I am so sorry about all the pain you're having. Isn't it amazing that such a tiny spot can hurt SO bad?!!
Your situation sounds a bit like mine, although it sounds like you're having much more pain than me. Here's my situation, and you can glean what you can.
I had a tiny tear that didn't need a stich or anything, but it took forever to heal. I also had some "skid marks" (they need to have a gentler term for them!) that also took a while to heal and actually hurt more than the tear. But anyway, at my 6 wk pp visit with the midwives, they thought the tiny spot might be not healing b/c of yeast. So I was on yucky, messy, yeast infection treatment for a week or whatever, didn't get better, my midwife thought I should see the nurse midwife, and she used a silver nitrate stick on it to help it heal, and that worked great! It was a stick that's like a long match with siver nitrate at the end, and she rubbed it around (ouch!!) the spot, and it cleared up quick. She said it just needed some help with healing. So maybe that's something that might happen at your visit with the ob. Everything that was painful in pp and I thought was abnormal, everyone said, "It just takes some women a long time to heal." And they were right, but that little bit of help really sped some things up for me.
I really really really hope that you can get some help soon. I know your midwife would like to know what's going on too! Isn't it so hard to read all those books that say you should be having sex at 6 wks. Who does? I guess some, but I didn't even try it till 4 months, and then it still hurt, so it was about five months before things were even close to ok. So give yourself time. Not many people fall into the "six week pp, totally healed and ready to go" category.
Keep me posted. I'd love to hear about your progress.