I mainly lurk but I am trying to post more.
So my question to you guys.
Does the weird feeling ever leave when you are talking (about vaxing) with someone who does vax and they know you don't?
I don't know many people, maybe 1 or 2 that don't vax. I feel weird about it sometimes. Maybe it is just from me. I am a people pleaser and I don't want to be the weird lady (although I am). I pretty much do things differently than all my friends. I am trying to find some friends that I have more in common with as far as child raising goes. And I do want to maintain my friendships with my other friends too.
Thanks! I look foward to chatting with you again!
Today I was so upset/concerned... a new friend has a little boy who is having a little trouble. They are both exhausted and not feeling well. But she brought him in for vaccinations yesterday. Why on earth didn't the doctor tell her not to vaccinate if he wasn't 100% well? I hope nothing bad comes of it. I wanted to tell her that if she is going to vaccinate she at least shouldn't do it until he is feeling better, but I chickened out so I wouldn't come across as a fanatic and put her off.
Wife to Matt. Mom to Alex (2/8/08). Expecting our second (2/6/12).
One time was when I was the elementary school science teacher in a private religious school. We got a notice to pass out to our students to send home notifying the parents that the children may have been exposed to scarletina, a mild form of scarlet fever.
One of my colleagues in the faculty lounge got extremely upset and said that if parents would just vaccinate their children like they are supposed to, this would never be a problem. I gently reminded her that there is no vaccine against scarlet fever, and she was still upset. What would any of the available vaccines do anyway against scarletina?
I let it go. Letting anyone know that you have alot of knowledge on that subject is immediately suspect since that is the domain of the pediatricians.
I NEVER, EVER discuss vaccinations with anyone unless I know we are on the same page.
In my 54 years, speaking out has rarely happened safely for me.
"One can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark; the real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light." - Plato
The few other couples with kids around here... I definetly haven't and won't be discussing vaxes with. I'm pretty darn sure they're big-time vaxers, along with most of our extended families... (several doctors/nurses mixed in there...)
1. Play dumb. "Oh myyyyy, the doctor said Timmy should get all those shots while he's sick? I've never heard of that before. I think my sister-in-law's doctor said to wait, since their little immune systems can't take it. Hmm, I guess every doctor's different."
2. Bring it up in a way that asserts mom's independence in random conversation that doesn't center on vaxes. EX: While mommy X is discussing how she's upset her mother took little Maya for a haircut without her permission, my advice is, "Yes, you should talk to her to see if there was a misunderstanding or if she thought Maya needed a cut and didn't care if you were there or not. If she doesn't respect your instructions, what's she gunna come home with next time? A flu shot?"
No fights get started, and you can see if people are on the same page as you.
The one friend in particular I am talking took our birthing class with us. It was private and taught by a good friend of mine who doesn't vax and she brought it up in regards to researching it and deciding what to do. Well FIL is a surgeon and there is no way their LO was not getting vaxed. She questioned me about it and wanted to know what we were doing and why. I told her and it was not arguementative or anything. Well ever since then it is just weird. She tells me about her LO getting his shots and how he did. I feel so bad for him. He always gets a fever and is a bit cranky.
Thanks for all the suggestions for the future. I will definately be using some of them!
I used to discuss it with people, but I have worn out on that now. I don't say anything at all anymore unless I am certain we are on the same page.
I've found the hard way that many people just aren't interested in learning, just happy to listen to the propaganda and their docs. OUr family knows (and that's too much IMO) and 2 friends know and that's it. I never bring it up unless someone asks me point blank.
|But I refuse to talk to people about vaxing if all they know is the info from the sheet they get at the pedi.|
Happy to be a mommy and teacher to D , born 1-17-06 via and A , born 10-6-08 with a
I mean, I can accept if others make their decision with some real research and in the end it their job to educate themselves, mosten often no amount of research offered will make anybody look into it-unless they have doubts from the beginning.
I usually do not ever discuss my DS vax status- but if someone (say another board) asks, what did you do, do I "have" to get the Hep B shot when they are newborn etc- that a good way to encourage further real research. I just mention a couple things, books, just general info. No need to launch a full "war", you will get nothing but hatred and tirades. Especially from people in the medical field. One "doctor" on one forum does not hesitate to lie, say about the contraction of Hep B and will insult anyone that does not absolutely love vaccines.
I like nudging people onto to the pathway of research, looking into things- but they must come to their own conclusions. Sheep/Lemmings that just do what everyone else does and only knows their Doctors yellow sheets are usually lost causes.
I leave the room if people actually start talking about vaccines. They won't listen to me, despite the fact that I have researched every disease and most of the vaccine ingredients. I know nobody knows what diphtheria even is!
Mom to Jackson, b. January 2006
and Cassandra, b. October 2011
I dont mention it - I dont bring it up. But as I said, they enjoy to bitch and moan...its like a contest to see whos child gives whos parent the most greif. As if thats what having a child is about. I would love more like minded friends! - I look forward to my home ed group meetings every months!!!...Which is another thing now that my 'friends' feel they have a right to pick on...All the talk of sending their child to school they now actually look at me and say things like 'Oh, but you arnt doing that' - look away and carry on talking about it.
The last time vax came up if was when my friend had her son - she was complianing it made him throw up for 24 hours after the vax...everytime he got one!...She said 'the doctor says its normal'... What do you say? I just leave it alone. ...or I try.
Whenever someone asks me my reasons for not vaccinating I offer them a couple of books worth reading. Sometimes they actually read them but usually, if the people are purely nosy and think they're going to be condescending toward to my parenting beliefs, well, they don't read it.
My father used to be all over my a** about not vaxing but finally I told him, "I have a couple binders' worth of literature here on vaccines and their safety and efficacy if you'd like to read them. If you do, we can drop them off. If not, then this discussion is closed." I haven't heard about it since.
Lastly, I LOVE BEING THE WEIRD LADY!!! It gives me a sense of pride that I can think for myself and make decisions that aren't fueled by fear or peer pressure.
I have a friend who has her Masters' degree in science. She has 2 daughters that are fully vaccinated (including varicella and flu shots every year). Thos girls are ALWAYS sick- ear infections, colds, eye goop, whatever. My ds was vaccinated until he finished his 6-month shots. DH and I couldn't bear to make his little body suffer anymore. Neither of my dds are vaxed. My ds is the unhealthiest of my kids, developing a case of croupe every year that is so bad that it winds us up in the ER and I sit vigil all night long. My daughters have only ever been sick three times between the two of them. I don't see this as a coincidence.
My friend and I have agreed to disagree. She gets huffy when I won't let her kids play with mine if hers were vaccinated within 72 hours of seeing us. I'd rather be safe than sorry (since I know of kids who have become ill secondary to someone else's vaxes). I try to not discuss it with her but I know she thinks we're being unreasonable and closed-minded and over-protective (since she has told me these things). I think she needs to relax a little and hey, I don't chide her for vaxing so why should she feel the need to chide me for not?
it never does get easier so we just don't discuss it.
On a positive note by sister and her husband are having boy in Sept and they are not vaxing!
My FIL does not know we don't vax and he said to me 2 nights ago, you better get him his shots cause there are a lot of bad diseases out there. I just stayed quiet and changed the subject. Worked like a charm!
Me: Does your little one see Dr. **** here in town, too?
Me: *shaking head* Every time we go he gives me a long spiel and TONS of pamphlets about vaccinations! He drives me crazy!!
Her: So, you don't vaccinate your kids?
Her: How does that work with school?
Me: Oh you just have to fill out the exemption form that says "I don't vaccinate my child." (Said very matter of factly.)
**End of conversationt** **No weirdness**
I hope that maybe I've planted a small seed in her mind that there are people who actually don't vaccinate! Who knows if it will have any effect. If the opportunity comes up, I will probably try to see if she is receptive to more in-depth info about it. I guess I better read up and refresh all my facts and statistics!
My friend, who stopped vaccinating, was at the home of another friend of ours. The friend who vaccinates said she was a little nervous having her children around unvaccinated children. What kind of sense does that make? If her children are vaccinated, why should she be nervous about contacting anything? The vaccinated children are always sick-ear infections, etc. Her son is on prevacid(or something like that). She works for a doctor and gives her children OTC meds at the drop of a hat. We are still working on her(haha). She is starting to come around.
Lynn wife of Chris(17 years), mother of Colby,6 and Chase, 5 months
I don't bring it up and I don't volunteer that my kids aren't vaxed even when it's the topic of conversation. If someone asks me straight out, I don't lie though.
My dd goes to a co-op preschool where the parents pretty much run everything and it actually bugs me that so many know that my dd isn't vaxed. I turned in a religious exemption since my state doesn't allow philosophical exemptions and my doc wasn't into giving me a medical one.
The pediatrician knows too, of course, and I feel weird talking to her about it too....even though she has never given me any grief. In fact she said when we were ready for chicken pox she could probably set me up and that I should try to get my kids chicken pox while they're still nursing because MY natural immunity will help them to have a milder case.
I guess I worry about those stories I hear about people being accused of neglect or abuse for not vaxing...and I don't want to deal with that, so the fewer folks who know the better.
But it does feel weird.
I have a dear friend who is on my wavelength with many things, but is very, very, very much a doctor-worshipper. She thinks that Jenny McCarthy's book should be "illegal" (her words). So I definitely don't bring it up with her anymore. She claims she did her own "research" but when prompted, is unaware of what vaxes her DS has received!