Please give me some advice on going tv free. - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 8 Old 02-03-2010, 12:02 PM - Thread Starter
 
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My DH has been letting our DS watch tv ever since he was 3 months old. Our DS's tv, as well as the main tv are on about 12 to 14 hours a day in this house. My DH claims that it is mostly for background noise for him, and background noise/entertainment for our DS. I am sorry, but I do not find that the show called Yo Gabba Gabba, especially watched constantly, is educational. I think that show is way way too overstimulating for a young child, not to mention, the show is overly happy and enthusiastic. The reason that tv is used so much in this house is because my DH has nothing else to do because he is currently not working. He says that I do not understand the value of tv because of my lack of sight, but when I had sight a while back and could see enough to read large print and to watch tv, I watched a bit more tv than I do now. I hate the constant drone of both tv's. My DH says that most of the time, our DS is on the other side of the room playing with his toys like he is doing right now in his room because I can hear it. Of coarse, his tv is on right now as well and from what I can hear, DS is not even paying attention to it. So I ask my DH, "then why is his tv always on?"
"Oh, it is just background noise for him and when he gets bored with his toys, entertainment and a destraction for him until he finds something else to do," my DH says to me.
Now it has gotten to the point that during the day, if DH does not have the tv on for DS, DS screams and cries until the tv is turned on. He will stop playing with his toys when the tv is turned off, come to the baby gate and cry. What do I do in this matter? DH and I have had alot of fights over this because I overrode his request to have an MD at the birth of our son until he looked at the birth center and met the midwife who cared for me, as well as to keep using disposable diapers on our DS.
We have converted to cloth and DH does not mind so much anymore. It was just the fact that I overrode him on that decision that had him a bit upset.
He said that I overrode him on those two matters, but I am not going to get my way on no tv for our DS.

RIP my angel baby, born on 8-24-10 at 10 weeks pregnant. You will always be loved even though you never knew this world.
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#2 of 8 Old 02-03-2010, 12:31 PM
 
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I live in a very rural area where cable is not available. We had Directv in the past. But back in June I felt like I was supposed to turn it off. I felt like it was an open portal of junk filling our DD's mind, and in the time we usually were watching t.v. there were more productive things that could be done. Our DD is now 20 mo old, she watches sometimes 30 min/day. I did go on e-bay and find some fairly cheap VHS tapes; Baby Einstein, Disney, ect. So if she can't find something to occupy her I'll put in a movie, but usually only 1/day. She really loves the Baby Einstein's, but I believe that if the t.v. were on all the time she probably wouldn't pay any attention. As for my DH, well we made a compromise. In trade of the satallite service he got DSL mid-grade service. For us this has worked well, he can find some of the tv shows on the internet, watch youtube, find ballgame scores, ect. and our DD is none the wiser. Also, your DS gets upset when the t.v. is off, have you tried a radio? We also ran into this problem this fall. DD had a window air conditioner in her room over the summer. Once fall got here and we took it out she stopped sleeping. After a sleepless week we figured out the problem and put a radio on static in her room. She went back to sleeping all night. Not that that is exactly your problem, but since he's playing with toys and not watching the tv, may it's just the sound he likes. Anyway, I hope this rambling helps!

Christian wife & SAHmama to the love of my life Nate for 7 yrs (together for 9) and DD Ava 6/08. Always missing our Angel Baby 1/20/08. Hoping for a 2010 sticky babe!
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#3 of 8 Old 02-03-2010, 01:39 PM
 
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If he thinks she needs background noise, could you switch to music? Maybe then, your dd won't notice that the TV is off?

On a different level, though, it sounds more like you and your dh may need to have more conversations about compromise and how to come to more mutual decisions on parenting. I am only going by what you wrote, which I know does not come close to describing your relationship, but maybe you both need to take a step back and try to find out how you can do this well with each other. While you feel having a midwife and doing cloth diapers were important (and most people here would agree), your dh seems to feel stepped on. Now you two are in a power struggle. It's doesn't seem to be about your dd and TV, it's about the two of you and your ability to communicate your thoughts on how to best parent deal with your dd. Maybe a few sessions with a marital counselor would help to get you over that hump of learning this very new step of your relationship - being parents. Good luck!
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#4 of 8 Old 02-03-2010, 01:53 PM - Thread Starter
 
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we do not have cable or sattelite tv either. these are educational dvd's that our ds watches. but i do feel as if we are filling his head with junk despite the fact. i mean, come on! in one of the dvds' they sing a song which goes, 5 little hungry bears, sat in a great big chair, eating some yummy yummy... apples. ok, apples are a healthy food. but then they count down the bears and most of the foods that are mentioned, donuts, cookies, and icecream, are unhealthy and not a good thing to be introducing to a child in a song that is supposed to be meant for young toddlers. broccoli is in the song as well and one of the characters goes, "broccoli?" in a disgusted voice. then the main character says, "yes jack, lots of people love broccoli." and then jack says in a dejected voice, "ok, broccoli it is."

I pointed out this song to my husband and and he looked on the dvd player, and unfortunately, there is no way to skip over this song.

My son has my old portable stereo in his room so maybe we can give the radio a try. i would rather have that on a clean station or buy or burn kids music to a few cd's than having his tv on all day.
that tv eats more electricity as well. my dh wants to take steps to decrease our electric bill? i have the solution to that. TURN OFF THE TV'S!
sigh... his tv is off right now and he is fussing at the gate as usual. i will try the radio and come back here to report my findings.

I wish my dh had not introduced ds to the tv in the first place, but he claims that the tv does no harm to a child this young if he is not actually watching it. i pointed out what the american academy of pediatrics says on the subject and he says that he does not care what they say, that he is going to parent the way he sees fit and not listen to what some pediatric college has to say on the matter.

as you can see, my dh and i have extremely different opinions on tv for a baby. i mean, you know, i bet if our ds was born blind like his df and dm, his df would not say anything about tv and never have introduced him to it.

RIP my angel baby, born on 8-24-10 at 10 weeks pregnant. You will always be loved even though you never knew this world.
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#5 of 8 Old 02-03-2010, 03:19 PM - Thread Starter
 
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coleslaw, that is exactly what is happening here. dh does feel stepped on. he also feels that he does not have a say in the matter about our son, that i am making all the decisions. i made the decision to nurse as well. my dh supports my decision to nurse but dh felt that he would lose bonding time with his son because our son does not drink milk from a bottle. i am sorry, i would not give fake counterfit milk to my son just so that dh could feed him. now at almost a year old, we give him diluted warm juice or purified warm water mixed with stevia in a bottle after i nurse for the last time for the evening and dh is fine feeding him like that.

but yes, i was thinking about seeing a marriage councilor but i do not know how that idea would fly with dh. we get along most of the time accept for the tv problem. so i just stopped bringing it up to dh because he gets upset when i do.

RIP my angel baby, born on 8-24-10 at 10 weeks pregnant. You will always be loved even though you never knew this world.
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#6 of 8 Old 02-03-2010, 06:31 PM - Thread Starter
 
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hi all, i have had the radio on for a few hours in lo's room and he seems to be taking to it rather than the tv quite nicely. thank goodness. now, where to find some music for babies. this bonus yo gabba gabba cd with 3 songs on it will be quite repetative after a while. the radio station that i have the radio set to was playing the same songs over and over again as well. i am so much happier now that i got lo away from the tv.

RIP my angel baby, born on 8-24-10 at 10 weeks pregnant. You will always be loved even though you never knew this world.
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#7 of 8 Old 02-03-2010, 09:28 PM - Thread Starter
 
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sigh... after all this time,i had to turn on the tv anyway. ds has been behaving without the tv absolutely beautifully for the majority of the day. he just started screaming a few minutes ago. i tried our usual stuff. after he was nursed and changed of coarse. nothing, not even the radio helped, so i just gave in and turned on the dvd that dh bought him when he was 3 months old. it is not overstimulating or stupid so i guess it is ok. it has alot of babies and different styles of music in it.

but now i feel as if our nice, quiet, happy tv free day was done for nothing if ds absolutely demands it by the end of the day.

RIP my angel baby, born on 8-24-10 at 10 weeks pregnant. You will always be loved even though you never knew this world.
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#8 of 8 Old 02-26-2010, 03:29 AM
 
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Don't feel bad, you won't be able to change things in one afternoon. I think you should just stick with it, it'll get easier!

Just like you wouldn't wean him from your milk for a particular feeding in one day, this will take time too.

I have a lot of fisher price 'little people' CD's where the little people sing different kids songs. But honestly, he's young enough that he wouldn't know the difference. you could play jazz, country, classical. He won't know any better.
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