Would You Be Weirded Out A Little Too? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 6 Old 12-04-2008, 02:33 AM - Thread Starter
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There's this girl in one of my classes. We recently started talking, and she has helped DH and I a bit with some stuff. I missed class on Monday for my appointment (Really, DH didn't feel like getting up to go fill the tire on our vehicle, and I don't know how to... ), and today I missed class because instead of being just low and needing air, the tire decided to poop out completely to where we couldn't even drive it across the street to get it aired up She called me this afternoon and asked if everything is going alright. I told her yes, and she said that since I have missed 2 classes, she thought I might have had the baby. I told her that I haven't yet, and we talked a bit more. She said at the end of our conversation that she wanted me to let her know when I'm having the baby because she wants to be there. I don't know her that well, so I don't know how I feel about her being there. OTOH, we have been having a problem trying to figure out what to do with DD when I have the baby, so maybe this is the "working itself out" that we've been waiting for. I'm kind of weirded out a little. I don't know what to do... But I feel so indebted to her that it seems like the least I can do... and it *would* help to have someone else there who could help watch DD. I was thinking let her know when I'm going to the hospital, but ask her if she would mind staying in the family waiting room thing? Would you be weirded out too? Would you accept her wanting to be there? What would you do?

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#2 of 6 Old 12-04-2008, 02:41 AM
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Does she have kids? I'd just be honest wit her! Tell her the best way she could help is by watching dd. That you don't know how's you feel about other people being in the room.

I might be a little weirded out but if this is the start of a good friendship just be completly honest.
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#3 of 6 Old 12-04-2008, 08:29 AM
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I'd be weirded out, definitely! Perhaps you can just tell you and DH have agreed that it will be just the two of you, but she could be of great help watching DD. She must be able to understand that!?

I'm Olivia. I blog about physiological childbirth, homebirth, and unassisted homebirth!
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#4 of 6 Old 12-04-2008, 10:10 AM
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I think it's weird - but then some people are just really forward. It kind of depends on how she said it - like was it a demand/expectation or a request/letting you know that she would love to be there if you wanted. The first is worrisome boundaries-wise; the latter is kind of sudden and strange, but not worrisome.

I would tell her that you feel strange having someone you just met at your birth given what an intimate experience it is. But that you appreciate her support and desire to help/be there. I would let her know about the problems you've had finding someone to watch your daughter (does she know about that already?) and say what you really need is someone to watch her when you go to the hospital. Maybe at home or in the family waiting room. If she's able to do that then it could be the solution you've been looking for. If she's like, "but I wanted to actually be at the birth" then I'd REALLY think it was weird and back away from this person a bit.
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#5 of 6 Old 12-04-2008, 01:11 PM
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I don't know if I'd be weirded out, but I would think this was a person without a strong notion of boundries. That alone wouldn't be enough for me to not want her as a friend but I'd go cautiously and make sure to be firm about my own boundries on the way. I don't think its weird of her though to WANT to be there even if saying so was odd. Some people are fascinated by birth...a lot of times they become midwives and doulas.

I would feel her out more. I know you've been stuck in a difficult position with regard to child care and perhaps this is the solution presenting itself, but step in gently and talk to her and listen to your own comfort levels....this is one of those real "follow your gut" kind of situations.
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#6 of 6 Old 12-04-2008, 02:11 PM
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I wouldn't be that weirded out if I was going to the hospital. A male classmate of mine told me to let him know when I had the baby so he could come see us, but we're having a homebirth. I also know him a bit better than you seem to know this woman.

If you are weirded out or if you're doing it because you feel you owe her something then I would say definitely not!

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