of those treatments
11. Relevant research about the disease
12. Name of the vaccine
13. Company that makes the vaccine
14. Contents of the vaccine
14A. The significance of whether or not the vaccine is live
15. History of development of the vaccine
16. Known side-effects of the vaccine and rate of incidence of those side-effects
17. Possible side-effects not yet acknowledged by the vaccine maker
18. Relevant research into the vaccine
19. How effective is the vaccine at preventing the disease?
20.What is the vaccine meant to do? (Many vaccines are not meant to prevent infection or transmission).
21.Number of cases reported each year.
22.Number of deaths reported each year from the vaccine and natural disease.

Here are some sources to help you out:

Inside Vaccines

http://www.cdc.gov/mmwr/mmwr_wk.html (download the current issue)
http://www.cdc.gov/vaccines/pubs/pin...k-chapters.htm
http://vaers.hhs.gov/pdf/PackageInserts.pdf
http://video.google.com/videoplay?do...40451107552&q=
http://video.google.com/videoplay?do...87981735&hl=en
http://www.cdc.gov/vaccines/pubs/pin...ses&deaths.pdf

"It should be a rule in all prophylactic work that no harm should ever be unnecessarily inflicted on a healthy person (Sir Graham Wilson, The Hazards of Immunization, 1967)."
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#10 of 21 Old 04-22-2009, 10:58 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Yeah, I had thought about skipping on the well visits. DH would have a huge problem with this but it's ultimately my decision (in all honesty). The only thing is, I wanted to keep up to date in his baby record book his weights and measurements at each visit. How could I go about this? Do you keep track of these things?


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Originally Posted by traycanadian View Post
My dh is as mainstream as you can get. In fact, he is a microbiologist who tests drugs for pharmaceutical companies. I told him he didn't get to take part in the vax decision making until he had done at least as much research as I had done. As a scientist, he had to agree. What helped him was weighing the risks vs. benefits....ie.....examining each disease and each vaccine. He is now 100 per cent on board and is even more vocal about our decision than I would ever be. One book that he appreciated, surprisingly, was Randall Neustedter's The Vaccine Guide. It basically did all the work for him.

As far as the ped. goes, you'll never convince him that you're doing the right thing for your child. Never. If you choose to keep seeing a ped, all you can do is thank him for his concern and information and remind him that it is your decision and responsibility, not his. We switched to a FP for annual check ups and a ND for the very occasional sick care.

HTH. If my dh can come around, so can yours!

T
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#11 of 21 Old 04-22-2009, 11:21 AM
 
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You could also try posting in your tribal area to find a local vac friendly doctor. I bet if your doc was not opposed to your decision, your DH would be more open minded.

Momma to DD (12/04) hearts.gif and DS (11/09) hbac.gif.
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#12 of 21 Old 04-22-2009, 11:24 AM
 
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Originally Posted by Westinsmommy View Post
[FONT="Comic Sans MS"]Yeah, I had thought about skipping on the well visits. DH would have a huge problem with this but it's ultimately my decision (in all honesty). The only thing is, I wanted to keep up to date in his baby record book his weights and measurements at each visit. How could I go about this? Do you keep track of these things?
My family doesn't do WBV. I don't see the point of going out of my way to spend time with someone who is just going to annoy me. All children are different in how they develop. My concern is for my children to be happy and healthy.

Your husband can watch this quick 6 minute video to see what one shot can do to a very healthy, adult man.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-afu0...om=PL&index=11

This is one shot for one man. Imagine what several shots can do to a tiny baby. I second Mendelsohn's book. It's good for those indoctrinated into the allopathic model.

My favorite vaccine video is Dr. Andrew Moulden's Tolerance Lost series. You can buy it at www.brainguardmd.com. You can also read the first few chapters of his book for free there. Just go down to bloodflow and click. His info is the best I have seen (and I've been reading this stuff for a decade and a half). He breaks down exactly what vaccines do to EVERYONE. He is another allopathic doctor who discovered the truth about vaccine dangers.

Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else's opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation. - Oscar Wilde
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#13 of 21 Old 04-22-2009, 12:23 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Westinsmommy View Post
Yeah, I had thought about skipping on the well visits. DH would have a huge problem with this but it's ultimately my decision (in all honesty). The only thing is, I wanted to keep up to date in his baby record book his weights and measurements at each visit. How could I go about this? Do you keep track of these things?
Get yourself a scale for his weight, and take the length/height and head circumference measurements with a tape measure.

Kim mama to DS 12/2005, Pepper kitty , and 10/03, 1/05;
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#14 of 21 Old 04-22-2009, 12:32 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Westinsmommy View Post
Yeah, I had thought about skipping on the well visits. DH would have a huge problem with this but it's ultimately my decision (in all honesty). The only thing is, I wanted to keep up to date in his baby record book his weights and measurements at each visit. How could I go about this? Do you keep track of these things?
You can always weigh and measure him yourself. However, it sounds like your dh is going to need a bit more than that. How about an ND? Or, if he's still not cool with that, family practitioners are not as vax-happy as peds. You could try calling some FPs and asking if they accept unvaccinated patients. They will probably still ask if you want vax at each visit but hopefully it won't feel as much like harrassment as it does with a ped!

The best thing is to help get your dh on the same page, then it won't matter how you choose to get health care for your child. You'll be a united front.
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#15 of 21 Old 04-23-2009, 01:21 PM
 
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To OP....I agree with PP's. You said
Quote:
I am a firm believer in non-medicine healing, breast feeding, co-sleeping, no vax, etc. DH could care less about any of this. It's not his fault, it's just how he was raised.
I would point out to him that the fact that he is a father makes this Unacceptable and a total cop-out. He HAS to care at least enough to educate himself beyond what he is being told by the doctor and how he was raised. Otherwise he has no business being a parent. IT IS HIS JOB to care about the health of his child. Now if he researches heavily (not just reading provax propaganda but looking at both sides of the issue) and comes to the same conclusion than you need to come to some sort of compromise, but until he does this, he has no say.

As for a non-vax freindly pedi, I see you are in Tampa FL...this guy is in Tampa
http://www.wholisticpeds.com/

good luck!

If the people let government decide what foods they eat and what medicines they take, their bodies will soon be in as sorry a state as are the souls of those who live under tyranny." Thomas Jefferson.

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#16 of 21 Old 04-23-2009, 01:58 PM
 
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For me, if DH refused to educate himself and discuss and be willing to look at my side at all - he would no longer get a say.

~Marie : Mom to DS(11), DS(10), DD(8), DD(4), DD(2), & Happily Married to DH 12 yrs.!
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#17 of 21 Old 04-23-2009, 05:18 PM
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I think that even if you and your DH aren't on the same page he should keep that private and not speak against you in front of the dr. Could you talk to him about that? You can discuss in private but show a united front to the world even if that is "we are still researching"

Otherwise, I agree with everyone else. If he doesn't research he doesn't get an opinion. Also, I read a marriage book once that talked about how some things aren't open for compromise. You need to explain to him that this is something you can not conscionably waiver on.
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#18 of 21 Old 04-24-2009, 09:57 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks ladies. I agree 100% with everything that has been said. Because my LO has medicaid we are forced to go to the well-checkups. I made his next appointment for Monday and I have not told DH about it (and I don't plan on it). I feel semi-bad for keeping this from him but I think it's for the better for both myself and him. I just don't believe we will ever come to and understanding about my decision not to vaccinate and I am going to let the doctor know I am not willing to discuss this matter any more. I am in the process of trying to find a new pediatrician, however in the mean time I guess I am forced to do what is best for my sons well-being. Thank you so much for taking the time to read and give your opinions. It's greatly appreciated! Let me know if there are any pediatricians that you know of that are AP friendly as well.
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#19 of 21 Old 04-26-2009, 06:49 PM
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My husband was pro-vax as well. After FORCING some research, movies, books on him, he took the non-vax side and apologized to me for pushing some vaccines on our first child (I didn't know much back than and I regret deeply about partially vaccinating our first child).

Quote:
Originally Posted by Westinsmommy View Post
Thanks ladies. I agree 100% with everything that has been said. Because my LO has medicaid we are forced to go to the well-checkups. I made his next appointment for Monday and I have not told DH about it (and I don't plan on it). I feel semi-bad for keeping this from him but I think it's for the better for both myself and him. I just don't believe we will ever come to and understanding about my decision not to vaccinate and I am going to let the doctor know I am not willing to discuss this matter any more. I am in the process of trying to find a new pediatrician, however in the mean time I guess I am forced to do what is best for my sons well-being. Thank you so much for taking the time to read and give your opinions. It's greatly appreciated! Let me know if there are any pediatricians that you know of that are AP friendly as well.
Off topic: Assuming your son is whole, I just wanted to worn you to watch for retraction:
A Warning for Parents of intact son (s)

http://www.mothering.com/discussions....php?t=1050941
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#20 of 21 Old 04-28-2009, 09:05 PM
 
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We didn't do well checks on Medicaid. It's just insurance. You don't have to use it.

Enjoying my plummet off the deep end mommy with two (2005) and (2007)
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#21 of 21 Old 04-29-2009, 12:54 AM
 
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Thanks ladies. I agree 100% with everything that has been said. Because my LO has medicaid we are forced to go to the well-checkups.
From what I have heard, you do not have to do well baby visits. I haven't used medicaid, but I've been on CHIP for my first child; it was just insurance.

"It should be a rule in all prophylactic work that no harm should ever be unnecessarily inflicted on a healthy person (Sir Graham Wilson, The Hazards of Immunization, 1967)."
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