Friend works at health dept.... - Mothering Forums

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Old 06-01-2008, 01:00 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I've got a very close friend that works at the health department that continues to ride my @ss about my decision not to vax. I've tried to be nice but I finally had to get hateful because she wouldn't leave it alone....

She constantly says "the nurses say blah..blah...blah...." I told her that it was not a decision I made lightly and that I've done my research and pretty scared either way but I know big pharma's want to make big money....

She just will not leave it alone and asks me what I'm going to do when all these illegal immigrants children give her some disease.....She also says you can't believe everything you read on the internet. I even told her that I went onto actual forums to get other mothers opinions and she still continues to hound me....

I'm sorry but I had to vent....
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Old 06-01-2008, 02:38 AM
 
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You could tell her that you decided to vaccinate afterall. In my opinion it's not a good idea for other people to know you don't vaccinate, especially people who are so passionate about it.
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Old 06-01-2008, 04:05 AM
 
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Tell her you appreciate her "concern" (although it sounds more like she just wants to get that triumphant feeling when you "give in" and vax just like she knew you would you silly mom...) anyways, you appreciate her concern but piss off. Its none of her business what you do. Youve researched and made what you feel is the best decision for your kids. Sounds to me like she needs to understand that the topic is not open for discussion!
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Old 06-01-2008, 12:20 PM
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asks me what I'm going to do when all these illegal immigrants children give her some disease.
I love this line--it has become such a cliche and is just ridiculous, not to mention somewhat racist. Dirty foreignors are the bogey men of the pro-vax rhetoric

Personally, as much as I value frienship, harrassing you like that demonstrates a serious lack of respect for both your intellegence and your boundaries. I would avoid her as I really don't think that I would have the patience fo a friendship like that (it doesn't even matter that the issue is vax--it could be anything where she clearly shows how little she cares about my beliefs and feelings).

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she also says you can't believe everything you read on the internet.
You don't need to believe anything you read on the Internet. Go to the package inserts provided by the vaccine manaufacturers themselves. There is enough right there to make any reasonable person think twice.

PhDin' mama to dd (Oct. 2005)
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Old 06-01-2008, 06:28 PM
 
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all these illegal immigrants children give her some disease...
Why is it that only the medical profession can get away with this racist, xenophobic attitude? There are plenty of diseases that one can get nosocomially or iatrogenically, that is, from the doctors and hospitals themselves.

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In my opinion it's not a good idea for other people to know you don't vaccinate, especially people who are so passionate about it.
I learned this early in life, and I have kept mum on the subject ever since. It is fun to watch people now argue over something I am quite passionate and educated about myself, but I sit and watch the hair fly. Yes, maybe I should say something, but why? So that I am marked as a nut for not being vaxed and not vaxing my own? Why mark yourself? The government already has enough information on all of us, for education, health, credit, and income. Why volunteer more?

"The great enemy of the truth is very often not the lie, deliberate, contrived and dishonest, but the myth, persistent, persuasive and unrealistic."
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Old 06-01-2008, 07:14 PM
 
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I HATE it when people blame "misleading Web sites" for a decision not to vax.

Here's a link to the site that convinced me not to vax:

www.cdc.gov

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Old 06-01-2008, 07:18 PM
 
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She has no respect for your personal boundaries, and won't respect your family's personal health decisions, yet you call her a "close friend"? She isn't acting much like a friend! Friends share their concern, but respect boundaries and know when to let things drop.

I would tell her that your vax decision is not up for debate, and if she brings it up you'll end the phone call/walk away/etc.

Ruth, single mommy to Leah, 19, Hannah, 18 (commuting to college), and Jack, 13(homeschooled)
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Old 06-01-2008, 07:30 PM
 
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Yes, what Ruthla said.

A friend of mine who is a pharmacist read some old blog post of mine in which I discussed vax, and called me to say that she was "very disturbed" by what she read.

I basically told her that I would stay out of her bidness on this if she'd stay out of mine, and she let it go. Now THAT is how a friend should act! I was very impressed.
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Old 06-02-2008, 03:53 PM
 
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Originally Posted by EVC View Post
I love this line--it has become such a cliche and is just ridiculous, not to mention somewhat racist. Dirty foreignors are the bogey men of the pro-vax rhetoric
Thank you. I hate the attitude many Americans have towards immigrants. I am an immigrant and you would not believe the things I hear (I have been told to go back to my country many times). Because you are an immigrant, it gives people the right to say whatever they want to you. The whole “immigrants are dirty and disease ridden” really gets under my skin.

But, how many times do you read in mainstream media “these diseases are just a plane ride away”. I read that all the time. That is why people think it’s the “dirty” immigrants the bring all the diseases here.

OP – I would take a firm stance and let her know it’s not up for discussion. Let her know that you are thinking and reading more about it and will make the best choice for your child which is a private medical decision. This will mean that you can never talk about vaccines with her ever again! Once you bring it up, it will be open for discussion.
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Old 06-02-2008, 05:14 PM
 
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We have been in the same boat , I have actually lost friends because we made the choice not to vaccinate. I think that she doesnt respect you enough to make the best choice for your family so she isnt worth having as a friend.
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Old 06-03-2008, 06:15 PM
 
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OH I so hear you. My SIL worked at a public health clinic giving vacs and is a total snot about them. I am on cafemom right now and she just posted something about rude about non vaxers which was aimed at me. I don't know what to do about it either.

Mommy to THREE sweet boys & ONE sweet girl + a newb due in February!  I need a nap. 
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Old 06-03-2008, 09:54 PM
 
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You learn. Do not make your child's vax status the subject of any conversation.


I am sure I must have spoken with some of your parents at one time in my life. Most people just go along with the crowd and do not think about anything very deeply until they are affected personally.

"The great enemy of the truth is very often not the lie, deliberate, contrived and dishonest, but the myth, persistent, persuasive and unrealistic."
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Old 06-06-2008, 01:53 AM
 
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Why does she even know your stance in the first place? I just don't waste my time discussing the issue with people that are pro vax.
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Old 06-06-2008, 01:55 AM
 
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that has happened to me before...with family.

i got to say i told you so yesterday and i have a big apology from some of the biggest bullies in my family.

Some catch on eventually some don't....you do have to be careful who you talk to though...it can get scary...you don't need a friend that can't respect your decisions and your choices. We are all different and we have no business trying to make others do what we want them to do....I try to follow that rule and when my friends disagree ....i try and make them understand that.

I also try and pass on the information i have learned from...but i can't make them read it....
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Old 06-06-2008, 06:10 PM
 
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Wow, I feel blessed. I had a discussion with my mom today about my suspicions that vaxing may have lead to ds's apraxia and she told me that the decision to continue vaxing dd is my choice and that I need to follow my heart. I won't discuss my decisions any further with anyone but DH. I think our ped is going to be supportive because he actually delayed dd's MMR. I KNOW I won't be vaxing anymore at all.
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