what to expect when choosing not to vax? - Mothering Forums
I'm Not Vaccinating > what to expect when choosing not to vax?
researchaddict's Avatar researchaddict 10:02 PM 02-06-2013
I have looked into both sides of this and i am choosing not to have my LO vaccinated. What should i expect from people that may find out? Like my cousin brought it up that i need to get my LO vaxd next month i played it off like i would shes not the type of person to question things like that i know she will think im terrible so i plan on sticking a bandaid on my LO but im afraid she will lift the band aid and want to see. I live with her im afraid shel force me.also my LOs dad will not listen to me and accused me of conspiracy idk what to do can he get her the shots without me knowing if were unmarried ? How hard will it be to get her in school? My state has religious exemptions. I have a form do all i need to do is fill it out and they will leave me alone? Thanks.

emmy526's Avatar emmy526 04:18 AM 02-07-2013

Well, if your'e not married to the child's father, then legally, he can take you to court for visitation, and medical say so on her behalf.  Have you showed him any research at all on the issue?  And people do not need to know your child's vax status, simply put, it's NONE of their business.  No one can force you to do anything,  unless you let them or the court orders it.  It' s YOUR child, not your cousins, so your cousin gets NO say so how you raise the child.  Who cares what she thinks?  It's your baby, YOU are the one caring for her, providing for her.   

ON the flip side, a nonvaxed baby is a happier baby, in my experience.   NO need to worry over vax reactions, no sickness following vaxes, naturally building her immune system,   Yes, just fill out the form, and that should be it...What state are you in ?

kathymuggle's Avatar kathymuggle 06:32 AM 02-07-2013

How involved in the father?


If you do not bring it up again, is he likely to?


The cousin has 2 pieces of power:


1.  she could stir up trouble with the father

2.  she could kick you out, if it is her name on the lease. 


If you think either would happen, I would lie to her about your decision if it comes up.   If you do not think the above will happen, you could tell her the truth.  You are researching things, and at this point in time you are choosing not to have your LO vaccinated.  The topic is not up for debate.


I would avoid talking about vaccination IRL or leaving vaccination books lying around the house.  

Marnica's Avatar Marnica 09:32 AM 02-07-2013

I agree with Kathymuggle. 


How likely is your cousin going to be a problem for you? If you anticipate alot of problems and drama, I would lie to her too. who cares? its none of her business anyway. 


The father could potentially be more of an issue. How involved is he? Can he take the baby for shots without your knowledge? yes. It's not like the docs office asks to see court visitation papers. To avoid issues I would think you would have to let the docs office know that the father has no legal rights (if this is the case - if he does have visitation thats a whole other problem) and that should he call for any appointments, you are to be notified before any are offered. 


As for exemptions for school - how easy it is depends on what state you are in. 

Taximom5's Avatar Taximom5 01:31 PM 02-07-2013

If I were in your shoes, I would:

1) fill out all necessary paperwork for exemption forms and add a statement that you do NOT give permission for your LO's medical status (or vaccine status) to be discussed with anyone without your permission;

2) give only your own cell phone number, NOT your cousin's home number as contact number

3) lie if necessary to your cousin

4) do whatever is necessary (get a job, save money, etc) to move out and get your own place

5) find a both a doctor and a support group in your area


If you end up being railroaded into vaccines (and this is a very real possibility, as in some areas, children are being barred from schools, and parents, especially single mothers, are threatened with having child protection services remove their child), have plan B ready--my own plan B would involve agreeing to some vaccines, but delaying for as long as possible ("sorry, I have to cancel today's appointment, my child is ill today"), and only agreeing to one at a time, with several months in between.  


Best of luck.

researchaddict's Avatar researchaddict 12:54 AM 02-08-2013
Thanks every one i think i will just lie first hope goes well, im just nervous because shes always wanted a baby and sees mine as hers and could kick me out and i wont have my own place for a few more months! The book idea sounds great she knows i like medical research but do such books exist? I might even read it too lol. I live in MI but from what i heard im going to have to jump through loop holes and it would be very difficult to get her in a daycare or school i thought all i needed to do was fill out the exemption form. There is no hope explaining things to the ex to start he thinks mercury is good for you he doesn't have visitation rights or anything so idk would he have a medical say? it sure is tough being different
kathymuggle's Avatar kathymuggle 07:24 AM 02-08-2013

Michigan does not look difficult at all to get an exemption in.




Am I missing something?


Most people on this forum have exemptions for their kids, and most did not have difficulty getting one.


There are a few states that are difficult, but it does not look like Michigan is one of them.


Do you have any legal documents pertaining to the ex and custody?

littlest birds's Avatar littlest birds 05:48 PM 02-08-2013

Where I am an exemption will be accepted by all of the daycares and schools. 


Taximom gave you good advice.  I don't discuss vaccination with people, it feels safer to me.

sassyfirechick's Avatar sassyfirechick 09:16 PM 02-08-2013
Originally Posted by Taximom5 View Post

1) fill out all necessary paperwork for exemption forms and add a statement that you do NOT give permission for your LO's medical status (or vaccine status) to be discussed with anyone without your permission;

I would say this is key.  If your ex has no custody then it's not in his right to determine care nor is it essential for him to recieve such information from the doctor's office.  They should have something on file stating that they are not to discuss any medical history with anyone but yourself - and since medical info is protected by HIPPA you can take legal action against anyone in the office that does share info, so they are usually pretty tight lipped anyways. 

Shanesmom's Avatar Shanesmom 02:10 PM 02-10-2013
My two cents: it's always better to be strong and tell the truth. Your cousin will NOT be the only person in your life that you come across that will make you feel bad/bullied/uneducated/unfit parent for not vaxing. This is YOUR baby. You do not owe it to ANYONE to explain your decision to not vax your child. Develop your backbone, stand up for you and your child and tell people the truth. Your decision is NO. That's final. Trust me, it will strengthen your character and won't come back to bit you ( as a lie might) if your are honest, upfront and unwavering.

As for your ex, if he has no custody, the same appiles. You get to make all the decisions, he doesnt like it? TOO BAD. This is the way it is for me. I have sole custody; I do as I see fit.

Good job mama!! Keep working hard, saving up that money, so you and your LO can move out and bond in peace together
Tags: Vaccinations