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#1 of 17 Old 07-18-2013, 04:00 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I'm currently 24 weeks pregnant with my baby girl. Her father and I have done some research since the beginning and have decided against getting vaccinations for her. After reading some of the things that are in the vaccinations, it makes me so sick to my stomach...

 

Here's my problem. My mother and father are very supportive. His father is supportive. His sister and mother though, they are giving us one hell of a time. His sister actually told us that when our daughter gets sick and dies because of our irresponsibility to vaccinate her, to not come crying to her. But she also refuses to allow her son around our child. (Which confuses me, since she's such a firm believer in vaccinations and that they're good and working, isn't her vaccinated son safe from our "diseased child"?) She says we're not fit to be parents, and his mother is fighting us very hard.

We're standing firm in our decision. But I'm an emotional wreck.

 

How did your family handle it and is there any advice you could give me to help me get through this tough trial and future ones?

I know this road isn't the easiest, but it's the one we feel is best for our child.

 

Also any information about the vaccinations would also be appreciated. I'm trying to get some information about it for my mother-in-law so she'll hush about it. Thanks so much!

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#2 of 17 Old 07-18-2013, 04:14 PM
 
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Personally, over the years I've learned that it's just easier to keep this stuff confidential and that includes families. Although my in-laws aren't as outspoken as yours seem to be, I do know that they all followed the schedule with their own kids and probably disapprove of our actions, but the topic has not come up and we don't share any information. It easier now that they're older actually. Everyone assumes that they're caught up.

 

Honestly, I'd tell my inlaws that you've discussed it with your GP/kids' ped and have decided to follow a selective and delayed schedule (you could be delaying indefinitely and selecting none, like it's any of their business) and then tell them that you'd prefer not to discuss it and it's between you and your family doctor. 

 

Sorry that it's been so tough on you but sadly, it will be the first step of a few on this road when you will come into conflict with a few antagonistic doctors (thinking ER ones here), school officials, and then there's the constant negative chatter from cyberspace from the pitchfork brigade. The best defence honestly is to have read and researched as much as possible so you can back up your choice if pressed and to also have the support of a respectful GP who is in your corner. That and of course friends and family that you know you can trust and who are behind you 100%. 

 

Good luck!

 

P.S. There's a lot of posts here and in the general discussion forum about specific vaccines. They should point you in the right direction for further reading.

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#3 of 17 Old 07-19-2013, 05:20 AM
 
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here is a pamphlet a friend of mine made you can print out to give to whomever you see fit...i leave them in the drs offices and public buildings

http://vaccinechoice.webs.com/vaccinechoicepamphlet.htm

 

also, here is another source to help

http://vactruth.com/vaccine-inserts/

Here are some questions to answer for yourself in deciding about vaccination:

1. Name of the disease
2. Description of the disease
3. Length of time from initial infection to end of all symptoms
4. Infectious period
5. Normal symptoms of the disease
6. Known serious consequences of the disease
7. Proportion of persons infected developing serious consequences
8. Transmission route of the disease
9. Prevalence of the disease
10. Treatments of the disease and efficacy of those treatments
11. Relevant research about the disease
12. Name of the vaccine
13. Company that makes the vaccine
14. Contents of the vaccine
14A. The significance of whether or not the vaccine is live
15. History of development of the vaccine
16. Known side-effects of the vaccine and rate of incidence of those side-effects
17. Possible side-effects not yet acknowledged by the vaccine maker
18. Relevant research into the vaccine
19. How effective is the vaccine at preventing the disease?
20.What is the vaccine meant to do? (Many vaccines are not meant to prevent infection or transmission).
21.Number of cases reported each year.
22.Number of deaths reported each year from the vaccine and natural disease.

Here are some sources to help you out:

Vaccines: The Risks, The Benefits, The Choices 1/18 DVD, By Sherri J. TENPENNY-http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OORHqEedtUY



http://www.cdc.gov/mmwr/mmwr_wk.html (download the current issue)

http://www.cdc.gov/vaccines/pubs/pinkbook/pink-chapters.htm

http://vaers.hhs.gov/pdf/PackageInserts.pdf

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=7018835240451107552&q

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-6351515212287981735&hl=en

http://www.cdc.gov/vaccines/pubs/pinkbook/downloads/appendices/G/cases&deaths.pdf


WHO GRAPH-http://apps.who.int/immunization_monitoring/en/globalsummary/timeseries/tsincidencepol.htm


Beyond Conformity Resources Page- http://www.beyondconformity.org.nz/resources

Do you have a quick-fire summary?- http://www.beyondconformity.org.nz/questions#

Inside Vaccines- http://insidevaccines.com/wordpress/

http://childhealthsafety.wordpress.com/graphs/

http://het.sagepub.com/content/early/2011/05/04/0960327111407644.full.pdf+html
http://www.cdc.gov/vaccines/pubs/pinkbook/downloads/appendices/G/cases&deaths.pdf

http://vaers.hhs.gov/index

http://www.thinktwice.com/sids.htm

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#4 of 17 Old 07-19-2013, 07:10 AM
 
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Geez your sister in law sounds like a nightmare! I mean seriously even if I radically disagreed with a choice my brother was making, I would NEVER in a million years talk to him like that! Several choice words come to mind, but I'll keep those to myself! winky.gif

 

As for info, I have compiled a long list of links to websites, medical journal articles etc over the years. You are welcome to it, but you would need to PM me with an email address since I'd have to send it as an attachment. Also I haven't updated it in over a year so I know some of the links are not active anymore. I need to go through it and get rid of those, but haven't had the time. 

 

This is a hard choice, but at the end of the day, your child is the most important thing right? even if it means protecting him/her and doing what you know to be best even if it costs you relationships along the way. Sad that it has to come to that sometimes. I agree with Japonica. I do not discuss it much with family. My parents know and they have never really told me what they think. They haven't made me feel bad, but I get the vibe they disagree with me. My in-laws have no clue and would likely take issue, but we are not close to them and don't have much to do with them anyway. I don't discuss it at all with others unless they come to me with questions and most people that do that are on the fence or thinking of not vaccinating and all I do is share what I know. 

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If the people let government decide what foods they eat and what medicines they take, their bodies will soon be in as sorry a state as are the souls of those who live under tyranny." Thomas Jefferson.

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#5 of 17 Old 07-19-2013, 09:19 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by KalidescopeEyes View Post

How did your family handle it and is there any advice you could give me to help me get through this tough trial and future ones?

 

Also any information about the vaccinations would also be appreciated. I'm trying to get some information about it for my mother-in-law so she'll hush about it. Thanks so much!

 

I made it easy on myself and my family by not discussing private medical decisions with others. Nobody knows my kids are unvaccinated, except my husband, the person at their school who handles the vaccine paperwork, and my kids' primary care doctor.

 

I had a previous life experience where I learned to keep certain things private, so when it came time for this, I had already learned my lesson. But if I had made the mistake of telling others about not vaccinating, and experienced what you are experiencing, I would lie and tell people that I had decided on vaccinating, after all. You're 24 weeks pregnant--you have 16 weeks to "change your mind," so it could be believable that you change your views at some point during your pregnancy and decide to fully vaccinate your child after all.

 

I doubt any information we could give you would change your mother-in-law's mind. Why put yourself through that? The medical decisions you and your husband make for your baby are nobody else's business. 

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#6 of 17 Old 07-19-2013, 03:01 PM
 
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Originally Posted by ma2two View Post

I had a previous life experience where I learned to keep certain things private, so when it came time for this, I had already learned my lesson. But if I had made the mistake of telling others about not vaccinating, and experienced what you are experiencing, I would lie and tell people that I had decided on vaccinating, after all. You're 24 weeks pregnant--you have 16 weeks to "change your mind," so it could be believable that you change your views at some point during your pregnancy and decide to fully vaccinate your child after all.

 

 

 

Eh. I wouldn't suggest lying but that's just me. I'm touchy about that type of stuff but don't judge people who do. I would go with the advice though and when it comes up again just say that you are still researching it and you value their opinions. Then after LO gets here if it ever comes up just say that their records are up-to-date and thanks for the concern. If they ask specifics just say you don't remember the exact schedule to a T and then never get back to them with any details. I loved this advice that another member gave that was "a blank record is still up-to-date." Most people wouldn't think about the true meaning of the words and would take it that they are fully vaxxed. I'm just a terrible liar and wouldn't be able to keep up with myself and forget what I said lol. 

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#7 of 17 Old 07-20-2013, 02:47 AM
 
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I agree that it is your business and the less you share with them, the better. (But your SIL. . .that seems really irrational. Geesh!) You obviously aren't going to change her mind. Regarding your emotional state though. . .there are going to be MANY times as a parent where you feel bullied or pressured about things. People are going to make you feel bad about your choices, regardless of what they are. Someone will always be against you about something and there is no way to make everyone happy. I used to really stress about it until it hit me. . .my job is to do what is best for my baby. Not to appease others or make them more comfortable. This line of thinking has since helped me many times. I make the decisions with a clear and free conscience and don't care what anyone thinks. Caring about what they think isn't my job.

So, this is your first test. And it sucks that your having to deal with it while in the throws of pregnancy emotions. And with people who are supposed to be supportive during this great transition. And so irrationally so. But, you can't change that. And you're not gonna change them. I'd patch it up with a "selective/delay" bit and from then on, keep all your business private. They've lost the privledge of your inside information. Their loss.
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#8 of 17 Old 07-21-2013, 09:51 AM
 
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Sorry you have to deal with people like that. They really have no clue what they are talking about, but you can hardly blame them with all the fear mongering going on. People who have done absolutely NO research on the subject of vaccines are experts. You can't win with people who won't listen to reason.

I'm lucky to have the support of both families, but we really don't talk about it much. If I were you, I'd stop talking about it. It's no one's business.

 

Enjoy your pregnancy and your little girl!

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#9 of 17 Old 07-21-2013, 02:57 PM
 
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Congratulations on doing your research and coming to a common sense conclusion.

 

Sorry you are dealing with this.  I have a crazy sister-in-law, too, who would probably do whatever the doctor told her.  Thankfully they live really far away, and I don't actually have anything to do with her anyhow.  My brother knows he visits solo or not at all.

 

My mother wasn't originally supportive, but I certainly didn't have anybody threatening me.  She was pretty upset.  Mostly because she felt like I was saying she did something wrong by vaccinating me.  It's really been in the last year or so my mother has come around.  I actually told her about something yesterday I've been dealing with, and she told me she trusts my judgement.  I just about fell over.

 

Maybe your family members feel like my Mom did...  That you are saying they are wrong and have done something bad.  If you think that might be part of the problem, consider addressing it and tell them you respect their right to make their own decisions and ask for nothing more than the same courtesy.  I wouldn't try to fight for the children to see each other.  It's unfortunate, but it is what it is.  Maybe she will come around and maybe not.

 

Wish you all the best with everything.

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#10 of 17 Old 07-21-2013, 05:39 PM
 
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I've been pretty open with immediate family about our choice to stop vaxxing (DD had nasty reactions) and some close friends I'm sure have a pretty good Idea we don't based on things I've said or posted on FB, but that's just me.  I won't lie about it, but I also don't walk around shouting "we don't vax"!  My parents know I'm pretty set about things related to health and I'd been heading down the "hippy path" for some time and they've been completely supportive.  I think it helps that my mother works with someone who's in her 60s and has never had a single vaccine in her life.  DH supports MY decisions not to vax because he has not spent any time reading about it and he knows I won't put DD in any danger so he trusts any health decision I make for her.  And on his end it helps that he's known quite a few people close to him with guillan barre following vaccines so he's skeptical.  My in-laws have been a bit of an issue, on many levels.  And it's hard bc my FIL watches DD for us during the day.  My MIL works for a hospital (just office stuff) so she's *required* to be vaxxed even though she has ZERO patient contact.  She's definitely drinks the koolaide at work and in the beginning she would ask when DD's next shots were and I'd reply "she's not getting any".  Her jaw hit the floor the first time, a few times she would ask and then try and question why, luckily she doesn't stand up to her questions firmly so it stopped.  AND, this past mother's day, she came up to me and said she felt I was doing a fantastic job raising DD, 'she's just as happy and healthy as can be', and I think the fact that she IS healthy has helped them feel at ease. 

 

I'm not a mean person, but I've developed some seriously thick skin since becoming a mom and when people dare to question how I raise my child, especially if there are implications that I'm somehow endangering her, oh heeelllllllllll no....momma bear comes out big time.  Just like I don't go around nitpicking other people's habits (well maybe not to their face but in the car with DH afterwards I vent lol!) I don't see how anyone should be sticking their nose in my business - family or not.  Stay away from the negative people trying to bring you down and you'll be better off.
 

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#11 of 17 Old 07-21-2013, 06:02 PM
 
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Hello

 

Here is a link to a great video on the link between vaccines and autoimmune problems.

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D8OdKM1Z1EM

 

The man presenting is a well regarded chiropractor with over 30 years of experience.

 

I am amazed that this video has only received 2100 views.

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#12 of 17 Old 07-21-2013, 06:15 PM
 
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Yep, none of their business. I just wouldn't tell them.
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#13 of 17 Old 07-21-2013, 06:42 PM
 
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I don't discuss parenting decisons as it tends to invite debate. I learned this early on as you have. It is really not up for debate, instead it is between my husband and I. If anyone voices their opinion a simple 'thank you for your opinion' let's the other party know that they have been heard but that you are not engaging in conversation on the subject. Unfortunately this may not be the last of it, after the first year though most people let up ( regarding everything from weaning to holding him too much). I learned how to be very strong, quickly.
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#14 of 17 Old 07-23-2013, 10:53 AM
 
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The unfortunate thing is she's already dealing with the situation of having told them.

 

Hundreds of us could say we wouldn't tell them, but it's too late.

 

What about more suggestions for handling a situation where people have already been told?

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#15 of 17 Old 07-23-2013, 12:22 PM
 
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Good point.
I suppose I would not bring up the subject again. If a family member does ask then a reply of 'we are in discussion with our doctor about the subject but thanks for your opinion' and leave it at that.....
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#16 of 17 Old 07-24-2013, 07:53 PM
 
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Personally, we don't share our DD's vaccination status with anyone, after all is it their business anyway...?

Eri mom to our two beautiful DDs (born 5/2012) and (7/2014). I also happen to be married to THE best DH ever! We're a proud Christian family!

" I carried you for nine months, and I'm going to carry you until you can carry yourself on your own."
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#17 of 17 Old 07-25-2013, 11:39 AM
 
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Also a FTM (23 weeks) who has made the no vax decision here.  Nobody knows yet for sure that we've decided not to, but I think people suspect.  I don't have any personal experience with having told anyone and getting static, but I think the advice to just drop it and not bring it up sounds the best.  I'm also the type to quit talking to someone entirely if they just won't get off my case about something.  If people just won't leave you be, you may need to do that.  It stinks, but you've gotta do what you've gotta do.  In the immortal words of Sweet Brown: ain't nobody got time for that.  My thick skin is also growing as others have mentioned.  Best wishes, mama!

 

 

 

p.s.  It sounds like you're due in November.  You should come check out our Due Date Club. thumb.gif


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