I need to vent...dh acting like ds is going to die now - Mothering Forums

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Old 10-27-2010, 01:40 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Ds is 14 months and I've already signed a form at the drs stating we will not be doing ANY vax's (not the bad mommy one, just a simple plain form quite plain actually) and dh is one to always speak up now about how vax's are a bunch of balony. Until now...

Sunday-
I was getting ds out of the tub in the morning and wiped his nose (he has allergies just like myself and our dd's) and dh made some comment like, "well he wouldn't be sick if he had some of his vax's!" I asked him if he just said what I thought he did and he repeated it again. I blatantly told him the comment was stupid and when he joined me back in reality to let me know.

Yesterday and today he has been making little comments here and there about it and today I flat out asked him what his deal was. He then asked me if we were EVER going to do any shots and I told him NO. This has been discussed in the past and case closed. He was then trying to push me saying we need to at least get the MMR because people can DIE without it. I stood my ground and told him over my dead body would I EVER inject another one of my children with that poison. Did he forget that was the shot that turned dd1 into a seizure ridden mess for over a year, and we are still dealing with the behavioral issues 4 yrs later?! I told him I run a bigger risk of losing him (dh) in a car accident because he likes to be a speed demon (only when alone, I punch him in the arm if he even goes 5mph over with me and the kids) than I do of having ds die from a VPD. So do us both a favor and stop beating a dead horse. Decision was made jointly, implemented jointly, so case is CLOSED.

I'm guessing all this crap is coming from MIL. He has been talking to her more over the past week then in a long time. She is always trying to have authority over our kids. She can't accept the fact that they were born from MY body and NOT HERS.

It's just so freaking frustrating!!!! And I feel like I really need to some sense back into dh. UGH!

Crystal- aka "Momma" toLara Karlene 1-1-05 ~ Keira Skyler 1-31-07 ~ Rohnin Viper 8-12-09 & stork-suprise.gif March 2014!!!!

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Old 10-27-2010, 11:27 AM
 
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Ok, for starters, does your husband really think allergies are vax preventable, or does he think your child is infected with a vax preventable disease right now? That would be the first question I would ask to bring some logic back into the discussion.

Then I would talk to him about where this is coming from now when the decisions were already made, and ask him if he wants to re-open the discussion CALMLY when both of you are feeling up to discussing it rationally.
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Old 10-27-2010, 02:06 PM
 
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your husband needs some ammo for these conversations with his mother. What's probably happened is that he's had discussions where he ended up feeling stupid for not having his facts.

Try some of these:
Gary Null speaking at assembly (he's got some great info in this speech)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y3XlJB7J5-o

Medical universities (Harvard being one) openly have profs who are paid by pharma.
http://medicalconsumerism.blogspot.c...st-pharma.html

Former head of cdc lands lucrative job at Merck
http://www.reuters.com/article/idUSTRE5BK2K520091221

Vaccine ingredients
http://www.novaccine.com/vaccine-ingredients/

Vaccines are consistently recalled because of certain batches injuring patients...so, essentially, they're contaminated somehow. Here's one example.
http://www.fiercepharmamanufacturing...use/2010-03-23

This explains serotype replacement that happens with bacterial vaccines. This is about prevnar 7 which vaccinated against 7 strains. Because of serotype replacement, they've recently had to come out with prevnar 13 and I've read that they're working on prevnar 21. I think that bacteria may just be smarter than our "scientists."
http://www.sciencedirect.com/science...a&searchtype=a

Anyway, some of this may help. Have heard that the book "raising healthy kids despite your doctor" is a good book as well.

Due to all of the above information, I cannot trust my children's health to the people who are in charge of vaccines. I get sick just thinking about the fact that I blindly vaccinated my first child for so long...he's had 20 shots.

Talk with him about this stuff, let him read the articles and watch videos. He's probably not researched as much as you and doesn't like not having his stuff together when his mom brings it up.
Good luck.

Our children make a study of us in a way no one else ever will.  If we don't act according to our values, they will know.~Starhawk Rainbow.gif  New  User Agreement! http://www.mothering.com/community/wiki/user-agreement

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Old 10-27-2010, 02:13 PM
 
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you may also want to teach him to "pass the bean dip" or respond to her questions with his own questions. Don't on the defense...get back up on the offense!

MIL"When are you going to get vaccines for ____?" Him:"Why are you asking?" or "vaccines for what?" (most people don't really have a clue what they're being vaccinated for and will usually say "Polio." And then you can respond with "Is there a polio outbreak?" Just ask questions...it will exhaust her and she'll give up.LOL

I've learned to almost never answer a question straight out. It drives people crazy, but I answer questions with questions. It helps me figure out how to respond without getting flustered or feeling "on the spot."

Our children make a study of us in a way no one else ever will.  If we don't act according to our values, they will know.~Starhawk Rainbow.gif  New  User Agreement! http://www.mothering.com/community/wiki/user-agreement

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Old 10-27-2010, 02:28 PM
 
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Perhaps you need a copy of Dr. Tenpenny's video to keep next to your TV!

My partially vaxed son only had 1 sick visit until Kindergarten, and my 4yo has never had a sick visit with the doctor; they have never been near deaths door, but we dealt with a terrible case of pinkeye with respiratory symptoms last year.


Your dh could make a binder with the following questions for each VAD/disease and have it handy when he talks to his mother.


1. Name of the disease
2. Description of the disease
3. Length of time from initial infection to end of all symptoms
4. Infectious period
5. Normal symptoms of the disease
6. Known serious consequences of the disease
7. Proportion of persons infected developing serious consequences
8. Transmission route of the disease
9. Prevalence of the disease
10. Treatments of the disease and efficacy of those treatments
11. Relevant research about the disease
12. Name of the vaccine
13. Company that makes the vaccine
14. Contents of the vaccine
14A. The significance of whether or not the vaccine is live
15. History of development of the vaccine
16. Known side-effects of the vaccine and rate of incidence of those side-effects
17. Possible side-effects not yet acknowledged by the vaccine maker
18. Relevant research into the vaccine
19. How effective is the vaccine at preventing the disease?
20.What is the vaccine meant to do? (Vaccines may not prevent infection or transmission).
21.Number of cases reported each year.
22.Number of deaths reported each year from the vaccine and natural disease.

Here are some sources to help you out:

Vaccines: The Risks, The Benefits, The Choices 1/18
DVD
, By Sherri J. TENPENNY

http://drjaygordon.com/

http://www.cdc.gov/mmwr/mmwr_wk.html (download the current issue)
http://www.cdc.gov/vaccines/pubs/pin...k-chapters.htm
http://vaers.hhs.gov/pdf/PackageInserts.pdf
http://www.cdc.gov/vaccines/pubs/pin...ses&deaths.pdf

Health Sentinel Graphs

WHO GRAPH

Vaccine Injury Table


Beyond Conformity Resources Page
Do you have a quick-fire summary?

Inside Vaccines

Mothering: Ending the War on Disease
http://www.mothering.com/health/heal...m-just-growing


"It should be a rule in all prophylactic work that no harm should ever be unnecessarily inflicted on a healthy person (Sir Graham Wilson, The Hazards of Immunization, 1967)."
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Old 10-27-2010, 02:37 PM
 
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Originally Posted by chaoticzenmom View Post

I've learned to almost never answer a question straight out. It drives people crazy, but I answer questions with questions. It helps me figure out how to respond without getting flustered or feeling "on the spot."
I'm just learning how to effectively do this and it is not always my first instinct since I get defensive. To ask questions though is definitely more effective.
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Old 10-27-2010, 05:27 PM - Thread Starter
 
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The crazy part about this whole thing is that dh DOES know his facts and I only know this because he has absolutely no problem spouting off the facts of exactly why we are not doing any vaxs when he is around my family. He can talk to anyone about it except his mother. Apparently she has some kind of power trip thing over him. And its not just the issue of to vax or not, but almost all the decisions we make regarding our choices in raising our children, but I know this forum is only about the choice not to vax so I won't bring any of that up here.

Dh hasn't said anymore about it, so I'm apt to just let things fall where they may for now, with the hope there will not be anymore outside influences cloudy his better judgement for a while (at least until he grasps the facts again.)

Crystal- aka "Momma" toLara Karlene 1-1-05 ~ Keira Skyler 1-31-07 ~ Rohnin Viper 8-12-09 & stork-suprise.gif March 2014!!!!

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Old 10-27-2010, 05:29 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by lynsage View Post
Ok, for starters, does your husband really think allergies are vax preventable, or does he think your child is infected with a vax preventable disease right now? That would be the first question I would ask to bring some logic back into the discussion.

Then I would talk to him about where this is coming from now when the decisions were already made, and ask him if he wants to re-open the discussion CALMLY when both of you are feeling up to discussing it rationally.
I don't think dh thinks allergies are vax preventable but with all the other commentary I think he's just in brain-fart mode right now or something!

Crystal- aka "Momma" toLara Karlene 1-1-05 ~ Keira Skyler 1-31-07 ~ Rohnin Viper 8-12-09 & stork-suprise.gif March 2014!!!!

intactlact.gifsaynovax.gif

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Old 10-27-2010, 05:31 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by Emmeline II View Post
Perhaps you need a copy of Dr. Tenpenny's video to keep next to your TV!

Our siblings children are all vaxed and if I had a dollar for each sick doctor visit they've had I could probably buy a big screen TV. However, my partially vaxed son only had 1 sick visit until Kindergarten, and my 4yo has never had a sick visit with the doctor.


Your dh could make a binder with the following questions for each VAD/disease and have it handy when he talks to his mother.


1. Name of the disease
2. Description of the disease
3. Length of time from initial infection to end of all symptoms
4. Infectious period
5. Normal symptoms of the disease
6. Known serious consequences of the disease
7. Proportion of persons infected developing serious consequences
8. Transmission route of the disease
9. Prevalence of the disease
10. Treatments of the disease and efficacy of those treatments
11. Relevant research about the disease
12. Name of the vaccine
13. Company that makes the vaccine
14. Contents of the vaccine
14A. The significance of whether or not the vaccine is live
15. History of development of the vaccine
16. Known side-effects of the vaccine and rate of incidence of those side-effects
17. Possible side-effects not yet acknowledged by the vaccine maker
18. Relevant research into the vaccine
19. How effective is the vaccine at preventing the disease?
20.What is the vaccine meant to do? (Vaccines may not prevent infection or transmission).
21.Number of cases reported each year.
22.Number of deaths reported each year from the vaccine and natural disease.

Here are some sources to help you out:

Vaccines: The Risks, The Benefits, The Choices 1/18
DVD
, By Sherri J. TENPENNY

http://drjaygordon.com/

http://www.cdc.gov/mmwr/mmwr_wk.html (download the current issue)
http://www.cdc.gov/vaccines/pubs/pin...k-chapters.htm
http://vaers.hhs.gov/pdf/PackageInserts.pdf
http://www.cdc.gov/vaccines/pubs/pin...ses&deaths.pdf

Health Sentinel Graphs

WHO GRAPH

Vaccine Injury Table


Beyond Conformity Resources Page
Do you have a quick-fire summary?

Inside Vaccines

Mothering: Ending the War on Disease
http://www.mothering.com/health/heal...m-just-growing
Thanks! I may just do this so I have it on hand myself even. Wouldn't a coffee table book like this start some interesting conversations at family gatherings?!

Crystal- aka "Momma" toLara Karlene 1-1-05 ~ Keira Skyler 1-31-07 ~ Rohnin Viper 8-12-09 & stork-suprise.gif March 2014!!!!

intactlact.gifsaynovax.gif

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Old 10-27-2010, 05:33 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by chaoticzenmom View Post
you may also want to teach him to "pass the bean dip" We both do this a lot or respond to her questions with his own questions. Don't on the defense...get back up on the offense!

MIL"When are you going to get vaccines for ____?" Him:"Why are you asking?" or "vaccines for what?" (most people don't really have a clue what they're being vaccinated for and will usually say "Polio." And then you can respond with "Is there a polio outbreak?" Just ask questions...it will exhaust her and she'll give up.LOL

I've learned to almost never answer a question straight out. It drives people crazy, but I answer questions with questions.I do this all the time with dh and your right it does drive them insane! It helps me figure out how to respond without getting flustered or feeling "on the spot."
Bolding mine...

Crystal- aka "Momma" toLara Karlene 1-1-05 ~ Keira Skyler 1-31-07 ~ Rohnin Viper 8-12-09 & stork-suprise.gif March 2014!!!!

intactlact.gifsaynovax.gif

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Old 10-27-2010, 11:33 PM
 
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There is a book called "Toxic In-Laws" that you may want to pick-up.

"It should be a rule in all prophylactic work that no harm should ever be unnecessarily inflicted on a healthy person (Sir Graham Wilson, The Hazards of Immunization, 1967)."
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Old 10-27-2010, 11:35 PM
 
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Originally Posted by mi.birthdoula View Post
The crazy part about this whole thing is that dh DOES know his facts and I only know this because he has absolutely no problem spouting off the facts of exactly why we are not doing any vaxs when he is around my family. He can talk to anyone about it except his mother. Apparently she has some kind of power trip thing over him. And its not just the issue of to vax or not, but almost all the decisions we make regarding our choices in raising our children, but I know this forum is only about the choice not to vax so I won't bring any of that up here.

Dh hasn't said anymore about it, so I'm apt to just let things fall where they may for now, with the hope there will not be anymore outside influences cloudy his better judgement for a while (at least until he grasps the facts again.)

Sounds like maybe he had a few moments of weakness due to MIL. I'd do the same as you, just not bring it up again for now.
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Old 10-28-2010, 03:09 AM - Thread Starter
 
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There is a book called "Toxic In-Laws" that you may want to pick-up.

Think I may go get this to keep on the coffee table too, right next to the binder with all the vax info. I'll make sure they are both front and center next time we have company!

Crystal- aka "Momma" toLara Karlene 1-1-05 ~ Keira Skyler 1-31-07 ~ Rohnin Viper 8-12-09 & stork-suprise.gif March 2014!!!!

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Old 10-28-2010, 09:26 PM
 
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Hehe....who needs the T.V. with those two books on your coffee table?!

I would let a sleeping dog lie in this case. Unless hubby tries to take action, he may be feeling a bit insecure about this decision you guys have made whenever he talks to his mom. Patient and confident reminding from you will bless him. Hang in there!!

Crunchy Christian mama to my home birthed, unvaxed, uncirc boys Shane and Cody!!joy.gif
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