I did not expect this kind of hostility! - Page 2 - Mothering Forums

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#31 of 51 Old 05-19-2008, 02:12 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Juvysen View Post
My favorite "comeback" for anyone lecturing me on one of my parenting decisions is "you know, you might be right" very politely - and drop it. I got that idea from a friend who uses it a lot. It makes the other person feel validated, so they stop bothering you, but doesn't agree to do anything, so you're still off the hook.
I came to this, too, and I really do believe it when I say it. They might be right. Certainly, they are right for themselves, at that time. It takes ME completely off the defensive, which is cool, and that alone radiates out.

I don't tell people that we don't watch tv, either. I just answer specifically and honestly. Them: "Have you seen such-and-such? Does he watch such-and-such?" Me: "No, I haven't seen it. Tell me about it. No, he doesn't, what's it like?" etc.
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#32 of 51 Old 05-19-2008, 08:43 PM
 
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Sadly, some Americans view tv as American as apple pie and mom. If you say you are tv free, or you express a wish to be tv-free (or even tv-limited), they see that as strange and an affront to their values.

I find it weird that people are so strongly opinionated about tv!
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#33 of 51 Old 07-05-2008, 04:29 PM
 
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What a good thread! For me it's a great way of getting off the topic of other odd things we do/did, bw'ing, bf'ing, co sleeping, just mention no TV and they forget whatever the topic was
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#34 of 51 Old 07-06-2008, 09:19 PM
 
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Yikes! Makes me glad I grew up TV-free (until we got a B/W set when I was 8 to watch the Olympics!) My parents have one TV, parked on the very hot 3rd floor of their house, that we never think to turn on anyway. My Mom LOVES that we're TV free. In fact, my SIL and brother are TV free as well (we do both do occasional video though).

It's also a very good thing that my MIL doesn't visit us. DH grew up on a steady diet of TV and milkshakes !

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#35 of 51 Old 07-07-2008, 02:06 AM
 
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Originally Posted by fujiyama_mama View Post
I seem to hear alot that if your kids don't watch TV they won't be "normal". How will they relate to other children, etc?

I know I'm not the only one that thinks those people must be out of thier bleedin minds!
There is one gentleman at my work (who I actually do like very much) that seems to think my son is going to have emotional issues because he doesn't watch tv. . . now where exactly is that logic coming from? I mean, it seems like TV gives people more problems then the reverse, but oh well . . .

Something else that never ceases to amaze me is when people ask what we do instead of watch TV. I mean, seriously! Let's see . . . I don't know . . . read a book?
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#36 of 51 Old 07-07-2008, 05:58 PM
 
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I have family members that don't want to come over because there's no TV in the livingroom. They loudly complain when they do come that there's nothing to look at, nothing to do.
That's amazing. I have one relative that I don't like to visit, because the tv is always on - and she's usually on the PC, as well. She doesn't interact at all with the people visiting her (she even did this on Christmas Eve). I'd love to go over there and find the tv was off...or gone...

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#37 of 51 Old 07-07-2008, 07:18 PM
 
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I haven't gotten much hostility, although I rarely talk about it with others. DS is so young (only 2.5) that up until now he hasn't come under any social pressure. He's in daycare, but they are completely tv-free there and the only characters that creep in are if the kids have them on their lunchbox, etc. That's starting to change now that he's having more play dates, etc. and I know he will be over at other kids' houses where tv may be on. I'll have to cross that bridge, and may just need to ask that TV not be a part of a playdate (although I feel like there's no way to do that without sounding judgmental!).

When I do notice hostility it is usually from older people - people who grew up at a time when TV was considered the most wonderful revolutionary thing to happen to humankind. These people CANNOT understand why someone wouldn't let their child watch cartoons. An older man the other day asked DS "what are your favorite cartoons" and I quickly said "oh, he doesn't really watch them" and he said "why not?" and I said "we don't watch much television" and he said "what? How can you not let him watch cartoons!!" The way he acted I might have just as easily said "I don't let him go outdoors". My parents have been very supportive even though my mom will occasionally start harping on the fact that there are "some really great educational programs..." ugh..
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#38 of 51 Old 07-09-2008, 11:04 PM
 
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Originally Posted by goldfinch View Post
I think it can be because they have some underlying insecurities about their own decision.
:
Usually when I say "I don't watch much TV" the other person says "oh, me neither". We all know TV is not good for us, so many of us automatically get defensive or offensive, depending on our personality.
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#39 of 51 Old 07-10-2008, 01:09 PM
 
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We just moved off grid and decided not to move our TV. We have never had cable, but did use rabbit ears and have DVDs. When DHs parents realized this they were taken aback quite a bit. FIL made the comment that we were short changing our girls. I really don't think so. We'll see what happens.

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#40 of 51 Old 07-11-2008, 12:06 PM
 
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Originally Posted by gemelos View Post
Our other neighbors said they have a TV in every single room of their house, including their kitchen.
That's my brother and his wife. Every room of the house, including the kitchen and bathrooms (!!!).

We've lived without television for years at a time. We currently have network tv hooked up, though, and will occasionally turn it on. I remember people really getting defensive when they'd discover we had no tv. Suddenly, I was a terrible parent for "forbidding" my child entertainment and keeping him sheltered. I was denying him a common bond with other children. I was going to make him "weird."

Good. I like weird. :nana:

Of course, then they'd meet the little one and be all impressed with his creativity and social skills and his love of learning and.... That would usually quiet them for a while.

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#41 of 51 Old 07-14-2008, 10:34 AM
 
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Originally Posted by goldfinch View Post
I think it can be because they have some underlying insecurities about their own decision.
:
I haven't had a tv since I was 18. Most people don't engage me in debate about it, but those who do invariably feel defensive about their own viewing. They insist they only watch educational tv, for example. I have never had anyone try to convince me it would be good for me to let my son watch it.
I'm a teacher and my students are always aghast when they first find out I don't have/want a tv. They always wonder what on earth I do with my time
I have converted a few of them, though.

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#42 of 51 Old 07-14-2008, 11:00 PM
 
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Heh. Gosh, I've gotten so used to not having a TV that I sort of forgot it was an issue (I only just realised that the 'TV-free forum' applied to me!). DH and I do watch shows and movies on the computer, though, so it's a different kind of TV-free... maybe we don't count.

I haven't had a huge amount of hostility, TBH. Mostly I've just noticed people forget, and keep saying 'Did you see X on the news last night?' or 'Did you see Y on Channel 4?'. I just keep saying patiently 'No, we don't have a TV' and they say 'Oh, yeah' and we go through the whole thing again the next day.

My sister does remember feeling a bit left out at school because her friends were all hugely into Batman and Robin, and she didn't know who they were. Yet she lived through it... and ironically, DH and I are superhero geeks, so obviously being TV-free didn't stunt my family's pop culture for life. Plus that sister and I both ended up studying film and TV at Uni! Odd...

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#43 of 51 Old 07-16-2008, 12:51 AM
 
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I don't even have children yet and I get crap from ppl all the time about not having a t.v. I'm about to move out into a new apartment and everyone I know has asked me if I want an old t.v. they've got, or if I want one for graduation (I'm finally done with college!). I just tell them no and leave it at that. I actually had a friend who asked me how I was going to arrange my furniture without a T.V. as a focus point.: Seriously, everyone asks me all the time what I "do" when I'm at home since I don't have t.v.

So see, even if you don't have kids involved it's still a hot topic with some people.
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#44 of 51 Old 07-16-2008, 01:35 PM
 
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I don't even have children yet and I get crap from ppl all the time about not having a t.v. I'm about to move out into a new apartment and everyone I know has asked me if I want an old t.v. they've got, or if I want one for graduation (I'm finally done with college!). I just tell them no and leave it at that. I actually had a friend who asked me how I was going to arrange my furniture without a T.V. as a focus point.: Seriously, everyone asks me all the time what I "do" when I'm at home since I don't have t.v.

So see, even if you don't have kids involved it's still a hot topic with some people.
No offense to your friend, but that's just so dumb!
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#45 of 51 Old 07-16-2008, 10:10 PM
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The only negative response about being tv-free we ever got was from DD's pediatrician. She went in for an ear infection and was being so brave, the pedi (a mom) offered her a Disney princess sticker. DD kind of stared at it and then said no thanks, she just wanted a sucker. I felt the need to explain that we are tv-free and she didn't know who the princesses are. We had to come back in a week for a re-check and the pedi handed her a Cars sticker with the names printed on the bottom and told her, "here, the names are even written on the bottom so you can learn who they are." The way she said that, it sounded like a jab. Not really sure why though. I think the pedi thinks I don't approve of her choices (I disagree but don't disapprove).
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#46 of 51 Old 07-18-2008, 02:04 AM
 
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No offense to your friend, but that's just so dumb!
no offense taken, she is kinda dumb! She also just happens to have at least 8 tv's in her house (that I know of, there may be more). :
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#47 of 51 Old 07-18-2008, 02:02 PM
 
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no offense taken, she is kinda dumb! She also just happens to have at least 8 tv's in her house (that I know of, there may be more). :
Good lord! 8 TVs? Well no wonder she thinks you can't arrange your furniture w/out the TV being the focal point. Wow, 8 TVs...
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#48 of 51 Old 07-26-2008, 07:47 PM
 
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I'm finding this thread so odd because for the last 6 years we didn't have any kind of broadcast tv (we did own a tv and watched movies from netflix occasionally) DS never watched tv and didn't even much like watching videos so he has no clue about most of the "characters" children learn about. We've gotten tons of comments about it over the last few years, every time someone asked him if he liked "thomas" since he liked trains or whatever, I said we didn't have TV.

The thing is from everyone, the comments have only been positive. "oh I wish we could go tv free" or "yeah I really try to limit my children's exposure its just hard for me to go without it entirely" or "oh that's so good, its so much better to raise them without it". Of course the problem is, I never actually chose to be without television, it was just a byproduct of lack of funds and a town with no cable or ability to get broadcast TV. So mostly when I got praise for it I felt kind of guilty, because I always intended to get cable if it came to our town, or eventually sign up for sattelite.

I'm so shocked that people have gotten such nasty comments! Maybe its because I live in kind of a crunchy place?
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#49 of 51 Old 07-26-2008, 08:09 PM
 
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I'm another here who doesn't have cable of any kind, but I do watch some series on DVD/online when I feel like it. I only watch Firefly, Rome, and The Office (and two of those shows are canceled!).

We don't have children yet, but I don't plan to let them watch "saturday morning cartoons." DH and I have actually already had a fight about that already! He has a lot of love for 80's cartoons!

I just hate commercials and I know that they cause consumerism in children. :

We will not be having cable of any kind in our house, but I will probably let my children watch DVDs of movies, select children's shows, and documentaries occasionally, without commercials.

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#50 of 51 Old 07-27-2008, 11:11 PM
 
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Good lord! 8 TVs? Well no wonder she thinks you can't arrange your furniture w/out the TV being the focal point. Wow, 8 TVs...
I know! She has 3 children - they all have a t.v. in their bedrooms (they are ages 18 months, 3, and 6); one in her bedroom; one in the living room; one in the kids playroom; one in the kitchen, and one in the basement (which she has so the kids can watch tv while she's down there doing laundry). It's truly the most insane thing I've ever seen. :
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#51 of 51 Old 07-28-2008, 06:13 PM
 
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We just watch videos, we don't get any reception really, and we only let DD watch national geographic occasionally (maybe 2-3 a month). But now that she's doing playdates at other peoples houses I'm having to deal with the fact that the parents of the other kids seem to think that watching videos is a good playdate option. I really don't know how to tell them that I don't want DD watching Batman cartoons (for example) without them feeling that I'm disapproving of their parenting.
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