They haven't had a checkup in 2 years and I feel guilty. - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 14 Old 10-22-2008, 05:30 AM - Thread Starter
 
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My girls are 4 and 2. My baby hasn't had a checkup until she was under a year and my 4-year-old hasn't had one in 2 years. A lot of this is because I do not want to vaccinate, they haven't been sick, and I really get anxiety about discussing how I don't want to vaccinate my kids! Their ped is very good, very nonvax friendly, but for some reason I am just turned off by taking them for height/weight/developmental screening. I have recently had a slew of health problems and spend a lot of time at the doctor on my own health and now feel somewhat guilty that I haven't tended to theirs. I am also suspecting my 4-year-old has sensory integration dysfunction and ADHD and feel it's time to bite the bullet and take them.

Can anyone nudge me in the right direction? Should I have taken them in a long time ago? I'm worried my ex-husband will find out and try to use it against me in a custody situation or that my family will - they are very non-AP friendly and very mainstream and think I'm, well, mentally ill for not vaxing, not taking them to the doctor with every sniffle, etc. : It doesn't help that I did have PPD and am on an antidepressant and antipsychotic. My grandmother even called the county to have a worker meet with me to discuss my parenting skills!!!
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#2 of 14 Old 10-22-2008, 02:47 PM
 
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dd hasnt seen a ped since i took her in for a lead test (our home is older) at about 1 year. she's now 3. i switched to an FP doc for this current pregnancy, and during my last visit his nurse told me that i can bring dd to him for WBV. i told her that we don't vax and there's just no point. i can see that she's growing and thriving, she never gets sick, so why waste his time and ours?

unless you have a serious concern about a child's health, i wouldn't fret about it. you know them best.

my MIL is so freaked out by our decision not to vax that she even discusses it with HER doctor : i dont understand what business it is of theirs at all. some people are very disturbed by non-mainstream parenting practices.
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#3 of 14 Old 10-22-2008, 02:54 PM
 
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I agree....If your kids haven't been sick than there is no reason to take them to the docotr. WBV are merely for vaxing anyway and if you don't there is no point!! If you feel one of them needs to be screened for ADHD than take that one to the appropraite doctor, but otherwise don't worry about it!!

If the people let government decide what foods they eat and what medicines they take, their bodies will soon be in as sorry a state as are the souls of those who live under tyranny." Thomas Jefferson.

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#4 of 14 Old 10-22-2008, 02:59 PM
 
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Originally Posted by ferretfan View Post
my MIL is so freaked out by our decision not to vax that she even discusses it with HER doctor : i dont understand what business it is of theirs at all. some people are very disturbed by non-mainstream parenting practices.
Some people are very susceptible to "health marketing" (propaganda and scaremongering) and will believe anything as long as it comes from someone in a white coat. We live in a society of "experts", where independent research is seen as at best invalid, at worst suspect, and few people are encouraged to trust their instincts or own judgment.

It's a bummer.

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#5 of 14 Old 10-22-2008, 03:28 PM
 
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If you are worried about your ex bringing it up in a custody hearing, I would take them, even if it's just once a year or so, just to document something (even if it's just ht/wt); especially considering your ped is non-vax friendly and it should be a low-stress appt. for everyone.

I might be concerned, knowing how your MIL feels, that if she finds out they haven't been to a dr recently, she might pressure your ex to take them to a diff dr and get them 'caught-up' on what they've missed... though maybe that's not a possiblility with your custody arrangement? I'm just throwing out "what-if's"..

that said, I do understand your anxiety/guilt about not taking them though... my dd is almost 1 and she's been to the ped twice... (and with her 2 older bro, I took them 'as scheduled'-- blah)...
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#6 of 14 Old 10-22-2008, 10:51 PM
 
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Could you find a naturopath that will see them? They are much more likely to be cool with everything, they are doctors, and they can do just about all that MDs do.

My mom lived in fear of custody stuff, and b/c of that we were totally vaccinated, weren't allowed to have a family bed, and she took us to the doctor's every time we got sick. Sigh.

I think it's a good idea to take them to cover your rear, but I think an ND would be less anxiety-causing for you, and they are just as good, and probably better, at diagnosing diseases and helping with things than anyone else would be!
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#7 of 14 Old 10-23-2008, 08:37 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I will definitely look into an ND and do everything I can to cover my butt. My ex-MIL is a cop and is very "this is the way it goes." She used to cut articles out about the harmful effects of cosleeping and give them to me. : My custody arrangement is 50/50 but he is seeing his kids for the first time in a year this weekend so he doesn't have much say-so. He doesn't ask, so I don't tell! If he does ask about their ped visits, then I'll just have to fib a bit. What he doesn't know, won't hurt him. Besides, he and I both agreed on nonvaxing from the get-go.
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#8 of 14 Old 10-23-2008, 09:45 PM
 
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Besides, he and I both agreed on nonvaxing from the get-go.
That's good to know!

Gosh I'm sorry about him not seeing them for so long. That can't have been fun to deal with.
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#9 of 14 Old 10-24-2008, 03:11 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Yeah I know. He just had a new baby a few months ago with his new girlfriend (not even out of our home for a year yet!) and they DO vaccinate the new baby. I'm wondering if I need to worry about the girls being around the new girlfriend's children.
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#10 of 14 Old 10-24-2008, 06:34 AM
 
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i recommend the book How to Raise a Healthy Child in Spite of Your Doctor (http://www.amazon.com/Raise-Healthy-...d_bxgy_b_img_b)

this will give you the confidence to avoid going to the doctor unless there is a good reason to do so. doctors are trained to treat sick people, not healthy ones. therefore they often try to fix what doesn't need fixing, because they want to DO something. very few doctors have a hands-off approach, let alone one focused on prevention or good nutrition. you are not a bad mother for avoiding them!

mama to 2 busy boys (may 2007 & december 2008)
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#11 of 14 Old 10-24-2008, 06:40 AM
 
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My kids haven't been to a doctor in a long time other than for emergencies.

In fact, we've had this "new" insurance for 3.5 years now. We were in the other day for one of my boys to see the dr (for his almost turned into pneumonia), and the dr said, "You haven't had **** (insurance provider/hospital) long, have you?" And she said that because there's very little records for my kids, lol. I just nodded.

With the custody situation, I'd be worried as well. I may take them in for a simple checkup just to have it on record maybe? But otherwise, do NOT feel bad - if they need a doctor, I'm sure you'll take them in. If they don't need to see a doctor, why go? I fully believe in mothers intuition. If I had the teensiest feeling that something needed to be checked out w/ any of my kids, I'd be in the dr office asap.
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#12 of 14 Old 10-24-2008, 12:09 PM
 
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I felt the same way and wrote a post similar to yours. The 2 and 4 year appointments were not that bad. But being in a custody situation should be all the nudge you need.

"It should be a rule in all prophylactic work that no harm should ever be unnecessarily inflicted on a healthy person (Sir Graham Wilson, The Hazards of Immunization, 1967)."
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#13 of 14 Old 10-26-2008, 12:27 PM
 
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I was also going to recommend a ND. Just so you have something on paper if need be.

My kids have never been to the doctor. I don't see a need unless it is an emergency.

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#14 of 14 Old 10-27-2008, 01:28 AM
 
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Originally Posted by lachingona1 View Post
I was also going to recommend a ND. Just so you have something on paper if need be.

My kids have never been to the doctor. I don't see a need unless it is an emergency.
In a custody situation I would go with an MD for paperworks sake. I don't think a judge would be impressed with an ND and they are not licensed to practice in many/most states.

"It should be a rule in all prophylactic work that no harm should ever be unnecessarily inflicted on a healthy person (Sir Graham Wilson, The Hazards of Immunization, 1967)."
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