Play-date etiquette??? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 8 Old 03-28-2009, 03:05 PM - Thread Starter
 
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So on Wednesday, I went to visit a friend. I brought my three little boys who played with her two young daughters. The friend is pregnant with their third and having a c-section on Monday.

On Monday, I had called because the boys were both getting over a stomach bug they had over the weekend, so I said we might need to cancel. By the afternoon, both were feeling much better.

Unfortunately, Wednesday night (after the play date) I came down with the stomach bug. I felt 100% okay during the day on Wednesday. If I had known I was going to be sick, I would have canceled, but it is impossible to know that. On Thursday, one of the friend's kids came down with it.

She called and confronted me on the phone about it. At first I felt terrible and was very apologetic, but as I have thought about it, I think her calling and being so frustrated with me was not right. Her daugther may have caught the bug from me, but she could have also picked it up elsewhere (it's been going around here!). Moreover, I don't think I've ever called a friend back to complain when my kids got sick after a play date. I know she's about to have a baby, but seriously. These things are outside our control.

Am I out of line? How long do you wait after your kids are sick to move on with life? Have you ever called to complain if your kids got sick after playing with friends?
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#2 of 8 Old 03-28-2009, 03:18 PM
 
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You should always wait for respiratory sx that follow a flu to be gone before you go out, IMO. You also need that time to recover completely. I try to look up the contaigion time frame on an illness, esp the flu, since I HATE getting it. You have to assume that everyone in the house is carrying an illness regardless of whether they are sick from it.

While it does tick me off seriously when people go out and contaminate everyone else, I try to be understanding that things like that are not always predictable and some people are ignorant of the progression of certain illnesses. We have friends who are always sick and they always go out while sick, or they just wait until they are not throwing up but still have other sx, and spread the stuff around. They get 'confronted' all the time but don't seem to get it.

That being said, if we take good care of ourselves we will not show sx sometimes or will get over illness quickly. That is our own personal responsibility even if others are sick and exposing us to something. With a pregnant woman--I would be overly cautious next time, but that is just me.
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#3 of 8 Old 03-28-2009, 03:25 PM
 
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If it were me and I were sick- I think I would have canceled with the preggo friend, but that's because I know how long this stomach bug can be contagious for even without symptoms. Not much you can do now, I guess too that your friend could have made the decision to cancel as well but didn't.

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#4 of 8 Old 03-28-2009, 05:03 PM
 
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I think you calling on Monday to inform her that your boys had the stomach flu was enough information for her to make an informed decision about whether she wanted them over on Wednesday. It sounds like both of you were taken by surprise by the unconventional symptom & incubation period.

But she had the same info you did, and made the decision to allow you all over, so while it's frustrating, I don't think you're to blame.

I can understand you both wanting to turn back the clock and do it differently, and maybe that's where her blame is coming from -- she just wishes so much it could be different.

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#5 of 8 Old 03-28-2009, 10:49 PM
 
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I believe she is stressed with a full plate and doesn't need sick kids on top of everything. Therefore, if I were her, I'd have avoided potential exposure of my kids, knowing I didn't want more illness risk if I were having a baby on Monday.

Usually, our incubation from exposure is about 72-84 hours, not overnight. Sounds like you came down with the stomach bug about 72-84 hours after your boys. So, I doubt you all were the exposure risk. Stomach bug incubation may be shorter than that, however.

I don't consider ds contagious, 48 hours after symptoms are resolved. So, I'd have gone on the playdate Wednesday, if they were feeling well Monday. I don't consider myself at risk of our son's childhood illnesses, as most often, we adults have been exposed over the years. And we don't get the same virus twice.


I would give her a lot of slack, she is 10 months pregnant.


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#6 of 8 Old 03-28-2009, 10:53 PM
 
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I think you did the right thing by calling Monday and she could have said no. Also, just try to understand she is pregnant and "emotional" . Give her a break. I don't think it needs to be anything bigger than a sick/pregnant week of yuckiness and leave it at that.

Maybe drop by a little gift basket with tea and a, "I'm so sorry. Hope everyone feels better soon." note.
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#7 of 8 Old 03-29-2009, 01:12 AM
 
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i don't think you did anything wrong and i agree that you should let it slide. as i get older i am realizing more and more what things warrant standing my ground about and what things i should let go of and make peace. sometimes it stinks but that's life.

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#8 of 8 Old 03-30-2009, 01:04 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mbravebird View Post
I think you calling on Monday to inform her that your boys had the stomach flu was enough information for her to make an informed decision about whether she wanted them over on Wednesday. It sounds like both of you were taken by surprise by the unconventional symptom & incubation period.

But she had the same info you did, and made the decision to allow you all over, so while it's frustrating, I don't think you're to blame.

I can understand you both wanting to turn back the clock and do it differently, and maybe that's where her blame is coming from -- she just wishes so much it could be different.
I agree with this. She made the decision too. You filled your half of the bargain by telling her they were sick.
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