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micromama 12-07-2012 03:08 PM

My 2-month-old DD had her well child check today and the pediatrician played the 'dead baby' card with us when we explained we would not be vaccinating today. (He basically said, "Are you prepared for your child to DIE from a preventable illness?")  I was a bit flummoxed as I never ran into this reaction before with my other DD. I forget what I said in response, honestly. Have any of you moms experienced this? How did you handle it?

Bokonon 12-07-2012 03:12 PM

Time to find a new pediatrician, one who respects your parenting decisions.  There is no excuse for that kind of rudeness and insensitivity!

Mirzam 12-07-2012 03:57 PM

2 Attachment(s)

Walk away and never look back.

fruitfulmomma 12-07-2012 04:09 PM

Look for a family practice doctor, they tend to be more no vax friendly.

emmy526 12-07-2012 04:36 PM

I would have picked up my child, and left immediately without explanation, and not another glance in the drs direction.  Then, the office would be getting a letter of resignation from their practice, with a few choice words in it. 

Adaline'sMama 12-07-2012 05:36 PM

First of all, it seems like there is a better title for this thread. There are a lot of moms (myself included) who have lost children here at MDC and it's a bit jarring to see the title in New Posts. It's your thread- just my opinion. 


That being said, I agree with PP's- run, far far away. This ped has no respect for you. I remember when DD was born and the hospital ped  told me that she was way more likely to die in a car accident on the way home from the hospital than she was from the Hep B vaccine that I was declining. I never saw him again. Whether or not you choose to vax, I think it's important to have a doctor that respects your ability to make healthcare decisions for your children. 


As for the card the ped is pulling, no matter what happens a mom will always wonder what she could have done to prevent her child's death. There will always be some self-blame to deal with, no matter which decisions you make. And, as for the question itself, I might respond with, "well, Im not prepared to wonder for the rest of my life whether or not a vaccine was what caused my child to die either."   Decisions, decisions- no matter which ones you make they dont ensure safety.

Jennyanydots 12-07-2012 10:38 PM

This happened to me with DD1, not over vax but over my asking questions about medications a doctor was prescribing for her asthma. It was our first time seeing him after an insurance change- to state children's health ins- got us assigned to him as our pcp, and he prescribed several new meds right off the bat. I wanted to know what the were and why, and he just lost it. He yelled at me, in front of my kid, asking if I wanted her to die, and calling me "mom" the whole time. I've had some terrible experiences with doctors, but this guy was one of the rudest and most despicable people. He proceeded to grill me after that about my marital status and occupation, etc (I was a very young, divorced mom of 2, in school and working), and lecture me about life- completely inappropriate. I'm sure he was picking on me because of his perception of my family's SES based on our insurance card. I was like a deer in the headlights, too stunned to storm out like I wish I had.

When i got home I wrote a detailed report and submitted it to the insurance company per their instructions. Years later it still makes me sick to think about that horrible, condescending jerk and all the people he's probably treated that way over time.

beckybird 12-08-2012 01:13 AM

Originally Posted by Adaline'sMama View Post

First of all, it seems like there is a better title for this thread. There are a lot of moms (myself included) who have lost children here at MDC and it's a bit jarring to see the title in New Posts.


studentDr 12-08-2012 01:17 AM

Originally Posted by BeckyBird View Post

I agree

EarthRootsStarSoul 12-08-2012 05:25 AM

Babies die from vaccine reactions too:

Blt178 12-08-2012 05:38 AM

Originally Posted by Jennyanydots View Post

He yelled at me, in front of my kid, asking if I wanted her to die, and calling me "mom" the whole time.

Wow. Just wow. Can't believe he did that!

moderatemom 12-08-2012 09:02 AM

Originally Posted by Blt178 View Post

Wow. Just wow. Can't believe he did that!


Neither can I!

Turquesa 12-08-2012 09:30 AM

Adaline'sMama, I'm profoundly sorry for your loss. I think that cases like yours are what make the doctor's behavior in the OP so despicable. S/he's casually and callously referring to a dead baby to guilt and scare the OP into vaccinating...even for diseases for which her baby has little to no quantifiable risk of catching and dying from. Infant deaths are a serious, horrific problem. Even for the deadlier vaccine-avoidable diseases, I think it's grossly inappropriate for doctors to use such hysterical language. They can just as easily have a calm, rational discussion about risks and benefits. Emotional maturity in a provider is not too much to ask.

kathymuggle 12-08-2012 09:49 AM

Mod note: quoted post was removed due to violation of the forum guidelines


In Australia?

Mirzam 12-08-2012 10:29 AM

2 Attachment(s)
Mod note: quoted post was removed due to violation of the forum guidelines

All the deaths must have been in Germany then, from official Australian statistics:






Severe morbidity and mortality

For the period July 2005 to June 2007, 57 hospital bed days were recorded for patients with an ICD-10-AM code for rubella. Of the 18 hospital separations, 9 (50%) had a principal diagnosis of rubella (average annual rate 0.02 per 100,000). The median length of stay in hospital was 2 days for all hospitalisations and 1 day for those with a principal diagnosis of rubella (Table 3.14.1). There were no deaths with rubella recorded as the underlying cause in 2005 or 2006.

beckybird 12-08-2012 10:34 AM



beckybird 12-08-2012 10:56 AM


kathymuggle 12-08-2012 11:03 AM

I think mods often take the weekend off. Darn mods wanting a life!!  orngtongue.gif  This is a bit of a trend I am noticing.


Perhaps we are better off just flagging instead of engaging newbies or fighters with agendas who do not know where to post? (even when others tell them fairly nicely that they are out of line here)

studentDr 12-08-2012 11:07 AM

la la la la la

HappyHappyMommy 12-08-2012 11:30 AM

Hi All,


I'm reviewing this thread and will be removing posts that are in violations of the forum guidelines and/or User Agreement and issuing warnings/infractions for posts in violation of the forum guidelines and/or User Agreement.


As a reminder, this is a support-only forum; please refer to the forum guidelines for more information about what this means. If you have questions about the guidelines, please PM a moderator. We mods don't take the weekends off, but we aren't able to be online all the time and we appreciate everyone's understanding of that. As was suggested eloquently earlier in the thread, please just flag/report a post that you find that violates the guidelines rather than responding to those posts. We'll respond as quickly as we can!


Last but not least, micromama, would you kindly edit the title of this thread (please PM me if you have any difficulty doing that)? The content of your post is fine, but in sensitivity to and support of families that have experienced the death of a baby (for any reason), an edited thread title would be appreciated as the thread titles are seen by all posters, even those not visiting the vaccination forums. I join the other posters here in sending my hugs and support to those of you who have lost a child.


Let's continue to keep the discussion going about how to deal with the challenge the OP and others are facing with doctors' comments about not vaccinating. My support to all of you!



aggie pop 12-08-2012 12:58 PM

No, but I don't believe in the "well-child visit"... what a sham.  Maybe consider why you think it's necessary to bring your baby in so often?

Chicharronita 12-08-2012 06:42 PM

Of course most of them are going to say this. They only have a few tools at their disposal, vaccines being one of them.

I advise people to find local like-minded people and ask who the good doctors are.

I'm a member of a local natural parenting Yahoo group which keeps a good doctor list that is updated frequently. It also has comments about the bad ones so you can avoid wasting your time and money.

Vote with your dollars!

nia82 12-09-2012 12:51 PM

Change docs fast! The ped at the hospital with DS tried that on us with hepB. It took a good 5 minutes to get rid of her. Awful. The weirdest comment ever was a military NP who claimed that if we don't vaccinate (as you know we are delay-select-vaxers) we should at least get the flu shot, cause it's the most important of all (that was the 12 months visit, where they neglected my concerns about anemia which turned out to be correct but instead focused on the spiel).

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