Seriously need this baby to WAIT - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 7 Old 12-18-2008, 01:48 AM - Thread Starter
 
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well, i just had a difficult conversation with my mom tonight. She's always been negative to me/us about everything we do, specifically parenting - and MOST specifically home birth. So, I just don't discuss it with her.

She lives in Wisconsin, and they were planning to come on Dec 28 - EDD is tomorrow. Last baby was born at 42w5d, so who knows. Lately, I've been dreaming that maybe the baby would wait til they're here, and i could invite my mom to the birth.

So, imagine this. Mom's best friend is dying of cancer - she's been in hospice for 4 weeks, and nobody expected her to last past Thanksgiving. She called to tell me that they're coming later than planned. I surprised myself by being so sad about it. We don't have an awesome relationship - mostly because we're too much alike - but this surprised me.

When I told my mom that I was upset by this, she questioned why I'd want her here when the baby is born since I didn't want her here for the other two? I told her that was because she didn't support home birth, so I didn't want her negativity around me. She said she was just "scared" by it, but she would have loved to feel welcome. Surprised the heck out of me. So, I told her with complete sincerity that I would absolutely LOVE to have her be here and would totally welcome her into my home for the birth.

But, now it doesn't look like it will matter. I completely understand her situation, and I don't expect her to come here until her friend has died. I really don't. But that doesn't change how it makes me feel. I don't know if we'll have another baby in the future, so this is "it" for that once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.

She's a doctor, a very medicalized doctor - who specializes in geriatric care. Witnessing the BIRTH of her grandchild would be so unbelievably awesome. I would treasure her being there, I truly would. But the only way that's gonna happen is if this baby wills it. The pregnancy has been a blessing for our family in so many ways. It seems logical that it could also be a starting point for a new relationship with my mother?

So, send us all the : you can muster! But whatever will be, will be.
thanks
--janis

Mama to 3 girls 12,8,3
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#2 of 7 Old 12-18-2008, 08:26 AM
 
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Janis,

What amazing healing your conversation must be having for both of you! Why don't you tell your mother everything you posted here? Her best friend's death and your child's birth are all part of this circle of life...she may just opt to come and be with you regardless of whether her friend has passed. But she may need to know you need and WANT her to be with you...to feel welcomed, as she herself said.

I'm sending energy for the perfect situation to work out for you all - best wishes and i'm thrilled for you - to have such healing and understanding with your mother at such an important time in your life is amazing.

Take good care!

Mama to Noah Jude, 8/17/01, Emerson Lily, HBAC 8/3/03-8/3/03, Beatrice Ruth, homeborn 2/6/05, and Winter Juno Lucine, 12/22/08.:
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#3 of 7 Old 12-18-2008, 08:43 AM
 
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Janis,
Hope it all works out how you would like, I can totally relate to the mom thing. I am sure things will happen how they were meant too ! Good luck .. :

Mama to my little milk monster, Malu : (12/20/08)
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#4 of 7 Old 12-18-2008, 12:53 PM
 
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Good luck. I am sure things will happen how they are meant to.
I have the same situation w/ my dad. I have not every wanted him at my births bcs he is a md and I wasn't sure he would be supportive. I decided that I wanted him at this birth and he is thrilled. I just told him that if he can't keep his mouth closed he will have to leave and he was so ok w/ that. (my mom is no longer living so he is as close as i've got)
good vibes to you.

nicole wild.gif,  mom to 3 boys here on earth jumpers.gif 9, 7 and 4.5 and 2 girl's fly-by-nursing2.gif2.5 and 10/16/11. Always remembering my babies in heaven:  Sam (9/7/05) at 12.5 wks  angel1.gif, Morgan (2/13/06) at 6 wks angel1.gif , Emeric angel2.gif (8/9/10 at 17 wks) and Pepper angel1.gif (11/26/10) at 8wks. 

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#5 of 7 Old 12-18-2008, 01:10 PM
 
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It sounds like your relationship may be heading in a new direction regardless of whether she makes it to the birth or not - how wonderful!
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#6 of 7 Old 12-18-2008, 01:16 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Mary - I did tell my mom how I feel. That's what made the whole conversation so difficult. It would kill my mom & dad to leave home before J. dies, and that is not something that I would ever ask them to do. But she knows that I wish it weren't that way.

It's just doubly sad since I'd been "thinking" that I wished she could be here, but I couldn't tell her that. And now, it doesn't matter one bit because life has other plans.

All I can do is accept things for whatever happens. I can hope that the baby comes late, but that brings scary things, too - since it would be "post-date" if it waits, and I worry about how my mom would handle that in reality. *WE* are ok, since *WE* trust my body and MW, but could she really handle that?

thanks y'all
--janis

Mama to 3 girls 12,8,3
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#7 of 7 Old 12-18-2008, 01:21 PM
 
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Janis I so admire you for having that conversation. I'm sorry about the bittersweet results. I will DEFINITELY be pulling for your little one to wait.

Walking in the light with DH, DD (11/08), DS (4/10) , four dogs, and one insouciant cat.
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