Help me TV free mamas - Mothering Forums
Forum Jump: 
 
Thread Tools
#1 of 16 Old 11-09-2008, 04:48 PM - Thread Starter
 
JustVanessa's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: On the river bank....
Posts: 6,985
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I have HAD it. The tantrums are killing me and ds (3.5) CANNOT play on his own....at all. My dp just tried to take him to play at the river while dp fished. It lasted 5 mins before he was screaming that he wanted to come home.
It all started when the new babe was born. He has GERD and had colic. He is just a super tough baby. He rarely sleeps at night. Most days I am exhausted and so is dp. We just kind of slid into a routine of letting ds watch TV whenever he wanted so we could rest. Its gotten worse and worse. Ds wants the TV on all the time. He refuses to play outside.

So I laid down the law. NO MORE TV......at all. The only exception is if we have had a bad night, he may watch it before I get up with the baby in the morning.
He cried, he thinks I am punishing him. I tried to explain why we weren't having anymore TV.

How can I make this transition easier?

Vanessa belly.gif, wife to Kev , mama to Byron (5) wild.gif and Billie (2) and  due in June
JustVanessa is offline  
#2 of 16 Old 11-09-2008, 05:08 PM
 
zinemama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: from the fire roads to the interstate
Posts: 6,588
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Well, there are two ways to transition. Cold turkey, the way you're doing, and the gradual weaning method.

My feeling is your ds is young enough that cold turkey is a good idea - for him. He's young enough not to be totally set in his ways wrt playing and will eventually figure out other things to do, and after a while, he'll forget about the time he used to watch TV so much. (Does he play with Legos? 3.5 was the age my ds got totally obsessed and would spend hours on them - it was the best). Also, because of his age, it's hard for him to really understand why the TV is ok sometimes but not others, so removing it entirely sends a very clear message.

On the other hand, this method might be better for him, but harder for you. You are in a tough situation, exhausted, with a high needs baby. You won't get any flak from this tv-free mama if you decide that using the tv is going to make your life easier. However, I would advise that you decide when you need it most and really stick to the schedule, no exceptions.

I guess it comes down to what you want to prioritize at this particular point in time: you having the option of a regularly scheduled break from an exhausting stage of motherhood, or getting the TV-free show on the road right now. Both are equally valid in my book.
zinemama is offline  
#3 of 16 Old 11-09-2008, 07:30 PM - Thread Starter
 
JustVanessa's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: On the river bank....
Posts: 6,985
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Well I think cold turkey gives me less room to slide. So far today we have had 2 tantrums, he doesn't love me anymore and he wants to go to grandma's.

Vanessa belly.gif, wife to Kev , mama to Byron (5) wild.gif and Billie (2) and  due in June
JustVanessa is offline  
#4 of 16 Old 11-10-2008, 02:49 AM
 
mamamelia's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: in the kitchen..
Posts: 1,391
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
So far today we have had 2 tantrums, he doesn't love me anymore and he wants to go to grandma's.
awwwww.

i've kind of had it today too. the kids are sitting here watching the movie elf while its beautiful and sunny (and hot) outside. it just doesn't sit right with me - they are not meant to be on the couch watching a movie! the TV watching is getting out of control even though we only watch movies. we start off okay but then more and more media starts to sneak in. i'm getting tired of fighting this battle.
the problem is dh doesn't know how to really play with the kids and his idea of bonding has been sitting there watching a movie with them. which is okay with me.. but it seems that they are now asking for more and more TV in the day time too even when he is not here.

they are getting much less creative as time goes on and instead keep relaying the stuff they watch on the movies.

i watched a lot of TV as a child but i also had a brilliant imagination and was very crafty and non commerical as a child. my kids are just not like that - they really need to be pushed.

i want to smash the damn thing. and i don't get a break from them whatsoever so TV is used as a bit of escape for me too (like right now, they are inside watching elf and i'm here on MDC just trying to get away from them a bit). i don't know if i could handle being with them in my face 24-7 with no breaks and no escape and absolutely no where else for them to go. something has to change. i'm tired of the way things are.

*sigh*
mamamelia is offline  
#5 of 16 Old 11-10-2008, 03:06 AM
 
josybear's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2006
Posts: 3,267
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
we have a tiny tv for watching movies, dp uses it as his sole parenting trick. i'm philosophically opposed to kids watching tv, ever, but honestly, the reality of my life is that once or twice a week i need to take a nap when the baby naps and my son will get into trouble if he isn't glued to the screen. also sometimes i just wimp out as a mama. i'd really like to get rid of the tv, especially when dp keeps movies going nonstop when i'm out or in the bath, but i think minimizing is the best i can do for now. i'll never be perfect, i'll never live up to my own ideals, but i can get by doing the best i can.

op, i find that when ds (3) is freaking out and i'm tempted to turn on a movie for him it works to distract him with something out of the ordinary. i pull out a sheet of stickers or a colouring sheet or give him a really specific request - can you draw a picture for nana for christmas? can you make me a sandwich with your kitchen? can you tell me about what you did yesterday?
or i just throw him in the tub. water is the ultimate distraction.
josybear is offline  
#6 of 16 Old 11-10-2008, 03:16 AM
 
mamamelia's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: in the kitchen..
Posts: 1,391
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)


water and bubbles, how can you go wrong with that! : i do feel that sometimes my kids know i am trying to distract them and then they suddenly don't want to do whatever "distracting" activity i mentioned.

i notice that small things from the movies we watch are starting to creep up more and more into everyday play and conversation and that is scaring me. my kids have reached the point where its possible they can be addicted. it's no longer just a hypothesis like it was 6 months ago.

i want to get on the right path before its too late. i don't want them to feel like they are missing out on TV, i want them to feel like they are missing out on life if they are glued to the TV all the time. and i've reached a critical point here in which it's become now or never.

justvanessa, i really have no advice, just a whole lot of whining and commiserating since i am in the same boat. just want to let you know you are not alone.
mamamelia is offline  
#7 of 16 Old 11-11-2008, 01:47 AM - Thread Starter
 
JustVanessa's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: On the river bank....
Posts: 6,985
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Day 2 went off without a hitch....but it was a preschool day so he wasn't home most of the day. He watched a half hour before I got up. Then I turned it off. He was fine because it was time for breakfast and to go to preschool. When we got home for preschool he asked for TV once and I said no, we aren't watching tv. That was the end of it. We ate dinner, he played with the baby and went for a bath then to bed. The real test will be tomorrow when we are home all day.

Vanessa belly.gif, wife to Kev , mama to Byron (5) wild.gif and Billie (2) and  due in June
JustVanessa is offline  
#8 of 16 Old 11-11-2008, 10:13 AM
 
adoremybabe's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 2,190
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Can I join in for support too?

My DS is pretty close to 3.5 years and we are going through the same thing. I let TV time slide so that I could get more time to myself .... and more time to get things done around the house. Now he seems addicted. He watches TV all day and each day I become increasingly more guilty. I just told him that when the show he is currently watching is over, we are turning the TV off and finding something else to do. I am going to have to unplug the TV because he will refuse.

Married to DH 7 years and have three fantastic kiddos! DS 6, DD 4, and DS 2 ...... lo and behold another is on the way!

adoremybabe is offline  
#9 of 16 Old 11-11-2008, 01:10 PM - Thread Starter
 
JustVanessa's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: On the river bank....
Posts: 6,985
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Good luck!

We had a mini fit this morning about it already, but I still haven't given in.

Vanessa belly.gif, wife to Kev , mama to Byron (5) wild.gif and Billie (2) and  due in June
JustVanessa is offline  
#10 of 16 Old 11-12-2008, 06:25 PM
 
Blucactus's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2006
Posts: 1,976
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
My DS1 just turned 3 and had been watching WAAAY too much tv (new very fussy baby and very tired parents). I don't want to say how much bc it's embarassing. But it got so bad I would let him watch more so as not to face his wrath with turning it off. And when it was off, he didn't want to do anything but ask overandoverandover when he could watch something again. YUCK. When we moved at the end of the summer, we didn't set the TV up right away. We put it away in the (unfinished) basement and played outside a LOT. We had just moved so everything was new routiens. He didn't notice for a couple weeks that it was missing, hehe. Then I explained to him that we'd been watching too much and it was so lovely outside we didn't need the TV right now. We've brought it up twice (to watch the Presidential election results and to watch his birth video on his bday ) and there has been no problem with keeping it downstairs. We occasionally still watch a movie or show on the computer (as do I, utilizing the stations that have full epidodes of some of their shows), but there is no daily power struggle anymore bc it's not there to look at every time we walk by it. Is it an option for you to 'put it away' to make the transition easier and when he gets much less addicted, perhaps let him use it occasionally?? It's hard! I am glad we made the *drastic, radical, friends and family think we are crazy* decision to not have it be a part of our daily life. I was dreading it in so many ways and it's been much easier than I expected. I love that he can PLAY now.
Blucactus is offline  
#11 of 16 Old 11-12-2008, 06:52 PM
 
kathirynne's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Courageously slaying my own dragons
Posts: 1,574
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by mamamelia View Post
...the TV watching is getting out of control even though we only watch movies. we start off okay but then more and more media starts to sneak in. i'm getting tired of fighting this battle....
they are getting much less creative as time goes on and instead keep relaying the stuff they watch on the movies....
i want to smash the damn thing... something has to change. i'm tired of the way things are. *sigh*
I have the same problem. We were completely TV-free for years, and then someone from church gave us a television and a DVD player. (I know she was just trying to be nice, but still...) For a while, we were just watching movies, but then my 14-year-old realized that he could use the already-existing-in-our-rental-house cable cord as an antenna, so now we have some network TV, as well. I cannot believe how quickly and easily all of us get sucked in, me included. (I am ashamed to confess that I watched "The Biggest Loser" last night

Our New Year's resolution is to go completely (as in, no movies, either) TV-free again.

Visit www.evolutiontosimplicity.blogspot.com to follow my epic saga of single mummahood....

 

kathirynne is offline  
#12 of 16 Old 11-14-2008, 06:07 PM - Thread Starter
 
JustVanessa's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: On the river bank....
Posts: 6,985
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
We are day 6. Its getting better. He is reading more and playing more. He is still asking a lot but not freaking out nearly as often when I say no. Its not an option to get rid of the TV, dp would have a fit....but we are managing.

Vanessa belly.gif, wife to Kev , mama to Byron (5) wild.gif and Billie (2) and  due in June
JustVanessa is offline  
#13 of 16 Old 11-14-2008, 07:27 PM
 
Arwyn's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Twitter, RMB, PDX
Posts: 16,854
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Cool!

So are you able to move or cover the TV at all, or is it still sitting out in the open? I know many people find that if it's out of sight, it's more likely to be out of mind.

Keep with it!
Arwyn is offline  
#14 of 16 Old 11-14-2008, 08:13 PM - Thread Starter
 
JustVanessa's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: On the river bank....
Posts: 6,985
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I need Hathor's directions for a TV cozy.

Vanessa belly.gif, wife to Kev , mama to Byron (5) wild.gif and Billie (2) and  due in June
JustVanessa is offline  
#15 of 16 Old 11-14-2008, 08:56 PM
 
Arwyn's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Twitter, RMB, PDX
Posts: 16,854
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Arwyn is offline  
#16 of 16 Old 11-15-2008, 01:12 AM - Thread Starter
 
JustVanessa's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: On the river bank....
Posts: 6,985
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Arwyn View Post
DP is going to hyperventilate.

Vanessa belly.gif, wife to Kev , mama to Byron (5) wild.gif and Billie (2) and  due in June
JustVanessa is offline  
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Drag and Drop File Upload
Drag files here to attach!
Upload Progress: 0
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the Mothering Forums forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.
User Name:
If you do not want to register, fill this field only and the name will be used as user name for your post.
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off