How do you handle anger? As in, big bursts of? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 6 Old 04-10-2002, 10:04 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Hi. I would soooo appreciate any sharing and advice: Especially when tired, hungry, burnt out, depressed, when I haven't had any breaks from baby all day, or when certain sore/irritating subjects come up, I get these episodes of an anger, always directed at dh, which is so big and hot and explosive, I feel helpless before the urge to hit or kick or pummel or somehow discharge the charge shooting through my body! It isn't something I've struggled with my whole life--just since pregnany last year...it may be related to hormones since it feels sooo PMS-y. All my friends see me as this peaceful hippy girl and are shocked (as I am, and mortified and depressed) that this physical anger-violence is an issue for me. The actual outburst takes less than one minute, about once a week...but the negative effect on my self-esteem goes deep and lasts long. DD is 7 months old, and I feel like I'll hate myself if she ever sees me like this! The first few times I was this mad I actually slapped dd, and also wanted to hit myself, such violent feelings, and it seems like I've been slowly trying to redirect the energy to less hurtful places, so that then I threw a block of cheese at him, then a soft towel at him, then a soft object of some sort just at the floor. I'm embaressed to share this, I ought to know how to handle anger by my age, but I guess I just never learned those tools, and want so badly to learn now...I know I should count to 10, or take a walk, or just sit down and cry, but it's sooo hard to resist the urge to physically DO something BIG with the anger. Can anyone relate? Am I a freak? DH has gotten used to it, and is very sweet snd understanding, says I'm just a fire sign under a lot of new stresses (and hormones) with motherhood, and that he'll get me a punching bag or do any thing else to support me...

Does anyone else deal with this? Or have any good ideas about what to do with these feelings? My goal is to learn to deal with it in a way that I would be proud to have dd copy. In these moments its like I'm a tiny kid having a tantrum. Time to parent myself so that I can be a better parent to dd. Thanks in advance for any support.
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#2 of 6 Old 04-10-2002, 10:09 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Oh yeah, I'm also interested in any herbs or remedies or foods that could help soothe, calm anger, as well more immediate strategies for preventing/diffusing/processing it healthily...Thanks Moms!!!
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#3 of 6 Old 04-10-2002, 10:57 PM
 
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I struggle with anger daily-I react instead of act-I get mad/angry about anything that does not go my way-example-if dd wont put on her clothes or shoes I get angry & upset-if family did not come to party as expected-I get angry & upset-if kids are arguing & being mean to each other I get angry & upset.
Every now & then I handle a situation well with no anger(rarely but more frequently)
Last night dd wanted to handle the hamster,I said no & she threw a fit!I usually would get angry & yell at her I stayed calm & told her I was sorry but she could not play with him like that & she calmed down,nursed & went to sleep.
I like being the one in control but can easily lose control of my emotions.
Bach Rescue Remedy helps at times-I even used Impatients for a while!

::
momma to 4
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#4 of 6 Old 04-11-2002, 03:01 AM
 
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I don't know if this is too simplistic, but I swear that if I don't drink enough water any one day I get really irritated, and am prone to angry outbursts at dh. I start heading for the water whenever I start to feel the irritated feeling coming on.
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#5 of 6 Old 04-11-2002, 10:23 AM
 
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I second the Rescue Remedy and suggest you check out other flower essences.
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#6 of 6 Old 04-12-2002, 01:42 AM
 
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I deal with this too! Oh, it has been worse lately. But, bad mommy, I yell at the kids as well as dh Some things I have noticed: I am much worse if i have eaten corn syrup(or drank it) I feel trapped and overwhelmed the day after i have had corn syrup. I also get angry when I am hungry. I am trying to control these things and feel much better when I do.
Do you have a creative/physical/social outlet? Somewhere to be just you and not mommy? I am working on that and am really seeing how important it is.
Definitely try rescue remedy.
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