Loss of all credibility - Mothering Forums
I'm Not Vaccinating > Loss of all credibility
inconditus's Avatar inconditus 08:38 PM 04-08-2013

I'm wondering how many of you have experienced a loss of all credibility when you "came out" as anti-vaxers, or even just questioned the system. How did you deal with this reaction?

 

For example I used to be part of another mama message board and the moment I brought up an unease of routine vaccines I was immediately shunned and thought of as a "paranoid conspiracy theoriest." I used to be thought of as a valid member of the group, who could participate in conversation (and sometimes give advice) without being told to leave or just completely brushed off and ignored. I know internet relationships are different than real life but it makes me nervous to say anything to any of my peers regarding this issue.... especially with how much my sister talks about "mommy wars." 



emmy526's Avatar emmy526 05:04 AM 04-09-2013
Quote:
Originally Posted by inconditus View Post

I'm wondering how many of you have experienced a loss of all credibility when you "came out" as anti-vaxers, or even just questioned the system. How did you deal with this reaction?

 

For example I used to be part of another mama message board and the moment I brought up an unease of routine vaccines I was immediately shunned and thought of as a "paranoid conspiracy theoriest." I used to be thought of as a valid member of the group, who could participate in conversation (and sometimes give advice) without being told to leave or just completely brushed off and ignored. I know internet relationships are different than real life but it makes me nervous to say anything to any of my peers regarding this issue.... especially with how much my sister talks about "mommy wars." 

when i get questioned, they get cold hard facts right back at them.  That usually stops them cold in their tracks, or it brings out an even more hostile provax attitude, and then they start parroting AAP, CDC, and all the usual mainstream media baloney that is fed to the masses.  As soon as the hostile provax attitude is shown, i'm out of the discussion, because there is no time to argue with stupid. 


MrsBonnie's Avatar MrsBonnie 06:45 AM 04-09-2013
I have been in that situation many of times in the past. The result being I do not broadcast that we do not vaccinate unless someone asks me or the conversation is not hostile. I know I should stand up for my choices and I really do want to do so. Emmy I think I will start rehearsing hard facts to give to people so I can answer questions without sounding like I have no clue. I am horrible with confrontation and people get so upset over this topic as if I am hurting their child. I lost a best friend over this issue because she did not want her children around mine. ;( I am sorry you feel a loss of credibility. Just know that you are doing what you feel is best for your kids and that is what matters most.
Marnica's Avatar Marnica 08:09 AM 04-09-2013

I agree with MrsBonnie. I do not advertise that we are a no vax family. If someone asks me outright, I don't lie, but so far the people that have asked me have all had concerns of their own and figured I might be no vax because I'm known for being a bit crunchy - so no conversations have been hostile. If I was confronted with a hostile person I don't think I would engage with them. Hostile people are not in a position to have rational discussions - so why bother? And if a bunch of internet mommies gave me grief - well screw them. I wouldn't want to be a part of a community that does not respect parental choice in regards to ANY medical decision. 


kathymuggle's Avatar kathymuggle 09:27 AM 04-09-2013

I take a slightly different tactic.

 

I don't advertise that we are non-vax, but I don't want to hide my choices either.  I also feel it is important for me (and I am in a place where you can do this, YMMV) to normalize the choice not to vax.  I tend to let the ball drop that we do not vaccinated for chicken pox or flu.  This is not enough to cause people to start spewing "you are a murderer!" but it does let people know that real people (not just faceless posters on the Internet) question vaccines and what is on the schedule.  

 

I will also say that outing yourself on something like the chicken pox or flu vaccine will give you a fair bit of information on whether or not these are good people to discuss vaccines with.  

 

Op - sorry you were shunned and given the label of conspiracy theorist.  I think they showed their true colours - and it really is all about them and not you.  I hope this was not a group you were heavily invested in.  


Chloebelle's Avatar Chloebelle 09:30 AM 04-09-2013

I have a friend who's DH is a Pharma rep. They are really paranoid about germs, etc. One day, out of the blue, she asked me if I vaccinate my kids. We both have 2 kids who are the same age, and play together. I felt as if her question was genuine and not accusatory (I still have NO idea why she asked), and I felt comfortable being honest with her. It turned out fine. In fact, she admitted feeling uncomfortable with all the vaxes. Typically, I do not talk about our vaccine status. If someone asks, I may or may not tell them based on how comfortable I feel.


Escaping's Avatar Escaping 10:09 AM 04-09-2013

I think in Canada it might be less of a status thing. They're free here and generally up to you to get them or not. Vaccinations are encouraged by most doctors but you don't need to defend yourself as much if you don't want them. I think in the US there seems to be more fear mongering to sell vaccines which is what makes it such an adversarial topic. Parents who don't in essence pay money for their child's extra health, are looked down on. 


inconditus's Avatar inconditus 10:41 AM 04-09-2013
Quote:
Originally Posted by kathymuggle View Post

 

Op - sorry you were shunned and given the label of conspiracy theorist.  I think they showed their true colours - and it really is all about them and not you.  I hope this was not a group you were heavily invested in.  

 

Thank you so much for your kind words. I wouldn't say that I was "invested" in the group; although it was a page that I had been an active member on for 6 months since I found out I was pregnant. It just opened my eyes that it might not be a good conversation to get in with other moms on playgrounds or other social situations. 


sassyfirechick's Avatar sassyfirechick 06:11 PM 04-09-2013

I, like Kathy, will generally share that I don't do flu or CP.  When/if asked about others, I've never lied.  Now in my case DD had some nasty reactions to 2 rounds of DTaP she got before I stopped so I make a point to tell people who announce openly that they are vaxxing, what things to look out for as reactions and to be sure they report any and all reaction to VAERS.  I have lots of nursing friends who in the past would nicely "lecture" about how important vaxes are or how I couldn't avoid vaxxing forever, but most just leave it alone now.  One in particular is a friend via our DH's, and she really gets nasty with comments, and so as much as possible we don't hang out with them.  Pretty sure though that any of my friends on FB who don't know my position on vaccines have to be blind since I post some pretty obvious stuff in terms of pictures, stats and links :-)


XxAkikazexX's Avatar XxAkikazexX 08:47 AM 04-11-2013

Sassyfirechick, I like what you said about mention to look out for the reactions.

 

New here, but I don't vax either. I don't tell anyone, only a handful of family members who needed to know when caring for my little for a few days (just in case). I avoid the topic, but I don't shun away if directly asked. I will have a nice discussion but shut it down if it gets bad.


Marnica's Avatar Marnica 11:30 AM 04-11-2013
Quote:
Originally Posted by XxAkikazexX View Post

Sassyfirechick, I like what you said about mention to look out for the reactions.

 

New here, but I don't vax either. I don't tell anyone, only a handful of family members who needed to know when caring for my little for a few days (just in case). I avoid the topic, but I don't shun away if directly asked. I will have a nice discussion but shut it down if it gets bad.

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Kamiro's Avatar Kamiro 02:59 AM 04-14-2013

I'm sorry that happened to you, iconditus. It is very difficult to be confident in such important decision when there lurk other women so willing to cut you down. In all conversations where bullying behavior is a result it becomes obvious that it is really more about their pride and less about the 'decision'. The one thing (among many) I dislike about the internet is that the elementary school mentality of singling out someone is alive and well.

 

As for vaxxing and non vaxxing - I haven't had many friends who do vaccinate. Some delayed and a few full on vaccinated...but all of them have been respectful and there was no friction. We all knew we all had to decide what was best for our children and live with that decision good or bad.

I hope in the future you meet more of those kind of women in your internet friendships!


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