Dh driving me nuts, please help! - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 7 Old 08-17-2008, 02:33 PM - Thread Starter
 
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So, we don't have an actual TV in the house, but we do have computers and loads of videos for ds (2yo). I absolutely let him watch videos, I'm not innocent here at all, but I do try to limit it to just a couple a day, if any. Dh, whom ds adores and sometimes barely gets to see because of his work, will come home from work, understandably exhausted and wanting to unwind. (Not like I don't want to relax also, but whatever) Ds is always so excited to see dh and just wants to hang out with him, and what does dh do? Puts on a video (or 2 or 3 or 4), sometimes until it's his bedtime, if I don't step in!
I hate arguing about it, and if I say anything at all, it turns into an argument. Like today, dh comes home, says hey what's up, takes a long, luxurious bath (upwards of 30 minutes), does some more of his own thing, and after getting home late from work, by the time he's done with all this, it's nearly ds' bedtime. So a video comes on, and I tell him, in the sweetest way I can, that there are other things he can do with ds besides watch "tv" - read books, color, play with his trains and cars, heck, something where they can actually interact! But he zombifies ds in front of the tv anyway. At least I'm done with bedtime duty - that's dh's job now.

Sorry this got so long. I'm frustrated. I need a gentle way to stop this, something that's not going to make dh immediately defensive. I am willing to change, too. Becoming computer-free is not an option (we both also work from home) but something needs to change. I can just see this getting worse and worse with the new baby.

TIA!

ETA: Oh yea, I'm 30 weeks preggers.
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#2 of 7 Old 08-17-2008, 04:11 PM
 
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I so know where you're coming from mama, except we do have tv's wish we didn't, but that'll never be. My dh does the exact same thing, I can't take it and I don't know what to do. HELP ANYONE...

Kate, Wife to DH and Mommy to a 5yo lovin' DS; three angels 4/08 9/08 3/10 in Heaven,
waitin' for my baby

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#3 of 7 Old 08-17-2008, 05:32 PM
 
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I guess I'm just a shrew but I ask him not to, and we watch tv! (Trying to stop.) But I am w/ you--children love their daddies and deserve to have their attention. I tell DH to watch tv once DS is asleep. If he wants to unwind, well, ok, get the kids to bed first. For me, it was worth arguing about and it was a pretty short one b/c the other position is hard to defend. But we're on teh same page w/ childrearing, so it's not like I'm changing his mind as much as reminding him. Anyway, maybe activities your DH would like better? A lot of tmies DH will take DS out of the house to the park or the pool or whatever.
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#4 of 7 Old 08-18-2008, 04:40 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks, all! Things always get better after they get bad enough for me to complain about. Today, dh came home (not too late), and we ate dinner together, then put on music and danced around like crazies together! It was great. Ds had no videos!
Thanks for the support group!
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#5 of 7 Old 08-23-2008, 01:33 PM
 
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Sounds like you guys had a good time. I'd just remind him gently (after the little one is in bed) that your little boy misses his daddy all day and can't wait for him to get home and could he please try to put in a little one on one time after work. Let your DH know you will give him some downtime after the kids are in bed.

I work out of the home as well, I know it's rough coming home and feeling like you need to unwind. I try to do something with DS1 as soon as I get home (if the baby isn't hungry then I do something with J right after). Usually we'll do a game or we'll read a book or draw a picture together. It helps me get back into family mode and helps J know that his mama is happy to see him too.

Breeder Mama: = wife to an amazing man + mama to J-Bear (07/02) and E-Train (06/08), nanny to Little Bird (07/10).

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#6 of 7 Old 08-24-2008, 04:00 AM
 
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Wish that I had an answer, I also have a guilty husband! The kids are TV free with me but I have to work nights, weekends etc and he will put a video on then for, he complains that otherwise he cant get anything done. The thing is when I need to do things the kiDS normally help or play by themselves but because they know that if they annoy him enough he will let them watch a DvD so thats what they do.!Sometimes I feel like I am banging my head against a brick wall trying to get that over to him.
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#7 of 7 Old 08-25-2008, 03:45 PM
 
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I still can't get him off the couch either. Music helps but usually he just wants to sit there. I feel bad cause we do watch TV sometimes too when he's gone, but that's cause we are alone all day in the house with no car. I fantasize about "breaking" it cause I know we don't have the money to buy a new one. I will follow the thread and hope someone has a great idea...:
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