Requesting a tiny bit of support... or a smack on the head - Mothering Forums

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Old 12-05-2013, 04:57 PM - Thread Starter
 
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After 14 years of research and now a 5 yo, I finally feel confident enough to not get into arguments about vaccines. I'm at the point that we can argue about our freedom to choose what gets injected into our bodies (and seriously, are we really arguing that?)... but the science: you either believe it or not, right?

 

Well, I got into it on a fb post (d*mn it!). Someone posted about the Katie Couric show (I didn't watch) with the comment that she's [fill in horrible things about crazy anti-vaccers]. I'm holding my ground well, staying light but backing my 'claims' with science (like from the CDC, FDA, journals, etc.).

 

Because of this forum and others like it, I can present facts. But the girl behind the keyboard is getting a little bit shaky. Luckily, everyone is being nice on the fb post (they are a group of people I actually see in person (oh d*mn it again!)) and are posting what they think is right (shots that eliminate the ability to transmit; school exemptions, etc.) and I'm politely showing them they are incorrect.

 

So I'm requesting from anyone who happens to read this this evening, to either reply with a bit of comforting support or a scolding of, "Get out! Get out of the fb conversation!" and maybe how to do that... 

 

Serious, snark, silly, absurd, it's all welcome. Lighten the mood for me, if you want to.

 

Thanks! This forum has always been so good to me!

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Old 12-05-2013, 06:10 PM
 
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Oh, girl. I have done it. It lead to tears and me taking a Facebook break for several days.

These days I just hide the post and keep scrolling LOL!!

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Old 12-06-2013, 08:24 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I'm lucky* this was a group I know in person. They stood their ground, politely, that anyone who strays from the CDC schedule is a loon... I stood my ground, equally politely, with facts from reputable sources. Though they did cave a bit at the end and declare that the CDC doesn't *really* know the side effects so we should all obediently vaccinate. lol! I didn't over-emphasize the irony...

 

* Lucky in that I've known this group for a few years now and that's what I left them on: to ponder if they are willing to alter their view of me, the parent who doesn't vaccinate their kid as a being irresponsible, lazy, celebrity following crazy person, but a thoughtful, well educated parent who works with doctors (we actually do, we have a great MD) and still strays from the CDC schedule. They painted a picture of the lazy horrible anti-vaccinating parent but all but one has not known any. Until me.

 

So, a polite group of people and me, after 14 years and hundreds of hours of research, I felt okay afterwards, instead of feeling like I just got mob-attacked. No tears but difficulty typing with shaky fingers! 

 

Thanks Dalia, for the support. I know, I know, that was a lot of energy to expend on what may end up being

*unlucky. But I was feeling a little bit feisty last night and with all the solid research, I was able to stand my ground.

 

:) I love this forum!

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Old 12-06-2013, 08:49 AM
 
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Honestly,  I would probably bail on the conversation.

 

If I felt like the conversation was going well, and I wanted to participate as a form of activism, I would keep it professioanl, light, and use mainstream sources only.   I would also re-iterate (perhaps repeatedly) that vaccination is a parental decisions and even if they disagree with you - it is your call to make that decision.  No one will argue with you on that.  

 

Take care and bail if it turns nasty!  This is Facebook - there will be some new drama in a few days and most people will move on.  Those who don't aren't worth your time.  I would never pick a friend based on their vax stautus.  

 

ETA:  I just read your last post (I think we cross posted)  and am glad it is over for you.  The last paragraph holds - this will blow over for most of them.  

 

It is a little disconcerting to hear that a group of people you consider thoughtful and well researched have such a negative stereotype of non-vaxxers.  You would think thoughtful people would be above engaging in stereotyping.  


There is a battle of two wolves inside us.  One is good and the other is evil.  The wolf that wins is the one you feed.

 

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Old 12-06-2013, 08:55 AM - Thread Starter
 
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 I would never pick a friend based on their vax stautus.  

 

Right!?! I know! I'll see this group tomorrow and Sunday and curious to see if there are any weird reactions. Cognitive dissonance is really hard to handle when you consider yourself a Know It All. 

 

Thanks for the support! I haven't been in one of these conversations in a long time. I do have to remember why. lol! :)

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Old 12-06-2013, 10:24 AM
 
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Right!?! I know! I'll see this group tomorrow and Sunday and curious to see if there are any weird reactions. Cognitive dissonance is really hard to handle when you consider yourself a Know It All. 

 

Thanks for the support! I haven't been in one of these conversations in a long time. I do have to remember why. lol! :)

 

since it really already played out on line it's kind of over - sad, I really like it when it's real! as in seeing their faces when it comes up in person!!! It's amazing how some faces really can twist in horror!

 

Keep clam tomorrow and :) …….and maybe in a few days you will get a private email or two, from the ones too "afraid" and really do support what you are doing and WISH they could - you know the ones "scared ones just going a long because the THINK they have to" 


 

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Old 12-06-2013, 01:43 PM - Thread Starter
 
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since it really already played out on line it's kind of over - sad, I really like it when it's real! as in seeing their faces when it comes up in person!!! It's amazing how some faces really can twist in horror!

 

Keep clam tomorrow and :) …….and maybe in a few days you will get a private email or two, from the ones too "afraid" and really do support what you are doing and WISH they could - you know the ones "scared ones just going a long because the THINK they have to" 

Thanks, I wonder. I posted asking if they could open up to me as a normal person who just happens to not stick to the CDC schedule and the conversation turned into a silly discussion of the Sound of Music Live... I hope some are thinking and will contact me later but if the majority are really uncomfortable and worse, if they treat me or my daughter/family differently (like we will be bringing the plague!... and a platter of cookies!) I will have to be okay with finding new friends to play with on the weekends. Trying to stay open, allowing those 'afraid' to come forward, even in private, but am interested in seeing everyone, and their reactions, this weekend. 

 

I also feel compelled to find local friends who will/do question the vaccine schedule and still want to play together on weekends.... 

 

Thank you for your support on this... I'm becoming a bit contemplative on this now... 

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Old 12-06-2013, 02:03 PM
 
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I bet you got some folks curious. It's weird, seems like everyone I meet lately, including two different nurses, are either delayed/selective, non-vax or questioning. My husband is adopted and he recently met his birth family on both sides. Both of his newly found half-sisters (one on each side) have posted things questioning the safety of the flu vaccine. What are the chances?

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Old 12-06-2013, 02:13 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Wow, no kidding. This gives me a bit of hope.

 

Maybe the whispers will travel through the group and come full circle. I'm trying to stay open but am also totally smacking myself on the head! For some reason I thought I was past this: almost 6 yo, dd has had only 1 course of antibiotics, no ear infections, no pushback on her vaccine exemption letters at preschool and now K... and these adults, smart adults, won't read the package inserts and will blindly follow the schedule. Ugh!

 

Thank you for the support/head smacks and hope. Maybe I'll plant a seed... someone else will reap the harvest later...

 

:)

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Old 12-06-2013, 02:25 PM
 
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I just had a baby six weeks ago. When I was leaving the hospital a nurse came in the room and gave me some pamphlets, including one about vaccines. She said, "You don't have to take it if you don't plan to vaccinate." I told her that we didn't, smiled and said "We're one of 'those' families." She leaned in and said, "We are too."

Then yesterday and lactation consultant came to my house. She had been a nurse for 30 years. We never talked about it but I could tell she wasn't a vaxxer from the things she was saying. We just kept kind of talking around it but neither came out and said it...

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Old 12-07-2013, 11:58 AM
 
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Keep clam tomorrow and :) …….and maybe in a few days you will get a private email or two, from the ones too "afraid" and really do support what you are doing and WISH they could - you know the ones "scared ones just going a long because the THINK they have to"

This is what I'm hoping for you!  I'm fairly outspoken on FB and it's lead to deletion of some people and others have distanced themselves.  But if you can't remain close to me because I choose not to vaccinate my child, then I don't really feel there's much I'm going to have in common and it's not worth my effort.  Hell I even had a cousin blast m over breastfeeding my 2yo - he has ZERO children, just a few "step kids" (all older, like 13+) who really are no more because he keeps getting divorced...but he's the expert on why I shouldn't breastfeed?! I didn't talk to him all that much before and absolutely not anymore!  I've been fortunate that many people have PM'ed me regarding vaccines and a few other things because I post "controversial" things, but am always respectful in my wording.  Many of them aren't close but we do keep up on fb.  IRL,I have very few female friends (never have, probably never will.....social anxiety paired with a preference for hanging with the guys makes it hard for me sometimes) and certainly none who feel as I do.  Well, one who's preggo and currently leaning towards select/delay, and she knows we don't vax (as in I've told her, she hasn't had to guess by my postings) and I'm very comfortable talking about it with her, but I too have many friends who are in the health field, relatively new to it, so unfortunately they've all been brainwashed and haven't seen enough to know better.

 

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I just had a baby six weeks ago. When I was leaving the hospital a nurse came in the room and gave me some pamphlets, including one about vaccines. She said, "You don't have to take it if you don't plan to vaccinate." I told her that we didn't, smiled and said "We're one of 'those' families." She leaned in and said, "We are too."
 

OMG I would have loved to have had anyone like that! I had some seriously rude inconsiderate nurses during my stay, ugh.

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