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#121 of 245 Old 07-04-2005, 12:47 AM
 
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Thanks EFmom, that's good advice, and I was totally asking for advice! Yeah, I think I should try to be a little more careful, I think sometimes if I pretend I'm not sick then I won't be sick, but that doesn't always seem to work! That sounds pretty nasty about the toenails, yikes! Did you also experience mood fluxuations? I think I remember you mentioning that your doc had given you something for depression. Are you still taking it? I felt so terrible and depressed today, maybe also related to low counts? I'm not sure. I'm feeling a bit better now, and not really sick any more either, but I seem to be losing it a lot more frequently lately, crying a lot, crabby, etc. I did feel pretty good though when I decided to loot all the loot bags that I forgot to hand out to the kiddies at the party. I ate ALL the smarties and ALL the twizzlers from ALL the bags. That made me feel better! I'm thinking also that I'm going to start using the smiley guys, I'm not sure why I had been resisting. :

Anyway, sending lots of love and kisses everyone!
xoxojanet
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#122 of 245 Old 07-04-2005, 11:47 AM
 
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I'm on 10mg of Lexapro. I've been on it for several months now, and it has helped a great deal. I'm not weepy all the time and feel much more like myself. I'm not a pill taker under normal circumstances, so it sound weird to say taking drugs makes me feel more like myself, but it's true. When this whole ordeal is over, I'll go off it, but for now it has helped me cope. Of course, a little Twizzler therapy isn't half bad, either!
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#123 of 245 Old 07-05-2005, 07:44 PM
 
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Hi, Everybody! I feel so out of touch. I've missed you all. I have company, so don't have a lot of time to indulge myself with long computer sessions.

I think the taxol makes me grouchy(er) :LOL . I definitely get agitated. Whatever you need to help keep your mood on track, I say go for it. EFMom, your Twizzler therapy sounds very similar to my chocolate therapy.

Just wanted to let you all know I'm thinking of you. Hopefully, I will have my last round tomorrow. I'm not going to call it that until I get a clear path report.

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#124 of 245 Old 07-05-2005, 11:30 PM - Thread Starter
 
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..just checking in quick...
I feel like I need this : ..sorry for that last post you guys... I knwo we need eaach other to vent but we really really need the positivity here ....so I do feel badly for that....

Still no myhrrmaid here?

I hear you girls on the yummy treat fixes....
I also hear you on the mood swings...I have them too... I just think it is all related to the chemos no matter which brand you have raging through your veins...

I did color this hair I have coming in and it did color but it looks like not evenly..so I forget who mentioned about it not taking..you maybe right...but I like the results I got..it seems to have grabbed the grey I had coming in and that is what I wanted...

We went to see fireworks last night at the local lake here and that was nice...dd was really "awww'd" by the bright lights..hard to believe she will be 1 in a month!:

AuntieM wishing you well tomorrow and praying for crystal clear scans for you....

Janet...ITA with EFmom on the fever issue..my oncologist says the same as here fever over 100.5 is ER time.
I am suffering from a sore throat and a bit of a cough now and stress myself out over it all day and night but I have no fever; yet I worry~do I call about it or not. It does not bother me through the day it is worse at night, and you can get sore throat from chemo, but dd has had a bit of a cold in her eye and a cough too, so who knows...it is so hard to tell....

I am teaching myself how to sew to keep my mind busy to get me through these next two months...
I am trying to just take each day as it comes...

ttys

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Traci
"Living is learning and when kids are living fully and energetically and happily they are learning a lot, even if we don't always know what it is."
~John Holt 

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#125 of 245 Old 07-06-2005, 04:00 AM
 
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HIIIII!!! Sorry I've been MIA! I have been sick!ukeukeukeukeI HATE puking! I puked all over myself in the car-in starbucks drive thru no less-(I've never even been there before!)Went out for my labs and tried to make a kind of normal day out of it by going out to lunch ....bad idea. at least I finally figured out it's the fentanyl patches that were making me sick so I'm better now. my port has been used once for chemo and seems to work fine but they can't do blood draws from it. they want to go back and do some dye tests and said something about putting another one in-hahahaha...NOT!i'm turning into a 'more difficult' patient! I was difficult before....i read somewhere that patients that are perceived as difficult by dr.'s-the patients who ask questions and the like, statistcally live longer...so I figure I'm adding years to my life! :LOL now I really just need to get a little strength back before they just knock me down again. I feel like I can't get any grounding then they land another blow. As far as it feels and I can tell the treatment is working. My body is working overtime and a 1/2 and i feel like this squeeze shrinking in my pelvis-it's weird. I made the mistake of going underwater in my bath and heard the 17, 3 alarm fires and disaster going on inside me-it was really kind of freaky! It's like all system go down(?)this panicky pulsing and pushing and fighting and dieing-things being moved-which reminds me -member when they plowed those two hills across from your house at the school? They are across the st. right now-have cleared and made a road directly in front of our home for the 90 acres that sold that are being logged! We have 100's of displaced birds that are in the yard everyday. It's a good thing the little ones had just learnt to fly!
I LOVE ADVIL TOO! That stuff works and it works fast! I do have to be careful with the 600 mg ones-when my stomach was on the rise-I quit taking them.
me and dh were talking about how when we would hear about someone getting cancer it would be like-well, we better say goodbye. but then we realized we know many people who really are survivors out of treatment and cleared of cancer! so I said well i guess it's not a death sentence anymore. and dh chimed in nope-just a trip through hell!!! so my motto has been-cancer-no longer a death sentence-just a trip thru hell!ithTheBestSenseOfHumor,OfCourse:
Even though I'm sick I laugh like all get out with my 15 y.o ds! If you can heal from laughter-i'm well on my way!
we've all been doing a lot of lounging around in bed together-that has been sooooo nice! My cuddling with dd has been hampered by the port also and it has made it difficult for dd right now. She so much needs skin on skin contact and i have to wear a bra right now. I tell ya-if I could show you this port-you'd agree it's in my BOOB! Boobs wiggle, jiggle and waddle(well, mine do!) and that just-to me-doesn't seem like an ideal place to put this!.(?) What the h e double L toothpicks do I know anyways??? What the H E double L toothpicks do they know!?
I'm sorry we are missing out on so much-or feel that we are. we are making plans to go to crescent city next 4th of july. They have a spectacular show at the harbor, I mean spectaculiscious! It was like alright already alright already-like a shroom trip gone on too long! :LOLay Fun!
Who can resist the coast? The sea is so healing! My dearest velcromom made me some of the nicest goat milk, mineral salt and seaweed soap! My skin is INCREDIBLE! Is the chemo making your skin so soft too or is it this soap?
miss ya's when I'm away and always glad to see's ya!:LOVE
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#126 of 245 Old 07-06-2005, 07:22 AM - Thread Starter
 
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myrrhmaid..sooo glad to finally see you hear...Love_ your_ post...so inspiring!
Thank you.....

Free To Be~
Traci
"Living is learning and when kids are living fully and energetically and happily they are learning a lot, even if we don't always know what it is."
~John Holt 

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#127 of 245 Old 07-06-2005, 12:00 PM
 
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myrrhmaid - I always had to go lay down in the chemo room for them to be able to draw blood from my port. Once they got the chemo started, I had to lay down more than sit up, and sometimes the drip would slow and they'd make me wiggle around.

((hugs)) to all you great mamas!
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#128 of 245 Old 07-06-2005, 12:22 PM
 
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So good to "hear" from so many of you strong women!

I had no idea that blood draws could be done from a port! I get mine in my arms, but I have a port. The draws don't bother me much though. My oncologist has the sweetest, gentlest phlebotomists.

No yummy treat fixes for me. My sense of taste has totally gone nuts with the last round of chemo. I'm calling it the Proctor and Gamble Diet because everything tastes like soap. It is totally gross. I've been trying to force myself to eat (now there's a new experience for me :LOL ) but it is hard. I keep thinking of things that might not taste too bad, but once I get them in my mouth, yuck!!! Poor dh has been getting dinner ready. The meals look great but I can't manage more than a mouthfull without gagging. So somebody please eat something tasty for me and tell me all about how good it was because I need to do this vicarously!

Myrrh, I love your motto! And ITA, I have to keep laughing. My dds were getting silly last night and were making up goofy names for everyone in the family. I'm now "Gertrude McFuzz" because of my newly emerging hair.

My skin initially wacked out completely from the chemo--big red scaly patches and mucho acne. I'm not sure what made me try it, but I started doing the OCM with coconut oil and my skin is great now.
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#129 of 245 Old 07-06-2005, 12:54 PM
 
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No time for a decent post... : Just want to say. Hi Myrrhmaid!!!!!!!

Take care dear friends!
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#130 of 245 Old 07-07-2005, 03:36 PM
 
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HIIII Everybodee! Just gettin ready to go to chemo @ 3 but wanted to pop in and say HI!
Blood draws can be done through a port efmom, but only by an R.N. I don't mind the labs so much anymore through my arm and I get to go to a gal whose real good at it. She cracks me up each time ...before she pokes me she says "big prick" and gratefully due to her skill I barely feel it so I 'scoff' at her each time and asked her 'that's what YOU think a big prick is, huh? :LOL' I'm planning a party of some sort in my brain for when i'm hairy again! It had been 20 yrs. since i shaved my legs. i'd clip my pits, and pluck my chin-not looking forward to having that back! I bet mine will either come in curly or dark!or BOTH!
EFMom, my taste had left too-then came back-so hopefully it's very temporary. I took some extra zinc too-besides taking daily multiples-hoping that helped too. It is awful to not be able to taste! My tongue is weirded out anyways-the corners of my mouth are sore and crusty and the lil flap things under my tongue are sore. (woowoo I sound like a charmer! Actually I look like that clown from the syndicated newspaper cartoon i think it's called zippy the clown-not pretty!:LOL!) dh shaved the rest of the fuzz I have into a mohawk. it looks absolutely ridiculous but I was so taken back by how happy dh is that I'm taking it this way if you know what i mean...
Today I will be going to chemo with a family member along with me, my cuz/sis. Ds watches dd until dh gets home from work. This way we don't all have to slough on down there-so there is a calming element added to today's trial. I like to eat/drink during chemo-it helps my tummy-so she's packed a picnic for us and I am feeling pampered. It's amazing how so little can means so much!
! Here's to us, brave beauties of battle!
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#131 of 245 Old 07-07-2005, 11:51 PM
 
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Myrrhmaid! I'm so glad to see your posts!! We missed you!! Think we need a group hug!!! I really should be tidying and vacuuming right now, we're trying to get ready for being away all day at the hospital, I'm going in for round 5 tomorrow, I'm half way! Well, then there's radiation, but whatever. I start Taxol tomorrow, which apparently is made from the Yew tree, I think I like the sound of that, feels very nature healing or something. I had to take a large dose of steroids tonight and another tomorrow morning, to ward off possible reactions to the Taxol. I forgot to take them at dinner--they're supposed to be taken with food--luckily there was half a pint of Ben & Jerry's Half-Baked frozen yogurt in the freezer! Better go finish cleaning, this place is a disaster zone as usual. We have pretty low standards, I usually figure if nothing's on fire we're doing pretty good, but the babysitter's coming so we like to put a little extra effort in!

nighty night everyone!!!! I'll let you know how the next poisoning goes!!!!

love janet
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#132 of 245 Old 07-10-2005, 04:36 PM
 
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Janet, I feel like cleaning & such the 2 days before my next chemo too. I think I just start to feel normal again & want t get a handle on things before I need to take it easy. How did you tolerate the taxol?

I'm nearing surgery & having a tough time deciding how to proceed. I had planned (& still do so far) on just having the tumor site removed. I'm starting to think of my risk of recurrence which is pretty high. I don't want to let my breast go yet. I still have plans of using it again.... Just not sure what the right thing to do is...

Myrrh, it's nice that you have someone else to go with you so that your family can have a break. I hope that you are nausea free.

I just feel so AAAACCCKKKK right now. It's been hard for me to think about posting because I don't really know what to say.

EFMom, the peach fuzz is pretty funny isn't it? For the longest time I thought the new hair was my imagination. I've taken the clippers to it again to even it all out. I'm thinking that I'll do that until it starts to grow in more.

to you all!!!!
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#133 of 245 Old 07-10-2005, 06:09 PM
 
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auntieM, I'm just about in the same place in terms of trying to decide what to do. It is a huge decision to have to make. Half of me is hoping for a lumpectomy, and the other half is saying do a bilateral mastectomy because I think I have a fair chance of recurrance (but I'm soooo happy about Herceptin). My sister had hers come back twice. If I go the mastectomy route, I'm going to want reconstruction, so should I get it immediately or after radiation? Arrgh! When I wake up in the middle of the night I go through these scenarios endlessly. I'm not done with chemo until the middle of August, and my oncologist said I should wait a bit to talk to my surgeon.

My sense of taste is still awful, so if anyone has eaten anything marvelous, please let me know how it was. The only things that don't taste vile are chocolate milk shakes and cold melon. Now there's a balanced diet for you!

Myrrh, my dozen nasty chin hairs came back in record time. If my head hair did the same, I'd be able to ditch the wig already! It is so unfair. :LOL

Traci, what did you use to color your hair? Mine is coming in so gray that I know I'm going to color it as soon as it is ready for prime time.

to all you ladies. You are heros!
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#134 of 245 Old 07-10-2005, 07:49 PM
 
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EFMom, I have 2 suggestions for websites to help you sort this out. The first is http://www.youngsurvival.org/ & the second is http://www.facingourrisk.org/ I think that at some point I will want to go ahead with the prophylactic surgeries. Radiation affects reconstruction options, so I guess I need to sort out whether or not I'll need radiation if I choose a mastectomy. I plan to touch base with a plastic surgeon in the next little while to help clarify things. Anyway, I hope that those resources help you.
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#135 of 245 Old 07-10-2005, 07:55 PM
 
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just found this--worth a look

http://www.thesurvivormovie.com/

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#136 of 245 Old 07-12-2005, 03:41 PM
 
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Hi Everyone! So I'm getting an idea of the Taxol which I started on fri, so far NO NAUSEA!!! but I seem to be very very tired :yawning: Well, that's o.k. although I seem to be getting some shooting pains in my feet, hands, etc. but I will be making Advil my good friend if it gets worse!

I want to somehow say something useful and profound about the surgery issue since I've already had mine, but I think it comes down to such a personal decision for everyone. I could share though how I feel at this point, but just remember that some of my circumstances are different.

Before surgery the doc talked about possibly doing a lumpectomy with a sentinel-node biopsy, but as further scans seemed to indicate more than one focus within the breast for the cancer, I decided that my overwhelming feeling was not to take any chances. I guess just looking at my kids made me feel that I absolutely wanted to do the MAXIMUM. Now that I've had a full mastectomy with 31 lymph nodes removed (6 were positive) and the extent of the cancer was even greater than originally thought, I'm extremely happy about my decision (although I'm also glad that this is what the docs were recommending--it's hard to willinging say lop my breast off if it's not necessary, like "take my arm" or something). :

I'm not sure if you remember my post back in April after the surgery, but I felt very positive afterwards, as if the cancer was really GONE! I've been looking at the chemo now and radiation to follow (both of which have/will be also very aggressive) as a sort of "mopping up" and extra insurance. (I'm ER neg and HER2 neu neg by the way so there's nothing that I can take after treatment in the way of a miracle drug to prevent recurrence
(Although I've heard low fat diet and exercise might help, so that ain't too bad!! although I'm wondering does that mean no ice cream?! )

Anyway, now I've had time to live with my scars--and they're adding up!--the main one is about 6 or 7 inches across the right half of my chest all the way along to under my arm pit. I really quite like it in some ways, it's a little bit serpentine. Then there are the 2 holes about 3 inches below where the drain tubes exited my chest, and then there will be the scar from the port-cath above my left breast, and possible a little one on my neck where they accessed my jugular for the tube. I guess it sounds like a lot but believe it or not it somehow just feels right to me. I mean I might change my mind, but I somehow feel that getting the diagnosis and finding out how serious it was absolutely turned my life upside down and tore me apart inside--just comtemplating everything in terms of my ds and baby--I feel like the outside of me just matches the inside. I know that might sound weird, but I don't really want to try to put another breast back there. I feel like I have a battle scar that I want to live with and remind me what I've been through. I do however want to heal emotionally, and I think that's why I still keep thinking about the tattoo idea. I checked with my radialogist yesterday and she said there is no danger, I still think I'd like to get a big sunflower tattooed right where my breast was, something beautiful and incorporating the scar lines, something sexy

It's funny I've never wanted a tattoo before, I always worried about permanently disfiguring myself, but I guess that's just not such a big issue for me anymore!! I haven't been wearing a prosthesis or anything, my other breast is really quite small now that I'm no longer pregnant/breastfeeding, so I haven't been wearing a bra, and haven't really minded walking around slightly lopsided. In some ways I think if more women felt comfortable with one breast, people might become more aware of the problem of breast cancer, and understand that everyone can come in different shapes and sizes. Anyway, as I say I may change my mind, I could opt for prothesis, surgery down the line, but for now I feel comfortable with my decision to not have reconstruction, to reclaim my body and soul in my own way, and maybe make a bit of a statement at the same time. :

Big big love to all you beautiful mamas!!!!!! xoxoxjanet
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#137 of 245 Old 07-12-2005, 06:22 PM - Thread Starter
 
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;
Had chemo yesterday and feeling baaad today just wanted to pop in quick..will try to respond to each of you beautiful women later...

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Traci
"Living is learning and when kids are living fully and energetically and happily they are learning a lot, even if we don't always know what it is."
~John Holt 

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#138 of 245 Old 07-12-2005, 06:45 PM
 
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Thanks, Janet. I appreciate your perspective. ...still not sure what I'll do. I think that within the next 5 years or so I'll be saying goodbye to both of my breasts. I'm just not sure if I'm ready to do that yet. I vascilate between being totally committed to the lumpectomy & then pretty sure about mastectomy.....
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#139 of 245 Old 07-12-2005, 06:46 PM
 
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...hit enter too soon. Traci, I hope that you feel gooooood soon.
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#140 of 245 Old 07-13-2005, 04:29 PM
 
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EFmom and AuntieM, have you done the BRAC testing? I'm thinking about doing it, I don't exactly fit the typical scenario, my paternal granmother died of breast cancer in her early sixties and my dad just had prostate cancer (apparently somewhat significant). My dad's sister is almost 70 and doesn't have breast cancer, and there are so few women in the family that it is hard to say if there is a gentetic component. If they let me do the gene testing I'm thinking I would like to find out, because I would have to seriously consider a mastectomy of the other breast I guess. Pretty daunting! I'm also worried for my neices and of course my sons can pass something along, but it is just such a sad emotion issue that families must face.

I'm thinking of you guys lots and hope that reaching the right decision regarding surgery will not be too stressful. I remember not feeling good about my decision until I think the day before, so don't panic too much if you are going back and forth, I think that is totally normal, just trust that things will work out in the best posiible way when the time comes!

Just wanted to know how you are feeling about things and send you big love!

Myrrh and Traci, hang in there!! you are so brave!!!!! I'm so proud of you!!!!!

xo janet
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#141 of 245 Old 07-13-2005, 05:47 PM
 
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I'm sure not everyone feels as I do, but I think that it's definitely worth investigating the BRCA testing. For me, there are a couple of reasons. First, it's good to know one's risk & know if increased screening and/or prophylactic surgeries are warranted. Second, if one tests positive, it gives family members a chance to get tested. If they test negative, then their risk returns to that of the normal population. If they test positive, they will know to increase their surveilance or consider alternatives. I have a loose family history. If I had been more concerned about it, perhaps my cancer would have been caught earlier--before it moved into my nodes.

In regards to surgery. I'm still thinking I'll just have the tumor area removed. I am fairly comfortable with that decision. I'm not there yet, but I'd definitely consider having both breasts removed at a later date. I'm just not there yet. I've been told that 10 years out, women who are most happy about their decision to have a BPM are those who come to the decision on their own without pressure from loved ones or care givers.

How is everyone who had chemo recently doing? Are you all on the up-swing? Be gentle with yourselves.

Love, hugs & great big thanks to you all!
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#142 of 245 Old 07-14-2005, 10:30 AM
 
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I had chemo yesterday and feel pretty good today. The taxotere fatigue will hit me over the weekend.

I'll be done with chemo in mid-August. That's when I should have my "reviewing my options" meeting with the oncologist. When I made my appointment yesterday, they noted that I might have to meet with a different doc as my doc's wife is expecting a baby right around then. Yikes. I certainly understand about babies, but I don't want to make all these decisions with a stranger! I still haven't talked to him about recurrence rates, etc. So, I'm pretty freaked out about it, but maybe the baby won't have arrived by then.
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#143 of 245 Old 07-14-2005, 03:10 PM
 
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EFMom, talk to your doc about his availability at your next appointment. We all understand that he will want time to be with his family. He might be available for a phone call though. My docs have been very approachable.

For me, the paclitaxel started to hit lightly the following night, ramped up for a couple of days & then down again. The bottom of my feet are numb & I think I've lost a little sensation in my hands as I am dropping things (more). :LOL

youngsurvival.org has summaries of a lot of research papers that might help you sort some things out, EFmom.

Hi, everybody! (I hear Dr. Nick (I think) from the Simpsons in my head when I type this.)

Take care, All.
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#144 of 245 Old 07-14-2005, 04:32 PM
 
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AuntieM, I'm thinking they will do something to accomodate me. This doc has been incredibly wonderful, by far and away the most compassionate medical professional I've ever encountered, so I'm hoping they won't just hang me out to dry. It might mean I have to come in for an extra appointment when he could squeeze me in just to talk it over, but that would be OK.

I will check out the papers at young survivors--thanks for the info. The tough thing for me is that the reconstruction method (DIEP) that I'd lean toward if I go the mastectomy route isn't done around here. Getting my HMO to cover an out of network thing like that might be pretty awful.

I'm so sorry you are having the neuopathy! I hope it resolves itself soon.

I think I need my head examined. We lost our dog to cancer a few months ago. After doing a great deal of research, I decided that our next dog should be an American Mastiff. Think Mudge, but less drooly. They are fairly hard to come by, and the few breeders around have wait lists. I was thinking next summer would be a good time for a puppy. Well, my dh got all excited and found a breeder in the next state and we drove out to look at her very beautiful dogs. The puppies due this summer were supposed to be all spoken for, but she did say that sometimes people were looking for certain genders and colors and might back out.

So, we just got an email from her that she has one pup left because it's a boy and the person wanted a girl. My dh is thrilled, as will be the kids. I need another being to clean up after like I need extra recreational blood draws. :LOL Dh will do most of the training, but I'll do most of the vacuuming! Somebody quick tell me to "Just Say No!"
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#145 of 245 Old 07-14-2005, 11:16 PM - Thread Starter
 
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hey girls..how is everyone...

I am feeling better today day 4 after chemo....my chemo nurse finally told me to take 2 tylenol an hour before I came to get my bone crusher shot and then take 2 every 6 hours for the next 2 days to help with the pain..and you know what? it worked..amazing....and I was taking darvasets before to relieve the pain and it never touched it....so I have two more treatments (or one more cycle) to go...I will be done Aug 8th two days after dd's #1 birthday...

I wish I had wise words to share for you girls deciding on wether or not to keep your breasts or comforting words to help ease any choice you *have* to make...all I think of is the "Close to the Bone" tapes I have mentioned before and how much they empower me and somehow lift me up and give me strength to put my warrior cap on push forward and have a win/win attitude. If any of you are interested in those tapes pm me...

and Janet you are an amazing human being... you keep me motivated..and I say go for the tattoo...I actually have been throwing the idea around myself for my scar on my neck line where they did my biopsy and then one one my port scar...

How you doing Myrhh?? I wish I could put a pen to paper to you but man, the joint pain in my hands when I am done writing a sentence..it is like my hand is stuck in the writing position.....maybe I will type one up for you..typing does not seem to be as bad...except for all the misspells....lol..


On the yahoo list I am on a production person just came on from Discovery Health and is on asking for people to share their stories of being misdiagnosed for HD. They want to do a reality show type thing...

well gtg dd waking...

Free To Be~
Traci
"Living is learning and when kids are living fully and energetically and happily they are learning a lot, even if we don't always know what it is."
~John Holt 

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#146 of 245 Old 07-15-2005, 02:55 PM
 
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Hello, brave beauties! I'm day 6 post chemo right now. it's been a tough one this time-with the heat and all. I've been switched to the 25 mg. patch and the dumb things won't stay on! I tape them and I find them in bed and elsewhere-it's pretty scary...I can hardly find any relief right now from the neupogen pain and I only did 4 shots this round-grrrrr...yes, my hands HURT and I haven't been able to write either so don't feel bad! I'm being stubborn this time and didn't go in for my weekly labs-it's just too flippin' HOT! They never call me with the results anyways and tues. will be here before we know it and I'll go in then. my port still hasn't shed all the dermabond and isn't very comfortable. when I got chemo last the nurse hatchett from hell-who wasn't even my nurse-came over when my nurse had left in the middle of doing the hand injections and she came and finished them up for her. She put them in so fast that it made some sort of anerism(sp) bubble in the vein in my neck. I was so upset. They were going to have me come back in the next day and finish chemo and I said no way just do it so it was able to go in I just had this big bubble at the line in my neck-very disconcerting. my cousin is convinced that nurse needs to work at the animal shelter euthanising animals! Why on earth would she pump that stuff so fast? It's suppose to take a 1/2 hr. to administer. at least i am no longer vomiting, eh? When the vomiting starts that really is a deal breaker!
my cousin brought pizza and salad over for us yesterday and it is unreal how much small acts of kindness mean to me right now! I can't wait to get all my strength back and be a kindness warrior!
I'm praying for us all-to make the best decisions and have the most comfort right now! I can hardly believe we have to go thru this! I just want life after cancer! I just want normal bowel movements! Oh man i won't even get into the the spelunking I've had to do this week to maintain regularity!:
I did find that 200-600mg. magnesium is a very effective laxative.
I've been using the numb cream for my port on my arm before neupogen shots and have had my 1st completely painless injections. That's been a relief and resolved some anxiety for me. now if I could just get this bone pain in check....
take care strong and gentle mamas! Thanks for all your posts, wisdom, prayers and love. It means so much to me!
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#147 of 245 Old 07-18-2005, 12:44 PM
 
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Hi! I have a lot of ground to cover responding to the last few posts. ...hope I can get it all in before dd comes to help me type. :LOL

EFmom, for a long time I wanted a mastiff (English, I think). They are such cool, sweet dogs. Our good friends have danes & they are wonderful. Seeing them in action has helped me to learn that they are, however, just a little too big for us right now. Our lab is ~95 pounds & that's big enough. Did you get the pup? If so, will you please post pics? On the insurance thing--it might be hard to get approval to go out of network, but not impossible. I've heard of people doing so.

Traci, I'm glad that the tylenol works for you. It's nice when we find things to help make this journey a little smoother.

Myrrh, I'm so sad that the neupogen is still giving you trouble. On the other hand, I'm thrilled that your numbing goop works! Yeah, the whole regularity thing is so easy to take for granted until it is no longer a feature in one's life.

Well, this Wednesday I will pass the 2 weeks since my last chemo mark. I'm scheduled for surgery next Tuesday...

Here's the babe....
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#148 of 245 Old 07-23-2005, 01:38 AM
 
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Hi everyone! I just got back in town and went for my treatment today and I couldn't get it because my platelet count was TOO LOW. I am devastated! They are going to delay a week, I had been focussing so much on finishing my chemo on my birthday, the full moon in august, but now I don't know when I'll finish! I was so sick from friday to wednesday though with flu-like symptoms again--chills, felt TERRIBLE, sometimes couldn't get out of bed, which was especially a drag because we were up at the cottage and it was so beautiful, I couldn't really enjoy it. I had to take advil every 4 hours just to function at all.

The doc's not sure if it was really a virus or if it may have been caused by the neopogen, and not sure if was realted to the platelet drop. I was begging them to not delay but they said that my platelets would drop even lower after the chemo and I could start to bleed internally, I guess that doesn't sound too good, but I'm just so bummed, I feel like a failure! I know that's not too rational, but I can't help it! And to top it off our shrink is on vacation!!!!

Lots of things seem to be going wrong--my ds's little friend broke her arm within 1/2 an hour arriving to visit us at the cottage, then there was a big storm and we lost power for 16 hours, then ds got a fever, then on the was home the brakes started to sound funny on our beautiful rusty 1984 Volvo 240, and when we took it the mechanic yesterday he said with all the work it needs it's not worth fixing! That car had been so good to us, we loved it, it was like part of the family!! Why does everything always happen at once!

Have I ranted enough????? Sorry!!!!! How are you guys??!?

Efmom, I love that you're going to get a puppy, I looked up the American Mastiff--what a beautiful dog!

AuntieM, I'm sending you lots of love, I know your surgery will go perfectly!

Traci, I'm so glad you're feeling better, You are so strong!!

Myrrh, I'm thinking of you all the time! You're hilarious, I always laugh and cry when I read your posts!

I'll catch up and write more soon everyone, big love and hugs janet
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#149 of 245 Old 07-23-2005, 11:41 AM
 
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Oh, Janet, what a pisser. (gosh, is that allowed) I think that cancer helps us learn to find that silver lining, but sometimes it is just damn hard! Ok, two sort of profane words in a row, I should stop.

I keep waiting for one of you all to post & see how you are doing. Sometimes, I want to post, but I just feel like I don't have anything profound enough to say. I suppose that's kind of foolish.

How about some non-cancer stuff. My dd is getting to be a real little toddler. She will now sound a little protest moan/whine/cry. It just means that she is not quite happy. I ask her to tell me what she wants--sometimes that works. It really is pretty cute, even if it is a habit that I hope she outgrows. KWIM?

Anyway, how are you all doing? What sort of things are going on in your lives--both c & non-c related. EFMom, did you get the dog? Janet, I'm sorry about your car. They really do become our friends over time. Myrrh, I agree with Janet. I love your posts & can totally hear you & see you when I read them. Traci, I appreciate your comforting words. Any thoughts on the discovery channel thing? (oh man, that song just got stuck in my head!!!!!)

Love, comfort & healing to you all!
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#150 of 245 Old 07-24-2005, 03:49 PM
 
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Oh, Janet, that is lousy! I hope you can get back on track with the chemo as soon as possible to just get the stinking thing done with! It's hard to have yourself psyched up and then have to put it all on hold. You are so brave to do the cottage thing and have your child's friend come, too. I hope you can find a suitable car replacement that isn't too $$$.

I'm not so brave, I'm afraid. We were supposed to go visit my BIL this weekend--it's an annual trip that we all look forward to doing. When I woke up yesterday, I just felt like I'd be a big liability on the trip, so I sent dh and the kids off w/o me. After they left at 8am, I thought I'd sleep in a little bit, and the next thing I knew it was 3pm! I guess I do need the rest, but I feel so wimpy cancelling out on things.

Myrrh, I am mad at your crappy nurse. She needs to look for a new line of employment if she can't be decent to patients, but no, she can't be near animals either. And normal bowel movements, now that would be nice. I seem to go from one extreme to the other, if you know what I mean.

AuntieM, your dd sounds adorable. It is such a joy to watch them grow up, although a part of me wishes I could "freeze" them at certain points because they are so precious. Next weekend is my dd's 8th birthday party. We are doing the bowling party thing this year because I'm too lazy to do something at home, and that's what she requested. This is always a hard time of year cause everyone is on vacation, but I think she'll get enough kids to make a quorem this year.

We are going to get the puppy, against my better judgment. We won't be able to get him for almost six more weeks, at which point he should be weighing as much as a medium sized horse. :LOL My poor cat is in for a surprise. The kids are very excited, as is my dh. We are still considering names, but the top condender now is "Grommit" for any of you Wallace and G fans out there.
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