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Old 06-20-2014, 07:54 AM - Thread Starter
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Support for First Time Mom

Hello all,

I have a 16-week-old healthy baby girl and I'm concerned about my upcoming doctor's appointment. My SO and I want to establish a relationship with a pediatrician for her and this will be her visit. SO and I have discussed vaccines and he feels that not vaccinating is irresponsible, but my intuition is telling me NO. Everything I've read makes me question why people are so willing (even militant) about injecting tiny babies with disease materials and toxic preservatives.

I showed SO Dr. Donald ******'s delayed vaccine schedule and the reasoning behind waiting to allow the immune system to develop and process bacteria and viruses as nature intended. He is on board to *wait* a while, but he is understandably concerned about the risk of pertussis. We have a friend who did not vaccinate her babies and her daughter was hospitalized because of pertussis when she was around 9-months-old. SO keeps citing this as a reason to consider the DTP. It concerns me too, but while it was terrifying to see my friend's daughter struggling; she recovered and now has a solid immunity against it. The other factor my SO presents is that his two kids 7 & 9 (my step-kids) live with us half the week. They attend public school and get sick quite often (they had strep throat twice this winter). He is worried about them bring pertussis home.

My daughter's appointment is in two weeks and I'm worried about being ridiculed by the doctor. I'm worried about my partner being pressured and then pressuring me. How can I best prepare myself for this visit?

I'm trusting my intuition, but it is hard when people I love are telling me it is irresponsible. My baby is perfect. I don't want to mess with perfect.
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Old 06-20-2014, 08:28 AM
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Sorry you are feeling pressure. My hubby was vaccine-injured so he is totally on board with not vaxxing, so I am not really sure how we would have handled it if we had a difference in opinion. Our doctor doesnt' agree with our choice but he is okay with it. If you find that a peditrician is not accepting, you may look into a family doctor to see your baby as they tend to be a little more laid back on the issue.

Peggy O'Mara wrote an article on pertussis here that might be helpful for you and your partner to look over together.

We also have a thread running on pertussis here that you might find useful - Pertussis? Newbie with a question!
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Old 06-20-2014, 09:41 AM
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I mentioned on a similar thread that parents should discuss issue this before they become parents

My hsuband also was vaccine damaged so he agreed with me not to vaccinate our children, and I am happy with the results.
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Old 06-20-2014, 10:58 AM
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I second fruitfulmomma on reading up on pertussis.

As per the rest - I feel for you. An unsupportive spouse is tricky. I am going to shoot out a bunch of random ideas/questions for you to consider.

1. If he is pro-vax, should he be at the appointment? Does he want to be, or is he happy to leave it to you? If I had a spouse that was leaning towards vaccination, I would not ask them to come. It is not my places to disallow it (of course) but if they were game to leave it to me, I would breathe a sigh of relief.

2. if he wants to go - you two need to come up with a game plan ahead of time. The game plan may be "baby girl will not be vaccinated today" as both parties are NOT ok with it. You could create a list of questions to ask the doctor.

3. Have you explored why he wants to vaccinate or what his evidence is for the safety/efficacy? My own default is that you better have a darn good reason for injecting something with known risks into a healthy person.

4. Is he firm on this/bringing it up repeatedly…or was this just a thing expressed in passing? Do you think this will be a big deal in your relationship?

It is messy. If my signifcant other expressed pro-vax leanings, I would suggest delaying until we worked it out together. I would help him to find data that showed that delaying (with a few exceptions) is a very, very low risk activity.

There is a battle of two wolves inside us.  One is good and the other is evil.  The wolf that wins is the one you feed.


Book and herb loving mama to 1 preteen and 2 teens (when did that happen?).  We travel, go to school, homeschool, live rurally, eat our veggies, spend too much time...

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Old 06-20-2014, 07:30 PM
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My DH isn't 100% on board with the decision to stop vaxxing our DD - and that's after reactions - BUT, he trusts that I've done my research and he has always remained out of the medical decisions by choice. He doesn't attend visits and if not for me telling him she's reactive to certain foods, he'd be clueless about that as well. He's very anti-govt control and nitpicking yet when it comes to health he totally does as he's told! It' partially his upbringing, partially just laziness on his part, he wants the "quick fix" rather than taking responsibility for his own health. It's been a long slow process just changing his eating habits, but I'm persistent and he's catching on. I imagine by the time we have grandkids he'll finally have heard enough from me that he won't question it anymore ;-)

If your SO is ok with delaying just start there. Definitely breastfeeding helps. Mine is still going at almost 32mos and every cold she's ever had, has gone away faaaar quicker than DH's or mine. And I'm really leaning towards us all having had pertussis this winter but never got tested so who knows, but DD and I coughed for at least 2 mos - heavily for a period of a week, she gagged and I def lost my breath a few times. But we sucked down Vit C and it never felt bad enough to warrant going to doctors and potentially spreading it to others so we just stayed low key.
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Old 06-22-2014, 02:09 PM
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DH wanted to vax too. Since I did all the research and he did none, I basically told him, if he gets some research done and we discuss it and he still wants to vax then we would try to find a base. After he started to look into the material himself, he did not want to anymore. So that worked out well for us - no research - no say!

“The only true wisdom is in knowing you know nothing.”

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Old 06-26-2014, 02:54 PM
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Don't tell your stepkids' mother that your baby won't be vaccinated. She might freak out about that and try to cause all sorts of trouble (because her kids live with you part-time). Your baby's medical information is nobody's business except yours and her father's.
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Old 06-27-2014, 07:35 AM
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Originally Posted by ma2two View Post
Don't tell your stepkids' mother that your baby won't be vaccinated. She might freak out about that and try to cause all sorts of trouble (because her kids live with you part-time). Your baby's medical information is nobody's business except yours and her father's.

YES!! This has popped up as a major issue in other threads where one parent (Mom in the case I'm thinking) wanted to keep the kids unvaxxed, but after a divorce dad remarried, was having a baby, and wanted his older kids vaxxed for the sake of the new baby, and it did end up in court and I can't remember if she posted updates on the outcome of it all but it was a huge ordeal that really involved prioritizing the health and welfare/wellbeing of one kid over a another, something I'm very much against, thus why vaxxing "for the greater good" doesn't sit well with me. She was trying to gain legal stance over the medical decisions so that he didn't take the kids and have them vaxxed while in his care.
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