Where to socialize w/ vax's feel isolated - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 28 Old 06-06-2011, 02:15 PM - Thread Starter
 
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 As we start looking for places that will welcome my child, I'm feeling like he unwelcome everywhere! Will I have to fight for an exemption every place we go? Anyone in No VA know of places to meet other no vax families? We might home school but right now our child is 1 year old but we don't want to stay home and have church nursery the only welcoming place he can play with other kids,... because they haven't asked yet! Even the church preschool looks daunting! Even the rec centers seem like they ask. If my child had HIV I think the'd be more welcoming!!! :( It's hard enough getting out with a small child but feeling unwelcome is very upsetting.

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#2 of 28 Old 06-06-2011, 02:28 PM
 
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I'm not in VA, but my son is three and the topic rarely comes up.  We don't say anything and people don't ask...unless they are inclined to also not vax.  And if they're asking at school or wherever else, fine, but that is part of a child's private health info and shouldn't be discussed with other families or kids so it shouldn't become an issue that isolates you.  I wouldn't worry. 

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#3 of 28 Old 06-06-2011, 02:29 PM
 
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Don't volunteer the information that your child is not vaccinated.

 

If someone asks if your child is vaccinated, say yes, unless it is a place that will be asking for verification, like school.  A lot of places that ask for vaccine status do not ask for proof. If you don't want to totally lie, you can say, "He is fully up to date on his vaccines." If you plan to never vaccinate him, he is up to date on your schedule, right?

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#4 of 28 Old 06-06-2011, 02:46 PM
 
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no one has ever asked me and It typically doesnt come up.  people on my facebook i'm sure know, I've never had an issue with anyone caring but I hang out with  fairly crunchy or open minded bunch

 


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#5 of 28 Old 06-06-2011, 03:11 PM
 
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My son is now fully vaxed (we were on a delayed schedule) but even so we have never once been asked about vaxes except for gov't run programs (ie: school). He has been enrolled in summer day camps, Y programs, church nursery, playgroups, story hours, etc etc etc. I am surprised it is coming up so often!


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#6 of 28 Old 06-06-2011, 10:14 PM
 
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I live in AZ, a state as conservative as can be, and this has NEVER come up. My ped just shrugs when I say no to a vaccine. No other person or program has asked or said a word about it. How are you presenting yourself? Are you going out of your way to make an issue of it? Are you preaching about it, or telling other parents they shouldn't vax? Just curious as to why you are having so much trouble.

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#7 of 28 Old 06-07-2011, 07:25 PM
 
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My kids are in all sorts of activities/programs and have been for years. The only places I've ever been asked about vax status is hospital stays and school, even our doc has never asked if I am delaying or refusing vaxs. I don't advertise or talk about our vax status with most people, I might even dodge a direct question depending on who and where it is coming from. Not vaxing has never been an issue with schools, I file the paperwork, and is the end of it. 

 

ETA: We did get a VPD a few years back, in our small community it was widely known at the time. I did have some people that refused to be around us for a while but it blew over. 


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#8 of 28 Old 06-08-2011, 11:52 PM
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Originally Posted by ma2two View Post

Don't volunteer the information that your child is not vaccinated.

 

If someone asks if your child is vaccinated, say yes, unless it is a place that will be asking for verification, like school.  A lot of places that ask for vaccine status do not ask for proof. If you don't want to totally lie, you can say, "He is fully up to date on his vaccines." If you plan to never vaccinate him, he is up to date on your schedule, right?


Please don't lie. If other parents only want their children playing with other vaxed children, that is their prerogative. Own your choice not to vax and accept the social consequences.

 

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#9 of 28 Old 06-09-2011, 05:09 AM
 
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Please don't lie. If other parents only want their children playing with other vaxed children, that is their prerogative. Own your choice not to vax and accept the social consequences.

 

 

The above response goes to show you how some parents who vaccinate don't even trust vaccines' effectiveness.  If I vaccinated my child (which I don't), I would hope I would feel confident that he could play with other kids, vaxed or not vaxed.  If I didn't feel confident, I surely would have to go back and reevaluate that decision.

 

To the OP, places like schools, etc, are always going to ask you for an exemption.  I'm not sure who else is asking you about vaccination status. I certainly wouldn't be ashamed of your decision to not vaccinate, but you certainly don't need to broadcast it to random people because it's no one's business. Your choice, your business.   It's not something that defines your child and shouldn't be what is required for children to be "socially acceptable," although realistically (and sadly) speaking, a lot of people choose to define it this way even after all of the controversy over vaccines, and even when their children are fully vaccinated they are still scared!  Go figure.

 

ETA: I would surround yourself with those who feel the way you do and ignore those you feel shunned by.  Maybe try Finding Your Tribe. There may be some parents in your area you can chat with.   There are more parents out there rethinking their vax decisions than you may realize. 


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#10 of 28 Old 06-09-2011, 07:43 AM
 
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It's not just vaxed kids... some kids (or their caregivers wave.gif) cannot be vaxed for medical reasons or are on immunosuppresive medications.  We choose not to hang around our friends when their kids are sick, because something minor (even chicken pox) can cause major problems in our household.

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#11 of 28 Old 06-09-2011, 07:46 AM
 
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Please don't lie. If other parents only want their children playing with other vaxed children, that is their prerogative. Own your choice not to vax and accept the social consequences.

 



If your kids are vaxed, you should have nothing to worry about.  That is what the vaccine is for, right?  Not to mention, do you know how many kids are not vaxed because their parents are lazy and negligent and don't meet any of their medical needs?  (Not saying vaccines are a medical need as we don't vax, but for a different reason than them).  Your kids are exposed to unvaxed kids all the time. 

 

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#12 of 28 Old 06-09-2011, 09:46 AM
 
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Originally Posted by knitknit View Post

Please don't lie. If other parents only want their children playing with other vaxed children, that is their prerogative. Own your choice not to vax and accept the social consequences.

 



OK, so you plan for your children to have play groups only with fully vaccinated children. Perhaps that's possible. Do you carry them around in a plastic bubble all other times? School? (The school isn't going to tell you, and are you going to go up to every parent and ask them individually)? Grocery store, movies? Trains? Planes? What about adults? Are you going to go up to every adult and ask them if they've either received every vaccine on the 2011 childhood schedule, or tested positive for immunity? Be realistic.

 

The OP wants to live a normal life, and there's no reason she shouldn't.

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#13 of 28 Old 06-09-2011, 09:54 AM
 
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Originally Posted by beautyful View Post

It's not just vaxed kids... some kids (or their caregivers wave.gif) cannot be vaxed for medical reasons or are on immunosuppresive medications.  We choose not to hang around our friends when their kids are sick, because something minor (even chicken pox) can cause major problems in our household.



That sounds like a good idea. Both vaccinated and unvaccinated people get sick. People vaccinated with live virus vaccines can shed and spread the virus even when they don't feel sick. If you don't do this already, I suggest you ask people to reschedule their visits if they've recently gotten a live virus vaccine. FluMist, rotavirus, chickenpox, and shingles vaccines are known to shed. There's also the possibility of MMR shedding, although I don't think it's as likely as the three other vaccines I mentioned.

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#14 of 28 Old 06-09-2011, 10:37 AM
 
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My friends are all non-vaxers, and we selectively vax, so I'm not saying it's impossible for a vaxed kid to get sick.  I'm just saying we try to limit their potential exposure to anything in case they don't have full immunity.

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#15 of 28 Old 06-09-2011, 10:39 AM
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I never said I shielded my kid from unvaxed kids. Where did I say that? I said that some parents (and playgroups) want to avoid unvaxed kids. There are social consequences to not vaxing and one should be prepared to accept them. 
 

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If your kids are vaxed, you should have nothing to worry about.  That is what the vaccine is for, right?  Not to mention, do you know how many kids are not vaxed because their parents are lazy and negligent and don't meet any of their medical needs?  (Not saying vaccines are a medical need as we don't vax, but for a different reason than them).  Your kids are exposed to unvaxed kids all the time. 

 



Yes, I have seen the "I'm not Vaccinating' board.



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OK, so you plan for your children to have play groups only with fully vaccinated children. Perhaps that's possible. Do you carry them around in a plastic bubble all other times? School? (The school isn't going to tell you, and are you going to go up to every parent and ask them individually)? Grocery store, movies? Trains? Planes? What about adults? Are you going to go up to every adult and ask them if they've either received every vaccine on the 2011 childhood schedule, or tested positive for immunity? Be realistic.

 

The OP wants to live a normal life, and there's no reason she shouldn't.


In my country vaccines are compulsory for public school attendance. One can get a medical waiver but no religious or philosophical waiver. Non vaxxers by choice must go to private school. So yes, I can send my child to a school with a highly vaccinated population. 

 

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#16 of 28 Old 06-09-2011, 10:53 AM
 
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Originally Posted by APToddlerMama View Post

If your kids are vaxed, you should have nothing to worry about.  That is what the vaccine is for, right?  Not to mention, do you know how many kids are not vaxed because their parents are lazy and negligent and don't meet any of their medical needs?  (Not saying vaccines are a medical need as we don't vax, but for a different reason than them).  Your kids are exposed to unvaxed kids all the time 

 

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Yes, I have seen the "I'm not Vaccinating' board.


Hmmmm, why are you on the I'm Not Vaccinating forum again?headscratch.gif

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#17 of 28 Old 06-09-2011, 10:58 AM
 
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I never said I shielded my kid from unvaxed kids. Where did I say that? I said that some parents (and playgroups) want to avoid unvaxed kids. There are social consequences to not vaxing and one should be prepared to accept them. 
 



Yes, I have seen the "I'm not Vaccinating' board.




In my country vaccines are compulsory for public school attendance. One can get a medical waiver but no religious or philosophical waiver. Non vaxxers by choice must go to private school. So yes, I can send my child to a school with a highly vaccinated population. 

 



*Please.*  People in the I'm Not Vaccinating board are not lazy and negligent.  They (and I) are making the choice we feel is best for our child given the circumstances.  You might consider that negligent.  Personally, I consider it negligent to blindly follow all medical advice without personally researching the benefits and risks for your particular child and family.  I am THRILLED that so many people vaccinate because as long as that continues, the chance of my kid getting a VPD are low, so I rarely even post on these boards.  Second, vaccines are mandatory here too, but I work in child welfare and can't tell you how many kids don't get vaxxed....and nothing happens.  I promise your kids are exposed more than you think to unvaccinated kids.  Why should those of us who choose not to vaccinate stand up and "own" our decision when there are tons of lazy thinkers out there who will automatically assume we are dangerous? 

 

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#18 of 28 Old 06-09-2011, 11:02 AM
 
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*Please.*  People in the I'm Not Vaccinating board are not lazy and negligent.  They (and I) are making the choice we feel is best for our child given the circumstances.  You might consider that negligent.  Personally, I consider it negligent to blindly follow all medical advice without personally researching the benefits and risks for your particular child and family.  I am THRILLED that so many people vaccinate because as long as that continues, the chance of my kid getting a VPD are low, so I rarely even post on these boards.  Second, vaccines are mandatory here too, but I work in child welfare and can't tell you how many kids don't get vaxxed....and nothing happens.  I promise your kids are exposed more than you think to unvaccinated kids.  Why should those of us who choose not to vaccinate stand up and "own" our decision when there are tons of lazy thinkers out there who will automatically assume we are dangerous? 

 


clap.gif

 

I'd certainly rather do my own research and go against the grain than to be part of the "herd" and blindly take advice from groups/organizations that have no interest in my child's health and could care less.

 

Now that we were so rudely interupted by someone obviously trying to stir up trouble, maybe out of boredom, I wouldn't even waste anymore time on it.  Definetly no sense to be made theresmile.gif


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#19 of 28 Old 06-09-2011, 12:02 PM
 
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What country is this?  I'm kinda curious.  I didn't know there was a country that didn't allow at least religious and medical exemptions. 
 

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In my country vaccines are compulsory for public school attendance. One can get a medical waiver but no religious or philosophical waiver.

 



 


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#20 of 28 Old 06-10-2011, 05:07 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Ladies,I started this original thread. I didn't mean to "stir the pot". We have done a ton of research and we know they are putting dangerous stuff in the vax's. We aren't stupid and we will fight for the right health care for our son. Personally I haven't been the same since the Hep vax 's I got in the 1990's for my job. We just want to be proud of our research and knowledge and keep our son healthly and well socialized and not shunned. We have  our reservations about all the conventional parenting and we aren't liking the results in the children we see, so we are doing things differently. In VA we may have fewer rights than other areas of the US or other countries. I have issue with "informed consent" if we are informed and we DON'T consent and you force us, what kind of medical care is that?

 

My main question is were to find other children that aren't vaccinated OR activities that we can attend that don't require a vax history sheet before admission.  I just signed up for a AP MeetUp parents group. Perhaps they will be more welcoming than conventional groups.

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#21 of 28 Old 06-10-2011, 05:33 AM
 
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Ladies,I started this original thread. I didn't mean to "stir the pot". We have done a ton of research and we know they are putting dangerous stuff in the vax's. We aren't stupid and we will fight for the right health care for our son. Personally I haven't been the same since the Hep vax 's I got in the 1990's for my job. We just want to be proud of our research and knowledge and keep our son healthly and well socialized and not shunned. We have  our reservations about all the conventional parenting and we aren't liking the results in the children we see, so we are doing things differently. In VA we may have fewer rights than other areas of the US or other countries. I have issue with "informed consent" if we are informed and we DON'T consent and you force us, what kind of medical care is that?

 

My main question is were to find other children that aren't vaccinated OR activities that we can attend that don't require a vax history sheet before admission.  I just signed up for a AP MeetUp parents group. Perhaps they will be more welcoming than conventional groups.


I'm not in VA, but there is the Little Gym where they have different programs for kids starting at 4 months and up, all through the year.  The Little Gym where I am doesn't require vaccine history at all.  I'm assuming none of them in any other locations would either. They're all throughout the country with a bunch in VA.  My 3-year-old loves it! Check it out.  Maybe there is one near you that you can take your child. 

 

 

http://www.thelittlegym.com/Pages/default.aspx 


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#22 of 28 Old 06-10-2011, 05:47 AM
 
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Nobody ever asks us...  We have one unvaccinated child and two children who were selectively vaxed.  We all go anywhere we want.  It's never been a topic of conversation, whether it be with other parents or with organizations.  

 

For your child's age, la leche league and API groups are typically pretty welcoming.  But seriously, I meet parents at the park and go wherever I feel like with my children and noone ever asks.  Unless it's a place where you have to leave your child (like a preschool setting), there have never once, in the 7 years I've been a parent, been a form to fill out about vaccines...not for playgroups, kindermusik, gymnastics, martial arts, church, vacation bible school, sunday school, museums, zoos, parks, library story times, etc.

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#23 of 28 Old 06-10-2011, 06:30 AM
 
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Schools and preschools have asked me - no one else ever has.

 

If you are asked, and you really want them to attend, ask if there is an exemption form.  If they so no, do a little research.  Many people (including staff) do not realise there are forms one can submit in lieu of vaccination record.

 

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#24 of 28 Old 06-10-2011, 07:40 AM
 
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The first time this has come up outside of school/doctor was when I signed-up 5yo dd for a day camp. Their forms stated that their immunization requirements are the same as the local school district--which (via the state) allows all exemptions. I just signed dd up for K so I just wrote what school she would be attending and that was it. My ds is 7yo and it has never come up for him outside of school/doctor.


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#25 of 28 Old 06-10-2011, 07:58 AM
 
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I do vaccinate my kids, and no one ever asks this question. The only people who ask are the school, and daycare.
They ask because if there was an outbreak of a vaccine preventable disease in that school/daycare public health can by law keep your unvaccinated child out of school to keep your child from being exposed, and most likely you wouldn't want them there anyways.  I have never been asked for vaccine records at  a daycamp, soccer, music class,swimming lessons, library group, etc. They do not really have any need for your child's medical information, and if they did start asking for that, there are all sorts of laws around storage and use of medical information that they would have to comply with. That is a much bigger hassle than those types of organizations want or need to do.  At least in Canada, but probably the US hassimilar laws on the collection of health information.

 

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#26 of 28 Old 06-10-2011, 01:50 PM
 
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Please don't lie. If other parents only want their children playing with other vaxed children, that is their prerogative. Own your choice not to vax and accept the social consequences.

 



 



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I never said I shielded my kid from unvaxed kids. Where did I say that? I said that some parents (and playgroups) want to avoid unvaxed kids. There are social consequences to not vaxing and one should be prepared to accept them. 
 



Yes, I have seen the "I'm not Vaccinating' board.




In my country vaccines are compulsory for public school attendance. One can get a medical waiver but no religious or philosophical waiver. Non vaxxers by choice must go to private school. So yes, I can send my child to a school with a highly vaccinated population. 

 

 

Are you and every adult your kids come in contact with fully vaccinated? Babysitters, aunts, uncles, grandparents, teachers, etc?

What are the social consequences of adults who are not vaccinated? There are none. You call us lazy and negligent? Actually, that's what I think of any parent who blindly takes a newborn baby into a doctor's office and let's them get injected with toxic chemicals, fetus and animal tissues and God knows what else without doing proper research. I'll take whatever you can throw at me, because I am proud of the decisions I have made to protect my children, and I will never allow the government, big pharma, or their pushers (AKA doctors) tell me what is best for my child, especially when they're all getting rich from it. Enjoy your fictitious little bubble.


 

 

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#27 of 28 Old 06-10-2011, 06:43 PM
 
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We are HSers and the only time I was ever asked was at the health club child care. I got the crazy lady look from them and left but later the manager of the club called me to apologize and told me it was fine, apparently she was no vax too. 

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#28 of 28 Old 06-10-2011, 09:08 PM
 
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Well I have a story that should make you feel a bit better.

 

I'm in the selective and delayed camp, and currently getting over an incredibly mild case of shingles. My almost 2 year old hasn't had chicken pox yet, and as the timing is bad, had I known, I wouldn't have let her kiss the "ouchie" on my tummy. Too late now. What I discovered was shingles I had thought was merely several bug bites. Anyways, my friends run the gamut of no vax ever to 100% on schedule, and none of my actual friends have given me crap about my vaccine choice (the internet, on the other hand...). I've discussed the fact that we might be coming down with chicken pox in the next two weeks with the relevant people, and people have been great about it.

 

For instance, tomorrow is my regular game day, and the hosts fully vaccinate. Their baby hasn't had varivax yet, and they have no problem with us coming over (earliest DD could be contagious is Tuesday, I'm not contagious anymore) provided my daughter doesn't glom their baby. My next door neighbor, a very mainstream woman, has just said "oh, I hope you feel better soon!" The only people who've been overly cautious are my friends who don't vax at all, but it would be really bad timing for their kid to get the chicken pox, so I understand.

 

Either way, alternative schedule, possible VPD in the next two weeks, and people are fine with that.

 

Also, heads up, shingles can be very very mild.


Ashley, Pagan treehugger.gif mama to E (6/09) and my beautiful hbac.gif baby T (4/3/12)
sunflwrmoonbeam is offline  
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