How do you work it out if dh/dp is not supportive of tv free? - Mothering Forums

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Old 06-04-2009, 09:30 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Before I was married, it was just me and my dd. We were tv free... meaning, we had a tv with no cable or channels. I would watch a movie once or twice a month. She saw absolutly no tv until she was around 4, and then it was very limited. We just did other things.

Before we were married, my dh told me he was fine living tv free. I thought we were on the same page with this, but it is obvious we are not. We still do not have cable or anything like that, but much of dh's time off is geared towards movies, or streaming shows off the internet, or playing video games.

I really don't care what he wants to do, but it is important to me that my kids are not raised with this being the "norm" in our home. It is important to me that they keep their imaginations, and learn other ways to cope and take care of themselves.

My 19 mo ds is quite enthrolled with the whole thing. If there is any sort of action on the tv or computer screen, then he is glued. I hate it!!

When ever we get a bigger home, then we are going to have an "entertainment room" (just a spare bedroom type thing), where all that stuff is not in the center of our life if we are in the "living room". We have a pretty small place, so there is nowhere really to go to just be, other than the living room.

Anyways, how do you do it if your dh/dp is not supportive of a tv free lifestyle? We can find things to go and do, but I don't like having to leave just because there is another show on, and often it is in the evening when it's dinnertime and into the kids bedtime.

So, how do you work it out in your home?
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Old 06-05-2009, 12:50 AM
 
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Have you talked to him about how you feel about this? What does he say? What is his definition of tv-free? Is it possible that you sit down and establish a "no-screens-on-when-kids-are-awake" rule? My DH and I are on the same page about tv-free and we have this rule. We have a tv and watch some DVDs in the evening a few times a week, but the tv is never one when DS is awake. Maybe together you could come up with a few activities to do as a family in the evenings/weekends that help DH unwind and keep the tv off? Playing a different CD every evening or reading aloud or something? Having some ideas to pull from in advance can be helpful in keeping the tv off. Good luck and HTH.

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Old 06-05-2009, 07:13 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Have you talked to him about how you feel about this? What does he say? What is his definition of tv-free? Is it possible that you sit down and establish a "no-screens-on-when-kids-are-awake" rule? My DH and I are on the same page about tv-free and we have this rule. We have a tv and watch some DVDs in the evening a few times a week, but the tv is never one when DS is awake. Maybe together you could come up with a few activities to do as a family in the evenings/weekends that help DH unwind and keep the tv off? Playing a different CD every evening or reading aloud or something? Having some ideas to pull from in advance can be helpful in keeping the tv off. Good luck and HTH.
Yes, we have talked about this a lot. He just was not being honest with me when he agreed to this. So, now we need to figure out what to do from here. There is really nothing else that he will replace his shows with. Not reading, talking, music, eating.... he "needs" to watch tv. OK. fine. I am working on some guidelines about no tv when the kids are around. But when he has a bad day, or we are not getting along, or he just feels like it, then all the rules go out the window, and he does not consider the rest of the family.

Maybe I just grin and bear it until we have my "dream entertainment room"!
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Old 06-06-2009, 01:20 PM
 
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We do a "no tv when kids are awake" rule too. Does your toddler nap? When does he go to bed? Toddlers sleep a lot which would make that easier to do if it applied only to him. What are your hubbies work hours? My husband comes home at a time when all that's on non-cable tv is news and the the boys are down at 7. So...not a lot of prime media time falls when they are awake. Alternatively, can you do a laptop?

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Old 06-15-2009, 07:16 PM
 
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Yes, we have talked about this a lot. He just was not being honest with me when he agreed to this. So, now we need to figure out what to do from here. There is really nothing else that he will replace his shows with. Not reading, talking, music, eating.... he "needs" to watch tv. OK. fine. I am working on some guidelines about no tv when the kids are around. But when he has a bad day, or we are not getting along, or he just feels like it, then all the rules go out the window, and he does not consider the rest of the family.
Sounds to me like a bigger issue than just TV vs no-TV. Not being honest, and not considering the rest of the family are two red flags for me. Have you considered sitting down with a third party? A pastor/therapist/couples counselor who can mediate and help set some ground rules here, and get to the bottom of these respect issues?

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Old 06-17-2009, 02:18 PM
 
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I'm going through the same thing. Before we were married, I rarely watched TV. DH watches TV all. the. time. His father does, too, and MIL often says, "he doesn't know how to turn off a tv." I try and do other activities, and strive to have dinner at the table, tv off, but the table is one of our messy hot spots, and when it's a mess, DH says he'd rather watch tv while eating.

I'm working at coming up with ideas for other activities to do instead of tv, but dh really thinks it's too weird not to watch tv regularly. I limit tv during the day, but I get bored with just me & a 5 mth old, and no car, and nothing nearby to walk to... *sigh*

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Old 06-21-2009, 12:17 AM
 
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I don't have any advice for you, just wanted to lend a little support

We are in a similar situation, and I feel like I'm compromising my values all the time because the TVs on all the time. The x-box is his default activity. He has ADD, and his job is watching multiple screens and TV shows all night long, so I'm pretty sure his brain is actually chemically addicted to screen.

We had a media room in our last place, and that resulted in no TV while DD was awake, but this apartment is ALL living room. He might be open to turning off the screen during her waking hours, though. We'll see.

Happy and in love with my family!
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