On Friday we went to get paperwork done with the woman who was going to be our daycare provider. After the first ten minutes I was bawling. I played it off as normal mommy anxiety but I knew something deeper was going on. I cried most of the day on Friday.
I think I figured out that I was so upset b/c my gut was screaming that this was the wrong place for Evangeline. The infant that was there was lying in a pack and a play and was fussing. When I went over to say hi to him, the daycare provider told me that she hoped we didn't "spoil" our baby like this guy. She said that every time he cries his mom picks him up so he's "spoiled."
Ummm...not so much! And this floored me b/c all of my prior conversations with her have been so reassuring (she's totally supportive of cloth diapering, homemade baby foods, and breastfeeding). Now that I AM a mom, though, I knew what to look for, I think.
ANYWAY, I contacted an old friend of mine who lives in Bmore and has a son. She used to watch another little boy but that ended. I asked her if she was interested and SHE IS. I'm so happy. I love my friend dearly and know what a great parent she is. I feel so much better about all of this.
This has made me high as a kite. I feel so good about this. I"ve been looking furiously for other options and this was my first choice.
I do feel super torn b/c DH and I could eek by on his salary. BUT we are saving up for a big move to the beach where Evangeline's life will be so amazing. AND I love my job. I've worked super hard to get where I am and it fills me with such happiness to be in this place with my dream job. I am going to give it six months and decide after that if it's still what I want.
Man, having a baby is really hard on the heart.
Walking in the light with DH, DD (11/08), DS (4/10) , four dogs, and one insouciant cat.