Ugh, awkward playdate - Mothering Forums

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Old 07-23-2008, 08:22 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I don't usually discuss our vax status, only with others that are likeminded. But today we had a playdate with some new friends. She's a nurse. The conversation was taking a turn that I was going to have to lie, or talk about our vax stance. It started with "who's your ped..." I tried to dance around it but its so hard to explain why we go to a dr that's in the next town when there's a million and a half peds here. I am feeling so yucky about this. She was acting pretty cool about it, and saying things like "well you're the parent and it's you're right to make the decisions" but I didn't want to become known as the non-vaxer of the neighborhood/school district or whatever.

The good thing is that i'm 100% confident in my choices. The bad thing is that I'd like to be able to make friends and have normal conversations without feeling like a deviant. Why does every mom want to talk about vaxes on the first playdate?? This isn't the first time this has happened (We moved here 1.5 yrs ago and so we've made a lot of new friends) Until now I've been able to field the topics without specifics.

She did say "well you know that chicken pox is deadly now..."
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Old 07-23-2008, 11:22 PM
 
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I hate those conversations. How very benevolent of her to inform you that you do in fact have the right to parent. It seems like you're nicer than I am -- I'd have said the same thing back to her and looked aghast that she vaccinates, especially for varicella.

I've only heard of the goofy new deadly pox on this board -- anyone have ANY newspaper stories, studies (yeah right), etc. to back up this medical establishment rumor or at least document it? Where on earth are they getting this stuff these days?

Enjoying my plummet off the deep end mommy with two (2005) and (2007)
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Old 07-24-2008, 12:30 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mama2j&t View Post
She did say "well you know that chicken pox is deadly now..."
::

single mommy to identical twin girls (3/06) Non-traditional mama just : through life.
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Old 07-24-2008, 12:33 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mama2j&t View Post
"well you know that chicken pox is deadly now..."

:
:


So it is just a miracle that my three children lived last month when they had them?
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Old 07-24-2008, 03:22 PM
 
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I hate those conversations on the first "date" too. LOL Usually people respond more favorably if they "know" me first. LOL I actually have a lot of non-vaxing friends who didnt used to be when they first met me. I think if you just slowly leak out information to make them curious so they go look for themselves....it helps...especially coming from someone who is already a friend. I wouldnt have my speech that I give a ped ready for a first friend date, ykwim?

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Old 07-25-2008, 01:44 PM
 
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With my older kids (now 14 and 12) i never ONCE had parents ask me about BFing, cosleeping, vaxing, circing until we were established friends and it came up.

Now, with my 4 year old, it's like those topics are ice breakers. Im glad AP practices are being discussed more often but it didnt deter people from being our friends then....why does it matter now??
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Old 07-26-2008, 09:20 PM
 
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My family's privacy is more important to me than telling the truth about our vax status. So I will lie if there is no getting around it.
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Old 07-27-2008, 10:34 PM
 
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I have actually said, "We're some of those paranoid kooks who think injecting poison in our children is a bad idea." Then I laughed and asked who her ped was.
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Old 07-28-2008, 01:28 AM
 
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I don't talk with most people about my son's medical record/history. It's personal and no one's business. If people I don't know very well ask, I say I don't talk about my son's medical history or just change the subject. If it's a good, close friend, I may or may not answer.

SAHM to Ninja Boy (6) surf.gif and Monkey Man (4) carrot.gif.

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Old 07-28-2008, 03:18 AM
 
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I lie about it all the time but I always try to find ways to ask if someone else's child has recently gotten a vax that sheds for the sake of my kids (and also to know what to look for if they come down with something). When someone asks why my ped is in another county, I lie and say "my best friend recommended him and I really like him since he reminds me of my childhood doc (with real nostalgic look in the eyes) and the kids LOVE him." I have no problem lying. There are lots of other things that I do IRL that make me look kind of strange. Don't need to be adding something as potentially troublesome as my kids' no vax status.

Stay-at-home mom to 2 beautiful.busy.boisterous boys b. 08.17.05 & 12.29.08
Nirvana is . . . the living happiness of a soul which is conscious of itself and conscious of having found its own abode in the heart of the Eternal. --Gandhi
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Old 07-28-2008, 03:59 AM
 
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Truthfully, it actually sounds like a pretty civil conversation. But I'll admit I'm one of those nosy mom's who asks those kinds of questions. But I wouldn't be offended if someone chose not to answer or skirted around the question. I'm just am interested to hear how different people raise their children and why they choose to do things the way they do. You can learn a lot by talking to other moms and I like to hear about their choices and the reasoning behind them. Even if I don't agree, I enjoy hearing other's opinions and sharing my own. (I am careful to avoid arguing or debating and prefer just to keep it to mutual sharing of opinions!)

Mama to two sweet boys and a baby girl.  
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