You DO NOT do this to a very pregnant woman!!!! - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 20 Old 11-27-2008, 12:28 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I got an email from my husband where he was talking about all his plans and such and making sure I knew what he was doing and then added at the end. "Oh and I got a haircut! Just thought I'd let you know so you wouldn't be shocked."
:
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I thought I'd have a heart attack where I was sitting. I seriously felt like I was having a panic attack. He has been 'growing his hair out' (started with skipping a haircut and then just kinda happened) for a year and it looked SO GOOD. I LOVE his hair long and it looked amazing and he KNOWS I was in love with it.

I was so pissed but I tried to stay calm because I thought maybe he just had them trim it. When he got home I could barely glance at it out of the corner or my eye and I felt nauseated. It's ALL GONE!

I went into the bedroom by myself and cried and I can hardly look at him it upsets me so bad.

He has NEVER made his own haircut appointment let alone gone without letting me know or asking me how he should tell them to cut it- he's just not into that kind of thing. I know he did this without telling me on purpose and I'm so mad!

You don't make major changes without letting your wife know AHEAD OF TIME when she is on the verge of giving birth!!!!

Everytime I think of his beautiful locks lying on the salon floor I just

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#2 of 20 Old 11-27-2008, 02:29 PM
 
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Oh man, I totally feel for you. DP has been growing his hair out for 3 years (at my suggesting!) and I LOVE it. He keeps asking me what he should do with it, should he cut it and I say I like it the way it is, but I also say he can do whatever he wants. But he knows I would be sad if he cut it off. Now if he also shaved the beard, it would be tragic, but I guess a guy's gotta do what a guys gotta do. Some warning would have been nice, though, I agree.

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#3 of 20 Old 11-27-2008, 03:03 PM
 
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#4 of 20 Old 11-27-2008, 05:19 PM
 
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Awww, I'm sorry that stinks. He probably isn't acting quite sane himself and did it in a fit of "omg we are having a kid (or another kid)" Men do strange things sometimes when they are "expecting" I think its really unreal to them for a long time and then it suddenly hits them and they do crazy stuff. It will grow back I'm sure but I'm sorry it shouldn't have been this way!
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#5 of 20 Old 11-27-2008, 05:50 PM
 
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I'm going to say this as nicely as possible. You are being completely unreasonable. It his head and no way does he have to ask permission from you to cut it. Maybe he didn't tell you because he knew you would freak out and he didn't want to deal with it. It is just hair, it is not a MAJOR change. You are going to find having a small child very difficult to deal with if things like this freak you out. Good luck with everything.

Shawna, married to Michael, mommy to Elijah 1/18/01, Olivia 11/9/02, and Eliana 1/22/06
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#6 of 20 Old 11-28-2008, 05:37 AM
 
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O_O I totally feel for you. Even when he had my permission, DH didn't cut his hair--he knows that I hate short hair, especially on men, and that he looks better with it long and didn't want to grow it back out (it was the heat of summer and I cut mine off--after telling him it was going to happen for a couple weeks before I did it.. I hadn't cut my hair in 13 years, except for bangs).

I'd be so mad and upset. I also don't want my kids growing up thinking 'men have short hair, women have whatever they want' like is the common mentality. I wouldn't forgive my husband quickly.

It may be his body, but that's a big change and it's a partner's right to have a say in physical appearances. It's not fair that women spend all their time trying to make themselves attractive for their partners, but if men decide to do something this selfish, it's considered okay. Sure, it could grow back, if he chooses to, but if he did it behind your back, that's a sign of disrespect. You have every right to be upset. And yes, in the end, it should be his decision, but you should have still had the right to be told beforehand and have had a say, no matter his expectations of your reaction.

I'm sorry he did that.

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#7 of 20 Old 11-28-2008, 06:59 AM
 
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Awwww Moody! I'd be devastated in your shoes too! Of course it is his hair and his choice, but I bet he could certainly have let you know a little more gently (and beforehand too!).

Right now Dh and I are having occasional talks about his shaving his goatee. I *love* it and he's had it longer than I've known him, but he's wanting to change things up more since he's lost so much weight (as if loosing 152 pounds isn't a big change! ). He just keeps trimming it shorter and shorter everytime he needs to trim it up. I guess he's getting me used to it in stages.

Lisa, mama to Orion (7) , Fiona Star (born sleeping @ 38wks 12/6/08) , our bitty (m/c 7/27/09) , and Charlotte Athena (11/5/10)
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#8 of 20 Old 11-28-2008, 07:09 AM
 
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i have to say i'm with heavenly on this one.

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#9 of 20 Old 11-28-2008, 07:41 AM
 
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Me thinks mama just needed to vent

Lisa, mama to Orion (7) , Fiona Star (born sleeping @ 38wks 12/6/08) , our bitty (m/c 7/27/09) , and Charlotte Athena (11/5/10)
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#10 of 20 Old 11-28-2008, 07:52 AM
 
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Me thinks mama just needed to vent
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#11 of 20 Old 11-28-2008, 01:12 PM
 
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Yes really. I doubt she's planning on forcing her husband to style his hair her way for the rest of time. But it IS unsettling if your partner suddenly changes his appearence with no warning and pregancy ups the emotional ante so much. Plus if its outside the character of their normal relationship that alone is unsettling. If my husband remembered to make a hair appointment without me reminding him 16 times I'd be unsettled too, even if it would also make me happy not sad for him to cut his hair.
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#12 of 20 Old 11-28-2008, 04:31 PM
 
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Yes really. I doubt she's planning on forcing her husband to style his hair her way for the rest of time. But it IS unsettling if your partner suddenly changes his appearence with no warning and pregancy ups the emotional ante so much. Plus if its outside the character of their normal relationship that alone is unsettling. If my husband remembered to make a hair appointment without me reminding him 16 times I'd be unsettled too, even if it would also make me happy not sad for him to cut his hair.
I agree. If I up and one day decided to chop my hair off with no notification I think my DP would be pretty devestated. He HATES short hair on women. And he has to understand to tread lightly around a pregnant woman!

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#13 of 20 Old 11-28-2008, 05:48 PM
 
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vent away, sweet mama. It's definitely your place to do so

Walking in the light with DH, DD (11/08), DS (4/10) , four dogs, and one insouciant cat.
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#14 of 20 Old 11-28-2008, 07:28 PM
 
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oops - I replied to the wrong thread! Sorry about your dh's hair, though

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#15 of 20 Old 11-29-2008, 03:34 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Sure, it could grow back, if he chooses to, but if he did it behind your back, that's a sign of disrespect.
This is what bothered me the most. He's grown his hair out before and then cut it off but I had a little forewarning and got to 'say goodbye'. He's done other things lately that seem to say 'screw you, I'll do what I want' and that passive aggressive crap does not fly with me. If he's feeling off balance or whatever he can TALK to me about it.

For the record this isn't my first child so I still have some confidence that I should be able to handle that in spite of how unreasonable I am.

Thanks for letting me vent ladies, it always feels a little better once you let it all out.

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#16 of 20 Old 11-29-2008, 03:42 PM
 
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#17 of 20 Old 11-30-2008, 06:33 AM
 
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Thanks for letting me vent ladies, it always feels a little better once you let it all out.
ITA. Sometimes we just need to go "ARRRGHHHHARAH!" over even small things (or what may seem small to someone else)--always better than letting them sit and fester Seemed like you just needed a friendly ear.

I don't get how anyone can NOT see that as just plain disrespectful, though. And I'm sorry your DH is making you feel like that right now.

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#18 of 20 Old 12-01-2008, 02:02 PM
 
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I don't get how anyone can NOT see that as just plain disrespectful, though. And I'm sorry your DH is making you feel like that right now.
And I don't see how anyone can NOT see that it's HIS head. How is it disrespectful for him to cut his own hair? Well, I guess I'll just say I am glad I am not in a relationship where either of us has the right to dictate what the other does with their own hair.

Shawna, married to Michael, mommy to Elijah 1/18/01, Olivia 11/9/02, and Eliana 1/22/06
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#19 of 20 Old 12-01-2008, 03:59 PM - Thread Starter
 
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And I don't see how anyone can NOT see that it's HIS head. How is it disrespectful for him to cut his own hair? Well, I guess I'll just say I am glad I am not in a relationship where either of us has the right to dictate what the other does with their own hair.
I think maybe you misunderstood my feelings. I absolutely believe that dh's hair is his own and that he should be able to cut it if he wants to. It was just the way he went about it that upset me so and even if it is his hair I love it long and would've been sad to see it go. I consider his likes/dislikes greatly in making decisions and he knows that, I would expect him to care about how I feel equally.

Either way I got it off my chest and had a good cry. I still cringe from time to time when I stop to look at his hair (FYI, not the best cut he's ever had) but at least I'm not emotionally devastated anymore!

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#20 of 20 Old 12-02-2008, 04:55 AM
 
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Originally Posted by moodyred01 View Post
I think maybe you misunderstood my feelings. I absolutely believe that dh's hair is his own and that he should be able to cut it if he wants to. It was just the way he went about it that upset me so and even if it is his hair I love it long and would've been sad to see it go. I consider his likes/dislikes greatly in making decisions and he knows that, I would expect him to care about how I feel equally.
Exactly. It has nothing to do with "dictating" anything, but simply considering each other's feelings and tastes in making decisions.

I'm glad I'm not part of a relationship where each member unilaterally decides everything without including the other person in their thoughts and decisions. I'd hate for my opinions and feelings to mean so little to someone else.

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