I just needed to come here and vent - Mothering Forums
Forum Jump: 
 
Thread Tools
#1 of 6 Old 09-02-2013, 10:24 PM - Thread Starter
 
bunny627's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 39
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

Sometimes I feel all alone in my decisions.  To clarify; I am not yet a parent but I plan to be in the next couple of years.  They will absolutely not be vaxxed.  I have not been vaxxed since I was 11, I am now 24.  I don't believe in it for a variety of reasons that I thankfully do not have to justify to you lovely people.

 

But in everyday life, I am surrounded by people who think I'm a nutter for choosing not to vax.  My SO's family is the main problem here.  I sometimes wonder if not having kids would be preferable to their judgement on this subject.  They are wonderful people but we could not be any more different in our beliefs on this topic.


I almost lost my temper with them about two weeks ago.  The topic of the HPV vax came up.  They were bashing a politician who opposes it.  I sort of came in in the middle of the conversation, and I think they were bashing him for not supporting it because it "encourages teenage sex."  To be fair, if this was true, I would disagree with the politician for taking this stance (i.e., the kind of person that would ban sex ed in schools in hopes that it would discourage kids from having sex.)  But I agreed with the fact that he was opposing the vax, not because of this reason but because it's ineffective at best and dangerous at worst.  I threw out some random number about people who had had bad reactions after having it, which I know was not the right stat.  I was just so angry and felt attacked.  They made me feel attacked without meaning to, because they have no idea of my beliefs.  I just felt like I had to say something to rebut their ignorance on the issue!  They were going on and on about the damn vax like it was the best thing and how we should be so thankful that it exists :/  I guess when the way they were going on, it felt like a personal attack on my values.  My fault, I know, since I have not told them that I don't agree.  I just find it so hard to keep my mouth shut! 

 

They basically wondered aloud if the source I from which I had gotten my info from was at all true, which I guess I should have kept a level enough head to tell them the right number AND the source.  Instead, my SO and I quickly steered the conversation in another direction because he and I both knew I was about to go on a tirade about it if they kept it up. 

 

These are very smart people I am talking about, they just have never, ever questioned a single thing a dr. has told them and it makes me both sad and angry.  I learned early never to blindly trust anyone, especially someone who is supposed to be looking after your health and makes money doing so.  I questioned every single vax that was recommended and decided none of them were worth it to me.  I wish they'd do the same.  I know when a baby or two comes along in a few years, it'll come out that I  will not be allowing them to be vaxxed, and I expect it to not go over too well.  At this point, even if I came up with plenty of evidence that I am indeed justified in my concerns, my SO's parents are too brainwashed to believe or want to believe a word of it.  It's seriously made me depressed ever since this conversation occurred because I realized how very different we think and how I will probably a., never get through to them, and b., always be the odd man out on this topic.

 

I just needed to vent.  Sometimes I just come here and read the threads to be reminded that I'm not alone.

bunny627 is offline  
#2 of 6 Old 09-02-2013, 11:58 PM
 
phathui5's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2002
Location: Oregon
Posts: 17,471
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

That can be so frustrating.

 

When you do have children, the medical decisions that you make for them are no one's business but your own and if they are as unsupportive about the idea of not vaccinating then as they are now, I wouldn't even discuss it with them.

applejuice and Marnica like this.

Midwife (CPM, LDM) and homeschooling mama to:
13yo ds   10yo dd  8yo ds and 6yo ds and 1yo ds  
phathui5 is offline  
#3 of 6 Old 09-03-2013, 05:58 AM
 
emmy526's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 1,642
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)

So sorry you have to deal with people like that!!  Remember, they are the ones brainwashed over by the media, and truly believe what they are saying, just as much as you believe what you believe.  When a child comes along is when you have to toughen your skin up.  There is lots of opposition all over for parents who don't vaccinate, and it's getting worse, thanks to the media.   When confronted with these types of situations, it's best to always refer to the IOM, or Cochrane reviews, and kill 'em with facts to back your claims, and then tell them to look it up if they don't believe you.  Of course, that is usually met with denial, dodging the issue, and defection onto something totally irrelevent by the denialist.  And whoever is arguing,  always tries to spin it around on the person who has opposing viewpoints.  When you're not sure of the facts, it's best just to advise that people to do their own fact finding--most of the time that entails hearing, ''but my dr said so'-not very credible fact finding, is it?....Sometimes, you have to just agree in your own head, that arguing with some people is nothing more than a waste of time and breath, and just bow out of the convo alltogether. You'll save yourself mental anguish  by bowing out.   

 

Also, when your child is finally here, it's no one's business how you care for your child medically.   No one but you is taking care of or raising the child.  If the topic comes up, and they start asking you questions, simply nod your head, and say sweetly, 'this is not up for discussion, it's a private and personal matter'...and carry on, and change the convo..if they persist in answers, simply walk away, as they are only trying to engage in an argument.  

 

Good luck. 

applejuice likes this.
emmy526 is online now  
#4 of 6 Old 09-03-2013, 07:07 AM
 
dinahx's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: earth
Posts: 2,144
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Some on the Left have really politicized the HPV debate to be a very GOP bashing moment, so just know that their opinions were likely political & regurgitated from media, not scientific.

I have engaged a little with family but I always defer to respecting my elders by gracefully bowing out of discussions.
applejuice likes this.
dinahx is offline  
#5 of 6 Old 09-03-2013, 12:33 PM - Thread Starter
 
bunny627's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 39
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

Thanks for the support :)  I already feel better knowing that there are definitely people on my side here.

 

I guess I'll try to just avoid these conversations as much as I can and if they do come up, maybe I should either walk away or keep a bunch of facts in my purse to whip out if I can't control myself :P 

 

As for when kids come along, I guess I'll also avoid the topic as long as I can, but I am sure I will be asked about it (SO's mom has an inquiring mind) and I won't want to flat out lie about it.  By then I guess I'll probably have a binder full of evidence supporting my decision that I can just hand over and walk away, because the subject will not be up for debate!

 

Thanks for the kind words, everyone.

bunny627 is offline  
#6 of 6 Old 09-03-2013, 02:49 PM
 
emmy526's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 1,642
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by bunny627 View Post
 

Thanks for the support :)  I already feel better knowing that there are definitely people on my side here.

 

I guess I'll try to just avoid these conversations as much as I can and if they do come up, maybe I should either walk away or keep a bunch of facts in my purse to whip out if I can't control myself :P 

 

As for when kids come along, I guess I'll also avoid the topic as long as I can, but I am sure I will be asked about it (SO's mom has an inquiring mind) and I won't want to flat out lie about it.  By then I guess I'll probably have a binder full of evidence supporting my decision that I can just hand over and walk away, because the subject will not be up for debate!

 

Thanks for the kind words, everyone.

heres a pamphlet of useful info/facts/links you can print out and keep a copy on hand to refer to, or to give out to inquiring minds

http://vaccinechoice.webs.com/vaccinechoicepamphlet.htm

applejuice likes this.
emmy526 is online now  
Reply

Tags
Vaccinations

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the Mothering Forums forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.
User Name:
If you do not want to register, fill this field only and the name will be used as user name for your post.
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off