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Old 03-27-2008, 05:24 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I wonder how others feel about telling at this point. Who will you tell? How? and When?
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Old 03-27-2008, 05:40 PM
 
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Well... Let's see... We might tell family at the end of April. Not sure yet. I have this transfer to put on my son's shirt that will announce it. We might wait a couple more weeks to tell our son because it was hard on him when we had to tell him that his brother or sister died last time.

Me (35) * DH (33) * DS (8) * (01/27/08) * DD (10 mos) * (06/26/10)
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Old 03-27-2008, 06:01 PM
 
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Oh gosh. I told a lot of people, right away, mostly because the whole neighborhood has been instrumental in us getting to this point by way of babysitting my son when I went in for insems which were always at 8 AM. I knew that there were a number of people sitting on the edges of their seats.

Plus, I'm the kind of person who doesn't like to keep things to myself, whether it's joy or sorrow. If I miscarry, I want to be able to reach out to people to help me out, and I'd rather that they know that I was pregnant than for me to have to surprise them. If I'm sick as a dog like I was last time, I would rather be able to tell my friends "hey, I'm feeling horrible with morning sickness, would you take T for a few hours?" instead of them having to guess as to why I'm mooching off of them

Lastly... I've had a lot of friends say "I'll be thinking good thoughts / sending sticky vibes / praying for you" and that really lifts me up.

My partner, however, is not of the same mindset, and is waiting until at least May to tell her family and her colleagues (even longer on the colleagues I think).

: mama to T 9/04 and E 11/08
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Old 03-27-2008, 06:40 PM
 
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funny my husband is similarly minded as your partner, he's like lets wait and im telling the people in line next to me at the grocery store, lol.
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Old 03-28-2008, 02:08 PM
 
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Just my partner and you guys so far. I have miscarried twice and just don't want to jinx things by saying too much. I waited till I was 5 months along with ds to tell my mom and dad and then 7 months to tell work. They had no idea, thought I was getting fat. LOL!
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Old 03-28-2008, 06:19 PM
 
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We'll be waiting until after 12 weeks just for the sake of sanity and privacy! We waited until 16 weeks last time and it worked out well.

Of course I told dh but other than that we'll be keeping it hush-hush.

We think greenearth.gif  Gentle mama to 3 amazing kiddos. Rainbow.gif Recovering from religion. heartbeat.gif

 

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Old 03-29-2008, 03:22 AM
 
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For me only people who are supportive of my choices in birth will know my real due date. My family and those who arn't supportive will know a fudged DD of January so they woln't be hounding me lol. So I can't tell them for a month or they would figure out my DD would not be possible.

Oregon : mom x's 4 DS 1995 DD : 2005 DD2 2006 DD3 2008 hopeful future : Also full time college mom!
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Old 03-29-2008, 03:36 AM
 
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Well considering what I'm going though now - waiting for a m/c. If and when I get pregnant next time, I'm waiting at least until 12 weeks. It'll be hard since I'm such a big - but to have everyone get so extremely excited for the 2nd grandchild and then seeing what happened at 6wks...I can't. It's too much heartache to have to go back and tell everyone, "I'm still technically pregnant but the baby passed at 6wks." :

I'm sorry, I don't mean to sound so grim it's just that I'm still so discouraged about the whole thing.

Kate, Wife to DH and Mommy to a 5yo lovin' DS; three angels 4/08 9/08 3/10 in Heaven,
waitin' for my baby

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Old 03-29-2008, 04:03 AM
 
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lovbeingamommy,
I am so sorry about what you are going through, I was there last year and I know about the hurt. I understand your feeling about waiting.

We are telling close friends, the ones were supportive when everything happened before. I don't know when we will let the families know, I am thinking that it will be hard to hide when I am very ill in about 3 weeks, I have had hyperemesis every pregnancy. I will most likely tell the inlaws and my mom this weekend and we are planning on telling the kids tomorrow. It was hard on them the last two times, but I have no idea how I would cope if anything happened and I didn't have support. The kids are going to be over the moon, they have all been planning on a new little one for the past 2 years.

I guess that i am out here, so that is about everyone!!!

laura, dh Brian, ds Rory 14, dd Ellie 13, ds Caelan 11, ds Seamus 9, ds Finn 7 and Penelope 2 !!!!

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Old 03-29-2008, 08:47 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lovbeingamommy View Post
Well considering what I'm going though now - waiting for a m/c. If and when I get pregnant next time, I'm waiting at least until 12 weeks. It'll be hard since I'm such a big - but to have everyone get so extremely excited for the 2nd grandchild and then seeing what happened at 6wks...I can't. It's too much heartache to have to go back and tell everyone, "I'm still technically pregnant but the baby passed at 6wks." :

I'm sorry, I don't mean to sound so grim it's just that I'm still so discouraged about the whole thing.
I am so sorry for your loss mama. I had a loss at 17 weeks last year and we had only told people I was pregnant the week before but I am so glad we did, it would have been hard to go through that alone.

It's okay to let others grieve with you. Don't think it is a place you have to go alone. Take care of yourself!

We think greenearth.gif  Gentle mama to 3 amazing kiddos. Rainbow.gif Recovering from religion. heartbeat.gif

 

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Old 03-31-2008, 03:19 AM
 
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I am going to tell my close family (mom, sister) and maybe one friend. I didn't the last time and when I miscarried, nobody knew what I was going through. So this time, I definitely want the support and I want those I love to share in the good and bad. Plus I'll have people in real life to be excited with!

                                       DS 7 ~ DS 3

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Old 03-31-2008, 10:56 PM
 
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This is my fifth or sixth pregnancy depending on whether chemicals count...and I have two sons. We'll be keeping this one a secret until at least twelve weeks.
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Old 03-31-2008, 11:10 PM
 
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I'm trying to convince DH to wait until Mother's Day, but I don't know if it'll stay quiet that long. Especially the people I work with, they'll probably be the first to pick up on it as we're all nurses. But I would feel really bad if my parents or his found out second hand. Its a double-edged sword though because I don't want to LIE to people.

Lea RN, Wife to Josh (5 years), Mama to DS1 (19 mos)
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Old 03-31-2008, 11:32 PM
 
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My few close friends know, but my folks and his won't know until we can't hide it anymore as neither set approves of our choice, and I don't feel like hearing all the negative crap. I will refrain from telling a lot of my knitting buddies, etc. because we just had a stillbirth (owner of the LYS) and i want to give her some time before an announcement is made.
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Old 04-02-2008, 02:41 AM
 
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This is my first pregnancy and frankly I'm bursting to tell!! I'm going to try hard to wait to tell our parents until our ultrasound in a couple weeks (I'll be seven weeks at that point). It's a bit easier for me not to tell with all my friends and family being on the other side of the globe - but I agree that I don't like to lie so I've told a couple of friends here -- last night we went to dinner and everyone ordered raw oysters - my favorite - it was nice to have a couple of people who understood why I couldn't indulge in that or the wine!

I never considered the point a few have made that if you don't tell anyone then no one can help you grieve a loss. I think it's a good one.

New mommy 12/12/08.  Living and working in the Pacific Northwest. 
Currently growing number two!
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Old 04-03-2008, 08:17 AM
 
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i told my 2 closest friends -- and you guys -- and that's it!

we'll wait at least 12 weeks before telling our families and anyone else, but we'll tell our daughters first (i've never had an m/c, but given my age -- 38 -- i understand that it's a high risk).

i'm anxious about telling my parents because their reaction when we told them a few months ago that we were considering a 3rd child was a very disapproving "are you crazy?!" :
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Old 04-03-2008, 12:43 PM
 
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we are telling everyone now. started a bit slow, but this week decided to just go ahead and let everyone know.. my dad was so excited last night...after we finished talking my mom said he actually had tears in his eyes and was saying how i'd just made his year.. they are amazingly supportive.. my in-laws should find out tomorrow...we sent them a card from the girls..MIL is not so supportive..

Cat - Mother to Jonathon (1-24-1987) ; Lola (3-24-2003) ; Xiola (9-27-2005) : 8 wks (4-2008) ; 11 1/2 weeks (9-2008); and 7.5 weeks (5-2010) Nana to William (3-27-2009) Blog: AmLo Farms
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Old 04-03-2008, 01:15 PM
 
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Well, let's see, I just told my mom, grandmother, and Pap. Oh, and my cousin's husband who happens to be in Iraq right now. He just happened to be online, so I thought he'd enjoy the good news.

My mom's reaction was disappointing. I guess I kinda knew it would be, since we're moving away from her. It sure would be nice though if just once she'd be excited for us about something. :

My grandmother was the most supportive and nurturing. She's the best at affirming my maternal instincts, and was excited that we're excited.

Pap (grandpa) just loves the idea of having a BIG bundle of dirt covered kids running around his farm. So, of course he enjoyed hearing the news.

Jakob 10/12/2005...He thinks he's
Mollie 12/8/2008....Pure sweetness
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Old 04-03-2008, 08:50 PM
 
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So far just Dh and my midwives and you guys know. We are still taking about when to tell the world.
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Old 04-03-2008, 09:15 PM
 
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We have told our donor and his partner - obviously we had to let him know that his services were not required this month!

DP is in real shock and has asked me to keep quiet for a bit. I had to tell someone, so I told my sister. She's sworn to secrecy and she'll keep her word.

I really want to tell a couple of other friends but will wait a few more days until DP has adjusted a bit more.

I won't tell my Mum until 8 weeks and hope not to tell anyone at work or the rest of the world until 12 weeks.

One gorgeous solstice babe 12/08, two smitten mothers - mothering consciously with conscience and compassion. Birth & Postnatal Doula. Student Midwife. Expecting #2 November '12.

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Old 04-03-2008, 11:11 PM
 
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Well, I called my Mom/sister/SIL as soon as I got off the phone with DH (I'm really close with all of them).
DD/DS's teacher knows (BIG mistake!), but we're not planning on telling the kids till probably 12 weeks or so.

Not sure when we'll tell DH's family, he feels that there's no rush and I agree

ETA: I'll be just 4 weeks tomorrow (Friday).
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Old 04-04-2008, 09:52 AM
 
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Well, I've told 5 coworkers, as they've all been so supportive of our TTC. My parents know, and some of our best friends. I can't keep my mouth shut about anything important to me, so there you go.

I teach in a waldorf school, and I'm going to try to wait to tell the parents until the end of the school year. I plan to work until close to my due date, and then return after maternity leave, so I don't want them freaking out about my not coming back, cuz I fully plan to do so(I'll teach the same kids next year).

Waldorf-teaching mama to A (12/08), wife to my sweet wife M , and sharing a home with a dog , four cats , five turtles, a fish, and a crab.
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Old 04-04-2008, 02:25 PM
 
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My sis was on the phone with me while I waited for the results=)
The whole world knows. It's their love and prayers that have substained me since Bryce died and I can use all the prayers I can get!!!!
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Old 04-05-2008, 02:35 PM
 
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I wasn't going to tell anyone, but I am student teaching right now so I told my supervisor and co-operating teacher so if anything happens it won't be a shock if a miss some days. I also told one of my best friends, she just had a baby five months ago and I wanted to talk to someone who had been through it. I want to wait until Mother's Day to tell our parents, but we'll see, its hard!
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Old 04-05-2008, 03:43 PM
 
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So far, we've told our bosses, our chiropractors and our midwives. I don't know if I'll be able to keep my mouth shut much longer, but we're planning to wait until 12 weeks to tell everyone.
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Old 04-06-2008, 04:34 AM
 
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Well, honestly, I wish we'd been able to wait. However, the doc told me this was ectopic, so I told my family I'd be having surgery (I was falling apart, so sad), and of course my boss, and my teacher at school.

Then, to our surprise, the news changed from "ectopic" to "normal in the uterus". So everyone knew, and had wondered, "when are you having surgery?" and suddenly its "I'm not".

So we told the kids tonight, as everyone else already knew. They were pretty shocked. Just sat there and stared at me.

Last time we waited until like 8 or 10 weeks, and managed to not tell my work until I fell down (tripped over my desk drawer like a dork) at 14 weeks. Then I had to go have an ultrasound...everything was fine, and DS just turned 7!

"Listen, are you breathing just a little and calling it a life?"~Mary Oliver

RT knitting mama  to 3 (& 8 who didn't make it) wife working on 13 years to a silly man who drives me crazy.
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Old 04-06-2008, 05:44 AM
 
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Well, the timing is actually pretty good as my parents are coming over for a visit at the end of April. Last time I had to tell them the news over the phone. This time I'm excited that I'll get to tell them and my in-laws all at the same time. So I guess we'll be waiting until I'm, what, 8 weeks? DH wants to then wait until 12 weeks to tell everyone else.

However, I don't know how I'll keep the secret from the ladies at my breastfeeding group! They all know I was really broody and they know my temps were still skyrocketting weeks after ovulation... so they're probably waiting for me to give them an update. Guess I'll have to make something up!
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Old 04-07-2008, 11:49 AM
 
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It is driving me NUTS not telling people, but I do want to hear the baby's heartbeat before telling folks. I had dinner with my family last night and there were so many questions b/c they know we have been TTC. It was super hard not to just blurt it out.

I have to say that I enjoy having a secret with DH like this

We already have the stuff lined up that we are going to give family to "tell" them so that makes it even harder to wait as I am so excited to see their reactions.

Walking in the light with DH, DD (11/08), DS (4/10) , four dogs, and one insouciant cat.
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Old 04-13-2008, 06:20 PM
 
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I had a m/c on March 11th - just 4 weeks before my current positive pregnancy test. With the first pregnancy, I told everyone - with the thinking that if there was a problem, I would want the support. But honestly, I was totally unprepared for a m/c. But the support was really amazing and really helped me get through it - esp seeing how very many people I knew had been through the same thing and then conceived their now alive and kicking babies just a few months later. So I was glad we had told.

BUT, I think it was hard on my 9-year old daughter and when we talked about the m/c with her we just asked her if next time she'd want to know right away or after the main danger had passed - and she said the latter. So I really want to respect her wishes on that - and we want her to be among the first to know - so we are not telling at least until first ultrasound and will try to hold out to 12 weeks. The exceptions are my best friend who is pregnant and due in October and has been through this whole process with me and my sister who is in Africa and will need to make arrangements to be home in time for the birth. I really do wish I could tell people, but there's also something to having this secret.

If I do miscarry again, then I will probably tell a circle of close friends about it for the support b/c I imagine it would be even harder a 2nd time around.
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Old 04-14-2008, 02:25 AM
 
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I need ideas on how to tell my kids and parents, and ILs too. They're coming for my son's birthday and baptism next week. I wanted to buy a "big brother to be" t-shirt for my younger son and have him wear it when we go get my parents at the airport. But then I thought the older one would feel left out and I think it would be silly/dorky for the older boy (turning 8) to have a "big brother--again" t-shirt. So... we could just tell them. I'm going to have to tell them b/c I'm gaining weight and feeling crummy. I just kind of want to do it in a cute way, if I can come up with something.
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