Am I just being hormonal 39 week pregnant woman? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 11 Old 11-28-2008, 09:22 PM - Thread Starter
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I am annoyed at my MW b/ she keeps rescheduling prenatals. This has been an ongoing 'issue' since the beginning.

The first one in July was rescheduled due to a birth. I completely understand this and hope she'd do the same when I am in labor. I know the woman who was in labor and I know she gave birth that day so I know it's the truth. This prenatal is not an issue for me.

The prenatal in Sept was rescheduled b/c I suspect she wrote it down wrong. It was supposed to be the day after labor day at my house. About 1/2 hour after the scheduled start time, I called her and she said she had down that it was going to be the next day. I know it was supposed to be Tuesday b/c I distinctly remember asking her (and her apprentice) "Is that the day after Labor Day" and they both looked at me and said "Yes". Well, the appt didn't happen on the Wed b/c she said she needed to reschedule b/c she had some lead abatement class (or something like that) to go to for her kitchen remodeling. she rescheduled my prenatal for a lead abatement class?

My Oct prenatal was bounced around for a week for various reasons. At the appt she asked me why it had been a month since she last saw me. I simply reminded her that she was the one who rescheduled the appt and all she said was "Oh".

I was on my way to my prenatal on Wed when I called her to make sure it was still going to happen and she said she needed to reschedule due to her oversleeping. She called me today and said she was on her way to a birth and that she'd call me back when it was over. So far, not call, but since birth can take longer than expected, it does not bother me as much.

There have been some other prenatals that have been rescheduled, but you probably get the idea. Out of all the prenatals I have been to, a majority of of them have been rescheduled for some reason. I will be honest in that I am somewhat restricted in when I can make appts. I have a two year old who needs a nap from about 12-2 and is miserable without his nap. The MWs office is about 30 minutes away and I have to be back by 4pm when my DD gets off the school bus. This leaves mostly morning appts for prenatals (her first appt is at 10am). The day of the week does not matter much to me, but the time does. I can work with this, but I guess I just feel like I'm being pushed aside for reasons other than births. I feel as if I get more attention from the OB that I see than from her. The OB is in solo practice and has a much higher patient load, but still manages to make it to births, prenatals, and other appts. Even two years ago when he had 28 births during the month of Oct, he still made it to appts - not always on time, but he still made it and at least he returns phone calls promptly.

Am I being hormonal 39 week pregnant woman? Am I being unreasonable? This is my first homebrith, but is this common place for a homebirth midwife? I absolutely understand the births, but the other reasons kind of annoy me. I suppose as long as she doesn't try to reschedule my birth I will be OK.

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#2 of 11 Old 11-28-2008, 09:52 PM
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I don't know how common it is for a homebirth midwife, but I do know that I would be totally annoyed You should totally be able to trust this person and think that they are fully supportive of you; sounds like her behavior has led you to not trust that she will be totally there for you.

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#3 of 11 Old 11-29-2008, 12:03 AM
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It seems like you see these threads pop up on the homebirth forum every so often - the MW who is disorganized, misses appointments, whatever. I don't think its common, but you are definitely not the only MDC mama who has felt totally ANNOYED by this phemonenon. I too would find it totally annoying. At this point though, you probably just have to suck up your annoyance and just vent about it here Hopefully she will be AMAZING at your birth - and all thoughts of her annoying pre-baby behavior will vanish.

And, its true that pretty much everything annoys me right part of it could certainly be that end-of-pregnancy annoyance that just happens.... But, all the same, it still is annoying!!!!! LOL!!!!!!

BTW, I managed to say the word annoying 7 times in my post (now 8!)
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#4 of 11 Old 11-29-2008, 12:24 AM
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I would definitely feel frustrated and annoyed. I mean she overslept? WHAT? . But at this point I think all you can do is just hang in there. Of course, if it were me I'd probably break down crying at some point since everything makes me do that these days, but I have found that everyone really wants to appease a crying pregnant lady, so embarrassing as it is, you might as well take advantage of it. Hang in there--you're almost there!
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#5 of 11 Old 11-29-2008, 02:48 AM
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I'm sorry, I know that can be so frustrating! I don't think it's normal but i'm sure it does happen, like Mama Song mentioned. Of course it doesn't excuse her behavior..but just hang in there and soon you won't have to worry about it anymore.

My mw is pretty organized but we live in a state that doesn't have many HB's...she's the only HB MW in the state! She also works as a CNM at a hospital near us so that's nice (she lives almost an hour away) and she comes to me each appt. after she gets off on her way home. I love that! I think all mw's are very different and I hope yours returns it all by being amazing at the birth and it turns around from there
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#6 of 11 Old 11-29-2008, 10:36 AM - Thread Starter
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Yeah, I do think that, if I want a homebirth, I have to just accept it at this point. I did have a point earlier where I considered looking for a new MW, but I didn't persue it. If it really bothers me, I can decide to go to the hospital and have the OB that I used last time. The MW lives about a 2 minute drive from her office and she's always about 15 minutes late (first appt of the day is 10am so it's not super early). When asking other people what they liked/disliked about her, the fact that she's late is one thing that some people said that they didn't like so I had an idea going in, but I didn't think it'd be like this. However, I think it annoys my DH more than me, but it does annoy me.

Hopefully sometime with the next week I hope I can say how great she will be during birth. That's one of the good things that people told me about her.

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#7 of 11 Old 11-29-2008, 01:19 PM
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That's super frustrating! I've had a taste of the same thing but one of the reasons my mw rescheduled is because she is sick... she or her kids seem to be sick a lot which can still make you : if you had planned for a specific appointment time.

That really does suck and I don't think it's due to your hormones at all.

That is one thing I've noticed with out of hospital midwives. Many I've worked with or had prenatals with seem to have a very casual attitude towards keeping appointments and punctuality. Lord don't get me started on punctuality!

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#8 of 11 Old 11-29-2008, 01:33 PM
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absolutely unacceptable.
you are looking to this person to guide, reassure and support YOU.

the oversleeping thing is kind of unbelievable!

my provider is always runnign late, but i dont mind because he takes so much time with me, carefully answering every question and really listening, which i know he does for everyone. its just part of the deal of having someone so careful and thoughtful. but if he just randomly rescheduled, it would be a whole new thing.

if she is great during birth then i think your instincts are right to keep her. you put up with her bad habits, you might as well get the benefit of what she does well!

but i think its really a good thing to learn to trust your instincts early on something like this so you can switch earlier than later.
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#9 of 11 Old 11-29-2008, 10:14 PM
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I agree, this really isn't acceptable behavior. I also understand wanting to stay with a provider that you aren't perfectly happy with. I find my OB to be a bit annoying - sometimes it seems like she wants something to be wrong with me - but I am sticking with her because she is the go to person in this city for a natural birth and to me, that is more important than having an OB that I adore.

Also, now that I'm in the final weeks I find myself extremely irritable about everything. So, when I get super irritated at, for example, the people on the skytrain who don't immediately jump up eager to offer me their seat, I try to remember that while I do deserve the seat, I am probably feeling a little more annoyed than I normally would.

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#10 of 11 Old 11-30-2008, 12:37 AM
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That's lame, and super, super, super unprofessional. I think I remember you posting about this on the birth professional board and one of the m/w's even said, twice is coincidence, anything more than that is not good.

I would break down and cry at your next appointment and let her know how she's making you feel. She works for you and she should know how people feel. It wouldn't be enough for me to head to the hospital, but it's super annoying and very disrespectful. Imagine if you did the same thing to her, how much would that show that you value her time? She's not showing common courtesy or recognizing that your life is busy and that you have other things going on! this makes me really sad/mad for you.

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#11 of 11 Old 11-30-2008, 04:36 AM
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It sounds like her rescheduling is a little excessive. My midwife has been late 2-3 times but has called me and it's never more than 30min and maybe 1 hr once. I think my midwife feels she has more leway with me since I don't work so I am nearly almost always home.

I can only assume maybe with all her other mommies maybe she forgets she has rescheduled so much with you? Maybe she doesn't mean to but fate has made it that she always does it to you? Still, not acceptible and maybe you should confront her about it?
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