Holidays - staying in, going out ??? - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 29 Old 12-02-2008, 08:20 PM - Thread Starter
 
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So what's everyone doing for the holidays?
Are you staying close to home or venturing out? I guess it depends if most of us have our babes by that time.

My FIL was nice enough to invite himself and rest of family over our house for xmas eve. :P

I'm feeling stressed/guilty about telling them, "NO WAY!". I feel like I've got enough to deal with, without their drama. Knowing them, their probably hoping I'll go into labor with them there so they can attend the birth. LOL
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#2 of 29 Old 12-02-2008, 08:26 PM
 
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Normally we do Christmas eve at the inlaws and then Christmas day at my mom's, but this year we told everyone we were staying home. So I think folks are coming out here to visit. But they all know to bring food : and that I will not be cleaning up after them, so they best help out!

Oh, we all live within 45 minutes of each other.

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#3 of 29 Old 12-02-2008, 09:01 PM
 
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Thankfully, we don't have family in the area so we don't have to contend with this too much. However, I have told DH that I am not travelling at Christmas this year. My parents are coming in the day after and staying a few days, but that is it.

DH's mother want to drive up for a couple hours on Christmas Eve and then go home (4 hour drive each way), but I think it's more b/c she can't stand the thought of someone seeing the baby before her (my parents). I may put a stop to that - I haven't decided yet. I really don't want her around, but I don't really want to "be the bad person by not letting her see the baby". All she does is sit around and tell you gossip about people you don't even know. At least my parents put themselves to good use by cooking, cleaning, and helping in other ways.

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#4 of 29 Old 12-02-2008, 09:15 PM
 
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my mw says to wear PAJAMAS for two weeks after the baby is born. Don't go anywhere. If someone comes over, they're gonna be a little bit uncomfortable with me dressed in pjs, and it's gonna be a lot easier for me to just disappear to bed when I'm irritated ... errrr ... tired.

In reality, I did get up and out far too soon after both of my dd's. This time, I'm seriously not going to.

Regardless of when the baby is born, I have uninvited my family to all Christmas festivities, insisting instead that we'll just stay home and have private family time (they're not invited). We'll schedule a different time for gift exchange. My inlaws live about half hour away. My parents are arriving on Dec 28 .... we've always had a New Year's Eve party, which I doubt will happen, either.

I'm not sure how long I'll insist on friends/family waiting to see the baby, though. As much as I'd love to be a hermit, maybe 2 days max. We'll see. My kids are super-excited.

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#5 of 29 Old 12-02-2008, 11:11 PM
 
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Totally playing it by ear here. Christmas eve is usually at one of my brother's anywhere from 20-60 minutes away, and Christmas day is at my MIL's who's 5 minutes away.

Lisa, mama to Orion (7) , Fiona Star (born sleeping @ 38wks 12/6/08) , our bitty (m/c 7/27/09) , and Charlotte Athena (11/5/10)
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#6 of 29 Old 12-02-2008, 11:54 PM
 
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Originally Posted by cody'smomma View Post
Normally we do Christmas eve at the inlaws and then Christmas day at my mom's, but this year we told everyone we were staying home. So I think folks are coming out here to visit. But they all know to bring food : and that I will not be cleaning up after them, so they best help out!

Oh, we all live within 45 minutes of each other.
Exactly what we're doing - right up to everyone being within 45mins!

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#7 of 29 Old 12-03-2008, 12:02 AM
 
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I wish we could get out of going to dh's family's as it will likely be uncomfortable for me there with a brand new babe. I don't mind going to my parent's because it's like my home away from home. Unfortunately we will likely have to go to both. We all live in close proximity.

Wouldn't want to hurt anyone's feelings.

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#8 of 29 Old 12-03-2008, 12:13 AM
 
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There are tentative plans to get together on the 27th with my DH's extended family. If the baby decides to wait until her due date, we will not be attending. If she comes earlier, we may go, depending on how I feel. It's about 45 minutes away, and there will be a total of 9 adults and 11 kids, including my newborn. I do get along with them, but we will NOT be staying very long!

My parents are not planning to leave to visit (they live about 16 hours away) until I am in labor/have had the baby. Honestly, last time, they were pretty much no help- vacuuming the family room twice does not help when Dh and I are making all the meals for all of us, and running errands like to the drugstore to get meds for me/DS which is what happened last time.:

For New Years, we usually have a small get together. Again, if I have JUST had the baby, we won't be doing it. If I have had time to settle back in a bit, we may have another couple over- they have a 3 month old so we'll just sit around, eat and talk. The mommies will let the daddies do the work.

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#9 of 29 Old 12-03-2008, 12:28 AM
 
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I am making no plans - and deciding when it gets closer. EDD is December 21 so that makes it a bit more challengning to plan out, kwim? My parents live 45 minutes away too - and we can go over there for Xmas eve, Xmas day, whatever. I want to go over there just for ds because my parents are like his best friends and I think he would have a great time. If we go, I will be sitting and nursing and loving on my baby - not doing ANYTHING!!! The good thing about going somewhere is that you don't have to do anything and then you can leave when you are ready...my parents are pretty chill about things, so there isn't any pressure to perform...

If the baby is late we will still be at my friends house 3 hours away - so we will have Xmas with my MW's family down at the Ocean That will be weird and cool....
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#10 of 29 Old 12-03-2008, 12:36 AM
 
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Originally Posted by moodyred01 View Post
Wouldn't want to hurt anyone's feelings.
Well, as someone who ended up in the E.R. 2 weeks postpartum and on subsequent bedrest for 2 weeks (paying for a postpartum doula that we couldn't afford because DH had to be back at work), I hope I learned my lesson about just **whose** feelings matter most.

I'm not saying that *everyone* would get sick if they do too much postpartum, and maybe I would have gotten sick anyway, but I'm pretty sure that my rush to return to my active life did NOT help.

Please try not to please everyone ... there's a reason why most cultures isolate and take care of the mom after the baby is born.

best wishes
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#11 of 29 Old 12-03-2008, 12:41 AM
 
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Thankfully, we don't have family in the area so we don't have to contend with this too much. However, I have told DH that I am not travelling at Christmas this year. My parents are coming in the day after and staying a few days, but that is it.

DH's mother want to drive up for a couple hours on Christmas Eve and then go home (4 hour drive each way), but I think it's more b/c she can't stand the thought of someone seeing the baby before her (my parents). I may put a stop to that - I haven't decided yet. I really don't want her around, but I don't really want to "be the bad person by not letting her see the baby". All she does is sit around and tell you gossip about people you don't even know. At least my parents put themselves to good use by cooking, cleaning, and helping in other ways.
Do we have the same MIL?

We have no plans as I am due right around christmas and won't be making any official plans. My dad and MIL usually come up and stay w/ us but this year we had to ask MIL to come celebrate x-mas with us on dh's b-day (in jan.) My dad will be staying w/ us but he is a huge help w/ the bigger kiddos, does the shopping, and cooks me awesome food.:He will even help me w/ my placenta smoothies after the midwife splits bcs dh doesn't want to do it. He can't clean worth a darn so last time he hired house keepers as my baby gift and will be doing the same this time::
We will just do a small family christmas at home w/ no visitors and if I haven't had the baby yet I will attend church on x-mas eve.

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#12 of 29 Old 12-03-2008, 12:47 AM
 
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For Christmas Eve we go over my MIL's house (about 30 minutes away) and for Christmas Day they usually come here along with step brothers's and their girlfriends and we open presents and then have Jewish Christmas (see a movie and go out for Chinese)

this year if I'm still pregnant we'll go over to MIL's still, because its equally close from her house to the hospital as it is from ours and have them over here still. If I've given birth, we'll play it by ear, it will depend on how recently I gave birth I think.

If I have given birth than we'll be at home for Christmas morning, my parents will be here and we'll still try to open presents in the AM and maybe somoene will go get Chinese take out for all of us. We don't really do anything except maybe have some eggnog and breakfast stuff out anyway so there isn't any real hosting to do and I can stay in PJ's If its VERY close to the birth though we might move Christmas up a few days or something. If its possible though its important to me that my three year old get to celebrate the holidays as normally as is possible under the circumstances. No one in that immediate family though is really high stress or anything and everyone will be helpful, so while I might want to keep it short I don't think I'll need to keep everyone away thank goodness.

If I'm actively in labor or still in the hospital... we might not want to host.
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#13 of 29 Old 12-03-2008, 02:15 AM
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My parents are coming up on the 20th and staying until the 3rd or so. And my grandma is coming from the 21 - 28. My parents stay with us and my grandma stays at a hotel. Since everyone lives a plane ride away this is what we have done the past 3 years.
I think it will be nice that everyone is here to spend Christmas and help out with my older girls. That way I will be able to stay in bed with baby or at least get some rest while everyone else deals with the details: meals, cleaning, etc. At least I'm hoping that's how it works out!
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#14 of 29 Old 12-03-2008, 04:27 AM
 
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We are venturing out...depending on when Evan will make his debut. Going to FIL's on the Eve and then to MIL's(they are divorced), then wake up on the DAY at our house, open the gifts that SANTA left, then head over to my parents house to spend the day...probably ending in staying the night. We will do this UNLESS Evan comes a couple of days before the 25th. If he does come a few days before, then we are staying home if I don't feel like going out...which now I'm not sure I'd mind going out bc I'd get food served to me, not have to worry about bottle feeding, so I would only really need to pack xtra food and dipes, and I could go nap and be alone if I needed to...hmmmm. Things to think about.
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#15 of 29 Old 12-03-2008, 09:17 AM
 
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We're staying home.

Visitors welcome, but not on Christmas Day.
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#16 of 29 Old 12-03-2008, 11:02 AM
 
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We're going to play it by ear. I expect lots of visitors between the time Conan is born and the actual holidays, so hopefully there will be very little pressure on us to go anywhere *just* so people can meet/greet him. We have family all around, so there are lots of options, from 30 minutes to 3 hours away. Where we go (if we go anywhere) will really depend on how I am feeling. Well, and the weather too... we probably wont go over the mountain passes if it's stormy.
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#17 of 29 Old 12-03-2008, 03:01 PM
 
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We will have a very full house! This was decided long ago, and I get no say in the matter! I'm sure it will be fine, my family is all super relaxed and helpful and will give us plenty of space. Plus dh and I have a nice, huge bedroom we can escape to all we want. I live pretty far from all my family... so, I've got my parents flying over from Norway, my aunt and uncle flying down from way up northern canada, cousin and his girlfriend driving down from about 6 hours away, and brother driving up from about 6 hours away. Plus, dh's brother will be here, staying downstairs in the suite FIL rents off of us. And FIL will be here too. Wow, thats a lot of people! At least aunt, uncle, cousin and his girlfriend are staying at a B&B.
And I'm due the 26th, so it's hard to say what stage of baby we will be in for the full force of this! Perhaps it would be best if baby did stay in until January... but I'm startin to feel kinda ready. And I think my EDD is off by at least a week. By my calculations it should be the 18th. Which also happens to be DSD's b-day. Another event to host in the midst of all this!
Happy Holidays!
I think I shall stay in bed for January. All of it!

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keep on dreaming boy, cause when you stop dreamin' it's time to die.

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#18 of 29 Old 12-03-2008, 03:11 PM
 
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My family is coming here for Christmas. We're all spread out, so all of them will be flying in. My neighbors have graciously offered their house for my family to stay at, since they will be gone for the holidays.

I'm sure my mom will do most of the cooking, and it will be low key. My family is small, so it won't be overwhelming at all.
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#19 of 29 Old 12-03-2008, 03:14 PM
 
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Our nearest relatives are 5-6 hours away by car. Most of them are a 9+-hour plane ride away. Needless to say, we're staying here. I'll probably have some visitors at some point during the month of December, and I'm fine with that. No parents or in-laws will be here pressuring me to go into labor if I haven't already, or expecting to hold the baby if I have. Just siblings, which is no problem.
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#20 of 29 Old 12-03-2008, 04:20 PM
 
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Well, my mom is going to be here for the baby/Christmas. Everyone else in the extended family...well they'd better STAY AWAY. I know my inlaws are going to try to push themselves to come over and see us/the kids. But I'm due right then and really want to be in my happy, content, spiritual place...and with a MIL who has a mental illness which right now it not well controlled by medication she really is the last person that anyone who needs to avoid stress should have contact with.

Sorry, probably TMI. But I'm about 37 weeks now, and will be 'legal' for homebirth with the mw as of tomorrow and I am putting my needs first for a change.

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#21 of 29 Old 12-04-2008, 01:07 PM
 
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Normally we drive 3 hours to where my parents and IL's live. This year, we're staying home. We'll have dinner at my aunt's house who lives in the same city as us. IL's will be coming the weekend before Christmas, and my parents will probably come the week after Christmas. I joked that it will be for a "birthing party."
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#22 of 29 Old 12-04-2008, 02:27 PM
 
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Dh's work has a nice company party we all go to with a fancy buffet. If we're flush, we stay in the hotel and have breakfast out the following day, shop, etc. If we're not, we don't have any drinks and we go home afterwards instead. (everyone's professional drivers, so we don't take any chances with DUIs, not even one alcoholic drink.)

If we're really flush, we also spend a night in one of the local resorts and do a luau during the holidays. Then we spend Christmas at home, whichever day we actually get to celebrate. Sometimes he ends up working on Christmas day so we have our family Christmas the day before or after. One year we opened presents very early when he got called in unexpectedly at 5AM.

All our extended family is on the mainland, so no worries about traveling, rushing, hassles, etc.

For New Year's we'll fix fancy food and stay in. As an ex-bartender I'll always consider it amateur night, and drunk driving is such a problem here you couldn't pay me to leave the house that night. Especially after my dh's flying car stunt while stone cold sober on our treacherous roads. : No thanks.

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#23 of 29 Old 12-04-2008, 06:39 PM
 
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Ever since we started dating we have done holidays just us. And this year I have had to really work to keep it that way. Since DH and I's parents are all divorced, no one can be trusted to be sober or hospitable. The love triangle's are impossible to explain. DH's SIL will come over on Christmas for dinner with her fiance which is always pleasent as they are around the same age as us and they are really fun to play board games with.

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#24 of 29 Old 12-04-2008, 06:42 PM
 
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Originally Posted by moodyred01 View Post
I wish we could get out of going to dh's family's as it will likely be uncomfortable for me there with a brand new babe. I don't mind going to my parent's because it's like my home away from home. Unfortunately we will likely have to go to both. We all live in close proximity.

Wouldn't want to hurt anyone's feelings.
*Sigh* I am in the same boat. Both sets of parents and two in-law families all within 30 min. drive.

IF the baby arrives by EDD, I would LOVE to go to my parents' house for festivities because they will wait on me hand and foot, let me nurse my baby with abandon, and won't care what I look like.

On the other hand, there is no way I can do that and explain why we won't go to DHs family (also in town) for their traditional get-together. It's too bad "it's my family and I need my mommy right now" isn't a valid excuse for a 30 year old woman, but that's the truth!
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#25 of 29 Old 12-06-2008, 11:15 PM
 
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As of right now, we will be staying in, just DH, DD, and I (and this LO, if he decides to come early.) We are in talks with my MIL to see if she can come before Christmas and spend it with us, but it depends on if her boyfriend lets her. If she does come, we will still be staying in, but I'll try and pry myself out of bed/off the couch to make a nice dinner or something. His mom can't cook very well, unless it's spaghetti (DH is kind of hoping she'll use her obsession with cleaning to help around the house after LO is born and I'm not arguing.) We don't really talk to my family, but my mom might call and tell us Merry Christmas and ask if we've had the baby yet.

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#26 of 29 Old 12-07-2008, 06:55 AM
 
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It's too bad "it's my family and I need my mommy right now" isn't a valid excuse for a 30 year old woman, but that's the truth!
TOTALLY valid excuse. I see no better one than that. You can NEVER be "too old" to want your mommy.
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#27 of 29 Old 12-07-2008, 07:08 PM
 
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My mom lives on the property and we do expect my sister and her husband and my uncle and aunt around Christmas. Depending on how things are going, I would have no issue with canceling and they would not take offense. If they do come, no one would expect me to cater to them. In fact, I expect I'd be pretty well cared for.

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#28 of 29 Old 12-07-2008, 08:32 PM
 
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I wish we could get out of going to dh's family's as it will likely be uncomfortable for me there with a brand new babe. I don't mind going to my parent's because it's like my home away from home. Unfortunately we will likely have to go to both. We all live in close proximity.

Wouldn't want to hurt anyone's feelings.
what about YOUR feelings? ((((hugs)))))
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#29 of 29 Old 12-07-2008, 08:34 PM
 
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TOTALLY valid excuse. I see no better one than that. You can NEVER be "too old" to want your mommy.
lovely women, if days after childbirth isnt enough of a reason (and you absolutely do not ever need a single reason) to put your own desires first, i have no idea what is.

and if thats not enough of a reason for grandparents and all others to INSIST you put your own desires first, id say its time to retrain those relationships.
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